A/N
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I was resting in my dorm before my next shift, thinking about the conversation Rose and
I had while accompanying her to class. It had me so confused and I just didn't know why
I had reacted so strongly at her behavior. She was always beautiful and her passion just
made her even more so, but I knew I had to stop thinking about her like this.
I took a deep breath and thought back to what she had told me earlier during training.
She wasn't the best student in her class. She was actually behind in most of her classes
but I also knew that she wasn't any different to the time before Lissa and Rose ran away
from St Vladimir's. She was actually smarter than she gave herself credit for and for the
life of me, I didn't know why she put more effort into her schoolwork.
However, when she was training at the gym she was amazing. Although, she didn't win our
sparring matches, I could already see huge improvement. She had a long way to catch up
but she the amount of strength and determination Rose had, would possibly make her one
of the greatest guardians. She just had to take that same amount of energy and focus.
Today, I was glad when my shift was over and nothing spectacular happened. I had been
looking forward to the end of the day when I had another training lesson with Rose.
When she arrived for her lesson, she began her stretches and then hastily took off for a
run. This time I didn't accompany her instead I remained inside cleaning up the gym and
equipment then returned to read my novel, awaiting her return.
We spent yet another lesson with more laps, more running and hopefully more focus.
I need to teach her that if you can't fight, you need to know how to run.
After the lesson with Rose was over, I arrived back at my dorm and switched the TV on.
There had to be something that could take my mind off Rose, even for just a few minutes.
When I decided that there was nothing of interest, I switched to an old 80's music channel
and headed into my kitchen to make something for dinner. Pasta was quick and easy to
cook up tonight, I didn't have the concentration for anything more elaborate. I was
cleaning up my dishes when I heard knocking on my door.
I went to the door and saw Alberta standing in front of me.
"Hey, Dimitri!"
"What's up?" Normally no one came to my room, so seeing Alberta there I suspected was
for more than a friendly chat.
"Its Rose. It was reported that Rose was seen sneaking into one of the free lounges with
non other than Jesse Zeklos." I hadn't thought about that.
"What?" This didn't surprise me as I had heard of her reputation but I thought she was
better than to get involved with a Royal Moroi, especially one like Jesse.
"I thought you could accompany me and help sort this out."
I thought that just because I was required to give her extra training lessons, didn't mean I
had to look out for her. Not because of stuff like that.
"Yes, of course." Was all I could reply.
I hurried over to the Dhampirs dorm with Alberta, as she lead the way to the lounge
area and showed me the room Rose and Jesse had to be in. Alberta had to go back to her shift, so I went quietly to the room and listened.
"Don't," I heard Rose's warning voice.
"You know you want to." Jesse's voice held excited wonder. "I can tell."
"No, I don't."
"You do. How—hey, have you done it before?"
"No," She scoffed. "Of course not."
"You act like you have. You got excited when I was by your neck."
"You're a good kisser," This made my stomach turn, I couldn't tell if it was because he
said that she'd like him to bite her or because of she had been kissing him.
Of course I suspected that she fed Lissa when they were away, but I was a little shocked
by the statement that she was addicted to it.
I really didn't want to think about Rose kissing that idiot. I clenched my teeth together.
"Don't you think everyone would know if I was giving blood?" Rose questioned
"Unless you weren't doing it before you left. You did it while you were gone, didn't you?
You fed Lissa." Jesse replied. I could hear the smirk in his voice.
"Of course not,"
"It was the only way. You didn't have feeders. Oh, man." Jesse forced.
"She found some, plenty of humans are into it." I knew Rose was trying to deflect his line
of questioning.
"Sure," Although I doubt Jesse was convinced.
"I'm not a blood whore," She snapped.
"But you want to. You like it. All you Dhampir girls do."
Oh, this asshole should really stop talking about Dhampir girls like this.
Most Dhampirs have a natural aversion against most royal Moroi and if this
condescending tone was commonly used, you could see why.
We, the Dhampirs were just there to protect them. The Dhampir women who didn't
graduate to become guardians, because they decided to have families were considered
cheap because they reduced the ranks of guardians causing the Moroi more danger.
Many of them slept with Moroi men, who let the men, bite them during sex. These
women were known as bloodwhores.
In my opinion 'bloodwhore' wasn't the right word for the most Dhampir women. I myself
was raised in one of these communes. My mother, grandmother, three sisters and now
also my nephew lived in one and they never gave blood to Moroi men.
"Stop it, I told you, I'm not like that. But if you want something to do with your mouth, I
can give you some ideas." She said calmly.
"Yeah? Like wha—?"
That was the point where I got to sick to listen to it and I didn't want to give Jesse another
chance to have his hands all over Rose.
I burst into the room, surprising both Rose and Jesse Zeklos who were still sitting too
close together.
It took me only three steps to reach the couch they sat on and jerked Jesse up and away
from Rose by his shirt.
"What's your name?" I barked.
"J-Jesse, sir. Jesse Zeklos, sir." It filled me a bit with satisfaction that he feared me.
"Mr. Zeklos, do you have permission to be in this part of the dorm?"
"No, sir."
"Do you know the rules about male and female interactions around here?"
"Yes, sir."
"Then I suggest you get out of here as fast as you can before I turn you over to someone
who will punish you accordingly. If I ever see you like this again" —I pointed to where
Rose cowered, half-dressed, on the couch—"will be the one to punish you. And it will
hurt. A lot. Do you understand?"
Of course I wouldn't punch him. I wasn't allowed to; otherwise I would have already
given him something to remember tonight.
I was surprised how pent-up I was. This was not the first time I had caught students
making out, but seeing Rose in that situation was very different.
Jesse swallowed, eyes wide. "Yes, sir!"
"Then go."
Jesse ran out of the room, leaving Rose and me alone in the lounge.
I then turned to her, a dangerous glint in my eyes. I was right to begin with my tirade of
telling her how wrong it was but when I finally really looked at her I went blank.
She was so, so beautiful. When I said that she was beautiful in that dress she wore that
day in the church, then she looked like an angel now. She wore tight skinny jeans and a
lacy black bra, her shirt laid next to the couch. I looked at her face, her body. She was so
perfect.
She flushed, which made her even more beautiful, so beautiful it hurt me.
I thought about how it would've been, being the one with her on that couch.
I wanted to know how it was to touch her and to feel her marvelous hair between my
fingers. What it would be like to kiss her and I wondered what she thought about me. I
never cared so much about the opinion of someone else like the one of hers in that
moment...
"You see something you like?" She asked suddenly and brought me back out of my
numbness and my thoughts.
It was also the moment I realized what I had actually thought there.
"Get dressed." My face hardened, but it never felt so hard to keep control.
How could I think this way about her? She was my student. I wasn't allowed to think so.
"How'd you find me? You following me to make sure I don't run away?"
"Be quiet," I snapped and leaned down so that we were at eye level. "A janitor saw you
and reported it. Do you have any idea how stupid this was?"
"I know, I know, the whole probation thing, right?"
"Not just that. I'm talking about the stupidity of getting in that kind of situation in the
first place."
"I get in that kind of situation all the time, Comrade. It's not a big deal."
"Stop calling me that. You don't know even know what you're talking about."
"Sure I do. I had to do a report on Russia and the R.S.S.R. last year."
This was already silly. "U.S.S.R. And it is a big deal for a Moroi to be with a Dhampir
girl. They like to brag."
"So?" Was her only remark.
"So?" I didn't wanted to look disgusted but I had the feeling that that was right what it
looked like.
"So don't you have any respect? Think about Lissa. You make yourself look cheap. You
live up to what a lot of people already think about Dhampir girls, and it reflects back on
her. And me."
"Oh, I see. Is that what this is about? Am I hurting your big, bad male pride? Are you
afraid I'll ruin your reputation?" She bursted out. I don't know how but this made me even
more angry.
"My reputation is already made, Rose. I set my standards and lived up to them long ago.
What you do with yours remains to be seen. Now get back to your room—if you can
manage it without throwing yourself at someone else." I didn't want to be mean to her but
I was so angry but even more disappointed.
"Is that your subtle way of calling me a slut?"
"I hear the stories you guys tell. I've heard stories about you." Instantly, I saw the hurt
that I had caused her. She looked away, trying to hold her tears back.
"Why is it wrong to…I don't know, have fun? I'm seventeen, you know. I should be able
to enjoy it."
"You're seventeen, and in less than a year, someone's life and death will be in your hands.
If you were human or Moroi, you could have fun. You could do things other girls could."
I understood her point and it was unfair, but this is the life we lead. I lowered my tone to
sound more gentle, also to make up for what I had said before.
"But you're saying I can't."
I just realized now another reason why I was so angry, another reason why I was so
disappointed.
Jesse Zeklos reminded me on Ivan, not just because he was also a Zeklos, but also
because they looked alike. It hurt me thinking of my friend.
I often thought of Ivan, he was one of these royal Moroi, but he was nice and gentle. Ivan
and I grew very close over the years, he treated me like a brother not just his guardian
and now, now he was dead.
"When I was seventeen, I met Ivan Zeklos. We weren't like you and Lissa, but we
became friends, and he requested me as his guardian when I graduated. I was the top
student in my school. I paid attention to everything in my classes, but in the end, it wasn't
enough. That's how it is in this life. One slip, one distraction…" I sighed. "And it's too
late."
"Jesse's a Zeklos." she realized.
"I know."
"Does it bother you? Does he remind you of Ivan?" I knew Rose was trying to be nice,
trying to understand.
"It doesn't matter how I feel. It doesn't matter how any of us feel."
I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want her to see how much it hurt me, that I was the
reason that my friend died.
"But it does bother you. You hurt. Every day. Don't you? You miss him." Rose looked
deep into my eyes like she knew me.
I was surprised. No one ever figured that out. Till now I actually was glad that no one had.
I remembered when I thought how awful I thought it would be to have someone in my
mind when I'd be Lissa. And abruptly I felt like this was exactly what she'd done. She
saw something that no one ever had seen of me before. It scared me.
Suddenly I realized that I was probably just staring in surprise, so I tried to guard my feelings again.
"It doesn't matter how I feel. They come first. Protecting them."
"Yeah. They do."
A long silence fell before I spoke again. I was reminded on the first day I had met her,
the day I promised myself to never underestimate her. I thought about telling her that I
would train her to fight.
"You told me you want to fight, to really fight. Is that still true?"
"Yes. Absolutely."
"Rose…I can teach you, but I have to believe you're dedicated. Really dedicated. I can't
have you distracted by things like this." I gestured around the lounge. "Can I trust you?"
"Yes. I promise."
"All right. I'll teach you, but I need you strong. I know you hate the running, but it really
is necessary. You have no idea what Strigoi are like. The school tries to prepare you, but
until you've seen how strong they are and how fast…well, you can't even imagine. So I
can't stop the running and the conditioning. If you want to learn more about fighting, we
need to add more training sessions. It'll take up more of your time. You won't have much
left for your homework or anything else. You'll be tired. A lot." I would be too. But I felt
like it was the right thing to do.
"It doesn't matter. If you tell me to do it, I'll do it."
I watched her for another few seconds. I tried to let it look like as if I'd try to find out if I
could really believe her, even thought I actually had the urge to look at her again.
I gave her sharp nod. "We'll start tomorrow"
Rose went out of the room and I stood alone in the lounge.
I took a deep breath before I went back to my room; my heart still pounding against my ribs.