So, after reading what I regard as an insult to humanity and what gives Iesha a huge headache, we have decided to tag team a commentary on the miserable excuse for a Harry Potter fanfic. I'm Ashley, by the way. I will be the bold writing and Iesha will be the bold and italic writing.

Warning: This fanfiction, written by Tara Gilesbie, may cause headaches, facepalms, facedesks, thoughts of murdering Tara, and a lot of crying over the slaughtering of the English language and destruction of beloved Harry Potter characters. This story may also contain extreme Mary-Sueness which may cause you to cringe and/or give up in society.

You have been warned.

Chapter 1

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) (Get used to this saying, folks. You'll hear it a lot) my gf (ew not in that way (and already we see some homophobia)) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling (Should we be happy for Raven's 'help' or upset?). U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life (Yes, because having a love of your life is so depressing) u rok 2! (Something tells me he doesn't love you back. Just saying.) MCR ROX!

(Something tells me neither of them have ever heard of spell check…)

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Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way (did her parents hate her?) and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) (who cares?) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tear (let's pretend that makes sense...) and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!) (That's not an overreaction at all...) (One of my favorite singers = ruined by this fucking person already.) I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. (Yay for incest!) I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white (and this is surprising because...?) I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch (of course you are.), and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England (Actually, it's in Scotland...) where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic (I shop there… does that make me 'goffik', Ashley?) (I'm afraid so, Iesha) and I buy all my clothes from (Does Tara know what a goth is?) there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. (Yes, because that proves she's a goth, right?) I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation (I thought she had white skin...), black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining (I can guarantee you that it wasn't) (How does that even work?) (It doesn't) so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. (This is how you deal with preps.)

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly. (Since when is Malfoy shy? And since when do people at Hogwarts call him by his first name?)

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. (She has friends?)

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AN: IS it good? (NO, it's not) PLZ tell me fangz! (How does one tell fangs?)

It just gets worse from here, folks.

My head hurts already…