A/N

Disclaimers: I don't TVD they belong to L J Smith and the CW. The song in between is Far From Any Road by The Handsome Family. It is the opening theme of True Detective. The line where Enzo tells Bonnie that "we're all vulnerable" is taken from the Hookah smoking Caterpillar in Alice the Syfy two part series. Also Oscar Wilde in his quote is talking about drinking absinthe.

Okay so this will probably be a two part piece. I just had to get it out of my head. I hope everyone likes the first installment of this.

READ ENJOY AND REVIEW


Benzodiazepine

"After the first glass you see things as you wish they were. After the second, you see things as they are not. Finally, you see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world."
Oscar Wilde

Pain to him had become yellow and orange like the colors of the sun. Like the sun his whole world revolved around it. On the onset of pain, it would explode like the sun rising in the morning warming his skin then it would seep in and wake his sleeping nerves and whip them into a frenzy similar to when a pinball machine vibrates and lights explode because of a high score. Then as the pain flared, stars would burst behind his eyelids as if you stared into the midday sun for too long and then closed your eyes when the pain became unbearable. Slowly as the pain intensified his body would warm and the shivers would start like when you step out of an air conditioned building and your body attempts to stay cool and warm up simultaneously in the sun and then slowly the humidity would start to suffocate you. Then after a while the pain would ebb to a dull throbbing like the setting sun taking the warmth of the day with its dying light only to be replaced with the harsh cold of night.

That's why Enzo hated the colors yellow and orange.

Yellow was loud and obnoxious. Always getting in your face and blinding you like pain. You were never ready for the immediate rushing and intense amount of pain at first. Orange of the setting sun wasn't comforting, it was a bad after taste of a day spent having his soul chipped at. It didn't signify rest to come. It signaled ghosts and shadows and the too empty suffocating blackness of loneliness.

Two times in his existence did he have…..light…..no that wasn't right light was the enemy. All it brought was pain. Those times were twilight, after the end of pain and before the start of loneliness. Those times were words or parts of a song on a station breaking through the static on a radio and if you were lucky it would be your favorite part. He smiled then. Those times were first with Maggie and then with Damon. But loneliness set in with full darkness and were soured with the bad after taste of betrayal.

Until he met the green eyed fairy, every day with her was twilight.

From the dusty May sun
Her looming shadow grows
Hidden in the branches of the poison creosote
She twines her spines up slowly
Towards the boiling sun
And when I touched her skin
My fingers ran with blood


Her pain was the color red like the blood on Jesus on a crucifix or the red haze of anger. Those were the colors that would explode in her eyes when the dead passed through her; anger and resolution. Two very different and opposing emotions because how can one be angry and resolved at their death? No, she knew how. She had almost forgotten those feelings because they were obscured by the dark cloud of sadness when she had said goodbye to Jeremy when she pulled the veil back up.

The dead never had sadness not like she had. They wanted her to be washed in anger, sliced and maimed by it. They wanted her to feel every ounce of their horrible red pain that when it ebbed away she would be left with haunting phantoms, sweaty and stickyskin, and the churning of her stomach.

That's why she hated the color red.

But she liked the color blue. Not the robin's egg blue or the blue of Damon's eyes, no she liked the dark blue of twilight. She could hide in that color and in that time. The day would expose the healing wounds that were inflicted upon her like a stigmata victim and the night would only serve to confuse her on whether or not she was walking around in the real world or the shadowed black and white world of the Other Side.

Perfect balance.

Qetsiyah had been an evil, psychotic bitch that had taken pleasure in letting her know that she would experience the pain of every single supernatural death. Her ancestor had actually smiled at her when telling her, but it had been her own fault. She had trusted her friends to bring her back to life. She knew crossing the laws of magic would only serve to bring down more punishment upon her. She was so stupid she should have realized that the love that everyone in their group had brought nothing but pain. Now she was the one to be tortured day in and day out with the red hot pain of the dead because her friends had loved her so much they couldn't live without her.

That is until she met Damon's best friend.

In the hushing dusk under a swollen silver moon
I came walking with the wind to watch the cactus bloom
A strange hunger haunted me, the looming shadows danced
I fell down to the thorny brush and felt the trembling hands


He had accidently saw her collapse in the library of the boarding house. He saw the wounds open up on her skin and hear the breaking of her teeth as the pain spasm through her. The cut marks were ragged and bled ghostly pale pink; half visible and half invisible. She formed the silent plea in her eyes for him not to alert anyone. He knew that look. He had seen it reflected back to him from Maggie's eyes when she had been with him.

They never talked about it.

He just went to bar and poured her the strongest spirit in the house, absinthe. He had poured it in a little glass, found the spoon and the sugar cube and handed it to her. The drink had been a favorite of his when he had been bumming around France in the late 1800s with the bohemian painters. So many nights did he sit around with those painters and talk about the Zeitgeist of human nature because for him becoming a vampire had only amplified his humanness both the softness and the harshness; the crass and the delicate and the loftiness and the baseness.

So he talked to her about his time with the Augustine Society and she had talked about her betrayal once again by the boy she loved.

At the end of their stories and nearly the whole bottle of absinthe with the green fairy on the bottle, that was the shade of green as the girl's eyes did he ask her if anyone knew what was happening to her?

"I don't want them to worry or think I'm weak and can't help them," she replied slurring her words.

"We're all vulnerable sometime and that is when we have meltdowns. Mix the wrong feelings together, the right kind of bad with the wrong kind of good, and you'll wind up with a total breakdown. That is what we need because its balance."

"But you have a switch that you can turn off and never have a need to breakdown." The colors in the library had begun to swirl for both of them. The red and yellow of the fireplace had disgusted them both so they sat in the dark blue of the library.

"That switch is broken for me. It was probably something they did to me because I can't flip it but it's like it isn't connected anymore to the wiring."

"That's… how I… feel sometimes."

"Like what?"

"Disconnected from the wiring. I only feel when I'm in pain."

"How are you feeling right now?"

"Comfortable—"

"The pain has ended and the loneliness hasn't started." He said it as a statement.

When the last light warms the rocks and the rattlesnakes unfold,

She took a minute to answer his non question, "Yes." She said it so softly that he almost missed it. They sat there for a few minutes in silence staring at each other. It had been so long since he felt lust form in his belly that he had completely forgotten the feeling.

That was when he found out that green was his favorite color.

"How about we chase the dragon," he blurted out.

"I'm sorry, what?" Her slight eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"This high right now, how about you and I go see if we could continue it, love?"

"I can't just leave."

"Are you mental? Of course you can love. Your friends are on their spring break vacations probably fighting crime and you have nothing planned because you just brought in those boxes full of that boy's stuff. So how about let's go chase the dragon and stay in this blissful balance," He said getting up and extending his hand towards her. So many times had she extended her hand to the dead that she winced and steeled herself for the red pain that would pierce her.

Mountain cats will come to drag away your bones.

She looked at his hand and then at his eyes. The dead never smiled at her. He was smiling. She slowly put her hand in his hand and she felt… warmth. She nodded her head at him in acceptance. They walked to her blue Prius and jumped in. Not the best car to drive into the sunset with but at least it was economical on gas, she thought.

"Do you even know how to drive?"

"Yes Damon taught me," and he saw her wince in disgust.

"What?"

"I just never thought Damon would have the patience to teach anyone anything," she said reclining in the seat and putting her feet up on the dash.

"He didn't need it. I'm a vampire one time and we learn anything."

"Handy," she said.

"Do you need clothes for our trip?"

"No, I have a to-go bag in my trunk because in this town I never know when I'm going to be caked in the blood and gore from my enemies for the night."

He whistled. "Damon and Stevie had warned me about this town but I didn't believe it."

"Stevie?"

"Stefan, love." She burst out into bubbly fits of laughter.

"What does his face look like when he hears you call him that?"

"It's like when someone has put a stake in his gut; all wrinkles." They both laughed. She turned on the radio to jazz. She just wanted to mellow out. She mellowed out so much she had fallen asleep.

During that time while she was asleep, Enzo had pull out her stupid black box called a smart phone and texted Damon:
Damon, mate, gone chasing the dragon in New York with the Bonnie lass, we'll be back when we will.

In his relative ignorance of modern technology, he had used the group chat that had been reserved for communications and alerts on missions which meant that everyone in the Scooby gang had seen it.

That was two days ago.

And rise with me forever across the silent sand,
And the stars will be your eyes and the wind will be my hands.


Damon had received the message but hadn't bothered to look at it since he was face deep in between the legs of a statuesque blonde because of his recent breakup with Elena. It had been from Judgy on the group text. So he ignored it until he started receiving the phone calls. After the tenth call when he had been buried to the hilt inside of her….he had forgotten her name, did he decide to pick up for Stefan.

"I am in the middle of busting a nut Stefan what the fuck do you want?" He thrust hard and made her moan loudly.

"You didn't read the message from your friend," Stefan said slightly annoyed. He had been used to his brother's antics when he was heartbroken.

"The one from Judgy," Damon asked. He moved the phone to his left shoulder and raised her leg to rest on his right shoulder.

"The one from Enzo on Bonnie's phone," Stefan said. Damon stopped mid thrust. The girl whined and pursed her lips in a pout.

"Don't pout honey, its ugly on you and my ex used to do that and I hated it," he said looking at his phone and navigated to his text messages. She huffed in anger and stomped her way to the bathroom.

He read it once, twice, three times.

"Holy fuck!" He yelled.

"Exactly." Stefan said.

"Did everyone see this?"

"Yup and I have everyone breathing down my neck because you weren't answering your phone."

"I was busy. Did anyone try calling Judgy?"

"Yes but it was going straight to voice mail."

"Did anyone go looking for her?"

"Jeremy went everywhere in town but I guess they had already hit the road when he sent the message."

"I bet Harker must be thrilled that Mina is on a road trip with a strange vampire."

"Ex-girlfriend." Stefan corrected him.

"Excuse me?"

"Caroline told me that Bonnie broke up with Jeremy again because she caught him cheating again."

"I swear Stefan you and Vampire Barbie gossip more than fishwives. Is that what your entire relationship is?" He had gotten up and started dressing his erection long since deflating and the leggy blonde a distant memory.

"Friendship, Damon. Caroline is my friend."

"Keep telling yourself that."

"Forget about that. What are you going to do about Bonnie and Enzo?" Damon sighed.

"What do you want me to do about it? No better yet what did Elena tell you to tell me to do about it?"

"The same thing as everyone else. He is Damon's friend and it should be Damon's responsibility to find him." He sighed again.

"And they wanted to know what chasing the dragon meant because—"

"Probably Caroline"

"They never heard it before." Damon chuckled.

"Oh Stefan did you have to teach a lesson of D.A.R.E. to the kiddies?" Damon could physically hear Stefan rolling his eyes at him.

"I know what it means but Bonnie would never do something like that."

"Stefan who knows what she would do. She was dead for three months with only Little Gilbert to talk to and now he has gone and betrayed her. Who knows what's going through that judgy head of hers?"

"Jeremy just texted me that he found an empty bottle of absinthe in the library and two glasses."

"The green fairy. He would tell me about the time he spent with the bohemian painters in France."

"Yeah well looks like they both got liquored up and decided to leave town to find better stuff."

"Again what do you want me to do about it?"

"Damon, find them and make sure Bonnie is safe. We can't have the anchor to the supernatural purgatory wondering around getting high with a barely functioning vampire. Who knows what would happen?" He sighed again because he knew his brother had a point.

"Fine." He said and hung up the phone.

Judgy wasn't the secret weapon anymore but she had become the anchor because of him trying to bring her back so it was his responsibility to protect his investment. That left a bitter taste in his mouth. So he finished dressing then went into the bathroom and compelled the girl that they had a wonderful time after all he didn't want his reputation ruined especially here in Vegas and left for the airport to catch a flight to New York.

Fucking Judgy, always ruining his fun and fucking limey bastard that flew over the cuckoo's nest making him feel guilty and responsible for his well-being.

When he found them he was going to kill them.