First of all, I'm starting off with a disclaimer: I don't hate gays, nor is this story intended to make fun of them. Heck, I'M gay. Just because one of the characters (I won't say which) is gay, it doesn't mean that the subsequent jokes are directed at gays or even the gay stereotype. If you have further complaints, feel free to flame or send me a Howler PM.
Now that that's out of the way...well, let's not delay! Review if you love pumpkin spice lattes and enjoy!
(P.S. I've never had a PSL. I'm too scared.)
It was a beautiful day in Pokémon Square and Team Charm had just defeated a bunch of bad guys who were trying to start up a shop specializing in clothing – last season's fashions. Of course, the girls could not just let a crime like that slide, so they transformed into magical girls and pounded out their stuffing.
"That's right, run!" Lopunny yelled after a fleeing gothita. "And don't you come back until you're ready to read ELLE!" She turned to Medicham and Gardevoir and shared a slow-motion high-five with them.
"We're doing so much good for the world," Medicham said happily as they went back to normal from their Mega Evolutions – sorry, I mean Magical Girl formes. "But somehow, I feel unfulfilled."
Lopunny made a fist and grinned. "I know! Let's destroy those kecleons in mystery dungeons who attack you when you 'borrow' their merchandise! Nobody likes 'em, anyways!"
"Yeah!" yelled both Medicham and Gardevoir.
All of a sudden, three Pokémon approached them, looking threatening. They were a charizard, an alakazam, and a tyranitar. Lopunny fumbled in her bag to find a pair of sunglasses, then quickly put them on so she could lower them slightly and look over the top of the frame.
"And who might you boys be?" she asked in a sweet voice. Alakazam stepped forwards, glaring at her.
"We're Team ACT," he whispered darkly, "and we're here to eliminate you."
The girls of Team Charm pretended to look terrified. Gardevoir faked a faint.
"Seriously, guys!" Tyranitar yelled in a comically moronic-sounding voice. "You've practically destroyed the town!"
The girls looked around, but their brains edited out the majority of shops that were on fire from their vision, as well as the crying small children and adults on their knees praying to Arceus.
"You guys are just jealous of our magical girl powers!" Medicham accused, balling up her fists. "And now you're accusing us of something we totally would never do ever!"
Charizard rolled his eyes and took a sip from his Staryubucks pumpkin spice latte. "You guys are, like, totes hurting my brain. Like, you all need to take a big chill pill." His voice had that stereotypical high-pitched tone to it.
"Are you gay?" Gardevoir asked carefully. Charizard gasped and put a hand on his chest.
"Oh my gosh, you're, like, totes a homophlope or whatever they're called!" He pulled out a cellphone with a rainbow case and turned away, holding it out an arm's-length from his face. "Taking a selfie with the homophlope and my pumpkin spice latte!" He made a duck face, then shoved the phone back in his bag.
"Charizard," wailed Tyranitar, "you're really addicted to your phone! My mom said it was really really bad to be on a phone because it gives you cancer to your brains!"
"Like, shut up," Charizard snapped, checking his appearance in the phone. "It's my life and I'm not gonna listen to haters." He took another selfie. "Haters gonna hate!" he said, duckfacing again, and put away the phone again.
"Nooo!" Tyranitar cried, trying to grab the phone from Charizard's bag. Team Charm watched all of this in awed silence, but Alakazam seemed less than pleased. He rubbed his fingers against his temples, his eyes screwed tightly shut, until he finally lost it.
"Enough, you two bloody idiots!" The two instantly stopped fighting, though Charizard snuck out his phone to check his Instagram. "We came here to eliminate Team Charm, and instead, you're making complete fools of yourselves! You're giving me a headache!"
"Duhhh, but you always get headaches, Alakazam!" Tyranitar pointed out unhelpfully.
"And whose fault is that?" Alakazam shot them both sharp looks.
Lopunny cleared her throat. "So, are you boys gonna fight us, or what?"
"Like, calm your hormones, gurl," Charizard said absently. "You're like, way too excited over nuffin'."
Looking concerned, Gardevoir leaned in towards Lopunny and whispered, "Maybe we should transform now. They're really starting to concern me."
Lopunny nodded. "Yup, me, too." She faced Team ACT and all the girls got into position. "Alright, boys! You dare mess with Team Charm? Well, we'll mess you up!" They all struck stylish and cute poses. "Magical loli sweet-sweet power sugar kawaii strawberry Kawasaki powers activate!"
Then, using their adorable Key Stone necklaces and their respective Mega Stones – I mean, kawaii Magical Girl balls of power – they began their very pink transformation sequence.
"Oh...my gosh," Charizard said, pulling out his cellphone, "I so have to tweet about this! 'Totes about...to get our butts...totes kicked by...these kawaii sugoi...magical...girls!' And...send!"
"It's bad for your health!" Tyrantitar whimpered, looking like he very much wanted to rip the cellphone away.
"Knock it off!" growled Alakazam. "Team Charm, I hope you've prepared yourselves!" He skillfully tossed two chain-link necklaces with a Key Stone attached to both back at Tyranitar and Charizard. The former of them fumbled for it while a laugh track played in the background, and the latter shrieked and held up his hands to defend himself as it flew at him.
Alakazam had already Mega Evolved and he was looking determined. "For we, too, can Mega Evolve! And for the good of all Pokémon, we shall defeat you!"
Lopunny coughed into her fist, then nodded in the direction of Alakazam's teammates. The psychic Pokémon looked stunned for a moment, then glanced back. Neither of the boys had transformed yet, and neither looked too eager to. Tyranitar had feebly slung the necklace over one of his spikes and looked uncertain about what to do next, while Charizard's necklace was wrapped around his wrist and he was texting his 'totes fab gurlfriend,' Swanna.
"Guys!" Alakazam insisted. "Tyranitar, your fricking Mega Stone is in your bag! Charizard, if you don't get off that phone right this instant, I will delete all of your photos and change your relationship status on FaceBook to 'In a relationship with Kim Kardashian!'"
Mumbling an apology, Tyranitar dug through his bag to pull out a Mega Stone and Mega Evolved. Charizard put a hand on his hip and texted Swanna that he had to go because his totes loser team leader was being a pain in the tushie and put his phone away – for now.
"But seriously, man," he began, pulling out two Mega Stones, "should I go X or Y? Oh my gosh, so many choices!"
"Just pick one!" At this point, Alakazam was so furious that the veins on his neck bulged out.
"Gurl, you can't just PICK one!" Charizard gasped. "I mean, I'll look totes fab no matter what I pick, but I seriously want to look, like, really great for this occasion. And both forms are, like, super adorbs!" He raised and lowered his hands like a scale weighing two items. "It's like picking between a pumpkin spice latte and a chocolate peppermint mocha with extra sprinkles." He continued to frown at both stones until he suddenly perked up. "But today, I chose the pumpkin spice latte! Oh my gosh, I'm totes going with Y today! Pumpkin spice forevaaaaaa!" He tossed the X Mega Stone over his shoulder and transformed into Mega Charizard Y.
"I'm kinda worried that that phone affected you negatively," Tyranitar said worriedly, tapping his fingertips together in a nervous fashion.
Alakazam stomped the ground. "Both of you! Arceusdammit, you can talk about your stupid stuff later!" He took in a deep breath, then let it out slowly. "Alright. Alright. At least we're all finally ready to battle. Team Charm, here we – "
Then he stopped. Team Charm, who had been standing there a short while ago, were completely and utterly missing. What only the author knew was that they had gotten rather tired of waiting and left Team ACT to go to Spinda's Café and chat about which guilds they really didn't like. Reeaaaalllyyyy didn't like.
Alakazam stared forwards blankly. He was at a complete and utter loss for words.
"Wow, did those gurls seriously just run off?" Charizard asked. "I'm so tweeting this." He pulled out his phone and opened the Twitter app. "'Just got totes ditched by Team Charm! Hashtag lame hashtag ican'teven hashtag PSLseason!'"
And that was how Alakazam started drinking.