15N: Finally! Dear god, this took me forever to write. I probably ended up deleting the entire chapter five times before things looked even remotely presentable. Having writer's block sucks ass, as I'm sure you all know. Anyways, I just want to add that updates may be a bit slow in future as I hope to work on a Christmas drabble as well. Also, I'm so shit-deep in neglected homework, I'll likely drown.
D: I DON'T OWN NARUTO.
S: In which Tenten floods the bathroom, among other things.
Of Men and Their Kittens
In Which Tenten Floods The Bathroom
"You're flooding my house," Neji commented dryly, eyeing the alarming amount of water rippling across his bathroom floor.
"Oh, shut up."
Scowling, Tenten aimed a kick in his general direction, looking considerably irked and a whole lot exasperated. She was bent double over the bathtub, hands clamped firmly around a mewling kitten. Her arms throbbed painfully as she plunged them back into the lukewarm bath water, growling in frustration. One did not simply bathe a cat without going through compete and utter hell. Cursing as the tiny animal dug razor sharp claws into her skin, she whirled around to glare murderously at Neji.
"Sure! Just stand there, why don't you!? It's not like I could use your help or anything!"
Neji shrugged, somewhat distracted as he continued to chase after a particularly towel-evasive kitten.
"You did not instruct me to assist you in the washing process, so I didn't."
Tenten just about lost it.
"Oh, for- Neji!" she shrieked, pelting him with soapy water. "Get your ass over here and help me!" Letting out a small squeak of pain (the kitten had found better leverage in her hair, which was exceptionally painful), Tenten prepared to hurl more water at the Hyuuga.
With an exasperated sigh, Neji pried the soaking animal from his teammate's dark tresses, smirking slightly as he did so. "The next time you decide to actively destroy my house, I suggest you give me a fair warning."
"... GODDAMNIT, NEJI!"
Long story short; there was a considerable amount of mopping to do.
"This is all your fault," Neji stated pointedly, brow furrowing as he contemplated the thoroughly ruined paint job. They'd been at this for hours now, and the Hyuuga was wondering how on earth he was supposed to explain this to his uncle. It had quickly become apparent that the wooden floorboards stood little chance of survival. Not only were they soaking wet, the slender planks had swollen to half their original size, and no amount of mopping would salvage them now.
"You provoked me!"
"Only because I value having a roof over my head!"
"The kittens-"
"-Are going to ruin my life!"
"Neji..."
"Tenten."
"Neji!"
"...!"
She opened her mouth to speak, and he thought it necessary to add, "by the gods, Tenten, if you say 'Gai-sensei' one more time..."
"... Bastard."
With a little hiss, Tenten stomped forwards, grumbling curse words under her breath. He did that on purpose, conceited asshole. Fuming, she waved a hand dismissively, shoving the mildly amused prodigy with significantly more force than necessary.
"Will you move!?"
He didn't bother hiding his smirk this time. "Or what?" and, as if to further irritate her, he reclined against the wooden doorframe, very much enjoying himself.
That made one of them, at least.
Positively fuming, the weapon mistress extended an elegant finger, prodding him, none too gently, with each word.
"It."
Poke.
"Was"
Poke.
"You."
"Excuse me?" Neji raised a tapered brow, fixating her with his typical, I'm-Hyuuga-Neji-and-I-Know-What's-Best, looks. "I beg to differ."
This time, Tenten really did kick him.
"You're impossible," she huffed angrily, resting a hand on her hip.
He scowled, not appreciating the newfound pain in his shins.
"... And you're a menace to society."
Even so, Neji withdrew from the doorway, pinching the bridge of his nose for what must have been the millionth time that day. Feeling somewhat victorious, Tenten stomped past him, making sure to not-so-discreetly knee him on her way out, muttering something that sounded suspiciously like, "asshat."
Snow in Konoha was rare. They were accustomed to relatively mild winters in which the closet it ever came to snowing, was a steady downpour of freezing cold rain. Also mud. Lots and lots of mud. Unsurprisingly, the vast majority of Konoha generally lost their minds when it did end up snowing. It didn't matter if there was hardly enough to cover the ground, much less build a snowman, one might have thought it a national holiday. Of course, if they were fortunate enough to have a white Christmas... then the sky literally started shitting rainbows and unicorns.
Unlike his teammates, Neji did not enjoy frolicking through the heavy snowdrifts, and he especially disliked hurling compacted balls of ice. He later discovered that, receiving the aforementioned ball of ice in his face, was about ten times worse. Apparently, Tenten had decided to overlook that last bit, because halfway through their usual spars, something very hard, very cold, and certainly very wet, collided with the back of his neck.
Thud.
Whirling around, he glared at the suspected kunoichi, who immediately rearranged her features into a look of inquisitive innocence.
"Yes?" she questioned amicably, "is there something wrong?"
Neji's stinkeye intensified significantly at this statement.
"Hn."
Reaching up to brush the snow of his shoulder, he resumed his meditation, brow furrowing minutely. If this was payback for taunting her earlier that day (and it obviously was), he silently vowed to be more discreet in his pissing off of Konoha's weapon mistress.
Tenten just grinned wickedly, having forgiven him the minute her snowball smashed into his back. This, she thought, was the perfect revenge. Lee, who'd been watching from a little ways away, also shared his teammate's mischievous smile. Seeing Neji get pelted with snow never failed to amuse him. For a while, there was no more throwing of snowballs. Instead, both Tenten and Lee engrossed themselves in their training, occasionally commenting on the other's skills.
Thud.
At this, Neji was on his feet in a matter of seconds, turning to face the direction from which the offending snowball had come.
"Tenten!"
Arriving by the kunoichi's side, Neji reached forwards and grasped a handful of the girl's clothes, jerking his friend towards him until they were face to face. His voice had lowered to a near lethal tone.
"By the gods, Tenten," he hissed, "if you do that one more time-"
"Do what, Neji-kun?" the weapon mistress inquired innocently, her right hand unobtrusively releasing the ball of compressed snow held within its grasp.
"I think you know exactly what I mean, Tenten-chan," the Hyuuga replied, his latter words laced with heavy sarcasm. "If this happens again, I'll Jyuuken the living daylights out of whoever is responsible." Having finished his vehement threat, Neji shoved the kunoichi away from him and stalked back to his place beneath the oak tree, muttering something incoherent.
Lee caught Tenten's eye and they exchanged grins, happily recognizing the growing irritation of their teammate. Contrary to popular belief, the two nin secretly enjoyed goading, provoking, and generally annoying one another. Lee knew better, though, and as Team Gai resumed their habitual training, he kept a close eye on both Hyuuga and weapon mistress, feeling certain that there was more to come. Sure enough, several minutes later he spotted Tenten casting a fleeting glance in Neji's direction, stooping momentarily before straightening, her hand clenched tightly around another Byakugan-directed missile.
Thud.
Not unlike a ballerina on steroids, Neji spun around, initiating his Jyuuken, all in one swift motion. Before he could carry out his threat, however, Lee's voice rang out across the snowy clearing.
"Neji, my eternal rival!" The Green Beast waved pumped an arm up and down energetically. "WATCH THIS!" And, before the startled prodigy could so much as protest, Lee's hastily thrown snowball smashed into his face. Tenten doubled over laughing, tears of mirth running down her rosy cheeks.
"That... (gasp) was... amazing, Lee!"
He smiled, relieved to have saved his OTP from a terrible fate.
"YOSH! Such is the power of youth!"
Neji was going to kill them all.
It was then that Hanabi, accompanied by a flustered-looking Hinata, chose the perfect moment to intrude. Seizing her chance, Tenten, who was closest to the raging Hyuuga prodigy, and first in line to be slaughtered, quickly pelted Hanabi with snow. Hinata's sister froze, slowly turning around, a demonic look in her eye as she stormed towards the one she thought was responsible.
"You... you... NEJI!" Hanabi roared, effectively scaring the shit out of all who were present. "You are SO dead!"
Her cousin looked rather affronted at this accusation. "You are mistaken, Hanabi," he protested, hands raised before him in offended innocence (and also because Hanabi looked positively murderous). "Why would I throw a snowball at you?"
It was Hanabi's turn to look disbelieving. "Right, and I suppose that snowball just hit me of its own accord then," she demanded angrily, swatting furiously at the glistening droplets in her hair.
"Don't be a fool," Neji replied coldly, "Tenten is the one responsible."
At this, Hanabi turned to look at the kunoichi in question, who had, by this time, resumed her throwing of sharp objects at various trees.
"Tenten!?" Hiashi's daughter repeated, "What reason would she have to hurl a snowball at me?!"
"Many come to mind, but I suggest you ask her yourself."
"...OI! GET BACK HERE, YOU ASSHOLE!"
Needless to say, Hanabi proceeded to beat the living hell out of her esteemed cousin. As for Neji... just wait till he got his hands on the idiots he had for teammates!
N: Reviews are welcomed and appreciated. Thank you! (I'm going to tray and incorporate the Christmas spirit into this fanfic. Wish me luck!)