Title: Pump It Up
Written for: Chartwilightmom
Written By: mama4dukes
Prompt used: Prompt #2: bestbulges dot tumblr dot com / post / 94138951110
Summary: How does a guy get a girl to notice him? Join Edward and his buddies as they go on a journey of self-discovery.
This story is AU (alternate universe) / AH (all human) / OOC (out of character)
This story is work of fan fiction. All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.
Special thanks to Speklez for talking me off of several ledges and The Darkest Falling Star for jumping into make an awesome banner in a pinch! Also, to IzzyBFFAddict92 for being a great friend and beta.
Pump It Up
"Well? How was last night? Was he any good?" Alice Cullen asked her best friend Rosalie Hale, as she reached into the refrigerator. She handed her friend a bottle of water.
"I've never been with a hotter lover. The guy literally went all night long. I think I only slept for two hours at the most."
"Mmm... Sounds like you had a good time. Lucky."
"Lucky? Um, chickie, you're dating Jasper Whitlock. I would say you're just as lucky as I am."
"True." Alice looked mischievously at Rose. "So, is Emmett McCarty as big as the rest of his body?"
"Oh my God! The guy is hung. I kid you not. By morning, I was practically limping out of his place. He…" Rose stopped short and looked up from the counter towards the dining table and put her hands on her hips. "How long have you peons been eavesdropping on us?"
The three high school students looked up at the scowling, blond bombshell. One of them, Alice's kid brother Edward spoke up, "Um, we've been sitting here for an hour working on our Physics project. I hardly think we were eavesdropping."
"Yeah," his friend Mike Newton added, "besides, why would we care how hung your new boyfriend is?"
"Uh-huh," his buddy Ben Cheney agreed, staring at Rose's bosom.
The two college girls narrowed their eyes at the high school juniors. One of them-Rose- sashayed over to the dining table and lowered herself so that her breasts were at eye level for the seated guys. She licked her lips. The boys all swallowed nervously at the former homecoming queen's proximity. "You care about how hung my new boyfriend is because you want what he has. You want this." She motioned to herself. "You want what he has. You want all of it." She stood up and giggled at them. "Of course, looking at you scrawny adolescents, there's no way that any girl in her right mind will pay even an inkling of attention to you."
Edward's sister made her way over to the table with a magnifying glass and a smirk. "Here Rose, this might help you zoom in."
"Oh, Ali, there's no need for that. I can already tell that these little boys are underdeveloped and probably never will develop. They have no bulge where they should."
The girls cackled as they strutted out of the kitchen and headed out.
The boys waited until they heard the front door snap shut before talking again. They were too stunned to speak anyone. They'd known Alice and Rose their entire lives, having grown up together in the small town of Forks, Washington where everyone knew everyone and their business.
"Jeez, Edward, will Rose and your sister ever stop being evil?" Ben asked.
"I doubt it. They've been evil for as long as I can remember."
"True. Remember when we were three years old and they decided to give us makeovers by throwing finger paint all over us?" Mike asked.
"Yeah, and we were the ones who ended up getting in trouble for making a mess," Edward added. He looked forlorn. "At least you don't have to live with one of them. Face it, guys, Alice was put on this earth to make my life miserable."
Ben and Mike both felt bad for Edward. Alice took every opportunity to tease and taunt her kid brother, usually with her cohort in crime Rosalie by her side. The two of them were three years ahead of the boys. In high school, they had been popular cheerleaders-girls emulated them while boys begged on all fours with their tongues wagging just for the opportunity to date them. Alice and Rose were the queens of their school. They were invited to all of the epic parties and they always were part of the cool pack. After high school, they went away to college together in Seattle. They had just ended their sophomore year of college and were home for summer vacation—this time with boyfriends in tow.
Of course, all of this shouldn't affect Ben, Edward, and Mike at all except whenever the girls were home, they were—for lack of a better choice of words—mean. Take, for example, the way the girls teased them about their privates, or the lack thereof. For God's sake, they were still impressionable high school juniors. They took the girls' derision to heart, especially when it concerned anything to do with sex. The three boys looked forlorn, and had lost all interest in their physics project.
"Why the long faces?" Esme Cullen, Edward's mother, asked as she brought some groceries into the kitchen.
"Hello, Mrs. Cullen. Can we help you carry anything?" Mike asked.
"Oh, no, thank you. This is it. Do you boys want to stay for dinner? We're just grilling up some burgers and hot dogs."
"Sure. My parents are closing the store today so that would be great. I won't have to reheat leftovers."
"What about you, Ben?"
"I'd love to stay, if it's not a problem."
"When has it ever been a problem for you boys to stay for dinner? I'll just call your parents to let them know your plans."
"Thanks," they replied.
"Anytime." Mrs. Cullen smiled at the three boys fondly as she picked up the phone and called Mrs. Newton and Mrs. Cheney. The three boys had been close since they had been lumped together at daycare-they were like brothers just like Alice and Rose were like sisters. She hung up the phone and turned her attention to the boys who were working diligently on their project. "Ben, Mike—your mothers both said it's okay for you to stay for dinner. How is that project coming?"
"Terrible, Mom," Edward replied. "Every idea we've had has been a dud. We need to get the vehicle to go in a straight line for twenty feet."
"Oh, my, that sounds involved. Science is one thing I can't help you on."
"Mom, you said that about math, too."
"Okay, science and math are two subjects I didn't do well on. In fact, it was a miracle I passed. Have you asked your sister for help?"
Edward arched an eyebrow at his mother for that suggestion. "Mom, Alice isn't good at anything that doesn't have to do with boys or fashion."
"Well, Dad should be home soon to help. He's the science whiz." Esme winked at her son. "I think you take after him." She turned her attention back to preparing dinner while the boys continued working on their science project.
Twenty minutes later, Dr. Carlisle Cullen arrived home from his shift at the emergency room of Forks General Hospital. He kissed his wife before asking his son and his friends, "What are you boys trying to invent now?"
"Dad, we're not trying to invent anything. Well, we are, but it's not for fun. It's our physics project. We have to make this vehicle move in a straight line for twenty feet."
"Ah, I remember this project. Alright, let me go upstairs and change. I'll give you boys a hand. When is it due?"
"We still have three weeks."
"At least you're getting an early start on it. Your sister and Rose told me about it the night before it was due. I'll be right back down to help you."
A few minutes later, Dr. Cullen was downstairs helping his son and his friends come up with plans for their science project. He was immensely proud of Edward and his friends. He imagined they would go far in life. All three of them were at the top of their class academically. They studied hard in school and were involved in the chess club, robotics club, and the school newspaper. Furthermore, they won many academic awards. The one thing Carlisle worried about, though, was the fact that the boys were socially awkward. They never went to parties—okay, maybe they were never invited. They never brought girls home and have never gone out on any dates. They never went out and did anything teen-like. Edward had never put one toe out of line and, as far as he knew, neither had his friends Ben and Mike. They were just good, well-behaved kids—too good. Carlisle wished they would behave like normal teenagers and get into a mishap or two every now and then. After all, mistakes were the best way to learn life's toughest lessons.
"Carlisle, everything is ready for you to grill," Esme called.
"Sure, honey. Excuse me, boys," he said as he stood up to start grilling. "What time are Alice and Rose bringing their boyfriends?"
"Alice and Rose are coming here with their boyfriends?" Edward asked.
"Well, yes, it's time we met them. The Hales met them last night. It's our turn now."
"You couldn't tell me in advance? I could have had dinner at the diner."
"Edward, you be nice to your sister, her friend, and their new boyfriends," Esme warned.
"When am I ever not nice? Alice and Rose are the evil ones. Just today, they said…" Edward stopped short as his sister and her friend walked into the kitchen together with two muscular jocks. He sighed. "Never mind."
"Mom, Dad—this is my boyfriend Jasper Whitlock," Alice introduced a tall, muscular blond guy to his parents. "Jasper, these are my parents, Carlisle and Esme Cullen."
"Nice to meet you, Ma'am, Sir. You've got a really pretty home." This new boyfriend of Alice's had the thickest Southern drawl Edward had ever heard.
"And this is my boyfriend Emmett McCarty," Rose greeted.
"Hi, how are you? Rose has told me a lot about you," Emmett stated jovially.
"Jasper, Emmett—a pleasure." Carlisle extended his hand to shake theirs. "This is Alice's brother Edward and his friends Michael Newton and Ben Cheney."
The two guys extended their hands to shake. Edward and his friends awkwardly shook their hands before sitting back down to work on their projects.
"Alice tells me that you're staying with the Swans?"
"Yes, we're actually staying in the guest house behind their house. Chief Swan is my mother's cousin. He got Jasper and me jobs at the community center this summer."
"That was nice of him. Chief Swan is a nice guy and his daughter Bella is a sweet girl."
"Bella's my cousin—she's very nice. She used to visit us in Tennessee for a month over the summers before I went off to college."
"So, you know her well?" Edward asked curiously.
"I do. She's cool as beans."
"Why don't we all move to the patio so we can get to know each other?" Carlisle suggested. "Boys, that's enough Physics for today. I think you've made great progress. You can work more on it tomorrow. Put everything away and come join us."
The boys reluctantly started cleaning up after everyone left. "Sorry, guys, I didn't think the two witches were joining us for dinner."
"It's okay," Ben replied.
"Man, did you see those guys? They look like they spend all day in the gym."
"They don't look any different from the usual guys that Alice and Rose bring home," Edward noted.
"True, but they look bigger, you know?" Mike insisted.
"Maybe it's because they're in college?"
"It's possible, but...but… You guys, what happens if we go to college and we stay this way? I mean we're kind of scrawny."
"Yeah, and we're nerds. Chicks don't dig nerds. In fact, they don't pay any attention to us at all."
"Chicks pay attention to us," Edward countered Ben. "What about Angela Weber? Or Bree Tanner?"
"That's because they're nerds themselves. I'm talking about girls like Jessica Stanley or Bella Swan."
"Those are cheerleaders, Ben."
Edward, whose mind had been irrevocably poisoned by his sister and Rosalie responded, "Cheerleaders don't notice guys like us."
"What if they did? What if we worked hard to make hot girls notice us? What if we changed our image?"
"Mike, we live in Forks, Washington. Every single person in town knows us. We can't change our image overnight." Edward motioned towards the patio. "Come on, let's go and get some grub. My parents are here. The wicked witches will be on their best behavior."
Dinner had gone well. Like Edward had predicted, Alice and Rose had been on their best behavior in front of the parents.
"Well, it's late and you boys have school tomorrow. We should start cleaning up," Esme stated and started picking dishes up to bring into the kitchen.
"Ma'am—Jasper, Rose, Alice, and I will take care of the cleaning up. You've done enough," Emmett offered.
Rose and Alice looked horrified at the thought of having to clean up. Alice opened her mouth and stated, "No, Emmett—you're a guest. Edward, Mike, and Ben can clean up."
Edward, quite frankly, was incensed at his sister for even offering their assistance without asking. He and his friends always helped with the after dinner clean up—no questions asked. He was about to state the fact when Alice's boyfriend Jasper said, "There's really no need. Edward, Mike, and Ben still have school tomorrow. I remember what it was like to have to wake up at 6:30 am in order to get to school on time. We'll do the cleaning up."
"But Rose and I just had our nails done."
"Big deal, it's just nail polish. You can get them done again," Emmett stated.
Rosalie narrowed her eyes at the three high schoolers before smiling sweetly at Emmett and helping with the dishes.
"Well, if that's the case then thank you." Carlisle nodded his head, acknowledging the two new boyfriends. He turned to Edward and his friends. "You three should call it a night."
"Thanks for dinner, Dr. and Mrs. Cullen," Mike and Ben both stated.
"I'll walk you guys out."
Edward followed his friends in through the house. They noticed that Rosalie was kissing Emmett up against the refrigerator. She was fondling his prominent bulge with one hand.
"Babe, stop. Alice's parents could walk in at any moment," Emmett warned.
"That's what makes this so much fun," Rose cooed in his ears as she got down on her knees and kissed his crotch over his shorts.
Edward, Mike, and Ben stopped and stared. What else could they do? They'd never witnessed this sort of prominent public display of affection.
Emmett noticed them just as Rose was about to unzip his shorts. "Hey, how's it going guys?" he asked nervously as he straightened out.
"Oh, don't worry about those geeks," Rose snipped. "This is as close as they'll get to being with a girl."
Emmett gently moved Rosalie aside to speak to her. "I can't believe you said that. Guys have feelings too, you know. And high schoolers feel awkward enough as it is. You don't need to make them feel worse."
Rose actually looked astounded that someone had put her in her place. Alice walked into the kitchen just then. "Rose, what's wrong?"
"Um, nothing, I was just having a chat with Emmett."
Alice noticed her little brother and his friends. "What did you say to Rose?"
"Nothing," Edward replied honestly.
"Well, then get out of here. You and your nerdy robotics club friends go and build a stupid robot or something!"
"You guys are in the robotics club?" Jasper asked.
"Yeah, we are."
"Awesome. I was in the robotics club during high school, too. Our team made it to the finals in Florida. We didn't win, but the experience was exhilarating." He turned to his girlfriend. "For the record Alice, I don't think there's anything wrong with being in the robotics club. I actually think it's kind of cool. Why do you think I'm majoring in electrical engineering?"
"Jasper, I didn't say it was uncool for you to do robotics. I just said the three of them are nerdy."
"That's even worse. You should support your brother and his friends—not deride them."
Alice's jaw dropped open, stunned that her boyfriend actually stood up for her geeky kid brother.
Not knowing how to react, Edward led his friends out front to their cars so he could see them off. Neither said much to each other; they were each contemplating the turn of events in the kitchen and were not ready to speak about it.
At lunch the following day, Edward, Mike, and Ben huddled together to engage in a serious discussion of the events that transpired the previous evening. The three boys were still amazed that the two college students came to their defense.
"You know, that Jasper guy was cool," Mike noted.
"Yeah, so was that Emmett guy," Ben added.
"Why would they date girls like Rosalie Hale or my sister?" Edward pondered.
"Because they're hot. There's no denying it. Rose and Alice are pretty. They've always been beautiful and popular. We'd be lucky to have girls like that even notice us."
"Yeah, but do we even want girls like that noticing us?"
"Edward, we'd be lucky to have any girl notice us at this point."
Edward didn't reply. His eyes followed a brunette girl with long wavy hair and milky, white skin. She smiled serenely at something her friend said as they walked past the boys without even noticing them.
"Edward, Bella Swan is completely out of your league. She's never even noticed you except as the son of a friend of her father's."
"True, but she's never been mean to me either. She's really nice."
"Well, yeah, she's nice. She works part time at my parents' store on Saturdays."
Edward's attention snapped to Mike's. "What do you mean she works at your parents' store on Saturdays?"
"Exactly what I said."
"How come I didn't know this?"
"Because it's not exactly your business, is it?"
"Yeah, but... but who else works there on Saturdays?"
"Angela Weber does. Jessica Stanley works next door at the sub shop."
"Wait, did you say Angela Weber?" Ben asked. "Is Bella Swan nice to her? I mean Angela Weber is kind of like us. She isn't exactly part of the popular set."
"Bella is super nice. She's even nice to me."
"Mike, I've got it. We need to do something so chicks notice us."
"Yeah-that's what I've been saying. Clearly, that Jasper guy was in robotics and still managed to score a hot chick. He obviously did something to change his image because he doesn't look like he does robotics."
"And that Emmett guy. He said he was going to be a guidance counselor. Obviously, the guy has brains behind that brawn. I mean he totally stood up for us. No one ever stands up for us."
"Well, we're going to change that. We've got a month left in our junior year of high school. I say that we all make a pact to change," Mike declared. "In fact, by the end of the school year, a girl-any girl that goes to Forks High-will notice us."
"Sounds harmless. What changes are we going to make?"
"First, we're going to hit the gym."
Ben pulled out his phone and brought up the calendar. "Um, when should we schedule the gym in? We've got National Honor Society on Mondays, Chess Club on Tuesdays, Robotics on Wednesdays, and Thursdays are a nightmare because we have to get the school newspaper out by Friday."
"It'll have to be after the clubs."
"After the clubs? We have homework and we have that huge physics project due."
"What's more important: personal development or homework?"
"Homework," Edward and Ben both replied.
"Mike, this is our junior year. We can't afford to drop a grade."
"When have we ever dropped a grade, Edward?" Mike asked. "Besides, working out won't take long."
"How do you know? Have you ever worked out?"
"And exactly where are we going to work out?" Ben asked.
"At the school gym."
"Are you kidding me, Mike? We'll be the laughing stock of the entire school!"
"We can work out at my house," Edward suggested. "My dad has a weight bench and some weights in the basement that he never uses. My mom has been trying to get him to donate it, but he keeps saying he's going to use it someday."
"That solves that dilemma. We'll go to Edward's house after school, work out, and do our homework. That'll kill two birds with one stone."
"Um, yeah, but we still don't know the first thing about working out," Ben pointed out.
"We're not stupid, guys. We can go the library and check out some books."
"Alright, but not the school library. We'll be the laughing stock of the school if anyone finds out what we're doing. We'll go to the town library."
Edward stared at his form in the bathroom mirror and sighed. Nothing. No progress at all. He and his friends had been working out since Tuesday and he still looked exactly the same. After five days of working out, there had to be some sort of muscle development, right? But no, not for Edward Cullen. Clearly, he was some sort of freak of nature. Maybe he was built differently from other guys. He sighed one more time before making his way downstairs to the kitchen. He sat down on the barstool at the kitchen island and put his head down.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Alice asked. She was dressed in her workout clothes and was preparing some sort of a drink to take with her to the gym.
Edward looked at the shake curiously. "What's that you're drinking?"
"It's a protein shake. It aids in recovery time after a workout and helps to build muscle and blast fat."
His eyes widened. "Does it work?"
"Why the curiosity all of a sudden, wimp? You're not trying to become a jock, are you? I've seen you and your friends attempting to work out in the basement—not that it's helping you much." She smirked knowingly at him. "Oh, wait. I know. You're trying to impress a girl."
"It's none of your business!"
"None of my business? Oh, hell, yes, it's my business. Who is it? Who are you trying to impress?"
"No one!" Edward yelled.
Just then, their mother walked into the kitchen. "Good morning, sweeties," greeted Esme. "You two are up early. Remember, we're having a little get together at six. I want you both home by five."
"Yes, mother," Alice stated, rolling her eyes. "Who is coming to this thing anyway?"
"Oh, our usual friends. The Cheneys, the Mallorys, the Newtons, the Stanleys, the Swans…"
"The Swans? Is… uh… Bella coming?" Edward asked.
"I think so. The Tanners and the Webers are also coming."
"Oh my God! You have a crush on Bella Swan! Ha ha ha! You've been working out and stuff trying to impress Bella Swan. As if she's ever going to notice you! Ha ha ha! What a joke!"
"Alice! Apologize to your brother now!" Esme chastised. "I swear it's unbelievable that you're a college student especially with your lack of sensitivity."
"I'm late for the gym. I promised Rose I'd meet her there. Toodle-loo." Alice avoided having to answer her mother and rushed off to her car.
"Try to ignore your sister," Esme told her son. "She has the sensitivity of a toad stool sometimes."
"Alright, all the time. Enough! I'll deal with her later. What are you up to today, honey?"
"I'm going to the Cheney's. Mr. Cheney needs help fixing his computer so Ben and I are going to work on that. Don't worry, we'll both be here in time for the party."
"I'm never worried about you, you know that. You're such a great kid." Esme kissed her son on the forehead. "Text me when you get there so I don't…"
"…worry. I know," Edward finished his mother's sentence for her. He flashed her a crooked grin before heading off to the Cheney's.
"Mikey, what are you doing here?" Ben asked as his friend joined Edward and him in his father's office.
"I thought your Dad needed help fixing his computer."
"Yeah, but you said you had to work at your parents store."
"I did, but when I told my mom that your dad was having computer trouble, she sent me here. I hate working at the store anyway."
"Cool, we were just about to go to Port Angeles for some parts. Do you want to come along?"
"Sure, what's wrong with the computer?"
"Hard drive is dead."
"That's an easy fix."
"For us, yeah. For everyone else—not really."
A few minutes later, the boys headed to Port Angeles with cash from Mr. Cheney for the hard drive. They were told to use any remaining change for lunch and gas. They couldn't find parking in front of the tech store so they parked on a side street about two blocks down. They stepped out of Ben's car and looked up. There was a sign on the store window that advertised adult movies, sex toys, and…
"Penis enhancers?" Ben asked curiously. The boys all looked at the storefront and then at each other.
"We don't need those," Edward stated right away. "Besides, there's a sign on the door that reads "18+ Only."
"Uh, right, let's go and get the hard drive."
The boys scurried away to the tech store, but the only thing on their minds was the store. After purchasing the hard drive, they searched for a place to eat lunch.
Mike stopped them in their tracks and bravely asked, "Have you guys ever wanted to uh… Don't you think…" He took a deep breath. "Maybe we should check out that store. I mean maybe they sell something that can help us."
"Help us with what?"
"Edward, we need help. We're geeks—we're so geeky that even the geeky chicks don't want to date us. And then there's that Emmett guy. Did you see him? He had bulges all over him and Rosalie was… Rosalie was… Well, you saw what she did. I want some girl to touch me like that."
"She was manhandling him!" Edward reminded him.
"Yeah, but... She's a girl and, at this point, it would be nice if a girl would even date us."
"Mike's right, Edward. Chicks think we're nice or they use us to help them with their school work, but they don't ever want to date us."
Edward had to admit that Ben and Mike had made valid points. Girls simply didn't want to date them… Well, not that they'd tried asking, but still they were high school juniors and they'd never gone out on even a single date.
"Well, what are you suggesting we do?"
"We have to man up and go into that store," Ben declared.
"But you read the sign. We can't go in. It's for adults 18 and over only."
"What's the worst than can happen, Edward? It's not like we're buying liquor or cigarettes. They'll probably just throw us out."
"Fine," Edward groaned as he followed his two friends to the side street where the adult store was located. The three of them quickly walked inside before they lost their mojo. Their eyes were wide as they looked around and saw all the porn videos, magazines, and sex toys.
"Can I help you boys?" a tall blond man with a southern accent asked.
"We… uh… we… uh… We saw the sign about p…p…penis en…enhancers," Ben trembled as he spoke.
"Got a problem with your willy, huh? We'll get you fixed up. Let me call the expert." The man looked up and yelled, "Charlotte! We got some boys here who need help with their dicks!"
"How many times do I have to tell you to be sensitive, Peter! Damn it!" A beautiful, buxom blond lady with huge breasts entered the store from an office in the back. She smiled at the boys who immediately noticed her extremely tight, low-cut shirt. "Now, what do we have here?" She examined the boys up and down as if she were mentally undressing them. In normal circumstances, the boys probably would have been beet red in embarrassment, but they were so focused on staring at her breasts that they couldn't consider anything else. "So, what's the problem? You boys look fine to me."
"I'm… I'm small and I can't… can't… can't get a date. I've never been on a date," Ben stated.
"Same as us," Edward agreed, motioning to Mike and himself. Mike simply nodded his head in agreement. He was practically drooling, staring at the woman's breasts.
"And you three are sure that you're small?"
All three boys nodded.
"Has anyone told you that you're small?"
"Um, his sister and her friend did. They said we'd never get dates."
"And they know this because you showed them?"
"No, but they're cheerleaders," Mike said.
"And they've dated a lot."
"And that makes them experts?"
"In a manner of speaking."
Charlotte smiled and shook her heads. "Well, we have things that can help you."
"Uh, good, cause we need the good stuff," Edward said.
"Right." Charlotte picked up a tube of something. "This here is a gel that you can put on your penis to help enhance it. You may feel tingly at first, but it's made of all natural ingredients."
"How much is it?"
"I'll take it," Ben said.
"Fine, you can cash out with Peter at the register." She turned to Mike and Edward. "We also have this. Although it doesn't grow your penis, per se, it does help to magnify the appearance of it."
"How?" Mike asked.
"Well, you place your penis inside of the sleeve and then put your pants on. It's filled with air."
"So, it doesn't do anything, it just makes you look big?"
"Yes, think of it as high heels for men. Women wear heels to look taller and men use this to look bigger."
"Yeah, I like that. I'll take it." Mike grabbed the inflated device, which resembled one of those swimming floaties they used to use on their arms as kids, and brought it to the register.
"I'm going to need all the help I can get," Edward said. "I'm the most pathetic."
Charlotte assessed Edward and grinned. "I've got the perfect thing for you. She took an oblong shaped box off of the shelf and handed it to him. "This here is a penis pump."
"A penis pump? What do I do with it?"
"You put your penis inside and squeeze the bulb syringe."
"Sounds easy enough. How much is it?"
"For you? Twenty-two bucks."
"That sounds fair. I'll take it."
"Great. Just cash out with Peter."
"Sure, you sure seem to know your stuff."
"I've been around." She walked Edward to the register, and spoke to all of them. "Boys, just remember—all of these products are for enhancement only. They may or may not work, no guarantees."
"And when you meet the right girl for you, she ain't gonna care what you look like," Peter added.
"That's right. The only thing that matters is what's in here." Charlotte tapped Peter on the heart. "So be yourselves."
The boys thanked the nice couple and left the store.
"That was strange. Most boys leave here with porn," Peter noted.
"Maybe they're enlightened boys. Well, as long as they gain confidence—that's all that matters to me," Charlotte replied.
The party began promptly at six pm. The invited guests were all close family friends who constantly hosted gatherings at their respective homes for each other. Carlisle had the grill going outside and everyone was spread out poolside and by the patio chatting.
"Charlie, how are things? Has that schedule lightened up any for you?" Carlisle asked.
"Are you kidding me? Between Bella's cheerleading competitions and my job, I feel as if I don't have time for anything."
"I remember those days with Alice. I felt like I circled the entire state twice every year."
"Exactly. At least you don't have that to deal with anymore."
"No, but now there's Edward's robotics competitions. We had to drive all the way to Oregon for one of them."
"Man! Do the organizers of these things think we have all the time and money in the world?"
"Apparently." Carlisle chuckled as he cracked open another beer for Charlie. "How is Bella doing this year?"
"Good as usual, but I had to ground her last month for breaking curfew. She was out with some friends, lost track of time, and didn't get home until one am. It turned out her friend had a flat tire. I grounded her because she didn't bother to call."
"That's a fair enough reason."
"How about your boy Edward?"
"He's perfect. That's the problem. He and his friends don't get into any trouble at all. I wish they would. Do you remember how many times we broke curfew as kids, Charlie?"
"Hell, yeah, and I remember the whooping our dads gave us, too."
"Yeah, but Edward has never put one toe out of line."
"No, you had Alice doing that."
"This is very true." Carlisle glanced at his daughter, who was sitting on her boyfriend's lap, and groaned. "Tell me, Charlie. I heard Jasper and Emmett are staying with you. Are they good kids?"
"They're great kids. Bella gets along wonderfully with them. Well, Emmett and she have always been more like siblings than anything, but those boys are helpful, respectful, and responsible. They help out around the house, and they've been giving me a hand with Bella also."
"Good. Maybe they'll rub off on Alice and Rosalie."
"Hi, Dr. Cullen. Hello, Chief Swan," Mike greeted as he approached the grill. The boy had an usually confident grin on his face.
"Would you like a hot dog or a burger, Mike?"
"I'll take a burger if you don't mind."
"Mike, you eat here almost every night. Why would I mind?"
"I don't know. I'm just making small talk."
Carlisle and Charlie both chuckled at the boy. Carlisle handed Mike a burger and then did a double take. What did the boy do to his pants?
Charlie noticed the distinct bulge in Mike's pants at around the same time. He looked Carlisle in the eye and they both arched their brows.
"Well, thanks for the burger. I'll be back for more. I'm a growing boy after all."
"Is it my imagination or did Mikey stuff a few pairs of socks down his jeans?" Carlisle asked.
"I would say he stuffed a whole shoe down his pants," Charlie stated.
Just then, Mike Newton, Sr. came to their side. "What the hell is my boy up to? He looks like he rolled up a towel and stuffed it down his underwear."
"Uh, yeah, we were just discussing that."
They looked over to where Mike was sitting with Ben and Edward. Ben was shifting uncomfortably in his seat. He didn't look good. Carlisle, Charlie, and Mike, Sr. decided to keep an eye on the boys.
Back at the kids section…
"How are you guys doing on your physics project?" Bree Tanner asked.
"Good, how about you? Who are you partnering with?" Edward asked.
"Oh, with Bella and Angela. We're already done."
"Done? How can you be done?"
"Well, we worked on it and got it done. How else?"
"It was easy. You just have to think outside of the box," Bella Swan piped in. Edward's jaw dropped. Bella Swan… the Bella Swan… was conversing with him. He started coughing.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, Edward, are you okay?" Alice asked giggling.
"What's so funny?" Bella asked.
"Nothing. I just care about my brother, that's all."
Edward was pretty sure Bella was glaring at his sister, which was surprising. He was sure cheerleaders stuck together and that she'd laugh right along with her.
"Don't you guys have prom coming up?" Rosalie asked.
"Yep," Bella replied.
"When is it?"
"In a couple of weeks."
"Do you have a dress? A date?"
"So? What does your dress look like? Who are you going with?"
Bella wasn't about to reply to Rosalie Hale. She never liked her. In fact, she remembered how Jessica, Lauren, and herself were excited that Rosalie and Alice graduated from high school after their freshman year. They vowed never to be as pretentious as those two ever. She changed the subject instead.
"Hey, Emmett, are you really going to take my friends and me kayaking next week?"
"Sure am, Little Bear."
"Cool, I'm so excited."
"You never said anything about taking a bunch of high schoolers kayaking?" Rosalie asked, appalled.
"I didn't? Oh, I'm telling you now. Jasper and I are taking my cousin and her buddies kayaking."
"What? Jasper is going, too? Just what are we supposed to do?" Alice inquired.
"Get your nails done. Do whatever the hell it is that girls do."
"Ew… Don't call him Jazzy. It sounds stupid. Call him Jasper," Bella commented.
Alice narrowed her eyes at her. "It's better than Little Bear."
"Hey, Bella has been Little Bear since we were kids. She's Little Bear and I'm Big Bear—that's how it's always been and how it always will be. Besides, Jasper hates it when you call him Jazzy," Emmett replied.
"Ugh!" Alice turned away from Emmett and Bella who were fist bumping each other while Rose glared jealously at the pair. She hated how Emmett and Bella got along. She didn't care if they were cousins who grew up together. She hated when Emmett was attentive to anyone but her. She especially hated it when Emmett paid attention to someone as beautiful as Bella.
Edward, meanwhile, was in awe of Bella Swan. She actually stood up to Alice and Rosalie and didn't take their crap. He wished he could grow some balls and be more like her. She was nice, pretty, smart, and had a great personality, too. She was extremely popular in school, too.
"Well, I'm going to get another burger," Mike said and abruptly stood up. They watched as he made his way to the grill. He slipped on something on the way and bumped into the side of the table. A loud pop was heard coming from his direction. Mike suddenly clutched the front of his pants and ran inside the house, his worried father on his heels.
"Oh my God!" Rose laughed loudly.
"I think he had a balloon stuffed down his pants!" Alice announced. Bella Swan shook her head disapprovingly at the girls. She and her friends didn't take the bait. In fact, no one else did. They felt sorry for Mike.
She looked over at Ben Cheney who was scratching furiously. Rather than embarrass him, she walked over to her father and told him of her concerns. Luckily Dr. Cullen and Mr. Cheney were also there. Mr. Cheney thanked Bella and called his son over. She saw Ben walk in the house with Dr. Cullen and Mr. Cheney.
"Are you having fun, Bella?" Charlie asked.
"Somewhat. I just wish Alice and Rosalie weren't here. They're so mean. I don't see what Jasper and Emmett sees in them."
"Neither do I, but what did Mom always say when she was alive, young lady?"
"If I don't have anything nice to say, don't say it all."
"That's right, don't ever forget that."
Charlie kissed his little girl on top of her head. He missed his wife, Bella's mother, like crazy. She passed away about five years ago from injuries sustained in a car accident. Her best friend Sarah Black was in the car with her and also died. It was the worst day of his life. He lost his other half and his daughter lost her mother. It took months for them to feel alive again, and he owed it all to his friends who were here at this party. They were all good people, and had very good hearts. They made sure Charlie stayed strong for Bella. They made sure they stayed active and were always surrounded by friends. They were lucky as all hell to have friends like that.
Charlie kept an eye on the grill while Carlisle was inside tending to Ben. He wondered what happened and hoped he was okay. He saw Edward Cullen wander inside the house, probably to use the bathroom. He was such a great kid albeit he lacked confidence. The kid would become a huge success one day.
Edward, indeed, did go to use the bathroom. He made a small detour to his room to grab his new gadget. Bella Swan was at the party and there was no better time to use it. He wanted her to be impressed by his manliness. He quickly scanned through the instructions. He inserted his penis inside the cylinder and squeezed the bulb syringe a few times to pump the air out. It was working. His penis was growing larger and larger. Encouraged, he squeezed the bulb furiously until he was satisfied. He stopped to take a look at his handiwork and was impressed. He pulled on the cylinder to remove it, but it seemed to be stuck. He pulled again, the device wasn't moving. He tried wrenching the thing off. He winced at the pain.
Upon closer examination, the device seemed to have drawn out all of the air and created a vacuum of sort around his penis. He was so erect that it was painful. He took a few deep breaths and tried tugging at it, but it wasn't budging. Finally, using all of his might he yanked at it as hard as he could. "Ouch!" he yelled, just as the bathroom door opened, and his penis pump went flying off and was deflected by a stunned Bella Swan's eye.
Bella fell onto her bottom with a loud thud and a yelp, causing several people to come running upstairs to her rescue. She was sitting on the ground clutching her eye in pain.
"What on earth happened? Bella, were you able to use the upstairs bathroom?" Esme asked, and then noticed her son standing in the bathroom beet red with a king-sized erection standing at attention. "Oh, my." Edward quickly grabbed a bath towel to cover himself.
"I don't know what happened. I opened the door and I got hit with that thing," Bella pointed to the penis pump.
It was at that point that Alice and Rosalie started guffawing.
"Oh my God! Is that what I think it is?" Alice cried. "Were you trying to pump your dick up for Bella? You know my brother has a crush on you."
Bella, though in pain, stood up and turned to Alice. "Why are you such a bitch? Can't you see that your brother is embarrassed? I swear to God, you have to be the most immature, self-centered ass to ever exist."
"Hey, don't talk to my friend that way!" Rosalie yelled. "I can crush your social life, you know!"
"What are you going to do? You don't scare me! You're just a bully! The worst kind of bully! You use your looks and sex to intimidate people and get what you want, but you know what? When people get to know the real you, they bolt because they see all the ugliness inside. God! Now everyone leave and give Edward some privacy!"
Alice and Rosalie cowered under Bella's fierce gaze and disappeared down the stairs. Everyone else shook their heads, but departed to give Edward some privacy. Carlisle and Charlie remained behind.
"I'm sorry that I opened the door without knocking. I really had to use the bathroom and the downstairs one was being used. Your mom said I could use this one," Bella informed him.
"S'okay, I'm already the laughing stock of the school. It won't make a difference."
"You know, Edward. I wouldn't listen to your sister or Rosalie. They've never really been nice. When Jess, Lauren, and I were freshmen cheerleaders, they did nothing but tease and bully us. That's why the three of us vowed never to become like them and we stick by that rule. Your secret is safe with us, and I'm sure Angela and Bree won't breathe a word of what happened neither."
"Thanks, Bella. Thanks for sticking up for me, too."
"Anytime, what are friends for?"
"Do you mean that?"
"That you're my friend."
"Sure, I do. Besides, we can't go through a thing like this and not be friends. Come and sit at our table during lunch. Bring Ben and Mike, too."
"Sure, besides I know a couple of girls who have a crush on you."
"Yes, on you."
"Are you sure?"
"Okay, I'll see you on Monday, then." Edward grinned happily at his new friend.
"Monday it is."
Before she left, Dr. Cullen took a quick look at Bella's eye. It was tender and was already beginning to bruise, but he told her to ice it and that she'd be as good as new in no time. After that, Charlie took his daughter home.
Carlisle picked the penis pump up and turned to his son. "So, Edward, would you like to tell me what this is all about? Mike burst some sort of inflatable device on his penis, Ben developed an allergic reaction to some sort of penile enhancing lotion, and here you have a penis pump. By the way, this is a device specifically for men who have erectile dysfunction. It's to aid them in getting and maintaining an erection. I know for a fact that you don't have trouble with that, do you, son?"
"Well, what happened?"
"We—that is Ben, Mike, and I wanted to impress some girls. We wanted them to notice us. It's just that we're so nerdy and pathetic."
"First of all, you are neither of those things. What I would like to know is what gave you boys the idea that enlarging your penises would attract girls?"
"Well, it's just that the popular girls always seem to date the really big, jock types. Have you seen Jasper and Emmett? They're big!"
"And you want to date girls like Rose or your sister?"
"Uh… Not really, but maybe girls as pretty as they are."
"Edward, I think Bella Swan just pointed out to you that exterior beauty may not be all it's cracked up to be. Sure, Alice and Rose are beautiful, but they have a lot of growing up to do still. They've had too many things just handed to them and haven't had to work hard to accomplish things, but you, Edward—you know what it's like to work hard to accomplish your goals. I see it everyday."
"Yeah, but look at me, Dad. I look like a freak."
"You don't look like a freak," Alice stated as she climbed up the stairs. "You're actually very nice looking."
"Don't lie, Alice."
"Edward, I'm telling you the truth. You're a really good looking kid. You just have to be more confident about yourself."
"Why are you being nice to me all of a sudden?"
"Because the love of my life just broke up with me for being a selfish, immature, and malicious bitch."
"Jasper said that to you?"
"Yep, and he was right. I had no right to make your life miserable and neither did Rosalie. She'd be up here apologizing herself, but she's too sad that Emmett told her that he couldn't see her anymore. Well, anyway, I'm sorry. I really am. You're my brother and I really do love you." Alice made her way to her room with tears in her eyes. Edward suspected she was going there to cry.
"I think your sister just learned an important lesson. She can't have her way all the time."
"Alright, Edward, are you feeling any better?"
Edward thought about it. Yes, he was feeling better. Much better. Who wouldn't? His sister apologized, Bella Swan invited him and his friends to sit with her at lunch, and she said she knew a couple of girls who had crushes on him. But the best thing was that Bella Swan considered him a friend and stood up for him. Him. Edward Cullen. How awesome was that?
He turned to his father and answered, "Emotionally—much better, but physically—no. Dad, I think I did something to my penis. It won't go down!"
"Oh, Edward, what are we going to do with you?" his father asked. "Alright, let's have a look."
"God, this is embarrassing."
"Yes, it is, but you brought this one onto yourself."
"Yeah, I did. I kind of pumped it up too hard." And with that, Edward happily dropped his towel and let his father examine his big problem.
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