So, after reading what I regard as an insult to humanity and what gives Iesha a huge headache, we have decided to tag team a commentary on the miserable excuse for a Harry Potter fanfic. I'm Ashley, by the way. I will be the bold writing and Iesha will be the bold and italic writing.

Warning: This fanfiction, written by Tara Gilesbie, may cause headaches, facepalms, facedesks, thoughts of murdering Tara, and a lot of crying over the slaughtering of the English language and destruction of beloved Harry Potter characters. This story may also contain extreme Mary-Sueness which may cause you to cringe and/or give up in society.

You have been warned.

Chapter 1

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) (Get used to this saying, folks. You'll hear it a lot) my gf (ew not in that way (and already we see some homophobia)) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling (Should we be happy for Raven's 'help' or upset?). U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life (Yes, because having a love of your life is so depressing) u rok 2! (Something tells me he doesn't love you back. Just saying.) MCR ROX!

(Something tells me neither of them have ever heard of spell check…)


Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way (did her parents hate her?) and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) (who cares?) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tear (let's pretend that makes sense...) and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!) (That's not an overreaction at all...) (One of my favorite singers = ruined by this fucking person already.) I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. (Yay for incest!) I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white (and this is surprising because...?) I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch (of course you are.), and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England (Actually, it's in Scotland...) where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic (I shop there… does that make me 'goffik', Ashley?) (I'm afraid so, Iesha) and I buy all my clothes from (Does Tara know what a goth is?) there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. (Yes, because that proves she's a goth, right?) I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation (I thought she had white skin...), black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining (I can guarantee you that it wasn't) (How does that even work?) (It doesn't) so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. (This is how you deal with preps.)

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly. (Since when is Malfoy shy? And since when do people at Hogwarts call him by his first name?)

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. (She has friends?)


AN: IS it good? (NO, it's not) PLZ tell me fangz! (How does one tell fangs?)

It just gets worse from here, folks.

My head hurts already…