I do not own Naruto

Talk now – normal talk
What now – normal thoughts
Speak – biju, higher being talk
Listen – biju, higher being thoughts

Time Loops - Episode 2 - Kyuubi style

With a sharp breath the fog lifted from his eyes, he stopped mid tail swing breathing in the cold night air, slowly Kurama looked around himself taking in his surroundings. He noticed the all too familiar looking village, which by his own judgment was actually a city save for the people insisting on calling it a village. The glory of tradition and so on.

A grim smile settled on his face seeing the people around, they held a myriad of feelings on them, fear, determination and confusion. From all around him jutsus and weapons flew impacting against his body, his actual solid body, rather then what he had before.

Oh perfect, time for operation Mindfuck. For a moment he closed his eyes and began gathering chakra for an ability that he had learned from the time working together with his partner, it had been a shock discovering what it could allow him to do. Realizing all the problems that could have been avoided had he been aware of it early on in his life, he had proceeded to smash his face into the Hokage Mountain, repeatedly.

He lifted his head and looked around himself in confusion, looking right then left, slowly he lowered his voice to ensure it wouldn't destroy anything. "Why the fuck am I back here?"

He looked around himself against noticing from the corner of his eyes the looks on the gathered shinobi's faces, a moment after he spoke the attacks stopped impacting against his body. He kept the grin from his face with practiced ease. A good start, now to really lay it on thick.

He straightened his head and looked at the people in front of him with a raised eyebrow appearing to scan them; he savored the look of fear in their eyes. "Is Madara Uchiha here or something?" the nonchalance of his tone would have him a theatre award had he been in a play.

The looks of shock and surprise appearing on the shinobi's faces had him chuckling on the inside. First part of operation Mindfuck is a go. He raised his head again and looked around himself before he let out an exasperated sigh. "I swear you let out one Uchiha summon you to help him in a fight and next thing you know every Uchiha and their mother think that they can summon and control you." He shook his head in an annoyed manner, before gazing down at the surrounding people again. "Do you know how annoying it can get?" A few shinobi shook their heads.

"Besides" he rolled his eyes making sure they all say his gesture "I only did it because Madara was so good at giving blowjobs!"

The lowered jaws and bulging eyes of the surrounding shinobi would be a happy memory engraved into his mind for years to come. And now to continue operation Mindfuck and to ruin that bitch's reputation. He cleared his throat before he let out a perverse chuckle. "Say what you will about the man, but he had lips of gold!" His voice took on a dreamy tone. "They felt like the softest pillows in the world." He looked at them with sharp eyes. "Now you think that would be enough, but no! The man made good use of them, he worked it for every damn coin it was worth." He nodded his head sagely at the dumbstruck shinobi around him. "A real hard worker that one."

Now to take the other one down. "Sure, Hashirama was better in the sack than him, heck throw in his wife and hot damn did things got steamy, I can assure you he really was the master of wood style." He winked at the people around him again. "His wood clones certainly helped out; apparently the guy really practiced his arts for the bed chamber with them. Heh the only reasons Tobirama mastered the shadow clone jutsu was to have sex with them, or more precisely to have sex with female versions of himself. I can confirm it that yes even during sex both him and his female clones kept that constipated look on their faces."

He didn't think a human jaw could go any lower, he did have try though. "Oh come on, most of you people in Konoha are kinky in the bedchamber, I've been watching this place after the fight between blow job boy and wood boy. Do I need to say about the bondage that goes on in the Nara clan?" He saw a few Nara clan members blushing with other shinobi staring at them with wide eyes, quite a few people looked like he had confirmed their own suspicions. "Oh they learned to use the shadow binding in some interesting ways alright, not to mention how female domination is a constant thing there."

He pointed a tail at the first Hyuuga he saw on the battlefield. "Oh yeah, the great pervy eyes there, oh look use your eyes to look at that specific spot and nothing else. Oh is that spot just above the hot springs and we get a free showing" his voice took on an innocent air while he bopped his head "well gee wiz how knew? Not to mention the whole reverse master slave thing you guys got going." More heads were nodding at him, while the people looked at the Hyuuga shinobi around the battlefield.

He shook his head for the next part. "Can't say I'm to big of a fan of the orgies in the Aburame clan, the whole turning you dogs into female human clones just to fuck them is messed up Inuzukas," his voice took on a disturbed tone " it messed up and even I don't go there, what's next inviting your dogs in the bed chamber with your other spouse? Yeah that's right I know about those incidents." Time for the next clan.

"Now don't get me started on the Akamichi's" he winked at them "of yeah the secret weapon of the seduction division" heh "they really can enhance any body part, even the breast and the ass, you've never seen something hot until you see an Akamichi gal use the clan techniques to make her breast bigger then switch it out for a perfectly round bottom, the kind you can bounce coins off." He saw a few shinobi scanning the battlefield for Akamichi clan members.

"Now lets see how's left, of yeah, the um…oh yeah the Yamanaka's or the bottom feeders, or the let's swap bodies with those people and have sex in their bodies! Time for some forced male on male romance!" He shook his head again.

"You guys are pretty fucked up in the heads. Heck I've seen both kunoichi and normal women spend less time and money on their hair then the Yamanaka and Hyuuga males do on theirs. It's messed up."

"Or the Uchiha clan; or as I like to call them, the people who use their copy, memory eyes when they get a blowjob and constantly masturbate to it. Honestly why does that clan insist on going to the cheapest clubs? You can't get a good lap dance for under 10 bucks, Uchiha's don't understand that, they keep going to the three bucks one, sheesh that's like asking to get dirty."

He loved the looks of confusion, disgust and well there had to be a few arousal ones from the non clan shinobi from around the battlefield, even the people on the roof where looking his way. It wasn't everyday that people got to hear a gigantic demon fox talking about the sex lives of the Konoha's clans. "And yeah sorry Sarutobi clan, no matter how much you practice it your clan is never going to become the new fire lips when it comes to blow jobs, yeah you guys are making progress with your stuff" he shook his head "its just not up to par."

He let his eyes grow far larger spotting his next target; slowly he managed to fake a blush and changed his voice. "Heh" she swallowed feigning nervousness "hey there Koharu, still have a nice romp on you, remember that time near the Tanzuka Gai when you where twenty? I remember, and that was as hot as my sister's flames."

Seeing the woman turn beat read while everyone near her turned and stared almost had him burst into laughter, after all if he had seen what the clans of Konoha did behind close doors and had been involved in depravities with the first Hokage what was it that she did that could have impressed him so much. "Ah um…..monkey boy! Heh you continued a fine tradition, I'm sure the previous Hokage's are nodding their heads down at you from the afterlife. Heck we know why it's called really the HO-kage tower after all." Seeing the third Hokage face palm while more and more shinobi turned to look at him with questioning expressions and some with sheer admiration, only added to the great night he was having.

Ah, and that barrier is down, good, time to mind fuck the young generation. "Hey there Asuma gaki," he took note of how quickly the third's head snapped in the direction his son was coming from "did you know that you were conceived on the Hokage's desk?" He savored the expression on the young meat bag's face. "Same one that Hashirama first created at the founding of the village? Same one by the way that the previous Hokage's have been plowing their significant other halves on for the past decades."

He feigned looking closer at the third's group putting them on alert again. "Huh and Danzo isn't here, what a surprise" he rolled his eyes "I wonder if he's trying to kill the Yondaime again or you monkey boy." Those words put everyone and their mother on alert again. "Eh probably both, heck he got rid of what's his name, white haired guy who was banging Hashirama's ilk, you know the big breasted one, damn watching that one having sex was great." Seeing the old flesh bag tighten the grip on his staff and look on his face when he was running that particular scenario was something he could pat himself on the back for nudging. A bit more now.

"Do you know how much I have to search to find a big breasted chick like that? It was amusing, seeing Danzo's ploys backfiring on him, the missions he was hoping the blond guy get killed and he managed to survive and only increase his reputation, I laughed my ass of at that, coincidently those small earthquakes a while back, yeah that was me, probably 80% of those were caused by me laughing at Danzo's utter batshit craziness and stupidity backfiring on his ass. The guy used spies in Iwa to find out when it would send messengers with cease fire proposition and he would have them killed just to prolong the war hoping that somehow he would become Hokage because of that and ultimately destroy a hidden village or two or three, somehow, yeah I don't think he has anything really planned out that well." That would help to turn a few more people against the old war crow; the people who lost a loved one now had a new target to channel a part of their anger towards. The third war had ended with the same territorial lines, the only difference was the amount of lives lost, if it ended earlier could have potentially saved more lives.

"Well it's been fun and all that folks however I need to get back to my cave, so where's Madara or the Uchiha who summoned me, someone needs to pay for interrupting my hundred year long sleep." He looked around again, giving the impression that he expected someone to step forward. "What no one? Really? Uh, at least Madara had balls and determination; I mean did you know that the guy went to my brother, the eight tails, for power first? Well the price was some freaky stuff. Just how much? Well, Madara, a male, was willing to experience tentacle porn" judging from the looks on the people's faces they weren't particularly catching his drift "still not getting it yet? Let me spell it out for you then, he was willing and able to go through tentacle porn for power. Not sure what happened in the end as neither were willing to talk about it. Ok so stay classy and kinky Konoha, oh here" he slammed his right fist into the ground and sent out a wave of chakra to heal the people in Konoha and signal the position of those trapped under rubble "that should help you get back on your feet." He looked surprised at them "what? I'm cranky when I wake up. "

Heh, that was fun, now to mindfuck another two people on my top ten hated people list. What form to take? Ah I'll just go with the new favorite. His form changed becoming smaller as he transformed his body into that of Naruko with orange hair; red slit eyes and a dark red kimono. Even without the seal at this point a bond existed between the two of them, one that allowed them to sense each other.

She barely touched the ground with the two people she sought before Kushina's chains wrapped her up. She smiled looking at the exhausted woman and the blond man near her. "Ah Kushina barely did I leave that you now wrap me up again to have your way with me, did you really miss me so much tomato girl?"

Kushina's mouth opened and close several times before finally opening again. "What?"

She smiled looking at the second person there. "Hey you know Minato normally men wouldn't want to have another man get into their wife, but not you, no sir, you actually encourage it. So get ready Kushina because I'm a coming back inside you again" she winked at Kushina, "in more then one way!"

"What the fuck you perverted bastard?"

"Oh come on, it's not like it's the first time it happened, and you liked it before."

"I don't care about…" she stopped and blinked for several times "what was that last part?"

"Huh, hey you look like shit, how would you like some healing?"

Her eyes narrowed. "You want me to believe that you would heal me?"

She shrugged. "Well yeah, I mean you want to live and raise you kid right? Heck if I wanted you dead I could have done so years ago."

"Not with me holding you down."

"Oh, little Kushina, you need to learn something very important" she casually broke the chains flexing her arms. "I only let you think you had any power over me."

"Now do you want some healing or not?" Seeing the hesitation she went on. "Come on now don't be a hypocrite, you're willing to let me get sealed into your kid and hope he somehow learns to use my chakra and become a proper jinjuriki while you still refuse to have anything to do with it?"

"I'm willing to let my baby become what?"

She barely kept the smile of her face. "Oh, so Minato didn't clear it with you huh?"

"No he didn't…." Kushina sent a look to the father of her son.

"Well this is awkward. Anyways do you want to live to see your kid grow up or not, besides with Minato wanting to shout it out loud how the kid is a jinjuriki maybe having his mom alive wouldn't hurt."

Kushina's head snapped back to her husband. "You want to what?"

"Well I thought…."

"Bullshit not happening."

Well this taking to look. A quick burst through the ground saw Kushina fully healed.

Kushina blinked looking towards her. "What was that?"

"Hmm, that was what could have happened if you agreed to work with me and some other less important stuff."

"I…wait you were a jerk to me."

"No you were one to me, all I did was test to see how you would act or rather react, and you failed miserably by the way, contend to just have me locked up, never bothering to talk to me."

"Now about the sealing me into your son."

"Why the hell should we?"

"Minato take it away again…"

She tuned out their conversation about the need to seal her, about them being a shinobi family and what not; she noticed how the third Hokage arrived at the scene and approached the pair, she stepped in the conversation when she picked out some that interested her. "Actually you can seal my in my full form, Hashirama did it with Mito so, I know you still piss yourself when you think about how strong and cool Hashirama was Minato, but look, bang baby" her arm lost its solid form before it become solid again "I can become liquid-ish just like when I got transferred into Kushina from Mito. So just use that seal and be done with it, or you know, make some modifications to it, if you really want to use the reaper one have the old fart do it."

Kushina had at this point taken baby Naruto into her arms and was looking at her with mistrust. "Why are you so helpful?"

She smiled raising her hands to the heavens. "The only reasons I let things happen as they did was because it was part of my ten thousand year plan!" she coughed in her hand seeing their incredulous looks. "Ok, maybe a thousand, or just one hundred years."

"A plan?" Kushina asked tensing with the two kages following her.

"Yep, a plan to create the perfect jinjuriki!" the three's eyes widened at her words. "First part was to get sealed away to test the waters and see what I can do then to start making the changes, see when I got sealed away the second time I looked around and decide that it was perfect just what I always wanted. So I made a few changes here and there, and heck, I'm pretty much the third parent of the kid, he's as much mine as he is yours."


"Well yeah I was active during his conception; I masturbated during that time, and taking care of him all those months while he was in you Kushina. See he has been exposed to my chakra from the womb so he'll be much more resistant to it; let's not talk about what I did for his own reserves and stamina, kage level baby. Now when I get sealed inside again it's going to be perfect, we're gonna fuck our way through the elemental nations my boy. A father – son bonding trip, that's what we'll call it, or whatever I'm supposed to be to you. "

"You were active while inside of me?"

"Yep, why did you think you had all those wet dreams? They don't normally feel that good you know! Or why masturbating felt so good Kushina?"

"Oh dear lord you were watching me?"

Her eyes widened and her smiled took a toothy edge. "I was participating Kushina! Oh, yeah Minato I tapped that first" she did a small his thrust forward "bow chicka wow wow. Drew first blood. Planted my flag on the mountain. Dipped my pole in the lake. Anyway you guys get working on that seal and I'll take care of this little guy" faster then anyone could react she grabbed baby Naruto "ah look he recognizes me, hey there little guy, I'm the third parent, the cool one" she casually pointed at the pair behind her "unlike those other two."

"Now my boy we're going to find us some big breasted Hyuuga's, maybe if we're lucky we'll get twins and their cousin as well, for your birthday we can ask them to get their mothers involved. Best birthday ever! That's how we'll bring peace to the elemental nations, by having sex with as many women as possible!"

"Now I know it's a bit early to talk about this but how do you feel about bastards, I mean you are one, yeah shocker you're parents aren't married, so how about having a lot of bastard children? You could help to bring back your mothers clan, heck we can search for some redheads for you to have sex with just for the sake of it."

"Word for the wise Minato I wrecked her when I came out, seriously the next baby is just gonna walk right out of there, no problem, I even carved my name in one of the walls. Well good bye. "

Anything you recognize belongs to someone else. Any overtly original twists placed on old ideas you may wish to incorporate, feel free. Completely original ideas and concepts, please ask.

Review away

Constructive criticism or pointing out possible errors/issues within the story is always welcomed.