It Can't Be

Disclaimer: I in no way own any part of the Harry Potter universe, blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda…You get the picture, right? Or do I really need to draw a diagram with arrows pointing to me saying, "This person has nothing", and other arrows pointing to J.K. Rowling saying, "This person owns the whole enchilada…See the many tons of cash strewn around her…"?

Witchy's note: And before I start this, I just have to say that this was once a dream of mine…A very nice dream of mine…And that I am fulfilling my fantasy by imagining one of our favorite professors played by one of my favorite actors…Indulge me, will you?

And the lovely, lovely song that's being played is "Red Light Special" by the wonderfully talented group TLC…THE BEST R&B GROUP IN THE WORLD!

So, on to the naughty bits!

'Hmm…Why do I feel so bloody cold?!' Hermione thought. She looked down.

'Egads!…Say, I never knew fabric could go so sheer…' She glanced around the sparsely-furnished room, briefly noticing a large floor-length mirror in front of her. She stepped up to it to look at herself.

'Nice nightgown, though…If only I knew what the heck I'm doing in a strange room wearing a see-through white negligee that barely covers the bottom of my arse-'

A sound interrupted her train of thought. She looked around, searching for the source of it. Her eyes fell upon an ancient-looking Muggle stereo. Soft strains of music were playing that she hadn't noticed before.

"This sounds awfully familiar…But it has to be pretty old…" And so she continued to listen.

Take a good look at it

Look at it now

It might be the last time

You have a go around

I'll let you touch it

If you'd like to go down

I'll let you go further

If you take the southern route

Don't go too fast

Don't go too slow

You got to let your body flow

I like 'em attentive

And I like 'em in control

Hermione started blushing. "It can't be…I haven't heard this song in years!" She smirked. "Well, at least now I know the song…" And unintentionally, she started to dance. Slow rolling motions with her hips. She stopped in shock when she realized what she was doing. She turned to face the mirror, and shrugged.

"Eh, it's not as if I'm performing for an audience or anything…" So she continued to dance, watching herself in the mirror as her moves slowly turned purposeful. She needed to release all the tension. Seven years at a boarding school were wonderful…But, while a magical school seemed to have everything, it can only do so much…

"Of course, it's not as if anyone knows that I like to dance…Who would expect the resident bookworm to enjoy something other than burying her nose in the latest musty tome?" she muttered sarcastically.

Baby it's yours

All yours if you want it tonight

I'll give you the red light special

All through the night

Baby it's yours all yours

If you want it tonight

Just walk in my door

Take off my clothes

And turn on the red light

"Then again, it's not like anybody here even bothered to ask if I liked anything else…" She sighed as she continued to move to the music. Harry and Ron were wonderful friends, of course. How else could she manage to put up with those numbskulls (as she so fondly called them) for seven years? But, they weren't exactly the listening type. Well, unless it had something to do with Quidditch…

"Leave it to wizards to obsess over brooms…And playing with them…" She snorted and shook her head.

I know that you want me

I can see it in your eyes

You might as well be honest

'Cause the body never lies

Tell me your secrets

And I'll tell you mine

Her fellow witches weren't any better. Always fluttering like mad over the latest Witch Weekly magazine's tips on how to better enhance your whatcha-ma-callit. While she did drool over the occasional hottie with the best of them, it certainly got irritating after awhile when it went overboard…Of course, they just didn't seem to quit.

'And everyone says I'm a stuck-up know-it-all…Don't they realize that I'm just sick of all the idiocy that surrounds me?' She paused mid-thought. 'Well, okay, maybe I AM sometimes a stuck-up…' Her thoughts soon turned self-deprecating.

"ARGH! NO! Shut up, brain! Let me dance in peace!" She told her mind to shut up. It wouldn't listen. She sighed in exasperation while her arms lifted above her head, her hips swaying and rocking to the beat of the song.

I'm feeling quite sexy

And I want you for tonight

If I move too fast

Just let me know

'Cause I need you to move slow

I like some excitement

And I like a man that knows

She laughed mockingly to herself. "Won't everyone be surprised if they saw me now…This bloody nightgown might as well be a sheer tee-shirt, it's riding up so high…" She finally took a good look at her underwear. Lacy. Sheer. Black.

"Well, at least it's not pink…Or neon orange…It actually looks rather nice…My skin may look a bit pale, but I think that's loads better than those orangey fake suntans Parvati and Lavender are sporting…Bloody heck, they look like…Like…Well, they LOOK BAD!" She turned around to look at her backside.

"But, hey, I got a little wiggle in my trunk, or however that saying goes…That's good, right?" Feeling a bit silly, she shook her butt for the mirror, laughing. She looked like an extra for those ridiculous American music videos. But damn, if she didn't look good! 'Oh yeah, let's try and boost the sagging self-esteem up a bit…Make myself feel even more pathetic, why don't I?' She snorted. "But damnit, I have a right to! I'm not going to be getting offers anytime soon…" Her inner feminist kicked in. "What am I talking about?! I don't need a boyfriend!" She nodded emphatically to her image in the mirror. She paused.

"Who am I kidding? I need a shag!" Her eyes widened. "Did I just say that?"

Baby it's yours

All yours if you want it tonight

I'll give you the red light special

All through the night

Baby it's yours all yours

If you want it tonight

Just walk in my door

Take off my clothes

And turn on the red light

Hermione sighed. "I'm sad…So pitiful it's worse than pathetic…" She looked to the mirror for an answer, and then mentally smacked herself as she realized this one couldn't talk. Unlike the other mirrors in the school…

Good then. She didn't feel like breaking another one. "Lousy mirrors," she muttered to herself, "AND MY HAIR IS NOT AS BUSHY AS IT USED TO BE!" Thankfully, the mirror still didn't reply.

She crouched down to the floor and slowly arched her back, undulating it as she got up, watching the snakelike effect it produced in the mirror. 'A very stripper-like move, if I do say so myself.' She followed the rhythm of the song again, swinging her hips to the singer's voice. She liked Chili the best, with her soft, breathy voice…'If only I could sound that sexy,' she thought, 'maybe then I'd be getting some right now…' She blushed again at her thoughts, but pushed them aside as she sang along to the verse.

If you want me

Let me know it

I'll make time

But you got to show it

If you need me

I want to see it

So don't be mistaken

I don't want you down on your knees

And she thought about her romantic life. Well, lack thereof. There was Victor Krum for that short summer after 4th year.

Before he admitted to her that he was gay.

Needless to say, that doused the flames of passion pretty quickly. But, it was for the best. After all, she was too young…A 14-year-old dating a 17-year-old Quidditch star wasn't exactly kosher…But when did age matter to her?!

Oh, and there was that fling with Harry back in her 5th year, when he had just discovered the benefits of puberty.

And bestowing them upon her. 'God, that was fun…'

It didn't last long, of course, once they both agreed that their friendship was more important. They broke it off mutually, although Hermione still continued to resent him sometimes when she saw him with Ginny, his steady girlfriend for the past two years. 'I hope she's enjoying what he's giving her…Lord knows he's got plenty to give…'

And then there was Ron. Red-haired, temperamental Ron. Her longest relationship. 2 years, just ended last month.

She never loved him. She had been quite fond of him, of course. Still was, as a matter of fact. But she never loved him. The sex was great, sure. 'And I can't believe I just thought that…This song is a bad influence on me…Always has been…'

"But sex shouldn't be the only factor in a relationship…Yes, that's why it didn't work…The sex wasn't enough…No matter how much he wanted it to be…"

But at least this time, the friendship really WAS more important. Ron was heartbroken when she gently told him she wanted to end it. But she knew that he really didn't love her. They were each others' crutch for awhile, but it could only last so long. Especially when there was something missing.

Hermione paused in her dancing and singing.

There HAD been something missing…

And Hermione finally admitted to herself what had been wrong.

"There had been someone else…"

"A man…"

I need someone

A real man

I need someone

Who will understand

I'm a woman

A real woman

I know just what I want

I know just who I am

Well, maybe not in the literal sense.

He wasn't technically hers…

No matter how much she wanted him to be…

He probably didn't even think of her in that way.

But, oh Merlin…She certainly thought of him. A lot. When she shouldn't be. Thinking of him in that way, at least.

Dreams of hands going in places that hadn't yet been explored. Of kisses that never seemed to end, only stopping when oxygen was really needed. Of passion taking them to new heights. Of illicit places they could find for rendez-vous's.

But it could never happen.

He was oh-so-professional, of course. Why jeopardize what he had to have a fling with his student?

But a girl—no, woman—could wish.

And Hermione sighed as her body moved sensuously, the song almost close to ending.

Obviously, she failed to notice the shadow in the mirror. It was faint, of course, but its outline was slightly separate from the rest of the darkness behind her. He had been watching her for quite awhile now.

Watching her dance. And itching to put his hands on those enticing hips.

Watching her sing, and having shivers run down his spine at the huskiness of her voice.

Watching her talk to herself. And at all the unexpected comments bursting from that lovely mouth. Of course, it was rather surprised when she said that comment about there being someone else. A man. And it was oh-so-evident by the distinct bulge in his pants that he wished she was talking about him.

He sympathized with her isolation. And while his lust threatened to make his blood boil, he also longed to go to her and simply comfort her. She didn't deserve to feel so alone…

But he decided to wait until the right moment.

But the timing never seemed right.

Getting rather impatient, he finally spoke.

"Miss Granger," the voice purred as she jumped, "may I ask what you're doing here?"

That voice.

That lovely voice.

She knew it.

She craved to listen to it every day.

And it was right behind her.

But where was it?

She turned around and blindly walked to the source, hips swaying from side to side hoping the owner of that voice would notice.

Judging by the sharp intake of breath, he did.

As she stood less than a foot away from the shadow, a hand came out of the shadows and grasped her wrist, pulling her to him.

As the song reached the final chorus, she saw his face.

"…Professor?"

Baby it's yours

All yours if you want it tonight

I'll give you the red light special

All through the night

Baby it's yours all yours

If you want it tonight

Just walk in my door

Take off my clothes

And turn on the red light

Baby it's yours

If you want it tonight

The red light special

All through the night

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You like it? Or are you controlling the desire to strangle me? ::smirk:: Who is the professor, do you think? ::Le smirk de Evil:: I won't tell you, of course…You'll just have to wait…A long time…Since I have no idea how to continue with this without it turning NC-17…

We'll see…

REVIEW PLEASE!