I'm floating. Not on water or anything. I'm just... Floating through an endless array of stars. There is no light other than the glow of the stars. There's just pressing inky blackness. I feel numb. It's actually pretty nice. All of the pain and death and blood from my past life are gone, lifted off my shoulders so easily.
My name is Jean Kirschtein and my death was something I've been waiting for. Death isn't all that bad. You feel like physics is turned off. The rules of science don't apply and you just float away from your troubles like some sort of sparkly fairy princess. This cannot sound less cheesy but it's true.
The stars I mentioned before surrounded me. If I looked closely, I could see flashes of my life shining in them. I looked at the one closest to me. I saw Him. The person I died for, the person I lived for, and the person I learned to love more than myself. It was the night before we had to choose which military branch to join. We both sat on my bed, talking quietly side by side leaning against the wall.
"Tomorrow's the day huh, Jean."
"Yeah. I can't believe we actually did it. Tomorrow we'll be off to the military police."
"I'm going to miss everyone."
"Their loss for wanting to follow that suicidal bastard. I mean seriously. Joining the Scouts is pointless."
"Maybe to you, Jean, but to them it's worth it."
At this point he'd been getting sleepy and leaned his head on my shoulder.
"Worth it? I don't think so. Why face titans voluntarily and possibly die doing it if you have the choice to not face them at all and live comfortably in the interior."
I glanced at him. His eyes were closed and he was snoring softly. I smiled and kept talking.
"I know I'm saying I'm glad to join the MP for myself but I'm a lot more grateful that you'll be with me. I wouldn't be able to handle it if you joined the scouts and the titans get to you... We can live together for the rest of our lives in the interior. No harm can come to us. I wouldn't want anything else in the world."
I paused and kissed his head, whispering softly.
"I love you, Marco. Maybe once we're out of here, I'll actually get the courage tell you that while you're awake."
The memory stops there. The other stars around me keep replaying different parts of my life. I see myself as a little kid getting bullied for being chubby. I see the time I left my home to join the military police. I see the first time I saw Mikasa. I looked like such a blushing dork. These were small memories. I could live (er, die?) without them but the ones that really mattered to me are the ones that had the smiling, freckled boy in them. My eyes desperately seek out any others of Marco and I but find none. Only a short part of my life was with him. I kept searching, unable to move my limbs to reach out at grab any. I chant a single word over and over again in my mind.
Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco...
Suddenly a white light engulfed me. I shut my eyes against it, wishing I could shield my face. As soon as the light came, it was gone. The darkness, the memories, the bright shining stars were all gone. I was in a field full of beautiful blue flowers, a clear blue sky above me, and a large oak tree in the distance. The flowers I knew I've seen before. They were Forget-Me-Nots. Nothing else could be seen on the horizon. There was only the field for miles. It was beautiful.
I still felt weightless and something was constricting my chest. I looked down to see a mop of neat black hair followed by a wide set of shoulders and large white wings flapping rhythmically. Their arms were wrapped around my chest. That would explain my feet being off the ground but it sure as hell didn't explain why I had an angel around my body.
"Where am I?" I ask the person.
Any further questions catch in my throat as the stranger lifts their face off of my uniform and their large brown eyes meet mine. Huge doe eyes shined with tears of joy that trail down his pale, freckled cheeks. A grin graces his face beneath a cute round nose. I look down at the face of Marco Bodt, ranked 7th in the 104th training squad, formerly going to be a member of the military police, gifted in having a strong mind and friendly disposition that allowed him to work well with others, and the man that I fell in love with. I let out a choked sob and waste no time in hugging him tightly, almost afraid that he's still dead and I'm alive and I'm just dreaming about him again. But this isn't the case. This feels real. The heat radiating off of him, his soft breath in my face, his soft hair tickling my nose feels so real. He whispers two words that anchor me to him.