So this is me trying to avoid a writer's block by typing up random stuff that comes to my mind while reading fairy tales with my little cousin. More one shots are very likely to follow. Though there will be no specific update pattern.

Feedback/critique are welcome. Enjoy! :)


Snow White
aka WHO ARE YOU CALLING A DWARF?!

Edward watched quite impressed as Mustang's team of loyal subordinates practically waltzed through the defences of the secret laboratory they discovered in an alchemically build, small labyrinth of underground corridors and rooms, right beneath Central's totally normal appearing town houses. If it wasn't for the neighbour complaining about the unbelievable enormous water bill they charged him they would have never guessed this lab existed right here.

Funny how some supposedly genial scientists couldn't muster up the brain capacity to figure out how to divide the amount of water they stole from the houses around in sensible amounts per household so no one would realise they tapped into their water industries.

Anyway, back to Ed and Al feeling useless as they followed Mustang's team. There were the scientists in here who didn't put up much of a struggle and the thugs they hired for their protection. Those thugs were quite vicious sometimes, but they didn't stand a chance against five loyal subordinates who were equally pissed and worried because their commanding officer had been kidnapped.

Ed and Al couldn't do much more than transmute some restraints around the wounded or knocked out people Hawkeye, Havoc and Breda left behind as they moved forwards, clearing the path from said people while Falman was behind them, covering their backs and at the same time communicating with Fuery over the radio. The bespectacled soldier was outside, receiving the data from Falman and drawing a map from that, making sure his comrades didn't get lost and checked some corridors double while not checking others at all.

Ed felt that somehow it was creepy how determined Mustang's soldiers could be. Normally he was the one ploughing through the enemies while they followed behind, securing things, but today it was the other way around. Mustang's subordinates wanted their commanding officer back and they wouldn't be stopped by anything. It was like Ed and Al just trailed along because they were around when Mustang went missing and didn't have anything else to do. They barged into the office when the others were already done with their planning and now they were the emergency backup.

But then Ed didn't really feel responsible for saving his annoying commanding officer anyway. Really, why would he want that smug idiot back? There was no reason to be worried about him, the bastards always were the ones who died last and Mustang was the biggest bastard of all, always sending them on stupid missions and calling Ed short. So no, Edward wasn't worried at all. Note the sarcasm.

Finally they stopped at a tightly locked door and Ed was happy to feel useful as he transmuted it open for them. They went into the room, Falman remaining at the door to stand guard. It was lit by the cold, white light of flickering neon lamps and rather bare except for an examination table and a big glass box, which was connected to various hoses and pipes that dangled from the ceiling and rose from the ground. Though at the moment no one cared for the creepy tube collection because right there in the glass box lay the missing Mustang. Immediately they surrounded the box, staring intently at their commanding officer, trying to asses the situation.

Mustang was on his back, arms at his sides. He was dressed in a white t-shirt and some loose white trousers, reminding Ed of hospital pyjamas. His eyes were closed and his breathing slow but steady, so he was obviously asleep or some other form of unconscious. Most likely he was drugged because he didn't react to Ed bluntly knocking on the glass walls that surrounded him. Nope, he remained completely still.

He was pale, skin as white as snow. Though his lips were red as blood. Literally because either the red liquid trickled out of his mouth or his lip was cut somewhere, Ed couldn't tell. Though he could tell that the colonel had not only skin as white as snow and lips as red as blood but also ebony black hair. And he lay in a glass box.

"Damn, he looks like Snow White!", Havoc spoke Ed's thoughts and received a scalding glare from Hawkeye for giggling right now.

"Don't let him hear that, he won't be insulted and think you called him a girl, no, you'd just blow up his ego even more because he thinks the mirror would call him the most beautiful male in the country then.", Ed grumbled.

Hawkeye cleared her throat. "Joke and insult later please, when we found out what's wrong with him and how to get him out of here and wake him." And even though she said 'please' it clearly was an order they better shouldn't ignore. So they inspected the box and the attached tubes for a while, looking for transmutationcircles or other helpful things.

"I don't really have an idea. Anybody else?", Breda finally asked.

Havoc shot a look at Hawkeye, trying to gauge if she would shoot him for another joke, then grinned. "Well... in the fairytale Snow White woke up again because one of the seven dwarves who carried the glass coffin to the prince's castle stumbled and dropped the coffin, causing the piece of poisoned apple to fall from Snow White's mouth. So how about we make the boss carry the glass coffin and hope he stumbl-"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING ONE OF THE SEVEN DWARVES SO TINY HE CAN'T CARRY MUSTANG'S FAT ASS OUT OF HERE WITHOUT DROPPING HIM?!"

While Havoc was stupid enough to call Ed short to his face, he was at least smart enough to hide behind Al afterwards.

"Brother calm down, we need to focus on the colonel right now!"

"ONE DAY I'LL PUNCH YOU FOR THIS!", Ed snapped at Havoc, giving up on trying to get past Al for the moment. Grumbling very colourful words under his breath he turned back to the glass coffin and Mustang, only to find the colonel propped up on one elbow. He looked slightly sick and disorientated but already there was a smirk on his face.

"You're just like an alarm clock, Fullmetal.", he said, his voice hoarse and slightly muffled from the glass but understandable. "A tiny thing that wakes me up because it's very loud."

No one knew what shattered the glass box first; Ed's punch aimed at Mustang's face or the resonance of his high pitched scream.

"I'M NOT SHORT YOU FREAKING GIRL IN A GLASS COFFIN!"


Thanks for reading! The next one shot will be a bit longer and more serious if it works out the way it should.