A/N: Written for the amazing istytehcrawk for Christmas, since I can't afford gifts for people. But she loved it, so here you go. Prepare for bad puns and sex.


It happens when they're home for the holidays and Burt insists that Kurt go through a few boxes of random things to get rid of. They're stuffed away in the attic and it's getting too crowded, his dad says. So Kurt shuffles upstairs with Blaine in tow, and they haul the boxes to Kurt's old room. There are six of them, all neatly labeled with Kurt's writing. Some are from high school, but a couple are from New York when he ran out of space.

It takes them a couple of days to sort through what has sentimental value and what Kurt just needs to trash. They drag the last box out on Christmas Eve, after the presents are all wrapped and stuffed under the tree and Kurt's parents are in bed. Tomorrow is their last full day in Ohio and they don't want to waste time that could be spent with family going through the box, so they settle in and start sorting.

They're about halfway through when Kurt starts laughing and pulls out a jingly elf hat. "Oh my god, I completely forgot about this!"

Blaine laughs, too, his eyebrows furrowed as he flicks one of the bells. "What's this?"

"Remember the year we broke up and you ended up coming out to New York with my dad? Well, before Rachel found out they were going to go on that cruise, she had signed us up to work as elves at a mall or something and bought costumes and everything." Kurt wiggles the hat, making it jiggle. "I kept the hat because I thought it was funny and kinda cute."

He sticks it on his head, grinning at the cheerful sound it makes. Blaine laughs, too, shaking his head. "I actually brought my Santa hat from the Men of McKinley calendar to wear tomorrow."

"Seriously?" Kurt laughs. "Go, get it out!" Blaine shakes his head, but Kurt persists until he finally knee walks over to his suitcase, pulling the hat out from a side pocket and stuffing it on his head as he knee walks back to his husband.

"Have you been a good little elf?" Blaine asks as he sits back down.

Kurt smirks as he straddles Blaine's lap, wrapping his arms around his neck. "Why, no, I have not, Santa."

Blaine hums as he holds onto Kurt's waist to help steady him. "Really, now?" He drags his nose up the side of Kurt's neck and bites gently, making him whimper. "Well, you know what happens to naughty little elves, don't you?"

Kurt shivers in his arms. "Are you going to spank me, Santa?" Blaine's hand slides down the back of Kurt's pajama bottoms, squeezing and dipping his fingers along the crack when he realizes that Kurt's not wearing any underwear.

"I don't know; just how naughty have you been?" Blaine purrs as Kurt arches into his grip.

"Oh, very, very naughty."

"Mm, guess I'll have to think up a really good punishment for you, then." He pulls his hand out of Kurt's pants and gives him a swat. "Up, and lean over the bed."

"Yes, sir." Kurt scurries to stand, shoving his pants down until they're puddled around his ankles, stripping off his shirt and leaning over the very end of his childhood bed. He shivers again, half in anticipation as he hears Blaine grab the lube from his bag and half from the chill in the air, the heat turned down for the night.

It only takes Blaine a minute before he's pressing his pajama covered-cock against Kurt's ass as he pops open the bottle of lube and coats his fingers. He moves just enough to the side to allow his fingers to press against Kurt's hole, his body lying on top of Kurt as much as possible, covering him and making Kurt's head swim with the warmth and comfort it brings.

He takes his time getting Kurt ready, murmuring endearments in his ear as his fingers work, stretching and filling him over and over, shushing him when he gets a little too loud. Kurt rolls his hips back, chasing the brilliant stretch when Blaine tries to remove his fingers, but Blaine shushes him again and there's the shifting sound of cloth moving as Blaine pulls his pants down to pull out his cock. A blunt pressure at Kurt's hole, and then Blaine pushes his cock in slowly. Kurt's eyes flutter shut and he moans loudly.

"Sh, you're going to wake your dad," Blaine grunts.

"Sorry, I know, sorry," Kurt replies, panting as Blaine starts thrusting shallowly. "You just- god, you feel so good."

"So do you, baby, fuck." Blaine begins pulling out further with each thrust. Kurt bites his lip, trying to be quiet, but he can't help the whimpers squeezing out from behind his closed mouth. When Blaine finds his rhythm, his strokes becoming harder and faster, Kurt's mind goes blank and his mouth opens, a string of loud moans pouring out of him as the elf hat still perched on his head jingles merrily in time.

"God, I love it when you're loud, but you're going to have to be quieter unless you want company," Blaine bites out.

"Fuck, I can't- OH- I can't help- fuck, Blaine!"

Desperate for his father-in-law not to show up, Blaine does the only thing he can think of, reaching around and shoving two of his fingers into Kurt's mouth, muffling the noises coming from his husband. Kurt latches onto them desperately, sucking and working his tongue around the digits. Blaine can't thrust as hard this way, limited by his slightly shorter body, but he works his cock in Kurt's ass, angling the best he can to stimulate Kurt's prostate. Kurt's position on the bed means that his cock is rubbing between his stomach and the comforter, so Blaine doesn't worry about reaching around to stroke him, focusing on the wonderfully tight ass clenching around his cock.

He watches his cock move, oddly turned on by the fact that he's still dressed, but Kurt's almost completely naked. They've never fucked like this before, usually enjoying the slow burn of a strip tease or the fiery passion that comes from nearly ripping each other's clothes off, but Blaine finds the whole thing erotic right now, the feel of his clothes clinging to his sweat-soaked skin while watching the familiar flush come over Kurt's skin as he gets close.

"You like those fingers in your mouth, don't you, baby?" Blaine says, leaning in closer so that Kurt can feel his shirt against his bare skin. He reaches down, sliding his hand underneath Kurt's body and grasping his cock from where it's rutting against the bed. "You like having something filling up both of your holes, teasing you and quieting your moans so that we don't get caught. Do you want that? Do you want to get caught? Is that why you're moaning like a whore?"

Kurt whines around his fingers before he bites down hard, making Blaine suck in a sharp breath in pain, and comes, Blaine's fingers becoming sticky with it. He doesn't stop, hips never faltering in their rhythm as he pulls his fingers out of Kurt's mouth. He knows his husband gets off on oversensitivity, so he keeps going, harder and faster until he feels Kurt shudder underneath him, lost to his second orgasm as Blaine catches up to his first one. He thrusts hard one last time, filling Kurt completely as he starts to come.

Blaine stays inside for a minute, his forehead pressed to Kurt's sweat-slick skin, just long enough for him to catch his breath after he finishes. He pulls out slowly, not wanting the pleasure to tip over into pain, and collapses next to Kurt on the end of the bed. Kurt flops over, wrinkling his nose as the come drying on his stomach.

"Well, it looks like Santa came early this year," Kurt quips. Blaine snorts, leaning over to kiss him lazily.

"Merry Christmas."

"A very merry one, at that," Kurt hums, giggling.