Disclaimer in this chapter: Sexual actions, Abusive relationship

I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn.

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

Chapter One

He'll never say it to me out right. He never had and he never will. There are times I wonder whether I'm being tricked, caught in his webs of lies. All so I can stay in the mafia as Vongola Decimo and not just leave, because deep down I know he'll never follow me if I left. I know all too well that he loves Vongola more than he "loves" me and knowing that hurts more than being blind to that fact. I find myself angry and upset, trying so hard to grab his attention to earn his affections yet I get nothing and all I'm left with is the cold sad truth mocking me. It hurts and most of all its annoying, this love – these feelings – are nothing but frustrations that remind me that I can never leave him no matter how hard I try. I can never – no, I haven't found anyone that can make me feel the way he had. What brought me to want him? Was it those years of dependence? Those moments of comfort and reassurance or was it that I found myself living for my friends, family and above all for him? That all I could think – care – about was him? Then I realized. I was chained down by him since the day I first met him as a pent sized baby, my home tutor, Reborn.

...

"Tsu-kun?" I turned around to face my mother. She carried an airy aura about her calming the people around her with her bubbly and cheerful personality. Her large expressive eyes gleamed as they looked at me from a few feet in front of me and her lips were pulled into a wide smile. My mother was what people called an airhead but nonetheless she was always kind and sweet to everyone resulting in her popularity all around Namimori.

"Hai, Okaa-san?" I was a bit in a rush; I was once again late for school and couldn't possibly take being late any more that day unless I wanted more severe beatings from our horrifying disciplinary committee prefect as well as the chairman; Hibari Kyouya.

"Since you are doing badly in school and because I worry about your future; I hired you a home tutor!" She chirped happily showering the good news to her no-good son.

"Home Tutor?" This was weird. The last time I had a home tutor, it didn't end so well. I was in elementary school then and because of my not-so-fast understanding the tutoring was a failure resulting in even lower marks. I never bothered with tutors since, so it was odd that mother was bringing it up again not just that but having already hired one! I raised my brow at mother, curiosity getting the best of me. "Okaa-san? Where did you find this tutor?"

"Oh, I haven't met them yet but it was in the mail yesterday; a letter stating that they will raise my child in to a leader of tomorrow or something like that. I called them yesterday and they said they were coming today and that everything is free. All they request is the comfort of our home; isn't that a good deal?" She giggled at her son. All I could do was keep staring at my mother incredibly. 'Does she realize that there is a high chance of this being a scam…?' I sighed at her.

"Alright Okaa-san but I thin-"

Ding Dong

"Huh?" I turned to look at the front door just a foot behind me. Mother looked confused for a moment before smiling. "It must be the home tutor!" She exclaimed, urging me to open the door. I was curious –that I could not deny – just who was this fool? Tricking my innocent mother into believing they were actually going to make a difference with my education? I groaned inwardly, it's probably going to be a total asshole! I do NOT need any more people bothering me! I reluctantly opened the door, preparing to see a horrible sight but nothing. 'That's odd…did the person leave already?' Just as I was taking a step out the door for further inspection I was interrupted by…

"Chaossu."

a tiny voice.

I looked down. 'What the? A baby? Who leaves their baby on another person's doorstep…in THIS century!?'

"Ah! Tsu-kun! Isn't he just the cutest?" Mother bent down to the infant's height which was vastly short mind you. I sighed. Leave it to mother to see the bright side of everything. I - just like mother - bent down to the baby's height, who I found was watching us closely like he was evaluating us. "Oi, kid, what are you doing here?" Just like that I was booted to the staircase. I groaned in pain. 'How did that happen?! Was Hibari-san here when I wasn't looking? Oh God No! Hibari-san! I'm even later than I was before!' I jolted up preparing to run out the door but was once again booted to the ground. With terrible effort I lifted my head up facing an infant decked out in a – was that silk? – black suit assorted with a briefcase and a black single orange stripped fedora. His dark pitiless eyes stared deep into my soul as his black sideburns twirled amusingly in a swirl on either side of his head. "W-Who?"

He smirked tauntingly amused. "I am the world greatest hitman and now your home tutor, call me Reborn."

...

Yes, that meeting brought back memories and I hate this feeling I have when I remember them which I wish that, sometimes, we have never met. I laugh. I know full well that such a wish could never happen; it was as if my hyper intuition knew that even if we never met early on we would have without a doubt met later on in life. I curse my intuition, although it helped save me and the people I cherish in the dreariest situations, it is a constant reminder that Reborn is hiding something from me. What that something is makes me so very afraid. I'm terrified, knowing that he is able to hide everything from me while he gets the pleasure of knowing every detail about me and it bothers me. Why is it so unfair? The saddest part is that I know he sees the internal suffering I'm going through and he is doing nothing to cease the swallowing darkness inside my heart but rather feeding my insecurities and making it even harder for me to leave. I sought out for his approval only and I know that he is using it for his advantage. He can never lie to me telling me he isn't because all he does is avoid the truth; the truth that he is hurting me with his so called 'affections'.

"Dame-Tsuna, what are you doing?"

I turned to look at the now adult body of Reborn walk up to my desk as I was sitting behind it in what was; deep thought. His eyes gazed deep into mine searching for the answer that he knew I would avoid to give. I leaned off my leather chair and moved to stand up, straightening my back as I did so. I tried to keep my moods in as relaxed as possible since there was no need in letting him know any more than he already had about me.

"Nothing much really, it's just that it has been quite a peaceful day, is resting too much harm, Reborn?"

I spoke tiredly putting my right hand on my hip kneading it and rubbing the back of my neck with my left. I had my eyes half lidded as I avoided looking at the man that occupied my mind and heart. I walked around my office desk and attempted to move past him if it wasn't for his words.

"Of course not, Dame-Tsuna, then I'll see you in your bedroom later today" I paused. The way he said that was infuriating but I couldn't act upon that emotion at least not now. I side glanced and noticed he was staring at me with an all knowing lewd expression. It was frustrating to know that he knew that he can get under my skin from just looking at me with those burning black eyes with his intentions of what he plans to do with me all written as clear as day on them. I suppressed a shiver. I looked towards the door of my office, the only entrance and exit to this room unless you wanted to suicide out the window of our more than 20 stories floor Vongola estate. I sighed openly catching the attention of Reborn as I swung my hands down to my sides and moved towards the door. I mumbled as I spoke trying to sound as tired as possible.

"Not tonight Reborn, I'm too tired for that, next time, alright?"

That was the first time I turned him down and I can't believe I actually said that. For sure he was thinking along the same lines because he was hovering upon me so fast I didn't have time to blink. He had his arms snaked around me in a tight embrace; his lips were a single breath away from my ears as he puffed hot air on to them. He was seducing me. His left hand was massaging my waist and his right was trailing up my throat slowly grasping my jaw, lifting my head up slightly.

He spoke slow and low. "What does it matter if you're tired, Dame-Tsuna? What makes you think I, the greatest hitman in the world, will care whether you are tired or not?"

He hummed in my ears knowing perfectly well what it does to my body. Just before my body could betray my demands I managed to push his arms wide enough for me to turn around in his grasp. My face was tilted upwards and my eyes stared directly at his full with determination.

"I'm sorry Reborn but I'm tired and whether you care or not is none of my concern, you said so yourself that as Vongola Decimo I should keep my body in the upmost perfect condition." He knew at that point he could not get what he wanted. He – for the smallest second – furrowed his brows, before straightening that out in order to give me another look, this time taunting.

"Fine then, you win this time Dame-Tsuna but you can't leave this office until you give me a kiss."

I bit my lip but could not stop the rosy blush to rush my cheeks. Give it to Reborn to condition me into initializing a kiss for my release. I looked away from Reborn's face and belittled myself for being so weak in front of him. I mumbled an okay before looking timidly back at Reborn. The man was still smirking at my embarrassment but did not comment. I knew by the oblivious playful eyes of his that Reborn was thoroughly enjoying this at my expense. I reached up timidly and brushed my lips against the other's smooth ones, I pressed harder soaking in the other's warmth. As I pulled back I was dumbstruck by that beautiful smile directed at me. Reborn leaned back down catching my soft lips into a brief sincere kiss before letting me go and leaving the office without another word. I stood there in a heart clenching shock. My heart trembled in my rib cage and I had no choice but to clench my left breast in despair.

No…Why do you smile at me like that, Reborn? You make it just so painfully hard for me, don't you? I felt the tears soak my eyes and I blinked them away before they decided to spill on their own. How was I supposed to move away from Reborn when the man smiles at me like I'm the only precious person for him and kisses me like a delicate antique? I swallowed back any sobs that threatened to ride out of my throat and turned around my wild untamed hair covering my eyes as I walked out of my office, closing the doors behind. As I walked down the hall trying so desperately to hold all my quivering emotions in tact I came to the thought. 'I need to exert myself.'

...

Hibari marched through the mahogany furnished hallway with red carpeted flooring. He turned a corner. He came face to face with two metal doors and pressed a small white button to the side. Immediately the doors opened and he walked inside without a second thought with the doors closing behind him with a metallic clink. He was feeling irritated and frustrated. He had just come back from a mission and he was annoyed. None of those damn herbivores were a good enough challenge for him and he still had so much pent up stress that needed to be released. His arms were folded over his chest as he was resting on the metal wall of the elevator. He needed to do some training to get rid of this bloody urge to kill but just as those metallic doors opened he did not expect to see the sight before him.

His carnivorous boss, Sawada Tsunayoshi, was drenched in sweat covered lightly in dirt; he was bent over trying with great difficultly to heave in harboured breaths. The sight was so hot. Hibari felt an electric shiver shot down to his crotch. This is what he enjoyed; this is what he wanted. There was something about fighting this untamed beast that sent a thousand chills to run down his spine exciting him. Fighting this man was every reason he stayed here in the Vongola. Hibari narrowed his eyes at the expression the man's eyes before him wore. He frowned. Although he loved the look of this tired sweating carnivore he detested the look his eyes wore; sadness.

...

Damn, this isn't enough. All I'm thinking about is that asshole of an ex-tutor advisor. Damn, my muscles feel a kind of sore but I wasn't going to let that stop me from what I need to do. I needed to get rid of my frustrations now or fear having to explode at someone later. I'm glad that I decided to spend most of my training spent on physical abilities instead of flame techniques. It was something I decided to do some many years ago and the training stuck. I felt something near me, it was calming and familiar; an aura I had come accustom to over the years.

"Carnivore."

Ah, that voice. Smooth, fierce and over all powerful, I know that voice. I didn't need to look at the man walking towards me. Yet, I felt compelled to see him, it has been a while and I couldn't stop my eyes from drifting towards that intimidating man. I looked up at him soaking in all of his humanity.

"Kyouya…" I said in an almost breathless manner. He stared into my eyes. I continued speaking letting my curious questions go. "What are you doing here? Weren't you on a mission?" I wiped my mouth from the grim dirt and stood up straight with a struggle.

"Hn. I just arrived back and felt the need to train but it seems you already arrived." He spoke the entire time staring intently into my eyes. It was a strange custom we developed. Over the years – and when I became strong enough – whenever we spoke to each other or were in the same room; our eyes would lock on and refuse to part unless something happened much similar to now. I don't know why we developed this but it was reassuring looking into his eyes that refused to waver from mine. Although, it does get a bit nerving when prolonged.

"Oh…um I'm sorry Kyouya. I'll leave…if you want." I said awkwardly, scratching the back of my neck with my bare right hand. I shifted my eyes – being the first to look away and probably the only– to the right side of the wall from where Kyouya came from.

"Leave it."

I nodded my head but didn't make any movements to doing anything, actually he didn't either. We both just stood there not doing anything. Although, Kyouya's eye – damn, I can feel the intensity of it – was completely on me. It was quiet, too quiet; enough to let a flitting image of Reborn to pass through my mind. I'm a bit frustrated right now. I can feel the annoyance of that awful man. Not moving was – arghh! I need to fight. Fuck! I want to punch that piss off of a man in the face and make him suffer as he crawls on the ground. I can feel the way my heart was thumping rather quickly against my rib cage. I clenched my fist open and closed; feeling the blood rush. I need to fight. Right. Now.

Hibari was just waiting for the moment when Tsunayoshi had no choice but to depend on him. The moment where Tsunayoshi cannot take the pressure anymore and begs for him to fight him – yes, that was the best moment. The challenge was always set just before Tsunayoshi's submission. Hibari could feel a growling roar rumble in his throat, just remembering past events with similar scenarios sent tingling sparks throughout his muscles. Looking at Tsunayoshi's face he could feel it begging for his violence. The moment he diverted his rich chocolate eyes from him, Tsunayoshi was already in his strings of this challenge. It was obvious the young boss was frustrated thinking about unnecessary thoughts with the way his facial features tensed up and not to forget his aura was unstable right now. It was only in matter of seconds before Tsunayoshi fell into the trap.

"Fight me, Kyouya."

Perfect. Hibari didn't give a thought as he released his raging urge to kill. An animal-like snarl flew through his lips as they pulled up into a vicious smirk. "Fine, then."

...

He didn't like it. He didn't like the sight that was playing below him. Reborn stood on an upper level just above the training room and with perfect view of the scene that played below him, he frowned. The room was dark with only the lights of the training room reaching inside it. He watched through the protected glass, lifting his right hand to the glass and placed his light coffee fingers over a small space of the glass sliding them over the panting figure of Tsuna's body before it charged forward. His Dame-Tsuna was sparing against Hibari. He didn't want to admit it but it looked more like raw sexual tension was built up in the room so much that he could feel it through the 20 reinforced glass. The two brawling below him couldn't see inside this room because of the one-view access it had and that wasn't helping him. Would it be different if they knew he was here? Something inside was gnawing at his heart; it was leaving an unpleasant feeling within him. He turned his hand around tapping the glass with his knuckles over the figure of a clashing Hibari against Tsuna. With an uncomfortable feeling he walked away not because he wanted to but because he could not continue watching, something in his chest pricked painfully.

...

I clenched my fist tight as I swiftly punched towards Kyouya's face but missed as he used years of fighting experience to tilt his head to the side dodging successfully. Kyouya moved to hit me in the stomach but luckily I saw it coming, I used my slimmer form to weave around the attack to grab on his shoulder, using this momentum, I flipped into the air. As I landed, I stood perfectly straight before collapsing to the ground. My body could not take all the aches and pressure from the strain my muscles had and I had no choice but to let go. My body pained as it thud to the ground smacking the tender flesh of my back. My eyes closed on impact. My mouth was gapping open as I gasped in more irregular breaths. Ouch, that really hurt. I lay there trying to settle my beating heart and heavy breathing. I could hear the unsteady footsteps work their way forward just stopping a hair away from me. I opened my eyes and smiled breathlessly at the overshadowing man.

"Thank you Kyouya."

Over the years we spent together I watched as Kyouya grew far more invincible as he continued to retain the title 'Strongest Guardian'. Kyouya was a great inspiration for me and in a way he was like a safety belt. Knowing that his strength continued to climb, I was driven to build up my own power. He was the reason why I spent more time developing my physical ability versus my flame power which was already strong. Unlike me, who was sweating bullets Kyouya looked as if he had only ran a marathon. It was obvious that I was in a far worse condition. Damn, I'm keeping note that I need more time to practise my endurance. I gave an airy laugh as I continued to smile up at the taller man above me.

"Ne, Kyouya? I think we should hit the showers."

Kyouya smiled briefly at me and helped the tired me up on my feet. I had enough strength to pat my legs off from any smears and stretched my back a bit before looking back to Kyouya.

"Well, then." I said awkwardly. Kyouya nodded at me.

"I'll call Kusakabe about our arrival." He said in his deep gruff voice slightly wore from our training. Well, I'm glad to know that I managed to mess up Kyouya even a little bit.


Author Note: I hope you enjoy this. Chapter two will contain very heavy sexual contents.