I've never wanted this

All my life I have always felt that I was to go down another path, then what I am on now, that I was going to grow up and show everybody, show the world I was someone special, that I mattered more, but not this life

I wake every morning, with the same routine, get out of bed, breakfast, walk to work in a retail job, watching the people walk by me every day, always wondering what their life was like, finish my shift, walk home, dinner, a small work out, shower then back to bed to repeat all the very next day

Growing up I always felt the outsider, and I was treated that way, I was bullied and abused, always thought of myself like a ugly duckling and that someday I will be a swan,

But now with all the trials I had to face I am just here, only surviving, not really living, I have tried but, to what end, I'm alone and unworthy and that's it.

Thinking this over with my earphones blearing in my ears listening, make me wanna die - by pretty reckless playing, as I run my usual block around the park, trying to sweat out my frustrations, it's just I always felt that I was missing something, although I am alone no family or friends to speak off, I felt somewhere out there was another part to me, that I wasn't yet complete but I would be soon

Yeah when, sooner rather than later, the only hope that gets me thru those days is closing my eyes at night, when I fall under to sleep, where those beautiful green eyes, dark short hair, rough exterior visit, his face always blurred, but for months now his eyes have haunted my dreams

Who is he, why do I keep dreaming about him, I don't think I have every met him so why me, all I know is that when I do dream of this mysterious man I feel like I'm home that I am finally whole

as I run up to my apartment building after I finish my run, sweating and exhausted, jumping into the shower, getting ready for bed, wishing I could know who this man that greats me in my dreams, I wish I could meet him

If only I knew right then when I lay my head down on that pillow, how I would be getting that wish...