(A/N: Okay, before anybody reads this, I'm just gonna give everyone a warning that this one-shot may be a little dark. It takes place between First Class and Days of the Future Past. Enjoy.)

(EDIT 08-30-15: This work is now available on AO3, under the name of 'DoctorIdiot".)


Lost in the darkness,

Hoping for a sign


Charles always thought that he was alone. Although, he had believed differently, that thought was always in his head, repeating over and over. The voice that taunts him was his own voice, because it was his own thought.

That voice was worst than being bullied by his stepbrother. Charles hated to be alone.

Sadly, in reality, that was what he was — alone — until one night he found a beautifully skinned mutant no older than he was, in the Xavier mansion's kitchen, searching for food in the fridge. His new friend had been in the form of his mother, as he would later learn that she was a shape shifter.

Charles welcomed her into his family, although not officially. At first, he fretted that Raven would be bullied by Cain, too, but he made a promise to himself that he will protect Raven so long as he lived.

The older they grow, the closer they got and then they were inseparable as siblings.


When Charles met the man whose hatred had swallowed his whole life, the telepath was intent on bringing the man onto a brighter path that would lead to a better future.

Charles had met him when he and Raven had agreed to help the CIA to find Sebastian Shaw. If not for him, Erik Lehnsherr would've died drowning while so focused on trying to kill Shaw.

At the time the telepath had jumped into freezing cold seawater to save another mutant who could manipulate metal, he had felt so complete — embracing the man in the water, speaking to him with his mind — as if he needed Erik as a piece to complete a jigsaw puzzle that was his life.

That was the day he made another big promise to himself to help this man who had a grin like a shark's.

After some time, they formed a strange and perplexing friendship where the two would appreciate each other's intelligence but never seemed to agree with the other.

While Charles was too busy trying to pull Erik onto a brighter path, he never thought the plan would backfire and it would be him that was pulled onto the dark path.


Hank hated it. The professor was slowly losing his sanity, whether he actually realized it himself or not. The wheelchair-bound telepath who had once encouraged Hank and the others to control their powers had changed into a man that had no hope and faith in life anymore.

Everyone, even the ones with the kindest hearts of all, can turn bitter if you just twist them right. Charles Xavier was one of the people who were golden-hearted and Erik Lehnsherr had subconsciously known how to do exactly that and either he meant it or not he had twisted their favorite telepath. His presence used to glow, surrounded by a strong aura that lighted up every room he walks into, the one who knew exactly how to cheer people up.

Yet, no one knew how to light him up when his flames have snuffed out.

No one except two special mutants that had left him behind, fooled by his mask and thought he was fine.

And so that was what Professor Charles Xavier said every time Hank, Sean or Alex asked. Hank didn't know about the others, but he knew well enough after he saw the telepath's eyes that it was a lie.

The blue orbs of the professor's that used to be shining with warmth, hope, trust, encouragement had lost its shine and were dull and glassy with tears that never seemed to fade. Looking into them back in the days would automatically suck you into a happy land where joyful spirits danced to the best music ever played. Looking into them now, however, seemed to suck you into an endless void of emptiness.

Their professor had changed after what happened on the Cuban beach, both mentally and physically.

Sweet melody of laughs from him turned to brief fake smiles. Sugared tea turned to the bitterest coffees. His usually styled hair grew long and unkempt. When long ago, he would be happy to be having a meal with the younger mutants at the kitchen table, but now Hank would have to send food to Charles' room, and make sure he would eat at least a small portion of it. Charles' healthy frame turned bony. Even when the old, happy Charles never got much sleep, the broken Charles got even less of it. A glass of wine turned to more than just a bottle of liquor a day. He became a lonely person despite having Hank, Alex and Sean.

Hank worried. He worried every day, every hour, every damn second, because who knows what the telepath would do next.

Then, the mess started. Some nights Hank would be aroused from sleep by the sound of glass shattering or loud thuds from Charles' room. He would check on the professor, and most times he would be fine, but there would be shards of glasses or books and torn pages on the floor.

At first, Hank didn't understand. He thought that maybe the throwing was to release some rage. But it was until he snooped around outside Charles' room did he finally become aware of the fact that the telepath was hallucinating Erik. Raven, too, sometimes.

Hank didn't mind the mess much. Untidy rooms were better than the professor's screams at nights that were caused by nightmares. The screams were, of course, a tiny bit better — albeit Hank wouldn't admit out loud — than when Charles would actually project his nightmares. The nightmares would keep the three younger mutants awake for more than a night as it were tremendously horrific.

"You left me!" Hank would hear when he sat near the professor's door.

"I was bleeding, paralyzed, broken, and you just left me!"

On some days, after Charles stopped hallucinating, he would try to comfort the older mutant, but on some other days, Hank couldn't take it anymore.

Soon, it was not the professor who was losing his sanity. Hank, Alex and Sean were slowly slipping into the depths of depression. The Xavier mansion, the place that they had once called home, the place that once shone with the brightest lights in the universe felt empty and dull.

And the worst part of it was that no one could fix everything, because the two most loved ones that would complete Professor Charles Xavier's life were lost in a pit of shadows and darkness.

Instead there's only silence,

Can't you hear my screams?