Hey everyone! I hope there are stills readers. I know it's been like...ya know...over a year since I've updated this story, but HEY I'm back (As long as you want me to be). Please give your opinions, and let me know if you're still reading (somehow), so I can finish this thang. I do care about this story.
The fear that I felt when I found out that Kira was the cursed one seems small compared to the fear I am feeling now. Two weeks ago, my father announced that he will be sacrificing himself to Kira. I'll lose him. I already lost my birth parents, I can't…my heart pounds. What if it doesn't work? What if the old lady was wrong? If that's the case, I won't have a brother or a father. No family! A tsunami of anxiety washes over me. It worsens as my thoughts drift to the dream I had last night.
I dreamt of my baby. I don't know what I am having yet, but, in my dream, it was a girl. She was crawling on the pink, carpeted floor of a room draped in white- from the cradle to the curtains. She was crawling towards me, smiling. I stretched my arms out, patiently waiting for her. When she was nearer I lifted her up, and I could see her better. She was beautiful. It was hard to say who she looked like the most. Was it me or was it Athrun? Her hair was blonde, but curly, and her eyes were the brightest green. Her face was fat and round. Her nose, a button. Her small footed feet kicked me as she bounced joyfully in my arms. I kissed her cheek and she giggled.
In the moment I was holding her, I had never felt so happy, but something started to happen. Her skin was becoming translucent, and seconds later transparent. A few more seconds went by before she was no longer visible. I was no longer holding my baby. Dozens of little balls of light were in her place. Tears ran down my cheek, my heart felt as though someone was gripping it, and I was on the verge of losing my breath. I dropped to my knees, and that's when I noticed that my hands were soaked in what I believed to be blood. The floor below me was a red lake, and I was sinking into it. I was frozen in place. My whole body was in the crimson depths. It was to my neck, and then it filled my mouth and nostrils, until it fully submerged me. That's the last thing I remember before waking up.
My ears are full now. I sit up and wipe my face with my bed sheet. I blow my nose on it too. I slowly lift myself off the bed and look into my tall mirror. A bra and underwear are the only things I'm wearing. I begin to examine my body. I'm still slim, but my protruding stomach is more noticeable now. Not so much though. With a loose T-shirt, no one would notice.
I place a hand on my belly. A smile creeps on my face.
"I'll be able to find out what you are in few weeks," I whisper. "At least I hope so," my hand drops.
I feel my eyes sting, and to avoid the painful thoughts, I turn to my bed again. On it is a light green gown. The one with the sash, the one Myrna picked out for me about two years ago…the one Kira said he liked most. I am to wear it tonight.
Tonight, I am to dine with my father. I haven't seen him since his announcement. He has been so busy with preparations for the future of the country, finishing as much paperwork as he can in his final days before he ruins my life further. There's a mix of dread and excitement in seeing him tonight. We won't be alone though. He wants to dine with the Seirans, and some good friends of his. I sigh.
"I really should get dressed."
I wasn't expecting us to dine in the parliament building. Father has become less discreet. I guess there's no need to be anymore…I use my fork to toss a Brussel sprout, that is on my plate, back and forth. Their conversation, their laughter, it's all muffles. I feel so out of place. I'm all dolled up in a room full of older men. My father's company. I look around. Their faces are beet red, they're pounding on the table, I can see the chewed food in their wide mouths.
They laugh and eat, and they don't notice me. They don't notice that my heart is in stitches, that this dress is uncomfortable because it is a little too tight for my growing belly, they don't notice that my eyes sting. They don't notice the fear I have of losing my baby, because I am emotionally and physically too weak to keep her safe. I cannot keep her safe…like I couldn't keep Kira safe, or Lacus. Like I couldn't stop father from making his decision. I can't keep her safe, and I'll lose her too.
I hear a cling. I am no longer holder the fork, and my hand is shaking. My breathing is fast and heavy now. They don't notice. I push my chair out, and I am about to make a run for it when a hand covers mine.
"You should really eat your food, Cagalli."
It's Yuna. Quickly, I pull away.
"I'm not feeling so well," I whisper.
"Then maybe you should eat," he says. "If not for you, for your child."
Without a second thought, I began to scarf down cuts of gravy slathered beef. In the corner of my eye, I think I see Yuna smile. A moment later he stands up, raising his champagne flute and tapping it with a spoon. Everyone's attention is on him.
"President Atha," he starts. "It has been a pleasure dining with you this evening. I know these past couple of weeks have been tremendously hard for you. You have so much work upon you, but I would like to alleviate you of something."
My father clasps his hands together and leans forward.
Yuna clears his throat before continuing.
"I would like to revisit the idea of Cagalli becoming my wife. She will need someone once you're gone, and I'll make sure she's be in good hands."
My fork drops to the floor.
I didn't expect to see her at my doorway. She stands there with a concentrated look on her face. She's wearing a gown, and her hair is curled and has ribbons in it. Her lips are tinted, and she's wearing gold jewelry. She truly looks like someone deserving the title Princess.
"What are you doing here?" I ask, and my tone is a mix of bitterness and shock.
I should be happy to see her; a part of me is, but the other part is hurt, angry and confused. The last time I saw her was at the conference President Atha held. I told her we needed to talk-we barely talked for three weeks now-but since her father's announcement, she has been avoiding me. Almost a month ago, I told her I loved her, and she walked out on me. We never talked. We texted very little, and she wouldn't visit, and she wouldn't have me visit. Why is she here suddenly, and without announcement?
"I'll go if you don't want me here," she says.
I move to the side and say: "Come in."
Hesitantly she steps inside. She stands by the door and continues to stare at the ground.
"Did you drive?" I ask, shutting the door.
She shakes her head.
"My car was at the mansion, so I caught a cab."
"I see…" I stand beside her.
"Are we still…" she slowly looks up at me.
I raise my eyebrow.
"Are we still what, Cagalli?"
"You know what," her brows furrow.
"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" my volume is rising. "I tried to talk to you."
Her hands ball into fists, and she glares into my eyes. She frowns.
"I'm not the one who ruined us! You did when you decided to be with Meer."
My blood is hot.
"We've been over this! I was drunk, I was in her room, but I did nothing with her! I don't want her, Cagalli, I want you. I love you, but you can't get that through your stubborn head."
Both of her hands make contact with my chest, and I am pushed back. My eyes widen. Hers are red and watery…and tired.
"Are you going to say you 'have to go' now?" I spit.
She pushes me again, and my back hits the edge of my kitchen island. Tears stream down her cheeks, dripping onto the floor.
"You're a liar!"
"I am not!"
"Why would you love me?" her fist pound on my chest. "I've been a mess, I'm not attractive, I'm snappy…I'm just not the girl for you."
Her last words struck my heart like a thousand arrows. I grab her wrists, and push her off of me. She stares up at me with fright.
"Who are you to tell me who's the girl for me?" I scream.
"I probably was falling for you before I even realized. I had to be…because…your personality has always been intriguing, funny, different, refreshing. You have comfort me so many times. You have amazed me so many times. You prove people wrong, you stand up for people. You are tough, friendly, sensitive, and caring. I admire you more than you could ever imagine."
"I hate what happened to Kira, but with him being gone, I was able to break this barrier of feelings I had for you that were beyond friendly. I got to spend more alone time with you than I did before. We started a relationship, and you…you started my heart, because I believe it wasn't beating until the moment I first kissed you."
I release her.
"You're the girl for me, Cagalli, and," I take a deep breath, "I love you."
She stares at me with big, glassy eyes. Her cheeks are tinted, and she timidly stares down, fiddling her fingers.
"I feel the same about you, you know," she says. It's barely audible.
I look down as well. "You feel the same…" I look up at her, "as what?" a smirk is creeping on my face.
"As you," she turns her head to the side.
"You'll have to be more specific than that," I say. "That's really unclear."
"Athrun!" She looks like a tomato.
I chuckle and take a step towards to.
"What is it that you feel, Cagalli?" I take another step.
She still is looking away.
"You know what it is."
I'm only a few inches away from her now.
"Tell me," I say.
"I…I," she gulps, "…love you."
"Hmm? I didn't hear that."
"I love you!"
Instantly I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her to me. Our lips meet. Her arms slowly wrap around my neck; I squeeze her. Slowly my lips move from hers to her cheek, and then to her neck. She giggles as I lay pecks on her soft skin. The skin I yearned to touch again.
"I missed you," I whisper in her ear.
"I missed you, too" her arms tighten around my neck.
From my head to my toes I'm filled with happiness. We're laughing. We're having casual conversation; talking about how peas are the worst vegetable in the world, about the meanest teachers we've faced in school, and so much more. It is reminiscent to how it was when she stayed with me. I wish she continued staying with me.
I look up at her and smile. She's sitting on top of me giggling about something. I'm unsure of what it is. All I notice is her smiling. Soon she stops, and begins fiddling with the necklace around her neck. She's done that a few times tonight.
"Why'd you leave it on?" I ask.
She looks up, perplexed.
"Oh…" she looks at it. "I actually want to give it to you."
I raise a brow.
"It was from my mother. My memories of them are so vague, but I remember the moment she gave this to me. It was before they left the country to help those children. My birth father said she was being overprotective," Cagalli laughs wryly. "She said I was her little princess, and, though she knows Kira will protect me, this is meant to protect me further."
I watch as she twists it over her bare chest. There's a frown on her face. Then she removes it from around her neck and places it over mine. I stare at the red stone now sitting on my chest.
"You sure you want to give it to me?"
"I don't want to lose you," she lays her head on my chest.
"I don't want to lose you either," I wrap my arm around her.
She wriggles out of my arms and hops off of the bed. Grabbing my robe from my closet, she wraps it around herself. I look at her.
"We're hungry," she's blushing.
"Are you sure you're not just hungry?" I smirk.
"What does it matter?" she stomps her foot.
I laugh and start to slide on my boxers. We make our way to the kitchen, and all the while Cagalli keeps her head down. I turn the TV on as she searches the fridge. She shuts it just as quickly as she opens it. I see her stare at me. There's worry in her eyes.
"Tonight, Yuna proposed the idea of marrying me to my father," she blurts out.
My body tenses, and I feel a heat building inside. A part of my mind thinks it's silly for me to feel any way about it. Their parents always liked the idea of them marrying one day. Yet, it was so long ago. Why would he bring it up now? He knows about Cagalli and I. He knows she's carrying my child! I realize a stinging in my palm. I unclench my hands.
My head snaps in Cagalli's direction.
"I objected to the idea," she says. "He tried to persuade my father. He claimed that, with my father gone, I'll need someone to look after me. I'd have a secure future with him, he said. Everyone seemed to be in agreeance, so I left and came here."
"What if they make you?" I say, I can feel my heart against my chest.
She is silent for a moment, her jaw clenches.
"I refuse to be his wife…I'm yours."
Those words send chills through my body. I rush to her, and wrap her in an embrace.
"I won't let it happen," I whisper.
She buries her face into my chest.
"I'm scared," she says. "I'm scared of losing everyone. My father is going to sacrifice himself, and what if doesn't work. I don't want Yuna to take me away from you, and…"
My chest is wet now. My arm is rubbing her back, the other her head.
"Cagalli, it will all work out."
"I don't know," she sniffles. "I'm afraid I won't have her for long either."
"It's a her!?" I let go.
"I don't know yet, but it's a girl in my dreams, and," tears fill her eyes. "she disappears. I can't hold her. My body isn't safe for her, and I'm worried I'll lose her"
I place my hands on her shoulders.
"I will protect both of you."
"Breaking News. Anyone in Heliopolis, or surrounding areas, stay indoors. Earlier today, there have been spottings of The Beast flying through the city. So far, there hasn't been any casualties. I repeat, please stay indoors."
Our attention turns to the TV. I look at Cagalli, who stares at the screen in horror. My heart twists.
"Cagalli," I gulp. "I know you don't want to lose me, but if I have to, I will sacrifice myself to Kira. I'll do it for you, and I'll do it for it-her."
Well that's a wrap folks...for now I hope. As usual, I'll write if I know you're reading. ;)