38Disclaimer: None of this is mine. All rights belong to the great Tolkien and Peter Jackson.
The following report is extracted from the TA 2178 files.
Agent: Radagast the Brown
Location: Somewhere in the Western bit of the Greenwood. Next to a very pretty ash-tree.
Date: ?
Hello! I thought maybe it was time for my report! Are these supposed to be every century, or was it every week? Goodness knows. I've gotten a bit tired of wandering all over Middle-earth, to be honest, and just last week (month?) I stumbled across this charming forest! One of those Sindar lords- ridiculous lengths of blond hair, you know the sort- is the ruler or king or some such. But I don't think he'll mind one harmless old Wizard setting up shop along his borders, do you? He seems a pleasant enough chap! (Though he eats meat!)
So I'm building a house! Nothing too grand- just a little place to keep the rain off my head! Though I've nothing against rain! My friends the ducks tell me it's absolutely splendid to be out and feeling the rain wash against your beak! But some of my healing herbs really ought to be dried properly!
I think it will take a bit of time to construct everything, as I can't go around chopping down trees or something equally ridiculous! But every once in a while I stumble upon a nice bit of storm-felled lumber. Such a shame to see the poor dead things lying in the muck. But I tell myself that in a way, they're having a second life! I tried discussing it with my friends the butterflies (they have such a marvelous metamorphosis!), but alas, though they are very pretty, butterflies aren't famous for their deep psychological ponderings, as I am sure you know!
But I've already found a skunk den! The lady of the house is extremely polite and, I only discovered yesterday, is in the family way! Just imagine- soon there will be kits playing around in my front yard! You really should come and visit. Give me just the smallest warning, and I will make sure to have the good mushrooms and a dandelion-cake in time for tea!
Ah, speaking of mushrooms! How is Gandalf? Such a splendid person. Always willing to sit and chat! I haven't seen him for a good…. hmmm. A few decades? But you know how he likes to pop up at the most unexpected times! I haven't seen you in even longer! Letters simply aren't the same! And how are the Blues? I know they also went to the East, but I haven't heard much since then! We really ought to all get together, one great big I.S.T.A.R.I. reunion! I can make up cards for charades!
I've started a small gardening plot, of course. I do like to harvest from wild plants, but a few domestics are useful, as well! As I'm sure you're interested, I first had to spend some time testing the soil quality, and while the Greenwood is splendid, it isn't the best for those seeds that need a great deal of sunlight to reach their full potential [the following section of report redacted for length] and anyway, that's just a little bit of information on how best to get strawberries and mint to co-exist! Well! That's enough about the garden, I suspect!
I've also enclosed a good sample of specimens I hope you will appreciate, Saruman. They're in the attached envelope. Don't mind if there's a bit of leakage- you only need a bit, but I packed extra in case any got lost in transport!
Oh! And before I sign off, a request for you- I know you like the traditional way of things, but I am a bit concerned about the amount of ink and parchment these correspondences use up. Which is why I've written this report using berry-juice on leaves that have been pasted together with early-fall sap! What do you think? If it passes muster, I hope we can send all of our reports in this matter!
Yours in friendship (and say hello to your charming Crebain for me!),
Radagast
Attached documents:
-Essence of Nightshade marked 'Potential for common cold?'
-Fur and hair clippings labeled 'Lady Skunk,' 'Brown Bear,' and 'a bit off that Sindar fellow, I shouldn't think he'll miss it'
-Dung of various origins
-Daisy, pressed
-Bluebell, pressed
-Snapdragon, pressed
-Poison ivy
-Bottle of Blackberry jam
-Jar labeled 'Mucus collected from poor Mrs. Hedgehog's sickly hoglets'
-Blue jay feather
Author's Note: And now on to 'The Durin's Day Files!" Please note that as this is a series, if you're only following "The Handkerchief Files", you need to follow me personally for updates on all works connected to the world of the I.S.T.A.R.I. during The Hobbit.