I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me

Her eyes were blank, no more tears left, too tired from crying. She felt like no corner was dark enough to hide in and no bourbon strong enough to numb the pain she felt. She was sitting on the cold floor in the middle of the arrow cave staring at the fern she'd given to Oliver a few months back.

"You promised me I would never lose you, you know? And I believed you..."

She took a deep breath.

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do

"How do I do this, Oliver? How do I live my life without you in it? Because I've tried. These past few weeks... But it's really REALLY hard... They told me you were gone and it felt like part of me died, Oliver, like I died... I had no idea how strong my love for you was, how much I love you" she laughed bitterly at those words.

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

"Isn't that funny...? I finally say it out loud and you're not here to hear it." she paused again for a second and inhaled the scent that was surrounding her – his scent. She was wearing his grey hoodie, she felt so small in it, but so safe. "I love you. And I really hope ghosts exist and you're standing here somewhere and you can hear me, because I need you to know..."

After weeks of crying she was surprised to feel more tears come down her face.

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

"I just... I wish you were here." with that she stood up and crossed the room. She lay down in Oliver's bed, closed her eyes and with hopes of dreaming about Oliver she drifted off to sleep.