Dr. House finds himself being kidnapped to do a consult for two very ill and very powerful individuals who are part of a world that he never imagined existed. He will have to set aside some of his preconceived notions of medical science when he learns that his patients are the Headmistress of Hogwarts and the Minister of Magic respectively.

Author's Note: I've been rewatching House M.D. recently, and came up with a really weird idea crossover story for the Wizarding World. This is going to be strange, but hopefully good. Super duper AU. You've been warned.


The icy wind blew relentlessly as the lanky figure swathed in black wool robes strode at an unyielding pace into the sharply spired building. He whispered some words under his breath at the door, and with the sound of a few locks twisting and clicking into place, it opened to admit him, though no one appeared to be inside. He slipped through into the darkness without opening the door fully, and it slammed shut behind him with an echoing finality.

His steps were soft and measured as he moved onward with a solemn sense of purpose down the empty, dark hall. The ease with which he moved made it quite clear that he was in his true element. His dark eyes seemed so familiar with the lack of light that when he stopped abruptly and felt for the the door knob, it was in one seamless motion. The light inside was dim, but it was enough to make him wince slightly as he turned to pull the door shut behind himself.

"How are they doing?" he asked quietly, his voice even with an underlying intensity as he maintained a neutral expression.

"As well as can be expected," came the reply from the woman sitting against the wall with a book held open in her hand, her bushy hair sticking out of her head as though she'd recently been shocked.

"Where are your other…?"

"They got a call by Floo an hour ago."

"What sort of call?"

"The sort of call that takes precedence over even a delicate brewing regimen."

"And exactly why were both of them needed for a single call? If you were not serious about gaining your Mastery levels, then is your intention merely to waste my precious time?"

She looked at him over the book, her expression grave and met his eyes fiercely in the gloom.

"One call. Two victims," she said quietly through her teeth, and he noticed that she was quivering slightly in her chair, and it was not out of fear of him. How had he not noticed before?

Turning his head to search the darkened room in case all of this was merely a practical joke, he pulled out a dark length of wood and moved it in a curious formation, nodding slightly when he was satisfied. No one was hiding in the room, ready to jump out and shout "gotcha!" Her alarm was real and he hated himself for a moment for doubting her.

"Who?" he said, closing the distance between them in one smooth movement, gracefully bending down on one knee in front of her so that his face was level with hers, his hand gripping her shoulder firmly.

"We did everything...everything to stop it from spreading…" she said shakily, inclining her head to the room full of bubbling cauldrons, "And to think that this only slows down the effects of the disease…"

"Hermione, look at me," he said, and she could see the fatigue around his eyes as she looked up at him with her eyes red-rimmed with unshed tears, "You have done everything possible, as much as anyone could have been expected to do."

"It doesn't matter!" she replied tearfully, "It wasn't enough to save them, to make them healthy again!"

"There may be a solution. I have been doing research outside...our normal means," he replied, his thumb rubbing a circle on her shoulder as though to comfort her.

"You're talking about Muggle medicine?" she gasped, screwing her eyes shut, "Why didn't I think of that? It's so simple and I didn't even consider it. I'm such a-"

"You can feel sorry for yourself later," he said shortly, "But now you need to focus. Who. Was. It?"

"Professor..." she said softly, looking at the ground, "It's Shacklebolt. And...and McGonagall."

"...What?" his voice was low but full of fury.

"Kingsley Shacklebolt and Professor Minerva McGonagall," Hermione murmured after a moment.

He opened his mouth as though to say something when a loud crack came from outside of the door.

"Watch the cauldrons! That's an order!" he snapped, turning, his black cloak billowing behind him as he reached the door and pulled it open violently, slamming it hard behind him.

The two young Aurors stood outside, their faces grim.

"They've been stabilized at Grimmauld Place, but if we don't find something soon…." said the young man with the dark, wild hair and glasses, his eyes wide with worry.

"Oh, really, Mr. Potter? And here I was, thinking that we were just making these draughts for shits and giggles," came the acerbic reply.

"Oi! Snape! Don't you talk to us like that!" growled the tall, red-haired man who stood next to his friend, "We're adults now, and just because we're under your tutelage to pass our Masters levels doesn't mean you can treat us like we're back at Hogwarts."

"If that is your idea of a threat, Weasley," Snape said with a sneer, "Then I suggest you try harder next time. Now come inside and help Miss Granger."

Ron gave the tall man with the hooked nose an irritated sneer in return as he ducked past into the room, while Harry simply followed his friend silently, his eyes on the floor.

Severus Snape frowned, pulling a piece of newsprint from his robes and looked at the photo with the name underneath it in the dim light. Frowning, he pulled a small, dirty shoelace and grasped it tightly in his fist.

"I will be back shortly," he said to Hermione, who had appeared to close the door behind her friends.

"Please hurry," she whispered, her eyes darting back into the room where her two friends were grumbling as they tended to the calderons.

But if he heard her, he gave her no indication. He turned and swept away into the darkness of the hallway, not breaking stride as he tore through the door to the outside air and disappeared without a sound.