5Chapter one: The hardest part
Fili stood outside of the house in the Blue Mountains. He was to go on a delivery today, off to the village of Green Lake. It was a small village of Men and the swords they ordered had been finished.
Fili felt little icy fingers wrap around two of his big, warm fingers. He didn't need to look down to see who it was, he knew. It was his baby brother. Kili had just found out that Fili had to leave for a few days to go on a delivery. Like always, he was never happy.
Kili slightly shivered as the boys stood outside of their house, in the cold October air. But Fili couldn't bring himself to look down at his brother still. He knew that he would get big wet eyes in return, and it always burned in his heart. Fili had woken up extra early in order to try to avoid those very eyes, but Thorin took long enough with the sword pack that Kili felt his older brothers absence in bed and came to find him.
Soon enough though, Thorin finished with the sword pack and strapped it to Fili's pony. Now was the time Fili hated most of all, he had to face his brother…the tears…the pleas to stay or take him with him. All of the heartbreak came now…time to get it over with.
Fili finally bent down to Kili's height, looking right into the very eyes he had tried to avoid. "Kili…." Fili began, "I have to go now. But I'll be back on-"
Kili stopped his brother's sentence by clinging to Fili and began to sob. "PLEASE BRUFER! Take me with you! PLEASE! I promise I'll be good! I'll do whatever you want me to. PLEASE! Take me with you!" Kili buried his face into Fili's shoulder, still sobbing.
"Kili I…" Fili was lost for words. How was he going to respond to his baby brothers pleas. This usually ended with his Uncle and his Mum pulling Kili off of him long enough to let him mount his horse and leave. He always felt awful doing that. Leaving his baby brother screaming, kicking, and unable to breathe due to tears. "Kee I…" Again, words couldn't be found."
"Please don't go brufer…please!" Kili cried again into his brothers shirt. He was clinging to the back of Fili's coat, and crying into Fili's shoulder. "Please!"
Just then Dis came out of the house, appalled to see her youngest outside without a coat. "Kili! What are you thinking? You'll ketch a cold coming out here without a coat on!" she said grabbing a coat from inside and going over to Kili. But Kili refused to pull away long enough to put a coat on. Dis and Thorin never knew how to do this nicely, but Fili had to go. "Come now, Love. Fili needs to go off on his work now." Dis said as sweetly as possible. Hearing these words only caused Kili to cling tighter to Fili.
"Kili." Thorin said in his deep, commanding voice. Thorin wasn't the best with emotions anyways, so this was never easy for him. But it always was easier when Thorin was there. He always held on to Kili with a strong enough grip where he wouldn't be able to wriggle out of it like he sometimes did when it was just his mother's.
Fili did his best to pull Kili off of him so he could look at his baby brother in the face. He didn't get very far. "Kili, look at me." Surprisingly Kili released his grip enough to the point where he was in-front of his brother. "You know I always come back."
"But what if you don't ? What if you don't come back?" Kili asked through small hiccups of tears.
"Why would you think I wouldn't come back? I'm just dropping off swords, Kili. That's it."
"Well 'ncle says that I can't go cause its to dangerous to go. That means its still dangerous for you, right?" Kili asked. Stunning everyone, how someone still so young could put that together.
Fili wasn't sure how to respond to that at first. "Well…remember how Mister Dwalin and Uncle teach me how to use my swords?" Kili nodded his head in response. "Well I know how to protect myself now. I know what to do if something happens."
"But its still dangerous." Kili said.
"Yes, Kili, it is. But its my job, and I need to do it." Fili responded.
"Can't I help you, though?" Kili pleaded again.
"Kili…I know how to protect myself, but I don't think I know how to protect both of us yet. Once I learn how, I might take you with me."
"Really?!" Kili asked. A slight light of hope flashed across his face.
"I MIGHT." Fili emphasized.
"Okay…" Kili knew what was coming next and hung his head slightly.
"But I need to go now." Fili said, and Thorin put his big hand on Kili's little shoulder. As expected, Kili responded by clinging to his older brother. "Kee-"
"NO!" Kili said, holding to his brother.
"Why don't you go get your toy horse*?" Fili asked.
"No! I know when I do you'll leave." This process was much easier when Kili was younger. Now he was old enough to figure out how it worked.
"Kili, please go get it." Fili asked again, now fighting back tears of his own.
"But you'll leave…" Kili cried.
"Please Kili."
Kili released from his brother and Fili quickly stood. "You'll leave! You'll leave again! I know it!"
Fili could now no longer look his little brother in the eyes. Instead he looked at his Uncle, who knew Fili's problem all to well. When Fili was younger he would do the same to his Uncle, after his father died.
"Kili." Thorin spoke, "You were asked to do something."
Kili turned and slightly glared at his Uncle, "But he'll leave!"
"You were asked to do something." Thorin said again, looking Kili in the eyes.
Kili's will to stay and make sure his brother didn't leave, crumpled under the weight of his Uncle's glare. He looked at Fili again, but Fili would not look back. Kili sobbed and as fast as he could, ran into the house. Kili knew his brother would probably manage to leave before he could get back in time, but he would still try.
The second Kili disappeared into the house, Fili was on his horse and was off. He willed his horse to go faster, but the cries and angry pleas and yells could still be heard.
Fili wished he was deaf. Hearing his baby brother scream for him made him want nothing more than to turn around and return to Kili. He guessed Thorin had needed to hold on to Kili as he would always try to run after him. The image of Kili being held back by his Uncle flooded his mind, to the point he almost found himself unable to go any further. But he couldn't go back now. He had to keep going, even if through tears that now blurred his vision.
He had to keep going if he was to ever return.
(*) You can read about that in another story I wrote a little while ago. It will most likely be mentioned again. So did I make you cry? I'm pretty sure I made Moose cry….sorry about that Moose. So what did ya think? If you liked it I might make a Kili's POV of all of this. And this is not the end by the way. JUST THE BEGINNING …of probably a monsters creation. Love, Mouse.