A/N: Believe it or not, I got this idea from a dream. No, I am NOT giving up my other fanfiction (Secrets of a Cowboy); I'm just trying to see if I can get my motivation going. Warning: I haven't thought this out much at all yet! Set fifteen-ish years after BD. EDWARD LOVERS PROCEED WITH CAUTION, PLEASE DON'T FLAME JUST BECAUSE EDWARD'S ONE OF THE WORSE GUYS! All reviews appreciated, though!
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight, the characters of Twilight, or anything associated with Twilight. I am simply taking the characters and playing with them – Only the plot is mine.


Hi, my name is Bella Cullen. Perhaps you've heard of me, perhaps not. For those of you that haven't, I'm an animal-drinking vampire, there were at least four books published about me that got quite a few facts wrong (Like, Jasper and Alice aren't mates. Yes, they dated, but they aren't mates.), I have a half-vamp, half-human daughter, and blah blah blah, boring boring boring. This is yet another story about me, but this time, I'm writing it. This isn't some BS about how I lived my happily-ever-after either. This is about lies, betrayals, stupidity, and let's add in a sprinkle of greed here, a smatter of complete and total idiocy there, and to make everything even more complicated, let's add in a heaping helping of love. Sorry, did that sound bitter? I've decided to write this story down so that the entire world can know what an idiotic, self-absorbed, stupid creature Edward is. It happened five years ago, fifteen years after he and I got married, but it still stings. Here it is. . .

I was sitting at the computer Skyping with Renesmee when Edward pulled in the driveway. We were living in Canada at the time, and Carlisle was at the hospital, Esme was meeting someone to talk about their house, Alice and Rosalie were clothes shopping, and Emmett and Jasper were out looking at (A.k.a. drooling over) motorcycles. Edward had gone to teach some kid to play the piano, or so I thought, but here he was, walking in the door with one of the biggest grins I'd ever seen on his face. "Hello, Bella, Nessie!" He greeted us cheerfully, pulling me in for a hug and a quick kiss, and waving at the computer. "Hi, Dad. What's up?" Ness asked carefully. "Edna, a friend of mine I knew some time ago, has decided that since she's in the area, she would like to come over and spend some time with us." I frowned – She? And why hadn't Edward mentioned this Edna to me before? I admit it, I was jealous at the time, and I was seeing red flags.

"I've already arranged it with Carlisle, Edna will be here later tonight. Oh, that's if you don't mind, dear." Edward said enthusiastically, turning to me. Another red flag popped up; why hadn't Edward asked me before he made arrangements and cleared it with Carlisle, the head of the household? But I didn't mention that and simply said, "Sure. I don't mind." Edward really looked like he was looking forward to this, and I didn't want to be the evil, jealous, overprotective wife who claims the head of any girl her husband looks at, much less wants her to visit! That would not be a good first impression. You don't know how many times I've wished that I truthfully said, "Yes, I do mind, actually." But I'm getting ahead of myself; my apologies. Edward's smile got even bigger then, and he grabbed his cell phone and hit a button. I noticed it only rang once and raised an eyebrow. "Hello?" a dainty, very pretty, feminine voice said. "Hello, Edna? It's Edward. If you still want to come over and spend a month or so with us, it's fine." Edward told the voice in a rush.

I looked at the computer, where Skype was still running, and I saw that Renesmee's jaw was hanging open, her eyes bugged out. "A month?!" She mouthed. "I wasn't hearing wrong?!" I mouthed back; I was sure my panic was showing on my face. We both gulped. Meanwhile, Edward and the voice – Edna's – were having a conversation, chattering on about some prank she had pulled him. "Do you want me to come over and stay for a while, too?" Renesmee mouthed after getting my attention again. I thought about it for a moment, and then shook my head. Jacob probably wouldn't like it, or he might stay behind. He had a pack to look after. And if he stayed, Ness would be miserable, and they were newly married – Renesmee didn't need her parents hovering over her. The first few months were the most romantic, after all. It just couldn't work satisfactorily either way, and I didn't want to do that to my daughter. You only get married once. . . In most cases, anyways.

Renesmee smiled, and shrugged. "If you change your mind, let me know." She mouthed before waving and signing off. I smiled back, an instant too late, grateful for her offer. Edward finally hung up, still smiling. "Edward, did I hear you correctly when you asked if this Edna person still wanted to come over for 'a month or so'?" I asked, quoting him almost exactly. He laughed. "Yes. You are fine if Edna stays for a month or two, right?" He checked. Two months? Another red flag: This just kept getting worse. "And she's not 'this Edna person' Bella, she was one of my best friends in the forties." He added. I plastered a smile on my face. "No, it's completely fine, I just wanted to know. Just so long as she doesn't hunt in the town, I'm fine with it." I lied. I knew she probably wasn't vegetarian, sadly. Then Alice and Rosalie pulled in, and Edwards left to tell them the news and help them with their haul of new clothes. I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose, then headed out to help.

Later that evening, we were all home, all wearing nice clothes, all in the front of the house, and we all had smiles on our faces – Some genuine, but some not, and some were strained. Hardly any of us knew her, after all. Apparently, Rose and Em had been on an extended honeymoon at the time, and I actually wasn't sure if Alice and Jasper knew her or not.

A dark blue sleek flashy car without a top (I was still a complete dunce with cars) pulled in. She took her time getting out, and when she did, Edna went straight to my husband, pulling him in for a hug. Only the vampire's Cupid's-bow mouth and perfect button nose showed, between her scarf/headdress thing and her huge sunglasses. I supposed that was one way to cover up her no doubt red eyes. "Edward! It's been so long!" A beautiful birdsong-y voice rang out. Apparently the phone didn't do Edna's voice justice. "It's great to see you, Edna. Yes, it has been a long time." He said warmly, hugging her back. He pulled back and I saw he was smiling like the cat that ate the canary again.

"You know Carlisle and Esme already," Edward said, gesturing to them. "It's great to see you again, sir, and ma'am." Edna said with a small curtsy. I nearly gagged, and a quick glance behind me confirmed that Jasper was feeling the same way, although Alice was merely wrinkling her nose. "This is Rosalie and Emmett," Edward introduced, gesturing towards Rose and Em this time. "Hello, Edna." Rosalie said, dropping her fake smile. "It's nice to meet you." Emmett added, putting an arm around Rose. "No, the pleasure is all mine." Edna trilled. It was already getting on my nerves, and she'd spoken all of three times. "This is Alice and Jasper," Edward said, frowned at them above Edna's head. The two stepped forward almost reluctantly. "Hello." They said in unison, before smiling at each other. They'd broken up about a month before, if I recall right, but they still sometimes did couple things like that. "It's absolutely lovely to meet you! Edward, your family has grown so much." Guess who said that. Dingdingding, right first time! Edna! Edward shrugged, before calling me. "And this is my lovely wife, Bella." Edward said proudly, holding out one hand for me to take. I put my smile back on and stepped forward, taking his hand. "Hello, Edna. It's lovely to meet you." I forced out, noticing the way Edna was hanging onto Edward's other arm. "Let's go in, shall we? Bella will show you where you may put your things, Edna." Carlisle said, breaking the silence. "Alright, let me get everything out of the car." She chirped, running over to the car, opening one of the rear doors and getting out suitcase after suitcase after suitcase!

Soon Edna had a pile as tall as she was! Jasper went over and grabbed a few, although I could tell from his face he wasn't very happy about it. Emmett followed him, and Rosalie followed him. After two trips we got everything up in the spare room, although I went back and got the last two. I had noticed Edna hadn't picked up a thing, just scampered after me. "Here you go, Edna. These are the last ones." I said, placing them with the others in the corner by the bed. I noticed the huge sunglasses and the headdress/scarf thing were on top of the slightly unnecessary piece of furniture. "Thank you, Bella. So, you're the lucky one who captured Edward's heart, hmm?" She replied in a teasing tone before I could turn around. "You're welcome. And yes, I suppose I did. . ." I said, trailing off as I turned around. Edna was, without a doubt, the second most beautiful vampire I'd ever seen – Rosalie still outshined her, barely. Her perfect features smiled at me, a cold, threatening smile that didn't reach her dark burgundy eyes. "Well, don't you worry; I'll get him back before the month is out. You'll see, bitch. If you try to warn my darling Edward, he won't believe you. So don't, Miss Ugly."

A/N: So, what did you think? To clarify, this is a Bella/Jasper (Belasper if you want a shipname) story. That particular romance will go slow. And yes, I'm putting Edward with a snobby outwardly-Mary-Sue-ish-on-purpose jerk. Don't like, don't read. Please review! (Also, sorry for the cliffy. . . Maybe ;)) And my spologies for the shortness!
Also, Secrets of a Cowboy fans if you're reading this: I'm so, so, so sorry chapter five is taking so long, I just can't get the motivation to finish it. It's half done, and I promise to have it up by. . . Valentine's Day! That will give me enough time, right?

Ciao for now! –Corn (Yes, I'll be calling myself Corn. Deal.)