137. Life to Come…
Two days after returning to Voyager, Tom woke to find B'Elanna standing over him. He smiled weakly and tried to get up, but quickly discovered that he was in no position to try with her hand on his chest holding him down. He laid back down and let out a gasp from exertion.
"Am I still alive?" he asked with a slight tone of skepticism.
"Apparently," B'Elanna replied.
"So this isn't Heaven?" he said looking around sickbay and wondering if it was Hell instead.
"Hardly," B'Elanna replied, "You've been asleep for two days."
"Uh huh," was his only reply. He closed his eyes for a moment before opening them quickly, "The Captain! There was still another…"
"It's okay!" B'Elanna held him down as he tried to get up again, "She's fine and on the bridge."
He seemed to settle back down and began breathing hard from the rush of energy. The monitor above his bed began to beep. A few moments later the Doctor appeared by his side and looked at the readouts before picking up a medical tricorder to scan him.
"I see you're awake."
"Apparently so Doc," Tom replied.
"I assume Lt. Torres had brought you up to speed?"
"A little bit," Tom replied in a weak voice.
"What was your last memory?" the Doctor asked putting his tricorder aside.
Tom closed his eyes trying to remember what he could about the mission, "We crashed on the planet surface. The captain and I tried to get away from a group of guys tracking us. We barely were able to fight them off."
"Do you remember the assault?" the Doctor asked loading a hypospray.
"Not really," Tom replied his voice a million miles away, "I remember firing my phaser and then getting stabbed, but after that it's a blur."
The Doctor pressed a hypospray to Tom's neck, "Your wounds were serious and you actually died on the planet. The blade you were stabbed with was infused with a toxin that almost killed you. I've managed to repair your physical wounds, but the toxin is still being flushed from your system."
Tom's eyes opened and he looked at the Doctor, "Then how…"
"The captain," the Doctor quickly replied, "She was tireless trying to save your life."
Tom closed his eyes and sighed slowly.
"Well you should try and rest," the Doctor said, "If you need me I'll be in my office."
The Doctor walked back into his office as Tom began to settle back in the biobed.
He opened his eyes and looked and saw B'Elanna was still there reading a padd, "Sitting vigil?"
She looked up from her padd, "Yes," she replied, "Harry, the captain, Neelix and few others have been here around the clock waiting for you to wake up. It's annoyed the Doctor, but we insisted."
"I'll be honest and say that I'm surprised that you volunteered for this," he whispered, "We didn't exactly end on good terms."
"I know," she replied with a slight edge in her voice, "But you're still a friend and I do still care about you."
After a few moments of silence Tom finally spoke up, "Look… I am sorry about what happened," he said sincerely, "I…"
She cut him off before he could continue, "Tom, it's okay. You were right. We were just not that compatible as a couple. We have too many differences and not enough patience for the others temperament."
He looked up at the ceiling, "I know, but I should have handled it better."
"No arguments here," came her reply with more than a touch of humor. She looked at him and sincerely said, "I do forgive you, Tom. I just hope you can forgive yourself."
He smiled slightly, "Thanks," he replied, "One day I will."
He closed his eyes again and slipped into sleep remembering the girl with the shinning red hair looking into the sunset in that grassy field.
He fired his phaser and knew he didn't hit the first attacker. Sudden movements in the corner of his eye made him look to his left. Just as he turned he saw the third attacker about to jump down and attack the captain from her left. The man sprang upon Kathryn…
"Captain! Look out!"
Tom sat up quickly, sweating and in a fevered panic. His breathing was hard and fast. He was trying in vain to get air into his lungs. He realized suddenly that there was a weight on his chest and then he heard her.
"Tom! Easy!"
He looked to his left and saw Kathryn, her hand on his chest preventing him from rising any farther. The Doctor was on the other side running a scan and looking concerned.
He looked back at Kathryn. Her face was full of concern.
"It's okay Tom," she said in a softer tone and trying to put a smile on her face, "I'm okay. I'm here and we're back on Voyager."
He closed his eyes in relief. It had only been a nightmare. He slowly laid back down and tried to get his breathing back under control. He felt a cool towel on his forehead and opened his eyes and saw Kathryn administering the towel.
"That was one Hell of a nightmare," he gasped between breaths.
"No kidding," replied the Doctor, "Your heart rate jumped to 230 beats per minute, your neural activity levels practically jumped of the charts and your adrenaline spiked to almost 50 times above normal. You're lucky you didn't have a heart attack."
The Doctor administered a hypospray and placed it on the tray next to the bed, "I've given you a mild sedative. It should help normalize your neuro chemical levels and relax you at the same time. You may feel sleepy, so I wouldn't fight it."
Tom nodded, "Thanks Doc."
He looked over to Kathryn and still saw the look of concern and slight panic in her eyes.
"I'm sorry," was all he could think of to say.
She smiled at him and nodded, "It's okay."
He started to feel the medicine's affect taking hold. Seeing her worried face he said, "I had the best dream earlier."
"Oh really?" she replied with a faint tone of humor knowing he was going to be fine if he was telling her about a dream, "What about?"
"This beautiful woman was standing in a grassy field looking at the sunset," he said as he closed his eyes, "She had this amazing shinning red hair."
Kathryn smiled at him, "Sounds like a great dream. Who's the woman?"
Tom smiled and opened his eyes. He looked right into her blue eyes and said, "You."
She let out a small chuckle and her smile grew larger, "At least I won't have to be jealous of that dream."
She removed the towel and held his hand, "We were lucky you know," she said with a more serious tone. Her voice suddenly broke and she composed herself before continuing, "I almost lost you."
"Almost, but not quite," he replied softly.
A few moments of silence fell between them with only the sounds of the bio-monitors.
"I finally realize there is something in this universe I can't lose… ever," she leaned closer to him and looked into his eyes with such an intensity that Tom could almost feel her earnestness, "If this is going to work… we have to promise that we be here for each other. I need you with me and I finally understand that I can't do this without you."
"I promise," he replied with equal intensity, "I guess I finally realize too that you have been the constant in my life and that I truly cared for you all those years ago."
She smiled at his words, "You mean so much to me that I didn't even realize it until it was almost too late. I never want to go through what we went through these last few months again. I miss our ability to be ourselves with each other. Joking, talking, supporting one another… everything about what made it so easy to be with you. Promise me that whatever is happening and whatever you're feeling that we can always talk and support each other."
"You have my word," he said honestly and with conviction.
"Oh and one more thing… if you ever try to push me away trying to save you again I'll knock you out, save you and then break up with you," she said seriously.
He let out a weak laugh before nodding, "Yes, Ma'am."
She smiled at him finally and kissed him softly, "Get some rest. We can talk more later."
She sat back in her chair, picked up her book and before she finished reading the next line he was asleep.
Three days after his nightmare, Tom slowly and carefully exited sickbay with Kathryn guiding him and the Doctor walking anxiously behind them. The toxin was almost fully gone from his system and he was no longer in any jeopardy and so he could recover in his quarters. The entire ship had heard about their adventure and many stopped by to visit and hear the tale. But what they saw mostly was their captain by his side supporting him as he recovered. Needless to say, the ship's gossip mill was churning at full speed.
"Now remember to rest and no over exertion," the Doctor said, reminding Tom for the umpteenth time.
"I know Doc," Tom said as they slowly made their way to his quarters.
"I'll make sure he stays down Doctor," Kathryn said from Tom's other side.
"Excellent, I feel better now," the Doctor replied with sarcasm, "There isn't a responsible bone between the two of you when it comes to listening to your doctor."
Tom looked down at Kathryn, who looked up at him and they both smiled.
Crew members past them as they walked and they all smiled and congratulated Tom for getting out of sickbay and wished him well. Of course, they also noticed the captain guiding Tom.
Tom, as weak as he was, noticed the looks from the crew, "The gossip mill must be close to a breach now," he said quietly.
Kathryn looked at him questioning.
Seeing her face he said simply, "You here with me."
She nodded, "Let them talk," she said, "It's none of their business really."
Tom nodded in agreement, but he knew that it was not going to be easy to be with her on this ship.
"I think it's a wonderful development actually," the Doctor blurted out happily breaking into Tom's thoughts.
Both Tom and Kathryn looked at the Doctor with surprise. He looked at them with bemusement before realizing he may have touch a sensitive subject and his face turned into an almost panicked look.
"What I mean is that you both seem to be pass your adversarial stage since Mr. Paris' incarceration and now have moved onto a more friendly and collaborative relationship," he explained quickly.
His choice of wording couldn't have been closer to the truth, but never-the-less amusing to both Tom and Kathryn. They looked at each other and laughed between themselves. The Doctor relaxed at their laughter and hoped he had successfully navigated through the minefield he had stepped in.
In reality, he had already known the captain and Tom's relationship had moved well beyond the 'more friendly and collaborative relationship' he had mentioned. He had been sitting in his office and had overheard them talking in low tones during one of her visits. The conversation was intimate and personal and he had heard many references to their future together.
Tom finally entered his quarters and the Doctor took one more brief scan before leaving Kathryn to help Tom get into bed. When he was finally comfortable and sat next to him and looked into his blue eyes.
"Do you need anything before I go?" she asked.
"A kiss would be great."
She smiled and obliged him. It was a soft yet passionate kiss.
"Wow," Tom said when they broke from it, "I can't wait to get better."
Kathryn laughed at his comment, "Well I'm hoping for a speedy recovery," she said giving him a very sultry look.
"Yes, Ma'am," he said with a smile.
Tom closed his eyes and Kathryn moved to leave him when his hand grabbed hers. She settled back onto the bed and looked at him quizzically.
He looked at her with a serious and somber expression, "I want to you to know that I would have understood if you had to destroy my shuttle."
Her smile faded and she grabbed his hand and held it tight, "I would never have forgiven myself if I had. I would have killed my best friend, my companion… my lover. I would have been tortured by that."
"I am sorry Kathryn," he said, "At the time I never thought we'd be here now… together."
She smiled at him again, "I never thought of it either, but now I can't imagine it any other way."
He nodded, "Same here."
There was a brief silence between them before Kathryn broached the subject she had avoided for months now.
"You know… I won't be able to defend my punishment of you," she said quietly after a few moments pause, "At least not to the Admiralty."
Tom looked at her and saw her face become hard from saying that.
"Chakotay's formally protested and the crew practically mutinied," she stopped and recovered her emotions, "It won't be an easy time for me when we get back to Earth."
"I know" he said, "But we'll face it together."
She looked at him and smiled a knowing and soft smile. He gripped her hand and she leaned in for one more kiss. Softer and sweeter than before.
She pulled away a short distance and looked intently into his eyes, "I love you Thomas Eugene Paris."
"I love you Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway," he replied looking just as intently into her eyes.
They held that moment as long as they could before Tom broke it.
"Now go be captain," he said with authority and a smile.
"Aye, aye, sir," she replied with humor in her voice and smile.
From that moment onward, neither Tom nor Kathryn was ever separated. She had helped heal his broken spirit and he in turn helped heal her broken heart. As Tuvok had predicted, the crew immediately adapted to their relationship and considered the union to be the greatest match ever. Their love and support of each other would be one of the continuous and binding forces on Voyager.
Upon their return to Earth, she was brought to task from the events of Voyager's journey including Tom's punishment. However, his presence is what supported her through that tough time and eventually she was promoted to Admiral while Tom was promoted to Commander.
Both took positions at StarFleet Headquarters to be with each other. Tom at the propulsion labs and Kathryn at the Headquarters complex itself. Kathryn will always remember her first day walking into her office. Her staff stood at her entrance and her aide approached her with a cup of coffee and greeted her.
"Good morning Admiral Paris and welcome."