New Girl Fanfiction
Hurt / Comfort / Friendship
Notes: Ok, so I do have a bit of an obsession about this song and Nick and Jess. It does feature a lot in my stories, and I am not going to apologise for that. My muse hit strongly as I drove home from work and this song came on my playlist. Then the words fell out of my head in a rush. I know it's not my usual 'fluffy' fun piece, but I wanted it done so I can move on to season 4, and the fun times Liz has promised us this season. I am greatly encouraged by her words that this may not be the end of the Nick and Jess romance – so I hope to be inspired to write more.
Disclaimer time: I am not earning money for this, I don't own the characters. I do this for the pure enjoyment of the show and the characters and for the love of Jake and Zooey's chemistry on screen!
'Groovy Kind of Love'
Nick shuffled slowly past her door, lingering a little, his mind whirling with emotion and questions. He was back to over-thinking again.
A few months ago this would have all been so simple, Nick Miller, Jessica Day, her bedroom door, sexy times and lots of them. A few months ago they were a couple. They were Nick and Jess, boyfriend and girlfriend at last, officially, out in the open and not just in his head and dreams and late night fantasies. A few months ago he would be on the other side of that door, his hands roaming her body as if trying to commit her contours to his memory. His mouth driving her crazy, shooting her through time and space in so many different ways. It was their thing and they were great at it.
Nick closed his eyes at the images passing through his head, desperately tying to recapture the taste, smell, touch of her and prolong his feeling of true happiness that little bit longer. Love. The real thing; they had both felt it and declared it (albeit in the strangest of circumstances). He thought they could beat the odds and that their crazy brand of relationship would last in a happy, 'fog-less' existence.
Well, the 'fog' was back and thicker than ever, since they had called time on their romance. Nick winced as he recalled that stupid post-True American hangover argument that had raised all those petty niggles that might have otherwise been discussed and worked through under more sober conditions.
He closed his eyes and shook his head trying to dispel the recollection; it was enough to make him give up the beer…well, nearly. At the moment it was his one consolation in a cruel and unjust world.
Sighing deeply, Nick was determined to walk on past her room and go straight on into his own and try to stop the overanalyzing. He must try and do what Winston, Coach and Schmidt have been begging him to do for weeks and "stop moping dude and move on". Schmidt had even gone one step further when he, somewhat less than sympathetically, said "you always knew you'd screw it up in the end, so it can't be that much of a shock, ya dumbass". Schmidt had called it 'tough love' but it earned him a punch in the arm and a demand of at least a fifty in the douchebag jar that day.
Before moving past, Nick instinctively leaned his head a little nearer her door and lightly kissed it. He knew it was stupid, and for once he was glad that the other guys were all out. He looked around quickly just to be sure before he spoke "Goodnight Jess, I love you."
The words were whispered so softly and not intended for anyone to hear, but he wanted, no, needed them to be said and unbeknownst to her, so he did this every night.
Nick hesitated again as he heard the faint sound of Jess just the other side of the door. She sounded like she was crying but desperately trying not to be heard. It was a sound he had grown to know from her, not just recently, but since day one when she moved into the apartment and his life changed forever. The tears over Spencer (that long-haired idiot who cheated on her), and later, tears over Russell and Dr. Sam (yeah, that last one was his fault as well). Each time he'd heard her cry it was like a knife in his heart, and now this time he was once again the cause and he thought the pain now might actually kill him.
Jess needed a friend. Cece, Nick knew, was working her shift at the bar and Mike would no doubt be hard on her case, bossing her around and making sure she didn't screw up. He knew she could cope, but he also knew Mike wouldn't consider a friend in need as an excuse to slack off.
Nick was her friend too – once upon a time. Any other time, Jess would seek him out and let him be a sounding board to rant her frustrations at life on, or even just a shoulder to cry on. He pictured her sitting on the hood of her car in that ridiculous shot girl/cigarette girl outfit, crying over the loss of her teaching job outside the school. Tears streaming down; messing up her pretty face.
Secretly he thought she had looked lovely, her enormous blue eyes glistening and her face bathed in moonlight. She looked fragile and beautiful and he knew then and there he wanted to declare that he would devote his life to being there for her when she needed him, just as she had been there for him when he needed her…
A thought sparked in Nick's brain, bringing him back to the apartment and he strode past her door and into his room, shutting the door firmly behind him. Thinking about those times Jess had been there for him – the worst moments in his entire life, had him reaching for a notebook and pen. He quickly wrote on the first blank page, after flicking over pages of to do lists and unusual sandwich recipes, letting words just flow from his pen onto the page, not bothering to keep the writing neat or even check his spelling. It was raw and it was real and it had to be done now. Jess needed him.
He had never been one to express his feelings in any form, it had been one of Jess's biggest peeves about him, but over their year together she had worn down his resistance a little and he needed to express everything he felt about her and always would before his 'wall' between them went back up.
When I'm feeling blue, all I have to do is take a look at you, and then I'm not so blue.
When I'm in your arms, nothing seems to matter, my whole world could shatter, I don't care.
Wouldn't you agree, baby you and me, we've got a groovy kind of love'.
I know things aren't great between us at the moment, but you have to know that the above is ALL TRUE – the whole damn song in fact! You were there when my whole world shattered – when my dad died, when I thought I had Cancer, when I was an idiot over Caroline. It gave us this song – OUR song. I will always be here for you Jess, no matter how crazy things get. I love you; have always loved you. We have a groovy kind of love and nothing will ever change that for me, even if we can't be together.
I'm right here, that clown just across the hall as always, if you need me.
Ever your friend,
P.S. Please don't play the song over and over – or I might have to act on your mom's first impression of me and actually kill you!
Satisfied with his words, Nick ripped the page out of the notebook and dashed back across the hall to her bedroom. He could see she was still awake by the light escaping from the gap under the door. Thank god for that gap, it was all he needed. Nick folded the paper in half and before he could change his mind, pushed it decisively under the door. He held his breath as he heard movement from inside the room. He didn't want to be caught standing there, so he went back to the solace of his room without a backwards glance. It was done – too late now for second thoughts or regrets.
He threw himself on his bed, on his back and facing the ceiling. He hadn't switched his light on; he wanted the gloom, it suited his mood. He lightly closed his eyes, all that effort and emotion had exhausted him. He didn't sleep; he just wanted to conjure up images of her smiling at him and kissing him in happier times. It didn't take much, those images were always there just hovering in his subconscious.
A light knock on his door broke his concentration, the image of her lying contentedly in his arms while they talked and laughed together making way for the dark reality of his empty room. He heard the knock again and this time went to get up from his bed. He knew she wouldn't just come in – they had rules now. Break up rules, boundaries agreed on if they were going to be able to stay sharing an apartment.
Nick opened the door and Jess stood there in the doorway, her soft brown hair mussed up around her face in a fluffy cloud, it was all he could do to stop himself reaching forward to brush the hair from her eyes. Too intimate now, not allowed. Even in the semi-darkness he could see a flush to her cheeks and the marks where tears had fallen. Her striped pajamas once alluring and enticing, now seemed to engulf her tiny frame, making her seem vulnerable and small. She was shaking a little and in her right hand she clutched his piece of paper.
He hardly dared to meet her gaze should she be angry with his outpouring of emotion, thinking it a way to try and play with her feelings. He slowly met her gaze, he knew he needn't have worried. There was no anger or scorn reflecting back at him, just a hint of a smile, that of a friend and something a little more, showing gratitude and love back at him.
Jess held the letter up to him and bit her lip trying to stop a fresh set of tears. She smiled, her head tilted a little to one side in that cute bird-like manner. She didn't speak; she didn't need to. Nick held his breath as she stepped closer to him and closed his eyes as she lightly kissed him on the lips, lingering a second more than just a friendship kiss should, and her arms wrapped themselves tightly around his neck and shoulders. He knew this wasn't an invitation for sex but something more important for them. He engulfed her in the embrace, his strong arms holding her to him tightly, his hand slowly stroking her hair.
They held each other for what seemed like hours, Jess's face buried deep in the crook of Nick's neck, her breath warm and moist on his skin. She sighed and whispered "Thank you Nick" softly in his ear, her lips tickling slightly as she spoke.
They continued to hug and he gently led her to his bed. She waited shyly for him to lay down and get comfortable before sliding alongside, needing the contact of his body. Nick's mind was still, no overthinking this; it was what they both needed at this moment. To be together, as friends, seeking comfort from each other, nothing more.
Jess snuggled up to Nick, her arm over his middle, not letting him go. Still clutching the letter in her hand. His hand now stroking small patterns on her arm and shoulder.
As they drifted off to sleep the last thing he heard was a gentle whisper, "I love you too Nick, we do have a groovy kind of love."
Authors comments: I hope you enjoyed that. Please let me know by leaving a comment, or clicking on Fav or follow. It doesn't have to be much, it keeps me going.
A big thanks to my awesome Beta, Nickillian for her awesome work and helping me to post this in the same day! Enjoy season 4 roomfriends! x