Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent. This is just for fun.


"I'm Buffy. I'm new."

-Buffy from BTVS

Sunday, May 26th


I am Gertrude Williams and I am sixteen years old. I live with the Johnson family because my parents are dead.

There are three of us. Not including Mr. And Mrs. Johnson, or Bill and Karen as they prefer. Karen and Bill have two children of their own who are both married and live in a communal home part of a larger family unit. The Johnsons house children of unfortunate circumstances. I suppose that includes Tyler, Gabrielle and myself. I don't know what happened to their families; perhaps their parents have passed as well. The Johnsons are well suited to be foster parents as they are known for their understanding and peaceful nature, all attributes that Amity values.

And that is where I am, Amity faction. I have lived with the Johnsons since my parents died three years ago. No wonder I am confused. My home life is as confusing as the place I live in. Amity is filled with rules and expectations. You are expected to act with kindness and believe in peace and the pursuit of happiness. Here, trust and self-sufficiency is everything, while war and aggression are responsible for all wrong doings.

I understand, and even agree with most of it. But something is missing. I find the answer during dinner. We gather around the table, and it is my second night in this home. Or at least the second night that I can remember. Everyone has been really considerate and helpful. They fill in the parts that I am missing and go out of their way to act like everything is well.

It is comforting as it is irksome; it makes me feel restless and unsettled.

Dinner is a time to celebrate being together. We reflect on the day and go around the table sharing a positive experience and what we are most happy for. Memories of my life in Amity are absent, and what flashes of memory I do have can't possibly be real. They aren't memories, but more like feelings, and thoughts. Sometimes they come out in songs that I hum in the morning. Singing and the arts are encouraged here, and I love it. But the song I sing….aren't from Amity. The looks don't bother me like they should. Or at least I tell myself that. I dance around while I get ready in the morning or when I help prepare meals. I think the looks are because I am different somehow from before. I don't know how, no one will tell me, and I do not want to ask.

I want to go back to the orchard, where I fell. I remember the scent of apples and a wall. When I dream, there is always a large wall among the apple trees.

My foster family has a passion for agriculture and making decisions as one unit. There is a like-mindedness of happiness and unity. In the midst of uncertainty, it is comforting and slightly suffocating. Karen puts me to work in the kitchen. Returning to my regular routine is supposed to help me get my memories back. Most of the backing ingredients are familiar but some of them are unfamiliar. It is challenging, and I am not particularly talented at cooking or baking, but this chore is expected of me. It makes me feel odd, another way I don't quite fit in.

Despite the circumstances, I always feel better after dinner. I stuff myself at dinner to settle my nerves, mostly bread. The bread is hard to resist when it is warm and fresh from the oven. And afterwards, I feel this sense of relief. Like everything is fine, better than fine. It's reassurance that I really need.

But it really is not fine.

Tomorrow is my first day back at school. I sneak an extra slice of bread at dinner and eat it in bed. A full stomach makes it easier to sleep. It is necessary to conserve food and only take what we need so everyone is equal. Well, what I need is for all of the nerves to go away and stuffing my face with food helps.

There will be kids from other factions at school. We are born into one of five factions and at sixteen we decide our permanent faction. How can anyone expect a teenager to devise their whole life's plans and ambitions is mind-boggling. Shouldn't you constantly be growing throughout your entire life? Isn't life supposed to be one big journey where you cultivate and discover your ideals and beliefs?

Apparently, any self-discovery happens before you're sixteen. And I am out of time. I have two weeks to figure out what faction to belong in. The Choosing Ceremony will decide my life. I may or may not be sick with anxiety.

I am excited for school though, and more than anything I want the evening to pass so I can go and talk to kids from other factions. I wonder what their life is like? Their families and routines?

That night when I sleep, I dream, as I always do.

I'm in a large room wearing tight clothing holding a large pad in both hands while someone is punching. I yell at them and they kick harder and higher with a furious cry.

I am dancing in a dark room with loud music and colored lights wearing strange clothes and uncomfortable shoes.

I am climbing a wall strapped to a harness and waving down below excitedly.

I am lifting a weapon at something far away. My finger squeezes the trigger and the shot reverberates in the room.

The windshield wipers beat back and forth in a fast rhythm attempting to ward off the rain. It's cold and dark outside. The rain and fog makes it difficult to see and I'm going slow because the fog is thick and the roads are slick. It's late in the evening and I'm running late. The light turns red and I stop. The car is playing a merry jingle and I'm singing along distractedly. An innocent laugh echoes in the car and I smile in the rearview mirror. I turn around, say something and start the car forward as the light turns green again. The car starts through the intersection slowly and I look in my rearview mirror and smile. Suddenly, there is a blinding light, a blaring horn and then silence.

I wake up gasping for air.

I look to the bottom bunk bed and see Gabrielle sleeping peacefully. I sink further into the bed and try to still my heart rate.

My mind recalls the dream. Somehow, I do not think my faction permits the use of weaponry.

Monday, May 27th


I have absolutely no idea where we are, but I do know we are heading to school. I clamor in a truck with other kids heading to school. Tyler and Gabrielle are sitting together with a group their own age. They are playing an odd clapping game. Everyone greets me this morning with hugs and smiles and asks me how I am. The novelty of strangers hugging me and asking how I am is starting to wear off though. The whole, let's preach about peace and togetherness is a little much. Not that I don't appreciate it, but it is monotonous. I like hugging people, but I like hugging people I care about, not people I do not know. It's creepy.

The truck hits a pot hole and a few kids squeal with laughter. Their laughter rings in my ears and it becomes insistent and annoying. Tyler and Gabrielle seem content enough. They are the epitome of Amity. They sit with their friends and smile. Sitting amidst these kids, I feel as if I am sitting alone.

I am sitting with my friends, Danielle, Katie and Spencer. Danielle is a very attractive girl with rosy cheeks and sparkling eyes. She squeezes me a little too tight when she hugs me this morning. Katie has dark blond hair and smiles at everyone dreamily all the way to school. Spencer is a quiet boy with olive skin. He hugs me a bit differently than the rest and his arm lingers about my shoulders for most of the drive.

I try not to feel too uncomfortable.

Most are aware of my "predicament" and try to fill me in on the conversation but I cannot help but feel overwhelmed and disinterested. I lose interest quickly. A few of them kindly ask questions attempting to converse. I nod accordingly, and give brief but polite responses. For the most part I just fall out of the loop while the conversation and singing continues without me.

If conversing with a bunch of strange teenagers isn't enough stress, trying to sit in a tent is even more awkward. I feel like a billowy idiot. I am wearing a flowy yellow skirt with a pale red top and sturdy sandals. The clothes are comfortable, awkward, definitely not flattering. And my hair keeps getting in my damn face.

I tried putting my hair in a twist this morning. I came out of the restroom feeling awkward with my wardrobe, but when Karen glanced disapprovingly at my hair I took it out and settled for running a brush through the untamed locks. Most everyone wears his or her hair down in Amity. I just wanted it out of my face for practical reasons. My hair is extremely long, but everyone, including the boys, have long hair.

The truck stops and everyone gets out waving to the driver, Christopher. My shoulder bag feels like a security blanket. I clutch it tightly as I bite my lip and try to get the courage to move from the truck.

"Hey Gertrude," I cringe at the sound of my name. Christopher gives me an amused but encouraging smile. "You planning on staying or something?"

"Or something," I mutter.

Reluctantly, I get out of the truck and start walking. It is a good thing I do because I really have no clue where I am going. Luckily, my friends are waiting for me. I hurry and catch up to the Amity kids and follow at a sedate pace.

"Don't worry, Gerdy. Remember our first day of high school when we were all nervous for no reason?"

I grimace hearing Katie's awful nickname. Her words are meant to be reassuring, but they make me feel inadequate. Danielle elbows her slightly and Katie blinks. "Oh, I mean, sorry." She blushes.

Danielle stares pointedly at her and covers with a smile. "I'm sure you will remember in your own time." She changes the conversation tactfully. The three of them begin talking excitedly about the looming Choosing Ceremony and I listen attentively.

As we get closer to the school I see hundreds of teenagers grouped together. I blink taking in the five different states of uniform. It's as if there is an unofficial school dress code, only it's clearly a faction dress code. A group of teenagers dressed in unbecoming gray garbs walks past and I feel better about my state of dress. But not by much. I may look like a hippie, but they look like monks. I grimace tripping over my long skirt. Let's just say we are equally fashionably challenged. A group dressed smartly in varying shades of blue walk by and while the outfit is much more becoming some of them look a little too buttoned up. I wonder if they have an eye problem because most of them are sporting glasses. A few of them greet us by name and one of them stops in front of us.

"Hey Gertrude," says a girl. I sigh but smile. She looks about my age and has dark blond hair with brown eyes. I am a little surprised when she moves to hug me. I thought we were the only 'hugging' faction. Maybe we are because her hug is awkward and obviously ill practiced. A few people give us looks and my other friends smile warmly. Sweet, and dreamy Katie gives the mysterious girl a warm hug. The girl smiles tightly but accepts the affection patiently.

"Hello." I say awkwardly after a few moments of silence.

She peers at me as if I am a particularly difficult math problem. "What's wrong?"

Well, this is a nice way to make friends.

"Uh, well I had this accident and bumped my head. So I have a bit of a memory problem."

"A memory problem?" she says slowly. I nod. "What happened? Do you have a concussion?"

Her questions come at me in rapid succession and all I can do is nod. Her eyes roll and she shakes her head. "You were in the orchards again weren't you?"

My eyes widen and my mouth hangs open. My mouth hangs open stupidly for a moment and then I remember to close it. "Yep." Apparently, she does know me.

"Go easy on her Elizabeth." Danielle kindly remarks.

"How did you know?" I ask the girl.

She turns back to me. "It's only logical, you like being up high. And it is not the first time you've fallen from a tree." She gives a pointed stare and I have the feeling that we are acquaintances, if not friends. Her words are slightly condescending, but I think she means well.

"Thanks." I grin.

She looks at me oddly and huffs. "And you forgot my name. It's Elizabeth by the way."

"Oh, well nice to meet you?" It comes out as a question. I hesitate but decide to ask her anyway. "Could you, maybe not call me Gertrude? Erm, please?"

My friends smile and snicker to themselves. There is an obvious joke that I am not privy to.

"I never call you Gertrude, you prefer Gerdy. You think it's cuter. " If my stomach rolls, it's because I think Gerdy is way worse. Elizabeth abruptly turns to Danielle planning the day. Guess, I get to be babysat on my first day. "Are you taking her to the front office and classes?"

"Yes." Danielle assures her.

Elizabeth straightens her glasses and stands taller. She glances at her similarly dressed friends and turns back to us. "I can't take her to main period but I can meet her for second."

My head swivels back and forth between them. "I'm right here." I grumble folding my arms.

Their conversation continues as if I were not standing next to them. I notice that Katie and Spencer are missing and find them ascending the school steps without us.

As Danielle and Elizabeth continue to plot my schedule I slowly wonder off to the side and people watch. They don't even notice. Based on their interaction it is safe to presume that the Erudite and Amity faction have an amiable relationship. Best to know who my allies I are right from the get go.

I watch a few teenagers teasing one another and a couple holding hands. I am about to head back to Elizabeth and Danielle when I see a train closing in. The cheers are boisterous and become louder as the train nears. Groups of teenagers wearing black jump from the trains many compartments as it nears the front of the school. My heart begins to pound and my eyes widen. A small gasp escapes. It's amazing to see kids my own age jump from a moving train. A few of them jump alone and others in groups. There are some who even hold hands when they jump. Many of them sport piercings and tattoos and a few of them have multi colored hair.

These teenagers are Dauntless.

It is by far the coolest thing I have ever seen in my life. Well, from what I recall anyway.

Suddenly, the urge to join them is overwhelming.

"That is so awesome." It comes out a whisper but someone hears me. I turn and give a wry smile to a blond Abnegation girl. Or rather, the other group of fashionably challenged teenagers I saw earlier. Our eyes meet briefly and I decide to make an effort. "You know, jumping out of the train. It looks impressive."

I explain and gesture to the teenagers in black feeling embarrassed for opening my mouth. She stays quiet but hesitantly nods her head. Her eyes return to the ground and she quietly walks away. I turn my eyes to another group of jumping Dauntless. One girl miscalculates her jump and lands ineptly. I wince and bite my lip. It looked like it hurt. She really should have tucked her shoulder and bent at the hips more.

Her friends laugh and clap her on the shoulder while helping her up.

"Nice style Marlene. Really nailed that landing." A boy with dark hair and olive skin laughs, and while is words are condescending; his tone is light and friendly.

"Oh, shut it." She laughs and shoves him but accepts his help when he offers his arm.

My lips turn up and I smile wistfully. Abruptly, someone bumps into me. I'm fall to the ground with a gasp and a few articles spill from my book bag.

"Oh, so sorry. I didn't see you there." I look up slightly stunned at the Candor boy and his friends. They are smiling and make no attempt to help me. "Watch where you're going next time." They walk off and the confrontation is over in less than a minute.

I am livid and I want to punch the smirk right off his snotty face. This first day is turning out splendidly. I grumble and gather my items. I clench my fists tightly and get back up.

"What an asshole." I mutter under my breath.

I turn and find myself face to face with one of the Dauntless boys I just saw jump from the train. He is staring at me with a slightly bemused expression, like he doesn't know what to make of me. He raises an eyebrow and crosses his arms across his lean chest. Two girls stand to his right and left, one of them is the girl who landed poorly, Marlene I think he called her. Marlene is smiling curiously. The other girl is frowning a bit severely so I avoid eye contact.

The boy stares at me and I flush, thinking he must have heard me. Fabulous. I'm pretty sure cursing isn't a favorable Amity quality. It occurs to me that maybe there are laws about acting outside of your faction. Could I be arrested? That would be ridiculous. The boy from Candor was the one who shoved me in the first place. I didn't do anything wrong. Maybe the Dauntless boy is friends with the Candor boy? Just my luck, maybe he wants to shove me to the ground as well.

Well if that's the case, he'll have to shove me harder. Our eyes lock and I stubbornly set my jaw and lift my chin. "Well, he is an asshole. That was totally rude and unnecessary." Hopefully, Danielle and Elizabeth notice my predicament before I get my ass kicked.

His other eyebrow raises and he smirks. We stare at one another for another moment until he nods. What a weird boy.

"What's going on?" Elizabeth interjects as her and Danielle approach. She eyes scrutinize the group of Dauntless teenagers. I am not sure what she is looking for but her gaze is calculating and Danielle is smiling at them but I doubt its sincerity. Then again, I don't know either of them well enough to make assumptions.

The boy shrugs nonchalantly. "Nothing." He exchanges looks with his friends and they walk away glancing at me as they pass.

I turn and watch their retreating figures enter the front doors. Well, that was certainly odd.

I groan internally when Elizabeth and Danielle start bombarding me with questions as we walk to the office.

I abhor ignorance, more accurately, I hate it when people hold knowledge over my head or think they know better than me. I've lost my memories, but it doesn't mean I'm stupid. Which is why I try to be attentive throughout the day, especially in class. It's annoying getting so many pitying looks and a few irritated ones as well, from both my peers and school faculty and staff. The only problem is halfway through math class my eyes go cross. Firstly, I am pretty sure I have learned this stuff before and secondly; it is boring as hell.

History, however, is beyond fascinating. This subject might give me a better clue to my past and bring back memories. Hopefully, it is a temporary memory lapse. The nurse assured me that my memories would return, but I am unsure how she can guarantee it. Being lost in my routine and my relationships seems normal for my situation. But I feel wrong and out-of-place.

The more I contemplate this, the more it sounds like teenage angst due to the looming Choosing Ceremony.

School is completely unfamiliar to me. I do not have flickers of memories or remember unconscious things like where the girls bathroom is. However, there are a few things that are familiar. And what I know worries me. I know a little too much about current events and people who I am pretty sure I have never spoken with before. At the same time, there is little to be said for knowing personal information about my classmates. I can hardly walk up to them to confirm the bizarre information.

Despite this, I want to find what is missing. Which is why during our scheduled lunch break I find a stair case and bring my history book along for the ride. I should probably seek out my faction and eat with them but I feel awkward. They would welcome me with kind eyes, but I really do not feel like playing patty cake or whatever game they were doing when I left the lunch room. Not that games are a bad thing, but since my accident my emotions have been a swirl of confusion and I really just want to be alone.

My friends make my escape challenging. I waste nearly ten minutes of my scheduled lunch evading and avoiding Danielle, Katie and Spencer. I am well aware that this is unkind behavior. I feel guilty about not feeling guilty. I will try harder tomorrow I promise myself. I am not sure whom I am trying to appease with this promise, but I make it anyway to appease the feelings of guilt.

The stairs lead to the roof of the schools main building. The view is beautiful and overlooks the city. The city is impressive from this view and reaches as far as I can see. The buildings are a beautiful piece of architecture. They are not particularly what I would describe as traditional or artistic, but they are striking in their symmetry and efficiency. In the distance I can barely make out the gates that supposedly surround the city.

I settle down near one of the walls and relax. I have a lunch from home and I happily munch on an apple while I open a history text. I get a few pages into my reading and am finishing the apple when the roof access door opens and the three Dauntless teenagers from this morning emerge.

Great, right when I relax I get evicted. I have no doubt that three Dauntless teenagers have territorial instincts that supersede my factions pacifist nature. It does seem kind of fitting that they would be hanging out on the roof doing something, I dunno daring? Well, whatever it is they do I better move along. I don't see why I can't stay when I was here first, but they just ruined the alone time I had planned.

The stop they're chattering when they spot me. I look up at them from the ground and sigh loudly. I take another bite of my apple and chuck the core in my lunch bag and pack up my things. "Guess this is your usual spot, huh?"

The girl called Marlene smiles. "You bet."

I raise my hands in mock enthusiasm. "Fabulous. No, no, you stay, I'll leave." I am not sure if they care for my sarcasm or dramatics but they can have it just the same.

"You have a problem?" The other girl challenges.

I look at her and then pretend to look behind me. "You talking to me?" She is about to have a hissy fit so I hold my hands up in surrender. "Relax, joke. This is me leaving." I over exaggerate my exit keeping my back to the door eyes with my eyes trained on them and my hands up as if escaping from a predator. All the while I see the boy trying to hold in his laughter.

I do not see them at all the next day.

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