Trolling with Grimmjow

A/N: Join Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez on his very own talk show where he'll be; you guessed it, trolling well known TV shows, movies, other anime shows and well just about anything he wants to troll. He'll be joined by other Bleach cast members but of course the blue kitty cat is the star of the show. I own none of the characters in this fic, I simply enjoy using them. Enjoy!

Episode 1 – Vampire Expiries (Yep we're trolling Vampire Diaries – what a waste of good characters)

*Theme music 'Gangsta's Paradise' begins to play while Grim swaggers onto the set (A/N: I don't know this song seems so Grimmjow to me)*

Grimmjow: "As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death

I take a look at my life and realize there's nothin' left

Cause I've been blasting and laughing so long,
That even my mama thinks that my mind is gone
But I ain't never crossed a man that didn't deserve it
Me be treated like a punk you know that's unheard of
You better watch how you're talking and where you're walking
Or you and your homies might be lined in chalk
I really hate to trip but I gotta loc
As they croak, I see myself in the pistol smoke, fool
I'm the kinda G the little homies wanna be like
On my knees in the night saying prayers in the streetlight"(

Rangiku: We get it you're hot shit; don't we have a show to do?

Grimmjow: You mean don't we have my show to do, and thanks for the compliment; I am hot shit *Some fan girl screams and faints*

Rangiku: So we have on the show today the cast of Vampire Diaries; Stefan, Elena, Damon, Bonnie, Jeremy and Caroline.

Grimmjow: Are any of them strong?

Rangiku: You're not here to fight them; the point of a talk show is to talk to them….

Grimmjow: What! That isn't what you told me *glares at Rogue*

Rogue: I said I had the opportunity for you to have your own show – I didn't specify what show and you didn't ask *sticks tongue out at Grimmjow and runs away*

Grimmjow: Weakling!

Rangiku: Hey get back here I want a show too! A cooking show *runs after me*

Uryu: Please spare us.

Grimmjow: What are you doing here?

Uryu: Rangiku isn't the most reliable so Captain Unohana thought I should join in

Grimmjow: Aint she dead?

Uryu: The miracle of fanfiction, you never really die

Grimmjow: I think I might like this fanfiction

Uryu: Until it burns you *shudders thinking of all the Ichigo / Uryu slash out there* don't you have guests to bring out?

Grimmjow: Yeah… we welcome Broody brows (Stefan), emo guy (Damon), small tits girl (Elena)

Elena: Hey my tits are not small!

Grimmjow: Midget girl (Bonnie) and big tits (Caroline)

Caroline: I object to being objectified!

Damon: Well you have been passed around like an object to almost every male in Mystique Falls

Grimmjow: It's not like your girlfriend(s) were any better; this one hopped into bed with you right after dumping your brother

Stefan: You bastard! *Launches himself at Damon and Grimmjow joins the fight*

Uryu: It's a talk show Grimmjow and you're the host; stop fighting and host. *Caroline helps Uryu separate the Salvatore brothers*

Jeremy: You kind of forgot about me.

Rogue: Just die *shoots Jeremy in the face*

Rangiku: Hey I thought there was no violence, now come back here and lets talk about my show… *runs after Rogue again*

Grimmjow: Well that blows she got to kill someone, I want to kill too *Looks at Damon*

Uryu: Well it's not like his character has much purpose, he didn't even exist in the books. Elena had a little sister… though I suppose Jeremy could qualify as a little sister….

Grimmjow: *Toes Jeremy's head* someone clean this shit up before my floors get stained.

Bonnie: Hey don't treat my boyfriend like that.

Grimmjow: The motherfucker's dead unless you're into necromancy… in which case; I'm kinda dead I can be in you….

Uryu: That is unacceptable! *Pushes glasses up his nose and blushes* you cannot molest the guests.

Elena: Why is no one talking to me?

Grimmjow: Because you SUCK, you suck the life out of the show. What kind of normal woman would bang her boyfriend's brother who was firstly attracted to her because she looked like his ex, killed her brother, almost killed her best friend, sexually molested and abused her other best friend, screwed her mom then turned her into a vampire, tried to murder her father a few times, killed her best friend's grandmother, turned her best friend's mother into a vampire… the list goes on and you keep forgiving him like the attention seeking hoe bag you are

Damon: Lay off my woman

Bonnie: Well, it's not like what he said isn't true…

Grimmjow: You're just as pathetic, you're the chick who kills herself for that selfish vindictive manipulative bitch Elena every single season, why? Don't you have any brain cells in that empty space between your ears?

Stefan: I'm happy, anyone else happy *grins and looks down Elena and Bonnie*

Bonnie: Hey I'm barely on the show why grill my ass?

Uryu: Well you did sleep with Jeremy who really brought you down in the writer's eyes; she holds Rebecca, Hayley and Caroline higher than all of you now.

Rogue: Klaus should have killed all your pansy asses when he had the chance; by the way Damon Marcel is a shit load hotter than you and I'm burning my Team Damon everything seeing as you turned into Stefan once you started dating that walking STD Elena.

Damon: What's with all the hate? I am a perfect male specimen; there is no woman living or otherwise who doesn't want this.

Elena: I'm a vampire, vampires don't get STDs

Rogue: Now Rukia!

Rukia: *Stakes Elena* that's for being a bad example to growing female minds. Listen boys and girls being in a toxic relationship where you resort to self-harm or harming others is not healthy; if you are in a toxic relationship – walk away; you'll be doing yourself a favour, don't rely on a hero; be your own hero.

Caroline: Well… I guess we don't have to keep looking over our shoulders now, most of the villains we run from are, well were generally after her…

Grimmjow: Coming back to me *Threatens cameraman* Stefan why mope after that idiot doppelganger when Caroline is right there in front of you for the taking? *licks lips at Caroline*

Rangiku: I know this one! It's because people prefer Caroline with Klaus.

Rogue: That's just it; Klaus should be with Caroline, Damon with Bonnie

Bonnie: I hate him!

Rogue: Shut up, I'm still doing a fic with you and him and you're about to have a baby in it.

Grimmjow: Are these one of that dangers of fanfiction and the authors?

Uryu: You should look up GrimmIchi fics and fanart… and you'll realize the depth of their depravity….

Rogue: As I was saying; Jeremy should find a corner and die and take his precious Matt and Jeremy with him. Stefan should be with Rebecca and Elena and Katherine should go screw their doppelganger selves.

Grimmjow: You have it all planned out…

Rogue: IchiRuki and Bamon for life bitches.

Damon and Bonnie: Would people stop pairing us up!

Uryu: Well you do need someone to keep you in check and punish you, Elena; well Elena doesn't have anything going for her, she's just another Bella clone. A plain girl who everyone would give their lives for, for no specific reason. I don't get it.

Grimmjow: Well that's most teen shows today, 16 and pregnant, Jersey Shore, My Super sweet 16… I think I'm starting to feel sick.

Uryu: Humanity is screwed

Rangiku: Which is why I'm glad I'm a Soul Reaper.

Uryu: and I'm a Quincy

Grimmjow: Hollow

Damon, Caroline, Stefan: vampires

Bonnie: No fucking clue what I am except dead

Everyone looks at Rogue: What I'm a fanfic author, I have ascended human.

Grimmjow: My pale hollow ass!

Rogue: What a fine ass it is

Uryu: That is inappropriate

Rangiku: You are such a shrew… come on I have a recipe that will loosen you right up

Uryu: *Runs away*

Grimmjow: I guess that's the end of my first show. Now you *looks at Damon* I don't like your face I'm going to kick your ass!

*Curtain closes as Damon and Grimmjow start breaking furniture in their tussle*

Eye of the tiger plays


Rogue: Well how was that?

Grimmjow: Not that satisfying, I want more fighting

Ichigo: It's a talk show! It's about talk

Rukia: Not if it's like Jerry Springer

Ichigo: Don't give that crazy author ideas

Uryu: You shouldn't call authors crazy here have you seen how many fics have you carrying Grimmjow's spawn!

Grimmjow: What the fuck! I'm a hollow we don't procreate! Even if we did; we're both men

Rangiku: They don't seem to care, they even have Byakuya and Aizen reaming out Ichigo's ass

Ichigo: I need to lie down….

Grimmjow: Listen you sick bastards, I want to fuck up the carrot top not fuck him and if you love me you'll put me in fics where I kill this bastard and get the bitches. Peace out.