Disclaimer: I own nothing

Now, this is the first of a little series I'm doing, just little bits of randomness that pops into my head at random moments. This...this is the child of my insanity.

Now for those of you who read my other story 'The Legendary Protector' I just want to say that it is continuing! That story is my pride and joy, my very first story on Fanfiction as a writer and it will NEVER be discontinued! No matter how long it takes me to finish it, it will never be completely stopped. Even though I'm at a bit of a block regarding the story, I'll power on and get it done.

On with the story!

It was an average day in Konoha, the birds were chirping, the sun was shining, and the greatest tourist attraction, the Hokage Mountain was… currently being defiled by a prepubescent ninja with yellow hair and the stupidest fucking costume for a ninja ever?

Well isn't this just peachy! 'Greatest village EVAR!' What a hoax, I mean really, can't you see the two hobos taking rips of a line of cocaine in that alleyway over there?

Well focusing back on our protagonist, his name is N-


Somehow that yellow dot on the Hokage Mountain was able to teleport his ninja ass, which we've never seen him do in cannon, right in front of the camera.

"That's right bitches! Naruto Uzumaki at your service! Believe it!" Ahhh, that damnable catch phrase of the Dubbed yellow haired menace.

Out of nowhere a priest wearing only a bath robe and a cross around his neck appeared, waving a plunger in his right hand, and a gun in the left. A crazed look in his eyes and slight amounts of foam forming at his mouth.

"What if we don't want to believe it? What then motherfucker?!"

He was taken aback; obviously no one's questioned the logic of his statement before.

"But I just told you to believe it! You have to believe it!"

"But I don't really believe it! And what the fuck am I believing anyway? What am I believing!?"

This one required some time, with only gibberish coming out of his mouth and rocking movements being seen.

"Um, well, you see…"


"Uhh, come closer"

The priest complied, leaning in further.


Again, moving closer, almost touching the boys shoulder with his chin, Naruto's face right next to his ear. The next words he spoke sent a cold shiver down the priests back.

"Believe this…bitch" Naruto whispered this before delivering a soul crushing, earth shattering blow to the priests testicular region, his entire pelvic area practically caving in from the force.


The priest was only allowed a tiny, high pitched squeak before he was sent flying through the air. Every man in the elemental regions suddenly cringed in ghostly pain as their balls climbed inside their body, realizing that one of their own had been harmed beyond measure.

The triumphant Naruto turned to the surrounding audience and gave each of them a death glare, brandishing his foot in a threatening manner and producing an evil smirk, before chuckling in a way eerily similar to a certain snake sannin.

"Ku ku ku, you motherfuckers wanna know why I say believe it huh? You wanna find out what you're believing? Come on! Find out! KUKUKUKU"

This was enough to send the audience, and those in a hundred meter radius fleeing from him, afraid of their own punishment if they questioned the main characters favorite catch phrase.

Naruto turned around and spotted the forth wall of a building, noticing that it seemed broken. Giving it a once over he carried on his merry way, humming a tune and every now and then whispering 'believe it'.