What are you thinking?

That's the first thing that comes to mind when I wake up and see you smiling down at me in that bittersweet fashion. Knowing you, being the docile yet headstrong woman that you are, I often wonder how you truly feel in spite that tomorrow, you might possibly never see me again.

I've heard your friends warn you countless times that being married to a man who makes a living out of war is a very heavy and heartbreaking responsibility. You'd have to live with your husband keeping secrets. You only get to see him during the rare holidays. You'd have to live with taking care of the children on your own when he's away. You'd have to carry the burden of telling them the right answer when they start asking questions about where daddy is. You'd have to bear the pain of seeing him leave, of never asking how work was because he's sworn by oath not to tell anyone, not even his wife. You'd have to be prepared for when he comes home without blinking, or breathing. You'd have to live with the fact that the next time he leaves the house, he might never come home.

You'd never doubt my faithfulness, because you were not like the other wives... but somewhere inside of my head is thinking, you're doubting if I'd live to see another day.

You know sometimes I wish for those conflicts common to marriage. Arguments sometimes saved a marriage according to a few friends. I heard that your cousin named after that long-haired princess in fairy tales often got into arguments with her husband. But unlike other couples, their marriage lasted a good and happy ten years. In those arguments, they knew what they were thinking. They knew what they felt was wrong about each other. They corrected each other, encouraged one another, communicated together. They knew exactly what the other was thinking. We've been married for three years, and I still wonder if you've ever thought of being angry at me, because I never chose to stay.

Instead, when I leave for the base, you'd stand by the porch and cup my face in your hands, and you'd rise on your tip-toes to kiss my forehead the way you would a child. And I'd be caught in a sense of nostalgia when you did the same thing to me the night of our first date, the night I took you home after prom, the night I finally took you home as my wife, and I'd be so overwhelmed and kiss you full on the mouth. Then you would laugh...

"Hurry up, soldier. The commander's probably waiting!"

And while dressed in your peach colored blouse and khaki skirt, with your hair braided like royalty and your lips coated in serene-looking pink, I'd wish time wasn't such a prick and slow down to make this moment last longer. Here I'd find a picture perfect image of the loveliest woman in the world, smiling like it was always summer when it was fairly cold. It was a picture worth freezing time for.

Unfortunately, time listened to no one. It moved on its own in a constant pace... and it was only the beating of my heart that deceived me into thinking whether it was too fast or too slow.

"Take care of yourself now, Elsa."

And with your too trusting smile, you look at me with those ocean-like eyes and tell me, "Promise me you'll come back."

You already know my answer. "I promise to always love you."

Because I never make promises I could never keep. You knew that most of all, Elsa. And yet I know that when I board that vehicle that takes me to where this nation needs me to be, here you'll be waiting by the porch of this cozy bungalow situated by the pristine Sauntoff Claussen lake, standing there the way you're standing now. You'll be knitting those snow-themed scarves and sweaters, or making sculptures out of ice. You'll be making paintings with that cousin of yours or baking cookies with Anna for her kids who joined the Fairy Scouts this year. You'd go fishing or hunting with your sister's husband Kristoff and his family, because you didn't give a damn about people saying that fishing and hunting were the provinces of men. You'll be living life with the ones you love who will never leave you... and still be the devoted wife patiently waiting for the one who possibly would.

I still wonder what you are thinking about though.

I don't look back the soonest I step out of the yard. Outside our home, I was Leutenant Jackson Overland Frost; a soldier. And soldiers have no time for thinking twice. This has always been the way we survive. This has always been the way I know I'm going home. But when you're part of the Navy SEALS, you're not supposed to be afraid of dying. You'd have to look at death the way you look at life. It just is. It's part of existing. It's where the temporary ends.

But it didn't say about us being unafraid of leaving loved ones behind.

"Today we'll be training for a highly classified operation taking place two months from now in Abottabad, Pakistan. This is an assassination mission where we'll be taking out three targets, one of them being their leader..."

Within the barracks, encased in walls of brown clay-like stone and metal, seated more or less twenty of the nation's elite commando unit. Most of them were friends I never told you about. Some were older, some were younger... but all had held an M16 and killed a world-class criminal with it before. No one was a newbie, and even an idiot with eyes could see with the way we stood in a discipline befitting a soldier that our mind, body and soul was conditioned for war.

As the general spoke, I wasn't thinking of what you were doing back home. I felt that I already knew you'd be making that silly Norwegian breakfast around this time, or that you'd be busy making the house look more immaculate than it already was. Instead, my mind was focused on this mission. It was focused on the soldiers who I'd be working with, the enemies we's be dealing with, the territorial risks we'd be facing, and the implication that the mission was possibly the most monumental mission we'd be doing in the history of the Navy SEALS.

I didn't really care. A mission was a mission; a mission wherein just like all the others, involved too many secrets.

"The target's alias... is 'Boogeyman'."

There were a few snickers from the far right of the line. You'd probably laugh at the alias too, and I assume you'd hold your laughter better than all the soldiers here combined. Only a few seconds of mirth was granted as the general coughed sternly and glared. There was no room for humor in the barracks. Only focus as sharp as a sword.

We didn't know who our target was. We didn't need to. Here at the Navy SEALS, answers weren't given to us unless the time was right for us to know. It keeps the nation safe. It keeps us safe. It keeps our families safe. Most importantly, it keeps you safe, Elsa.

Do you not ask about my secrets because you were aware of this? That our secrets are what keeps us safe from each other? How about you Elsa? Do you keep secrets from me too? Behind the kindness, the laughter, the warmth, what could possibly be on your mind?

"You're brooding again, Jack." my friend, Harrison "Hiccup" Haddock laughs.

"Just thinking about how the missus is doing." I admit. He was the only soldier from this unit I ever told you about.

"Ah, that's normal." he muses. "But if you're not up for this, you could always tell pops to send you home."

I smirk, "I didn't sign up for the Navy to go home, Hiccup."

You know this too, Elsa. You've always been aware of this. It makes me wonder if you ever want me to stay at all.

Oh longed for love, I loved so long

Tired hearts still beat so strong

Please hear me now this fading plea

Oh longed for love return to me

As I rehearse the assassination plan with my fellow soldiers, timing our infiltration into the imitation of a two storey residential right at the outskirts of the city we planned to trespass, I hear your voice singing at the back of my head, keeping me focused. It's funny how your sweet sounding hymns and lullabies fit as a mental soundtrack while I pointed guns at my enemies. As smoke, dirt, metal and cement exploded into a confetti of debris as we bombed walls, vaults, weapons, and doors, I hear you somewhere in the deepest depths of my memories playing the viola or singing that Gaelic song we heard from that Irish movie you loved so much. It comforts me knowing that while I get ready for war, you'll be singing our song by the front portico, knitting a sweater for a baby yet to come, waiting...

Oh longed for love I've loved so long

Tired hearts still beat so strong

Please hear it now this fading plea

Oh longed for love return to me

Your patience keeps me alive. I wish I'd be worth the wait. But I never know what you're thinking.

Two months have passed, and we await the commander's go signal. We've finalized the plan, being composed of three black ops teams and one extraction team. The plan was to fly forty minutes from here to there in pitch darkness, hovering through the highlands in moderate altitude to avoid Pakistani radar. The large residential we'd be infiltrating was surrounded by those metal walls you'd usually associate with a factory, and it was moderately guarded. We assumed there'd be women and children there. What we'd do might not impress you since we're told to shoot down any possible hindrances to the operation. There were a lot of risks: getting discovered by the government, the nearby Pakistani military academy, the neighbors... the target.

Today was the day we'd be informed of our target.

Naturally, I'm part of the commando unit, riding in a stealth copter with Hiccup to infiltrate the enemy's hideout from the roof. It was the trickiest part of the operation, as hovering over urban structures could jeopardize flight and send us to our crashing doom... along with our cover being blown. But you know me, Elsa. I don't get killed that easily. You often kid about how indestructible I was. You've prided about how I could endure the pain of arm wrestling with Oaken for more than twenty minutes. I always believed in my own strength, but strength was different when you knew someone had faith in you. I trusted your faith in me. I still do now.

But that faith was put in question the soonest the general informed us of our target.

"... and last but not the least, Kozmotis Pitchiner a.k.a. Pitch Black, alias Boogeyman."

The room was silent. There was the kind of tension that wasn't associated with fear, like those cared to believe. But there was that depth of importance, the realization of the weight this mission represented, not only for the country, but for the families of every American citizen there is.

Do you remember him, Elsa? The terrorist who took the life of your parents a few years ago? The one whom the previous government gave up looking for because of how untraceable he was? Do you remember the angry tears you cried as I held you that night, trying in silence to console you as I rocked you back and forth in an embrace, made love to you as if we were dying so I could take the pain away? Do you remember when you hugged me so tightly, for the first time I felt that you were scared to death of letting me go? That you might lose me too?

This enemy... this enemy was a man not to be taken likely of. He had killed thousands of people over the years, in different parts of the world, earning the loyalty of many of his countrymen for his sick and twisted cause, whatever it may be. He has captured some of the best commandos before, tortured them, killed them before an audience of more than five million. He operated in the darkness, sent the CIA on a wild goose chase for more than a decade... he was the best of the best; the most dangerous man in the world.

Blast it. This was not the time to put a tail between my legs. I was a freaking Navy SEAL.

But... back home, I am also your husband, whom you are still waiting for with arms wide open.

"Hi Jack. I'm so happy you called!" you say over the phone. You sound so enthusiastic, so excited to be talking to me. It makes me feel glad, relieved, knowing that you were fine, knowing that you were safe.

"I'm happy too," I murmur against the phone. We were only given a few minutes that morning to contact our loved ones before we make the flight tonight. None of my fellow soldiers called anyone.

"Well... why did you call, by the way?" you ask with a tinge of shyness. "Not that I didn't want you calling but-"

"I know," I say. "But I wanted to hear your voice. I missed you."

"I..." you were silent for a few moments. "I miss you too Jack... I always do."

I was afraid hearing you say that would make my heart swell. But it doesn't keep me from taking this mission. It doesn't keep me from serving this country. It doesn't save me from standing by near death's door.

"I just... I just want to tell you... take care." I swallowed. "I'll be fine."

"Jack..." you sound worried, "you'll be back soon, right?"

There it was. Ever since your parents died, I could finally hear it in your voice, see it with my mind... You're afraid. You're afraid that I won't be back. You don't want me to go. You want me to stay with you, be your husband, quit the operation, quit the unit...

For the first time, I make a promise I wasn't sure I could keep.

"I will." I tell you. I'm not quitting the Navy... but I will promise to come back to you, Elsa.

I have to survive.

-Alpha has crash landed by the left yard!-

-Move to plan B. Infiltrate the building from down up-

-Zero casualty for Alpha. Ready to engage-

-Engaging target-

-Target identified as Harimon-

-Boogeyman has been sighted-

-He's climbing up the roof!-

-Frost to Vikings. Boogeyman is down. I repeat, Boogeyman is down-

-Get ready for evac-

-Dispose of Alpha Bee-

-MOVE! MOVE! MOVE! MOVE!-

-... ... ...-

-Mission accomplished, boys.-

... ... ...

"Jack!"

One thing that was great about every mission is that you survived it. One could die a hero to the country, or you could live a hero to one's family. The heroic deeds one does in secret is worth so much, as expensive as the lives of millions of people young and old whom a soldier swore to protect. Apart from that, one has proved his worth as a soldier, as a true member of the elite. He has proved that even the most dangerous people and the most dangerous places will not shake him, that death is but a door that needs to be taken, that it is as common as breathing, as natural as living, as welcome as an embrace, as familiar as home.

To me, those were not the very best things about surviving. To me, the best thing about coming home after a mission was to see you smiling, embracing me in a hug so tight that I could barely breathe. To me, it was the smell of your vanilla-scented hair and the kitchen smell on your clothes. To me it was your gentle hands cupping my face and kissing me until your legs were weak from balancing on your toes. To me it was you leading me inside the bungalow we call our home, taking me to the dining room where you made me Norwegian supper. To me it was you blushing, smiling, giggling, crying as you announced that you were three months pregnant. To me it was kissing you and loving you until it was dawn. To me it was always your bittersweet smile in the mornings, of me wondering... wondering... wondering...

What are you thinking?

"I promise to come back."

You blink down at me in confusion.

"You're leaving again?" you ask, sounding disappointed.

"No." I tell you quickly. "But... it's different now. Because today, I promise I'll always come back to you."

You smile. It was genuine. It wasn't sad. It was completely you.

"But I always believe you'll come back," you say. You caress my skin the way you would a babe. "There are days when it's hard... when waiting seems unbearable. Many times... I wanted to ask you to resign and just take a less dangerous job but..."

I kiss her lips. You're dazed. You're breathless.

"In time." I tell you. "But now... I'm asking you to wait a little more."

You nod. You rest your head on my chest. You listen to my heartbeat.

"Just as long as you promise to return to me. I will wait forever."

I smile, "And I also promise to love you forever."

I may not know what you are thinking all of the time... but I know that you believe in me.

Because I never make promises I wouldn't keep.

A/N: Hello. I hope you liked this installment to BtB. Admittedly, this may not be my best ones hot in the series but I am kind of satisfied with how this turned out. This is inspired by the true story of the Navy SEALS who contributed to one of America's most monumental achievements with National Security. I was watching a documentary about a highly covert operation to take down a notorious terrorist and I thought of writing something out of it after contemplating about what soldiers are probably thinking when facing a dangerous mission. I'm no American, but I salute them soldiers for being courageous enough to serve their country despite the odds.

The italicized lyrics were taken from "Longed for Love" by Laura Story. A very touching song with bittersweet melody.

Drop a review on your way out. :)