Kiss the Girl
All you see as Mrs. Baker drones on about covalent bonds and molecular structure is soft dark hair that crashes in waves down the back of the girl in front of you. She's new to McKinley and she's already forming a name for herself, you just can't really remember what it was. You've always been bad at remembering names.
But you remember the first day she was introduced to your chemistry class; she wore a tight black skirt that barely passed school regulation and a floral blouse hidden beneath a leather jacket. You remember Mrs. Baker having her hand on the new girl's back as she spoke to the class and you remember the new girl rolling her eyes as she told everyone her name. You remember because you kind of forgot how to breathe as soon as you heard the sound of her voice it was that beautiful.
But her name? Yeah, you don't remember that.
There you see her
Sitting there across the way
She don't got a lot to say
But there's something about her
You notice that she keeps to herself most days. You see boys try to sit with her at lunch but she always makes them run off with their tails tucked between their legs. Her beauty is intimidating, that's for sure, but no one can keep their eyes off her. Boys don't get the message and they keep on trying.
"Why don't you ask her to sit with us?" Quinn suggests one day as she picks the tomatoes out of her salad. She doesn't look up but you already know who she's talking about, "Coach wants us to try and recruit her."
"Really?" You ask and glance across the cafeteria at the girl sitting alone. You roll the thought around in your head; Cheerios are beautiful and she would definitely fit in. There's that pang of fear in your chest though as you see Puckerman wink at her and she scrunch her nose, you don't want that to be you. You don't want to be rejected. "Why can't you talk to her? You're the captain." You ask because Quinn has a special kind of personality that allows her to make people do anything she says; you're convinced she's got telekinetic powers.
Quinn finally looks up at you and smiles that angelic head Cheerio captain smile, "You're friendlier than I am."
You gulp nervously but find yourself standing from your seat and making the walk over to the new girl's table.
"Hi." You greet shakily and smile your best smile. She looks away from the book she has laid out next to her lunch tray and looks up at you, her brow quirking as if to say what do you want. You swallow the lump in your throat and take a deep breath, "We're in the same chemistry class.."
"Okay?" She says and she kind of squints at you like she's trying to see through you. You honestly feel naked standing in front of her because you've never exactly been this close to her or had her staring directly into your eyes and it's really intense.
It's overwhelming and when you open your mouth to continue on with your proposal, nothing comes out. You're sweating and everything inside you feels fluttery and you can't decide if you want to run back and hide behind Quinn or pass out. She continues to stare at you though, the corner of her mouth twitching and you just know she's about to laugh at you.
You've got a thing about that, about people laughing at you when you're not trying to be funny, and that makes you feel even more nervous.
Miraculously, you clear your throat and words fall easily, "Do you want to sit with me and my friend Quinn?" You jut your thumb behind you to where Quinn's been watching and you feel a little less riled up because the hard part is already over with. You watch the new girl stare at you curiously as if she's never been asked that before and your heart kind of lurches. You kind of get how someone would be afraid to ask her, she's not exactly approachable, but no new kid should go through that. You think of sad things like eating lunch alone in a bathroom stall and suddenly you're speaking again, "We won't try to ask you on dates or anything either. Quinn has a boyfriend."
Her scowl morphs into a smirk that slowly turns into a toothy smile before she shakes her head and goes back to looking tough, "And what about you?"
You're sure your eyes go wide because a smile escapes her again. You don't get to enjoy it because she hides it away, but you shake your head at her question, "No, I don't have a boyfriend."
"Huh," She breathes out then looks down at her book and tray then up to you before she looks past you to your table. She pinches her lips to the side and you can't help but watch the way they move and how soft they look. You snap your gaze away when she looks up at you and shrugs, "Sure, why not?"
You bounce a little on your toes because you're excited that it actually turned out well and when she begins to gather her things, you offer your hand to help. You don't know why you do that and she looks at your extended hand like she doesn't know why you did that either but she's not entirely against it.
And you don't know why
But you're dying to try
You wanna kiss the girl.
"I'm Brittany by the way." You say to break the weird tension as you help her gather her things.
Your eyes are drawn to her lips again as another smile peeks at you.
Yes, you want her
Look at her, you know you do
It's possible she wants you too
There's one way to ask her
It don't take a word, not a single word
Go on and kiss the girl
Santana joins the Cheerios a week later. She fits right in with you and Quinn; it's a little scary how well you all balance each other out. You become close friends fast, it's inevitable because you share a class and lunch together and there's also after school Cheerios practice and footballs games to cheer for. It's fine though because Santana is really awesome and you love spending time with her. You and Santana have weekly sleepovers and movie nights on Fridays and you guys binge on junk food while making each other laugh. She never makes fun of you like some kids do at school and she let's you be the little spoon when it's time to sleep. Sometimes Quinn joins you and Santana, but sometimes you like it when it's just you two because she seems softer when you're alone. She's never mean to you like she is with everyone else; she's different with you and you like that.
What you don't like is how she's begun to go on dates with boys she used to always turn down during her first few weeks of school. She tells you it's because she needs to maintain her popularity now that she's on the Cheerios but you think that's silly. She's never been too concerned with popularity. You're still popular and you don't go kissing every boy in school.
"So we're not having movie night..again?" You'd pout as she'd cancel on yet another movie night Friday.
"I told you already, we can watch movies all day tomorrow." She'd reply with soft touches to your cheek. You'd lean into it, but she'd pull away too quick for you to enjoy fully. She always pulls away too quick for you to enjoy fully.
"If you're gunna cancel on me for boys then maybe I should start dating boys too then?" You'd huff, strangely annoyed with her antics. She can't touch your face as if you were made of crystal and get dressed up in cute dresses that made the back of your neck feel hot. You don't want her doing any of that to you knowing she probably pulls the same stuff with the boys she sneaks off with too.
"Britt-Britt, no..it's different for you." Santana would say as she'd do the finishing touches on her makeup.
"But how?" You'd ask, perched on the end of her bed trying not to look at how low her neckline drifted or how short her dress stopped. You'd try to push away thoughts of you being the one she was getting dressed up for. You'd push those particular thoughts away and bury them deep in the back of your mind; you shouldn't think like that about your best friend.
"It just is.." She'd say then cup your chin, her thumb cool against your jaw, "Promise you won't do that? You're too important for these boys and I can't watch you get hurt like that."
"Okay." You'd nod even though you'd want to tell her that boys aren't the ones actually hurting you. She'd kiss your forehead tenderly then smile at you before saying that it was time for her to go. You'd nod again and tell her how pretty she looked and that you hope she'll have fun.
She'd hug you before she rushed out to get in Puckerman's car and you'd watch her go with the feel of her arms wrapped around you and her lips on your skin. It would be enough to last you the lonely ride home, at least for now. Shalalalala
My oh my
Looks like the boy's too shy
Ain't gonna kiss the girl
Ain't that sad
it's such a shame
Too bad, you're gonna miss the girl
You know that Santana's relationship, or whatever you want to call it, with Puck is rocky. Sometimes you walk down the hall and see him with his tongue down her throat and his hands on her ass and you'll want to cry for some reason. Sometimes you walk down the hall and see Santana waiting for you at the locker you share with breakfast because she knows you forget to eat sometimes, especially on Mondays because that's when you're the most tired. Sometimes you won't see her at all and those are the worst days.
You know the moment you walk into chemistry and see Santana's chair empty that something's wrong. She's always there early because she likes to leave cute notes on your desk and watch you read over them like she's trying to keep tally of how many times she can make you smile.
When Mrs. Baker closes the door after the bell rings and Santana's still not in her seat, you begin to worry. Puck's even in his chair and if he's there, Santana couldn't have been skipping with him. You eye him wearily though. If something was wrong, she would tell you so you try to keep focused on the lesson. You pay extra close attention and take lots of notes just in case Santana's sick and she needs help on homework later. It's not until class is over that your phone vibrates against you and you slip it out from the waistband of your skirt to see a text from Santana.
Can you meet me under the bleachers?
You're already running towards the gym and you don't even know notice. You find her with her hands buried in the pockets of her Cheerios jacket and her little ears are going red from the chill of the January air. Her nose is red too but not from the cold because so are her eyes.
"You're okay, San." You say automatically and wrap her up in your arms just as she begins to crumble. She shakes and shivers and hiccups against you but all you can do is hold her tight and hope that'll be enough to keep the beautiful pieces of her together. You rest your chin on the top of her head and let her cry into your neck despite how cold you're getting as her tears crystallize on your skin.
"H-H-He fucking cheated."
She begins to mumble more but she's crying so hard that it's almost like she can't breathe, so you calm her with shushing noises like your mom does when Santana makes you cry on accident. You run your fingers through soft dark hair that crashes down her back in waves and rub at her back, coaxing her to try and take deep breathes.
You think back to what she told you about boys and how they'll hurt you and you're too important to be hurt like that. You think about that because does that mean Santana doesn't think she's important too? This isn't the first time you'd have to cradle her under the bleachers because of a boy and that makes you mad because why would you want to hurt a girl like Santana?
She's beautiful and funny and smart and dorky and cute and kind and loving, why would you mess that up?
You clench your jaw and think back to how smug Puck looked in class earlier. You're jealous because he had her and he ruined that and he doesn't even care. When Santana shudders against you, you pull away and tilt her chin up to look into watery brown eyes.
"I love you, Santana." You tell her and you've said that loads of times before but for some reason this time sounds different, feels different. You want to show her how much you love her so she doesn't think she's not important, but you don't know how to do that. She smiles up at you, her nose red and her lips swollen, and you swallow thickly because you want to kiss all that sadness away.
You can't do that though, you're not supposed to have thoughts like that about your best friend. Now's your moment
Floating in a blue lagoon
Boy, you better do it soon
No time will be better
She don't say a word
And she won't say a word
Until you kiss the girl
Now's your moment
Santana and Puck are surprisingly still broken up by the time the Spring Fling comes around and all the boys have a field day with that. There are boys lining up with date proposals but Santana never says yes to any of them. She complains to you about not having a date though and that confuses you since she's got so many people dying to get that title. You get a few guys ask you too, but you end up politely turning them down. You don't think you want a date this year. Well you do, it's just you don't really know if that's such a good idea. You just want to dance and that's okay. You just want to dance with your friends without having to be drawn back to some guy you don't even really know. You tell that to Santana and at first she protests that notion because of her ongoing fight with popularity. You're sad for her because she still thinks being popular is so important and you don't get that at all. You wish she could just be the Santana she is around you, that's the real Santana, but you know she's scared. You don't know why though, you think she'd be happier if she wasn't always putting on a show.
It's a couple days before the dance and you're listening to her grumble about not having a date still. You tried joking with her that she could have one if she wanted since there's guys lining up out the door but she just throws a pillow at your face and completely misses.
"Or you could go with me." You say accidentally and your eyes widen and you sit up quickly on the bed and wait for her to laugh at you. She doesn't though and you're not surprised because Santana wouldn't laugh at you if you weren't trying to make her laugh.
"I thought you didn't want a date?" She asks you and her voice is softer that usual and her eyes don't meet yours.
"I don't," You recover but see her shoulders deflate a little, "But I wouldn't mind having you as a date."
"Yeah?" She asked and you hear hope in her voice and that makes you smile and your chest tightens with happiness.
Don't be scared
You better be prepared
Go on and kiss the girl
Don't stop now
Don't try to hide it how
You wanna kiss the girl
Go on and kiss the girl
The dress she wears is red and yours is blue. The corsage you got her matches your dress and the one she got you matches hers. Her soft dark hair crashes in waves down her exposed back and you can't help but grin at how gorgeous she is and when she grins at you, you can't help but think she's doing the same.
When you get to the venue, you feel lucky because you've got the hottest date in the whole place. You ought to feel possessive when you and Santana walk through the doors and everyone's jaw drops at the sight of her and guys are already itching to ask her to dance, but you don't because her eyes are on you.
The lights are low and the music is loud but you can still hear the sound of your heart pounding in your chest. You want to think it's just the bass from the stereo but with the way Santana clings to your arm as you try to find your table says otherwise. Quinn waves you down and she smiles when Santana tells her that these boys need to keep their eyes off her date. You smile too because you kind of like the sound of that, of being hers.
The two of you get up to dance when you see Puck walk in with some girl you recognize from the JV Cheerios. You want to laugh because what a downgrade but you don't linger on that long because Santana's tugging you deeper into the crowd of swaying bodies and her smile is brighter than the strobe lights.
You dance to all the upbeat songs and let her grind her hips against you and you run your hands over her in return. You dance to the slow songs too, thankful that your ballroom class taught you the footwork of both male and female so you could lead Santana around a spin her like a ballerina. You've dance with girls before in class but not like this; not with brown eyes twinkling up at you and the scent of Santana's shampoo drowning you perfectly and an indescribable warmth pressed against your belly.
You think you just found your favorite thing ever and that's slow dancing with Santana. You like the way she looks at you and how her hand fits with yours and how she can keep up with your moves and they way she rest her head on your shoulder.
You want to tell her you love her again but you don't think it's appropriate right now. Besides, the feelings that you'd get from saying it aren't the ones best friends are supposed to have.
So you stay quiet and dance the night away.
"Let's go outside," Santana says awhile later.
You nod and follow after her to a patio like a love sick puppy dog. The air feels nice compared to the mugginess on the dance floor and you already feel yourself cooling down. You're quiet and so is she but that's okay. The mood is full and highlights her dark trusses and the stars sparkle like her eyes.
There aren't any chairs outside but there's this bricked in box meant for a flower garden that but you sit down on it anyway. Your legs are sore from all that dancing but that's the best kind of sore. Santana sticks by the railing, her hands tight around the bars, as she stares up at the sky in wonder.
"You wanna sit?" You ask because if your legs hurt, hers has to also. She shakes her head though and continues to stare up.
"Did you see who Puck brought?" She asks and you frown because you don't really want to talk about him right now.
"Yeah," You answer then shrug, "I think you won the whose date is hotter round."
You watch her shoulders bounce as she laughs at your joke and turns to you, "You're definitely beautiful, Britt."
You can't help but blush and look away.
"Thanks for being my date." She adds and you look up as she walks closer to you.
"Thanks for being mine." You say but mine makes you want to frown because she is but she's not in the way you want. You don't linger on that too long because she's closer and her fingers are tilting your chin up and you wait for the familiar press of her lips on your forehead or for her to say something dumb like you'll make someone so happy one day.
It never comes though, you don't let it.
"You're important too, Santana." You tell her as you stare up at her, "I know you don't think you are but that's silly. You're so important. You don't have to let boys use you and you don't have to get your heartbroken. You're important. You're important to me and.." You trail off because you've said way too much but there's no turning back, "And I would never break your heart."
She doesn't say anything for awhile and you feel like running away and never looking back. You're afraid you've ruined everything.
Her movements are slow and her eyes are soft and her touch is tender. You can tell she's nervous but so are you and when you see her begin to close her eyes and lean in, you realize why.
You dreamed of her lips and how'd they feel pressed against yours. You dreamed about how you'd sound when she'd take your breath away. You dreamed about it all, but now the dreams a reality.
You move your hands to her waist and you pull her into you, wrapping your arms around her as she jumps off the edge and into you. Her hands are on your cheeks and they're cold but her kiss keeps you warm. Her dress hikes up her thighs as she settles into your lap and you worry about her knees getting scraped by the rough bricks. You don't know how but you stand up and keep her pressed against you, your hands under her thighs, as you reverse your positions. Her legs are around you still and you're okay with that because you love how she feels. Her hands move from your cheeks and thread into your hair, deepening the kiss. You're becoming breathless but you never want to stop, she feels too good and you've waited for so long. You run your hands up and down her back, pressing her into you because she couldn't be close enough.
You continue that for a few minutes until you both become lightheaded and pull away gasping for air, lips swollen and eyes dark with lust.
"I love you too." She says and you almost cry because you can tell that it's the same kind of love that you've been trying to push away. You almost cry because you finally did it, you kissed the girl.
And you know what?
She kissed you back.