The Honeymoon, or a Serious Comedy About Trivial People

by eyesirius

SETTING: The morning-room of Algernon Moncrieff's London flat. The time is the late morning- almost noon actually- the almost-noon after Moncrieff's wedding night with Cecily. Enter Algernon and Cecily; they are attired in alluring night clothes. Locked in a wild embrace, the newlyweds appears to be devouring each other's faces in a passionate kiss. They make a beeline for the divan and roll around on it. Enter Lane, the butler carrying a silver tea service. This is a reprise of the opening scene of the play

"Ahem...tea madam,...umm,..sir...," says Lane, clearing his throat.

The couple breaks apart, embarrassed. They move a suitable distance from each other on divan

"Did you see what we were doing Lane?" Algernon says matter-of-factly. He straightens his disheveled pajamas and seems preoccupied with buttoning up the buttons.

"No sir," Lane sets the tea service down on the side table and pours the tea. "I did not think it was polite to see..."

"I'm sorry for that" says Algernon, still focused on his buttons, "...for your sake I mean..."

Cecily breaks in: "Yes, yes Lane... it's a...a...a game, a popular game that's all the rage in London..."

"Yes! Yes!" Algernon talks over her. "It's, find..."

Eager to help her husband, Cecily cuts in again. "Find the valuable... um...thing!...Oh!"

"Thing! Yes! Yes!..Oh right..." Algernon's voice fades off. "Oh!"

The couple sit in embarrassed silence for a few seconds realizing what they have implied.

Hoping to make amends, Cecily speaks again. "Algernon has wonderful things...Oh dear I am making it worse."

To deflect attention from his embarrassed wife, Algernon gets up and walks over the tea table to inspect the tray.


"Oh I see you brought the cucumber sandwich for Lady Bracknell." He is determined to change the subject. "Would you like half Cecily my scrumptious muffin?"

"Oh yes my sweet, sweet teddy bear..." Cecily replies, her voice deep and throaty. She grabs his hand with the sandwich placing it in her mouth. He falls in her embrace

At this moment the door swings open and Lady Bracknell enters; she is wearing an outrageous peignoir.

"Good morning! Oh how I love honeymoons," the dowager gushes. "Thank you for inviting me."

The newlyweds break apart, and sit rigidly on the divan while Bracknell crosses to the tea table

"Oh good breakfast..." Bracknell looks around. "Now where is my cucumber sandwich."