AN: This was written for the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition. My prompt as Seeker was to write something romantic between Draco and Harry.
"Ginny said no, for obvious reasons." Harry Potter ran his hand through his messy hair, making it stand up even worse. "Astoria declined as well." He took his best friend's hand. "Please, Hermione. You're Draco's and my last hope."
Hermione Granger sat on the very comfortable couch in Harry Potter's living room, looking back and forth between her best friend and his husband Draco. "You have got to be kidding me," she replied, stunned that the two men in front of her had dared ask their ex-wives for such a thing. She sat forward, laughing in disbelief. "Well, Gryffindor courage, and all that."
Draco coolly examined his manicure, grateful that Astoria hadn't used the nail polish with sparkles. "No need to bluster." He picked a stray thread off of his sleeve. "I mean, if you can't do it..."
"Of course I can!" she blurted, immediately regretting her outburst when Draco smirked. "I mean, of course I can," Hermione amended, covering her embarrassment by opening her briefcase. "I brought a proposal with me, along with a fee scale."
Harry grinned. "If anyone could do it, Hermione could." He patted Draco's knee affectionately. "Shall we see how we both get to father our child?"
"Indeed," was his husband's only reply.
Hermione sat her briefcase on the coffee table. She opened the leather satchel and brought out an easel, a whiteboard, an electronic pointer, scales, vials, syringes, packets of photographs, parchment, and a Dictoquill.
With a wave of her wand, the whiteboard set itself up on the easel, and the photographs jumped into chronological order. The scales, vials, and syringes assembled themselves on the table, and the parchment floated beside Hermione, the Dictoquill ready to take notes.
Draco whistled in appreciation. "All that from one wand movement? I'm impressed."
Hermione preened. "Thank you. Morphic resonance in action." At Harry's blank look, she sighed and explained. "It took a few months to get the charms lined out correctly, but once done, it was simple to repeat."
Draco smirked again. "It's a good thing that you're a decent lay, Potty."
Harry grinned. "It's a good thing that you're pretty, ferret."
They were distracted by the scratching of the Dictoquill. Harry adjusted his glasses and read out loud, "'Foreplay has commenced.' Really, Hermione?"
"What?" Hermione asked innocently, taking other supplies out of her briefcase. "It's necessary to document everything about a client, from their foreplay preferences to their post-coital habits."
"I'm not performing in front of you, Granger," grumbled Draco. "Not for free, anyway."
Harry raised an eyebrow. "What if she records it for us?"
Draco thought a moment. "Yeah, all right."
"I will do no such thing!" Hermione huffed, her Dictoquill shaking itself at the two men in anger. "This is science, not pornography, and I'll thank you two to remember that!"
"I'm sorry," Harry muttered sheepishly.
"I'm not," Draco replied.
Hermione slammed her fist on the table, jarring the vials. "Don't make me punch you again."
The Slytherin smiled. "Lay one finger on me, and I spill to Boy Wonder here all your sordid trysts with my uncle."
Hermione blinked. "You try to blackmail me again, and I will tell both of you every sordid detail of what I did with Severus." She leaned forward. "Including accurate sound effects."
Draco made a face. "Merlin, Granger, you win."
Harry glanced between them and snickered. "OK, now that we've been put off our lunch-"
"Hey!" Hermione huffed.
"Let's get down to business, shall we?" Draco looked at Hermione hard. "In all seriousness, Granger, can you do this?" A look of wistful hope flickered across his face and was gone just as quickly. "Will you do this?"
She sensed the change in the atmosphere; the time for teasing banter was done. "Yes, Draco, I will. For Harry, and even for you, I will do this."
Draco let out a breath and closed his eyes in relief. "Thank you." He took Harry's hand and squeezed it tightly. "Thank you."
"You're very welcome," Hermione replied, surprised at Draco's nervous sincerity. "Now, how shall we perform the extraction? I could teach you both the charm, and you could each pull out the other's genetic material in private..."
"How tricky is this charm?" Harry asked with concern. "I think I speak for both of us," he said, gesturing to Draco, "when I say that I don't want to put our potential child's well-being at risk simply because of our own embarrassment."
"Indeed, Granger," Draco replied, again taking Harry's hand. "No second-hand charm work. You're the expert here."
Hermione nodded. "OK, I can respect that." She picked up two vials and showed them to the couple. "Each of these is charmed with a version of an apparation spell. The charm will extract sperm directly from the source and then transfer it to a third vial."
She picked up a small glass container. "This is where the magic happens," Hermione explained, showing each of the men the runes inscribed on the sides. "Your sperm will combine in here. The charm analyzes your genetic material, selects the sperm best suited to turn into an egg, and then fertilizes that egg with the other sperm."
Hermione took a deep breath. "The last part of the charm transfers the fertilized egg into my uterus, and I will carry it until your child is born."
Harry's brow furrowed in concern. "What if something goes wrong, Hermione?" He took her hand. "I'll not endanger your life just to further my own."
Draco folded his arms. "Agreed. Also, I know that not every fertilized egg is viable. What if Harry's and my genetic material simply isn't compatible?"
Hermione relaxed; she was now in the safe zone of arithmantic equations. "I've run through every possible permutation, and Severus helped me with the more obscure runes." She smiled and reached forward, taking both of their hands in her own. "This will work, gentlemen, and you will have a biological son or daughter at the end of it."
She whispered to the two vials she had shown them first. The small crystal containers floated over to the two men on the sofa, one vial settling over each man's lap. With a wave of her wand, and a silent incantation, Hermione set the magic in motion.
Harry and Draco both arched in ecstasy as the magic in the vials extracted a single sperm from each of them. "Bloody hell, Hermione," Harry gasped, looking at an equally stunned Draco. "You didn't say it would feel so...intense."
Hermione summoned the vials back to her. "It was Severus's idea," she said absently, checking that the sperm had been taken without any mishaps. "He said that you deserved something for putting up with his teaching habits."
Draco only raised an eyebrow.
"Alright, it's time for the second phase." Hermione touched the two vials in her hands to the third vial sitting on the table. The two vials attached themselves to the third, and the whole assembly rose into the air. The structure began spinning, and just as Harry and Draco were becoming concerned about it shattering, the vials slowed down and came to rest back onto the coffee table.
"Is that it?" asked Harry.
Hermione took a deep breath and nodded. "Now for phase three."
Draco put an arm out to stop her. "Please, Granger. Hermione. Please only do this if you're sure."
With glistening eyes, Hermione took in the loving couple on the couch, both of whom were sitting on the edge of their seats. She took in their desperately hopeful faces and smiled. "Yes, Draco, I am sure. I love Harry, and if he and his husband want to have a family, I will do everything in my power to make that happen for them."
The Slytherin blinked away tears and hugged his Gryffindor husband to him tightly. "Thank you. Thank you."
Hermione waited until both men were facing her again. She touched the third vial to her abdomen, and her magic surged, nearly blinding them all for a moment with its intensity. When the light faded, the third vial was gone.
Waving her wand over her stomach, Hermione watched for a sign that the implantation was successful. When her wand tip glowed pink, she smiled and laughed incredulously. "I'm pregnant." She looked at Harry and Draco. "I'm pregnant, and you're both going to have a daughter."
Harry picked up his best friend and hugged her tightly. He dropped to his knees and laid a hand reverently on Hermione's abdomen. "Draco and I had names ready for either gender. Athena Selene Malfoy-Potter, the world awaits your arrival."
Draco pulled Hermione into a startlingly tight hug. "Thank you for not denying Harry this because of me."
Hermione hugged him back with equal ferocity. "There's been enough death and sorrow, Draco. It's time everyone had some happiness; even you." She lightly punched his shoulder. "Ferret."
Draco laughed and hugged her tighter.