19A/N: I wanted to try my hand at some humor. And poor Mikey was the perfect test subject for this oneshot. Based on the 2003 series.
Disclaimer: I'm still wishing for, but do not own, the turtles.
You're Toast
Donatello was just putting the finishing touches on the antique toaster he found at the junkyard last night. April was going to love it. The grand re-opening of her store, Second Time Around, was tomorrow. This toaster would be the perfect addition.
"Whatcha doing Donnie? Can I help? Let me help? Pretty please?"
Donatello rolled his eyes as he tried to complete his work. Michelangelo had been bouncing around his lab for the better part of an hour now and his boundless energy was beginning to tire out the hard working turtle.
"Mikey please, can't you go play a video game or something?"
"Nope, I've beaten them all. And Sniper Patrol doesn't come out until tomorrow. So can I help? Come on Donnie, let me help. Please. Please. Please."
With a groan Donatello struggled to think of something for his baby brother to do. Something that was away from his laboratory. Preferably out of the lair in general. With this much energy it would only be a matter of time before the youngest would be once again running into his lab, trying to get away from a soon to be angry Raphael.
"You know what Mikey, you can help me. Would you deliver this toaster to April for the grand re-opening of her store tomorrow?"
Thrilled that now he not only had something to do, but also an excuse to get out of the lair, Michelangelo pounced on his immediate older brother's suggestion.
"You got it Donnie!"
It wasn't often that Michelangelo got out of the lair all by himself, but when he did, he tried to enjoy every minute of it. Too often his time above ground was filled with battling one wacky new enemy after another, or out on patrol with his blue banded brother barking orders along the way. Mikey enjoyed the role he and his brothers played in protecting the great city of New York. But sometimes it was just really nice to be topside without running into any trouble for a change.
With the toaster securely tucked underneath his left arm Michelangelo let out a whoop as he bounded across the city's rooftops. Naturally the most athletic and energetic of the four, leaping from rooftop to rooftop wasn't that much fun to the orange banded turtle unless he was putting his speed and agility to good use. A handspring into a front flip followed by some air time and a perfect 10 landing on the next rooftop. A few quick steps to gain momentum followed by a front somersault as he charged forward, enjoying the gentle breeze across his skin. Nothing could put a damper on the good time the orange masked turtle was having, until his foot slipped on a piece of broken rooftop. Before Michelangelo could react he let out a yelp as he lost his balance and flew forward off the rooftop.
"Oh, Sheeeellllll!"
The falling turtle twisted his body, reaching out one hand to grab onto anything in his path, tightly holding onto the toaster with his other hand. Donnie would be really mad if he damaged or lost the toaster he had spent hours restoring. His empty hand reached out frantically to grab something to stop his descent. An errant clothesline, the bar of a fire escape, even the handle of a ladder would do. Instead, the surprised turtle's graceless fall was stopped with a grunt as he landed inside an open dumpster.
Michelangelo blinked his eyes in surprise. A bit stinky but any landing you can walk away from is still a good landing. Then he heard the beeping of a large truck approaching.
I hope that's not what I think it is.
Michelangelo felt the metal arms grab the dumpster. As the dumpster was lifted into the air, he tucked himself into a ball, holding the toaster against his plastron, anticipating the oncoming fall as the dumpster was emptied into the garbage truck. Great, now I'm really going to smell!
Now stuck inside a moving garbage truck, Michelangelo popped his head over the top to look for a way out of his current predicament. Unfortunately, the truck was moving fast and had already entered onto a main highway. There was nothing the annoyed and now rather fowl smelling turtle could do but wait until an opportunity to get away presented itself.
When the garbage truck finally came to a stop, Michelangelo peeked over the top once again to find that he was now at, of all the places in the city, the Bronx Zoo! Groaning, the orange masked turtle realized he was now a long way from April's store.
Standing to start his climb out of the garbage truck, Michelangelo froze for a second as he heard the whirring of motors. Suddenly the walls started to move inward as everything around him came closer. Apparently the workers decided that they needed to compress the current load before they continued with their pick up. Michelangelo tensed and took a big jump upwards, only to find himself crashing back down again. What the shell?
He leapt up a second time and once again fell back onto the garbage heap. This time, noticing a downward pull on his left arm. It was the toaster cord! Somehow during the drive, the cord had gotten tangled on some of the trash and it was preventing him from leaping out of the truck.
In a panic Mikey started to frantically tug at the cord, hoping to loosen it from whatever was pinning it down. Come on, come on! The walls continued to close in and the panicked turtle realized he was starting to run out of time. He was going to have to decide real soon if he was going to become crushed trying to save this darn toaster or just leave it and jump to safety. Donnie's going to be so mad if I lose this toaster. With one last tug he found himself falling backwards onto his carapace as the cord freed itself. Thank you! With the toaster and the turtle both free Mikey jumped out of the truck, mere seconds before the walls would have crushed both him and the toaster.
In his haste to free himself from the garbage truck, Mikey did not pay attention to where he was jumping. On his way to the ground his arm smacked against a hornet's nest, hard. And the now angry hornets were swarming around the startled turtle, looking for revenge.
"Eeep!"
Michelangelo took off at a sprint, running blindly away from the angry hornets as they stung at his exposed arms and legs. He had to get away from these insects, but where could he go? Out of the corner of his eye he saw a large pond. Perfect! Taking a deep breath and without a second thought he dove headfirst into the pond.
Michelangelo was quickly growing really cold, but wanted to make sure the angry hornets were no longer buzzing around, so he continued to hold his breath until the last possible moment. When he realized he could not stay down any longer, the shivering turtle swam to the surface, muttering and spitting out water as he took a gulp of welcomed fresh air.
Then the cold turtle gasped as he noticed a pair of coal black eyes staring at him from a crouched position only 100 yards (90 meters) away. He had jumped directly into the polar bear's pond! No wonder why the water was so cold!
Unsure of what to do, Mikey stayed still for a moment, watching the bear. In return the polar bear was also silent, watching him. Then the polar bear slowly began to creep closer. 90 yards. 80 yards. The white bear must have thought the orange banded turtle was supposed to be it's next lunch. Now only 9 to 12 m away (30 to 40 feet) the bear lunged for it's turtle lunch. With a shriek Michelangelo took another deep breath and dove back underneath the water.
The bear dove into the water and began to close in on it's prey. Michelangelo grabbed one of the nunchuku from his belt and hit the bear in the nose, hard. Taking advantage of the bear's surprise, he kicked himself off of the bear's body and used the momentum to propel him to the surface and raced away from the pond. With the bear in hot pursuit Michelangelo climbed the wall out of the bear's habitat and hid behind a tree.
That was too close!
Michelangelo felt a burning sensation on his left arm and looked down to find a large gash. He must've scraped his arm while protecting the toaster during his climb up the wall to get out of the polar bear habitat. Great now I smell, I'm covered in hornet stings and I've cut up my arm. I'm going to be a mess when I finally get to April's!
Michelangelo is usually a happy go lucky turtle. But right now, he was feeling anything but happy. He was still far away from April's store and even though he wasn't wearing a watch, Mikey knew he was beginning to run out of time if he wanted to deliver the toaster to April's before the grand re-opening of her store tomorrow.
I've got to beat my brothers to April's. No more stops. No more interruptions Mikey. Focus. You've gotta get a move on it!
Back on the rooftops and with renewed determination to arrive before his brothers, Michelangelo set out at a quick pace. Using his speed to it's fullest potential the orange masked turtle bounded along the rooftops with the toaster's cord flying alongside his bandana tails.
Quickly making his way across the city, a strangled cry made him stop in his tracks.
No, I can't stop. But it could be someone in trouble.
Realizing he can't let an innocent come to harm, in a hurry or not, the turtle let out a sigh and put down the toaster. He peered over the edge of the rooftop and saw three thugs cornering someone who looked like they were doing graffiti on the wall.
"This is our turf bud. And that's our wall."
Michelangelo jumped down the fire escapes and with a front flip off of the last one landed in front of the thugs and their target.
Swirling his nunchaku he addressed the youths. "Three against one, now that's not very fair."
The three thugs froze in their places. "What the hell is that?"
"I don't know man, let's get outta here."
Well that was easy.
As the three youths ran away the graffiti artist got a good look at his 'savior' and screamed.
Or maybe not.
Before Mikey could calm him down the graffiti artist shook his can of spray paint and pressed the nozzle.
"Get away from me you freak!"
Mikey pivoted on his feet so that the paint would avoid his eyes. Instead the paint ended up all over his shell.
"Dude! I just saved you!"
But the man dropped the can of spray paint and ran for his life.
Peering over his shell Michelangelo got a look at how much paint was covering his shell.
Oh just great, now I'm pink too! No good deed every goes unpunished. I sure as shell hope Donnie can get this stuff off of me.
Michelangelo leaped back up the fire escapes and grabbed the toaster before once again setting off for April's store. He still smelled from his ride in the garbage truck, the hornet stings were itching something fierce, he was shivering from his unplanned bath in the polar bear pond and now his shell was wet and covered in pink paint.
Well it can't get any worse than this right?
But despite his speed, Michelangelo was running out of time, and he was going to have to find a new mode of transportation if he still expected to beat his brothers to April's place. The frantic turtle began searching the alleyways as he leapt over rooftops, looking for anything that would help him get there faster. Something yellow caught his eye and he skidded to a stop.
A skateboard, awesome!
Mikey once again leapt down from the rooftops and landed beside an abandoned skateboard. Next to it was a pink girl's bicycle with tassels on the handle bars and a basket with plastic flowers.
I hate to steal someone's board, but I just have to borrow it for a little while.
Mikey bent down to grab the yellow board but just before his hand closed around the sides he felt the air above him move. A loud crash of metal echoed throughout the alley as the turtle was hit over the head with a garbage can lid. Ow!
"That's my board, crazy turtle. You can't have it!"
Michelangelo stared up at the teenager who was angrily trying to pull the lid off of Mikey's head so that he could hit him again. Unfortunately, it appeared that the lid was stuck on Mikey's head, in a shape very similar to the hats of the Shredder's Elite Guard.
Michelangelo pulled his hands away from the board and put them palms up in front of him. "Dude, relax, I was just going to borrow it!"
The kid stopped his struggles to get the lid off of the turtle's head and crossed his arms. "No way turtle, take my sister's bike instead."
Taking a similar stance Mikey crossed his arms over his plastron. "Dude, I am not riding a girl's bike."
Before the kid could object a little girl's voice rang out. "Jason, I'm coming for you."
The angry kid's face quickly morphed into fear as he grabbed Mikey's arm. "Please mister, you've got to take her bike. I can't play tag with her anymore. Please! She won't leave me alone. Please!"
Unable to refuse the kid's puppy dog eyes, and unwilling to waste any more precious time, Mikey nodded once, grabbed the pink bicycle, and sped away.
Leonardo, Donatello and Raphael had arrived at April's store to help with the last minute preparations before the grand re-opening tomorrow.
Happy to see her friends she greeted them. "Hey guys."
"How's it going April? What did you think of the toaster?" Donatello asked as he entered the store first.
Leonardo walked in second. But before she could respond, he noticed their orange masked brother was missing. "Where's Mikey?"
April shrugged her shoulders. "I haven't seen him all day."
Raphael was the last to enter the store and crossed his arms over his plastron as he answered. "I'll bet he's out somewhere goofing off."
Leonardo let out a sigh, in agreement with his red masked brother. It was true, often the youngest turtle would get easily distracted and take a little longer than was necessary to complete his errands. Even so, as the leader it was still his responsibility to make sure all of his brothers were safe.
"I'll send a text to let him know we are already here."
Then he grunted as April shoved a box into his arms. "First, trash duty, for all of you."
Leo looked over to see that each of his brothers were already holding very large and overstuffed boxes of trash.
As the three ninja turtles walked into the alley, each struggling to maintain their grip on their boxes, Leonardo froze. Mimicking their eldest sibling's actions Raphael and Donatello also stopped.
In a low voice Leonardo asked the group. "Do you guys hear that?"
Acting as one, three heads turned to the source of the sound. Up ahead they saw a shadow, slowly advancing on their position. The outline of the hat reminded the turtles of one of the Shredder's Elite Guard.
All three turtles placed their boxes silently on the ground and began to draw their weapons.
Perplexed as to why there would only be one, Donatello asked his brothers. "Where are the other three?"
Raphael let out a growl as he twirled his sais. "I don't know and I don't care, it's time to bust some heads."
Leonardo was also prepared to attack, but something about this approaching shadow seemed familiar. And it was far too noisy to be one of the Shredder's Elite Guard.
"Raph, wait!"
Before Raphael could attack the shadow came into view and the three brother's dropped their jaws in shock at the sight.
A worn out looking Michelangelo greeted his brothers warmly as he stepped off of a girl's pink bicycle. "Hey guys!"
Still frozen in their places three pairs of eyes roamed over the orange masked turtle. And then they wrinkled their noses at the stench.
Standing before them, holding the toaster Donnie gave him that morning, was a foul smelling Michelangelo, covered in what looked like some sort of insect stings, slightly shivering as if he was cold, with a large cut on his left arm, his shell covered in pink spray paint, and a garbage can lid on his head.
For a brief moment, no one moved and no one spoke.
Leonardo was the first to recover from his shock and as he sheathed his swords he questioned his youngest brother.
"Mikey, what have you been doing?"
A/N: And that completes my first oneshot. I hope you enjoyed it. Virtual cookies (or carrots for the healthy folks) to those who review. Thanks for reading!