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Chapter 22
Tris
Preparing for the mission to start is a lot of work usually. I have nothing to do but get the weapons ready, and that's done. Uriah said that he would fill in Aria, and told me to get some rest. Apparently I look sick. I am sick. Every day after I eat I've been throwing up, and I'm just not hungry anymore. I'm pretty sure Tobias has noticed, but he won't mention it. We've been trying to balance having a relationship with the kids and our jobs, we've both found it to not be an easy task.
He comes out of the bathroom and sits next to me. I lean into him and he wraps his arms around me. I enjoy the small moments like this, we don't have them often. "So we never finished our conversation from earlier, what are we going to do after this is all over?"
I shrug, "I've been thinking about it, maybe I will stop working for the agency and get a job in Chicago. I'm tired of running around, and we can't just separate the kids anymore. Besides, Chicago is home, and it will be nice to return."
"Oh really, you'll do that?"
"I'll even talk to Caleb."
"Wow."
"Don't seem so surprised." I mumble into him, cuddling further.
"Sorry, I am just a little." His voice rumbles in my ear. "So are you still going to live in that one bedroom apartment our are you going to get another one, or-"
"I figured I would look for a house in between the compound and your apartment. That way I have a bigger place to live, and Aaralynn can stay with us, and if things get more serious we would have a place to call ours." I say shyly, not wondering how he'll take it.
He laughs a bit to my surprise. "I don't know how you can get more serious than this. Well, maybe we're actually married, but I like that idea."
I smile dreaming of what it could be. "Good, so I have a question for you. Tobias Eaton, will you go house hunting with me when we get home?"
He says this next party in the girliest voice possible, "Oh Beatrice, you had me at your first word. Of course I will."
I laugh because it sounded like getting that high hurt, "Good. I love you Tobias."
"I love you too, Beatrice."
Then we spend the rest of the night, showing just how much we love each other.
Granger
Cassie left soon after the presentation, she didn't even stay for supper with everyone else. Probably because Peter offended her. I chase after her as soon as she's out the door. "I see you much more than an orphan." As soon as I say it, I regret it.
She stops in her tracks, not looking at me, but not liking forward. She's waiting for me to explain, so I go on.
"To me your kind, beautiful, smart, quiet, brave, and a total bad ass. We all have a past, but if we dwell on it to much it will distract from the now."
There, it's out there. Jett said it was a hit our a miss, rejection is not new.
"There are only two other people who've said that to me." She says. "Your sister, and Jared. That's because they were like me, made fun of, and they understand. What makes you like me, golden boy?"
I hate that nickname because it's wrong, but she wants to know, she'll know. "I was the new kid at 15 schools when I was in elementary. We never stayed in the same school for more than 6 months. I was the outsider, never had any friends. My mom and I lived off of pay check to pay check. I never had the nice clothes, if I did, the didn't belong to me, they belonged to the agency.
"I watched my mother abuse herself by bringing other men into her bed, just to make some money to pay rent. I may have had a mother, but I know what it's like being alone. Hockey took away that pain, but I've never been on a team long enough to make a bond with any teammates.
"So yes, I understand what it's like, being different. When your different though, seeing other people who are different, helps you to remember that your not alone. So your not an orphan, your Cassie, or Cassandra, or whoever the hell you want to be. Don't let stereotypes define you. You are much more than that."
She sounds around on her heel to face me. "I hate you! One minute you're sweet and nice, the next you're a jerk and a bad boy."
"Never to you. I always try to be good to you."
"Yeah, but I don't know what to do with you! That's the thing, why don't you see that? One minute your everyone's friend, sweet, nice, and funny, then you do one thing to screw it up! I don't know if I can handle that, especially if you keep screwing it up like you do."
I roll my eyes, "What about mistakes? I will admit that I'm not perfect. Forgiveness also has to be in a relationship. Uriah told me that my parents screwed up all the time in their relationship, they got mad and pissed off at each other, and yet they forgave each other. Forgiveness is key."
She bites her bottom lip, trying hard on what it looks like not to cry. "Yeah, okay fine, forgiveness, whatever. What happens when you go away?"
Is she trying to make excuses? If she is, then she's going to have to have a lot, I'm not backing down. "I don't think I'll go away, if I do it won't be for long. Aaralynn is my sister, my parents aren't going to separate us like that again, that would be completely stupid. Not if they want retaliation."
She looks at me for a long time, not saying anything, just looking. I'm never going to forget what she does next. Cassie walks up to me, kisses me hard, then walks into her house, never looking back.
Aaralynn
Jared stayed back to help me with dishes. My parents are outside talking to Uriah and Christina and Granger and Cassie are God knows where, doing God knows what. While I get to wash and Jared dries. Everyone seems to be having a good time, but me.
It's not that I hate the chore, okay well I do, but that's not the point. I'm not having a good time because Jared is here. Everything between us is more awkward than before. Though everything is awkward between me and every guy on this planet other than Granger and my father.
I got into an argument with Jared, and I keep pushing away Matt and Luke. Cassie says I should choose one, but my choices are hard. Well not that hard. Matt, he's hot, but I'm never going to be coming back to Dallas, Texas again.
Luke, I will know him, I probably will know him for a while longer. Mom and Aria are best friends, it will be great. He's cute, and he understands me. It's hard to find people like that. I think that I really like him.
Jared, I hate him. For some reason in the back of my mind, he's always there. His smile, it's beautiful. Too bad his character isn't.
"Why don't you talk to me anymore? You keep avoiding me, and girl no one avoids me." He bumps my hips a bit with his, pushing me closer to the sink.
"Well I do." I answer stiffly.
"I don't like it, cause I like you."
I roll my eyes, no he doesn't. "No you don't, you just want to get in my pants."
"No I don't. I actually like you." He says truthfully.
"No, you don't."
"Yes I do, I don't want to get in your pants because I respect you. Those other girls, I don't respect them because they don't respect themselves. You do, you're different."
Jared says a lot of crap, this is total shit.
"Jared, I'm never going to like you because of how you treat women. You need to learn how to respct women before you can have one." I say letting the water or of the sink.
I wipe my hands off on his towel and make my way towards the living room. "The only reason why I have sex with other girls is because I don't like being lonely. Cassie helped me realize that." He says quietly behind me. "Half the time I just sleep, and they just do the rest."
"That doesn't change anything." I say not turning around to meet his gaze.
"I know, but you not dating me is deeper than that. You don't date anyone. The girl who claims not to have sex with anyone, but had a baby had been around the track more than you have. She at least talks to guys and goes on dates. You, don't."
I shake my head and continue walking. "I understand why you don't want to date me, no one wants to date an abused teenage boy, who seeks the comfort of girls who don't respect themselves to fill the void of not being loved. But, why do you keep pushing love away?"
One thing in that sentence catches my attention. "Abused?"
"Yes, Aaralynn, if I tell you the story behind that will you tell me why you push guys away, when they are throwing themselves at your feet?"
I nod.
He sighs and clenches his fists. "After my mother died when I was young, my father would abuse me." He tells me about being whipped, about being burned with cigarettes, being abused sexually, physically, and mentally. It's grueling, and I'm crying at the end of it. I've never heard of anything so terrible. It was all to protect his little brother and sister. "I told you my story now tell me yours."
I run my hands through my hair this isn't easy for me. "I'm dying, Peter is right. Even though the medicine is working, I'm still dying. Slowly. I could even die tomorrow, technically I'm not supposed to be living. I would mind having a boyfriend, but I don't want to get attached. It would be hard losing someone, and I don't want to put anyone through that pain.
"My family hides the pain they feel whenever I'm in the hospital, but I know it kills them. AIMs is winning, it will take me too. I want to be loved by a boy just like every other girl, but I'm tired of hurting people. That's what I'm doing if I get my way. I'm only hurting them by leading them on. So there you have it. Are you happy now?" I ask.
"No, because it's cowardly. Life is too short to not get what you want. You're beautiful Aaralynn. You deserve happiness."
I try to hide the tears coming from my eyes. "Jared your the first boy to call me beautiful and I can't, because it's not true." I make the tears turn to anger. "I want you out of my house because nothing you say or do can change my mind."
"But-"
"Good bye Jared."
"Aar-"
"Good bye Jared." I walk upstairs and I soon hear the door slam after me. I hate myself, but reducing casualties now will help me later.