A/N: I have no idea why I did this. I don't own Harry Potter or big freakin' monsters.

Harry hummed quietly to himself as he ambled along the bay-front towards San Francisco's Golden Gate Bridge. It was still early morning and a heavy sea fog hung over the city and bay like a fine feather blanket. Strangely, Harry found himself enjoying the fog. Back home fog like this would be cold and wet and depressing. Here, though, the warm California sun was already burning the fog away and that somehow made it feel that much more welcoming.

All around him the city was gradually stirring from its quietude. A city like San Francisco never really slept, but soon it would be abustle with cars and people heading to work.

Harry had just arrived in the city by international Floo. While magic allowed for near instantaneous travel across the world it had no way of dealing with the resulting 'jet lag',to use the muggle term. To put it simply, Harry had left England in the mid-afternoon. Here it was still before 7am and the sun was barely up. It was very confusing. He hoped it didn't kick in too soon.

He was in San Francisco for the International Conference on Muggle-Wizard Relations. Over the past few years some wizards, particularly in Britain and America, had moved closer to their muggle neighbours. After an awful lot of lobbying on Harry's part the ICW had finally consented to a conference to discuss the subject. Harry was hopeful that it would be another step on the road to breaking down the Statute of Secrecy. In an unexpected coup he had been announced as the key-note speaker for the conference and he hoped he could sway more fence-sitters to his mindset.

If wizards were to keep advancing they had to accept the way the world was going, and it was definitely going muggle.

He was pulled from his thoughts by a large wave crashing against the flood barriers just a few feet from where he was walking. He stopped and turned towards the bay in surprise, the morning had been utterly still and the water almost glass-like. That wave had come out of nowhere. Now, though, the water was regularly lapping against the protections.

Moments later he felt the ground lurch beneath his feet, throwing him off balance and nearly to the floor. All around car and house alarms started screeching furiously as the earth continued to shake to-and-fro. Harry quickly stumbled towards a lamppost for support, glad that he was well out of the way of any collapsing buildings and took the time to watch his surroundings.

A bit of dust was being shaken loose, but San Francisco was designed to survive earthquakes and this one was significantly smaller than the minimum requirements. Out over the bay Harry could see the bridge swaying in the fog, he didn't envy the souls on the bridge when the quake hit. That would not be a pleasant experience, even if the bridge had survived much worse in the past.

The vigorous tremors lasted only a little over a minute, but every second passed sluggishly as Harry held tight to his support and watched in amazement as the road to his side warped and cracked, water gushing through the tear in the ground.

Soon, though, the shaking stopped and Harry breathed out in relief. He'd never experienced an earthquake before. He put it down to what Hermione called his 'living disaster area tendencies'. Whenever he went somewhere something strange would always happen. The most extreme being the dragon attack during their holiday in Iceland. Dragons weren't even native to Iceland, they still hadn't worked out where they'd come from.

He looked around and found that the damage seemed minimal. Apart from the gash down the middle of the road near where he was standing he couldn't see any significant damage. That was a relief, at least his amazing bad luck hadn't caused too much damage.

Just as that thought crossed his mind a loud noise carried across the bay. He couldn't really identify it. It sounded like warping and collapsing metal but there was something else, almost like a dragon's call. He looked out at the bridge and could see that the main span was collapsing. He couldn't see far enough to identify the culprit but in the fog he could see a diffuse orange glow flare up and wink out abruptly.

Well. Shit.

He continued to watch, hoping to catch a glimpse of the attacking dragon when he heard the roar of two jet fighters tearing through the sky over his head. He knew well enough that the missiles carried by muggle jets were more than capable of taking out most breeds of dragons.

It was a great pity, but at least the muggles had responded quickly. Nowadays that was becoming more and more common. Wizards had started acting almost solely as cleanup in recent years, the muggle reaction time to events like this was that much better than the wizards could manage. It was likely that this attacking dragon would be down even before the local government were aware it was there.

Through the fog Harry once again saw a bright orange bloom, this one much larger than the last and he figured the dragon was probably down.

He decided that the best course of action would be to try and help some of the muggles who'd been on the bridge when the beast arrived. He quickly checked his surroundings and applied a Notice-me-not before apparating out as far along the damaged bridge as he could see.


That was his first thought as he reappeared. Much bigger than any dragon. Looming through the fog was a gargantuan creature. Despite standing in the deep waters of San Francisco Bay it loomed almost as high as the towers of the Golden Gate Bridge.

It was simply ridiculously huge. It was also almost completely uninjured by the missiles fired by the fighter planes Harry had seen just moments earlier. It stepped forward, nowhere near as ponderous as such a large creature should be and the road bed of the bridge was torn and brushed aside like tissue paper. Dozens of cars fell from the collapsing bridge into the Bay and Harry only caught a brief glimpse of the creature making its way towards the city before he too was sent tumbling into the roiling waters.

In moments he cast a bubblehead charm on himself and went after the panicking muggles trapped in their cars as they slowly filled with water. He swam as fast as he could to the nearest car and tapped it with his wind, intoning, "Portus."

There was a very busy moment when the car disappeared to the shore, bearing its family of four safely to dry land. He hadn't considered the fact that If the car wasn't there, and the water wasn't either then there was a hole. Holes generally don't last long in water.

He was tossed around violently and almost deafened in the resulting implosion. Bruised and with blood seeping from his ears he moved onto the next car, this time more cautiously.

He moved to a safe distance before activating the Portkey this time. The noise was still crushingly loud under the water but he wasn't turned into a helpless ragdoll. He could live with that.

In 5 minutes he and salvaged all of the cars he could find. The water of the Bay was heavy with silt and debris and finding his way to the sunken cars and other people who'd been cast into the water was no easy feat. He knew that the far more serious problem would be going on in the city. That monster would do a lot of damage before it could be stopped.

He returned to the surface and Apparated to a tall building overlooking the Bay. The creature had already moved into the City and was cutting a swath of devastation through low-rise and high-rise alike. Harry had no idea what its bones and hide were made out of but it was obviously substantially stronger than the steel and concrete it even now made a mockery of.

He stared at it for a long moment as he tried to formulate any kind of plan to take it down. It was almost certainly magical, no mundane creature could grow so big or have hide so tough. That probably ruled out most curses. It was simply too big to transfigure and even the largest partial transfiguration he could manage wouldn't cause the creature much harm.

The explosives and projectiles of the fighter planes had had almost no effect so simply hitting it with transfigured and engorged spikes was probably also pointless. Unforgivables might work. The Killing Curse was no more likely to work on it than a dragon, probably even less, but an Imperious curse might work. If it was intelligent enough to be able to understand commands like that. He watched it for a while before deciding that it didn't look particularly intelligent.

Cruciatus should slow it down though.

With that in mind he Apparated to another rooftop within range of the gargantuan creature. Once again he was struck by the sheer enormity of the thing. Here he was standing on a 50 storey office block and the thing still towered over him. He shook that feeling off and roared, "Crucio!" As he did so he thought of all the children who had stared back at him from the sinking cars in the Bay and channeled that hatred into the spell.

The thing didn't even register it. It couldn't even feel pain. What kind of living siege engine was this? Everything alive had some kind of pain response, it was how damage was recognised. Yet this thing didn't have it? How did it avoid hurting itself?

He decided that transfiguration was his next best option, as insane as that sounded. He Apparated again, this time into the path of the creature, barely a hundred feet from where it stood. He gathered himself for a moment for this would be one of the largest single applications of magic in history.

His wand whipped through the air in a frenzy as he chanted a long and ancient spell. The abandoned cars around him morphed and collapsed into a single lump which then extruded painfully slowly into a huge unbreakable chain. Just moments before the creature's huge foot crushed him to jelly the spell completed and Harry Apparated away again. Immediately upon completion the chain launched at the creature. It was not made for containing such a huge animal but it could at least wrap around the legs of the thing.

The creature stopped, halted by the gradually tightening chain around its ankles. For a minute it fought the chains but they were not called unbreakable for no reason. It was unable to pull them off and was stopped dead. Harry was willing to call this a victory. It may not be dead but it wasn't going to do any more damage.

The creature keeled over forwards and started dragging itself through the city once again, still causing untold amounts of damage. It deliberately rammed into buildings, bringing them down in a cloud of vapourised concrete.

Harry just stared.

He could do the spell again. Perhaps. If he could tie its arms and legs then it would surely be stuck. After seeing its determination to continue to cause damage he doubted that. It would surely just thrash and roll about and continue on its way.

As he stared the muggle military tried its hand again. More missiles slammed home against the creature and tanks lining the road ahead fired round after round into it.

Still it kept coming.

He wanted to kill that thing, its hide must be the best armour ever seen.

He formulated a new plan. It was not a plan he looked forward to acting out. The thing needed to die. How do you reliably kill an animal? Destroy either the heart or brain. The heart of this thing was probably much too well protected to have any hope of reaching. The brain, however.

It was still built on a reasonably standard vertebrate design, it had a head and that head probably housed the brain. The bead also had eyeballs. Eyeballs were always the weak spot. Admittedly this thing had tiny beady eyes barely larger than Harry but eyes they were still. An ocular nerve had to run from there to the brain and that couldn't be armoured.

He sighed, the americans were going to owe him big time.

He summoned his Firebolt7 from his pocket and enlarged it as he stared at the creature calculatingly. It should work.

After swinging his leg over the worn wood of the world's premier racing broom to sped off to meet the creature in open battle.

Stopping just yards from what passed as the creature's face he started sending powerful blasting hexes straight into one of its eyes. The creature didn't feel pain but it still recognised that Harry shouldn't be allowed to do what he was doing. It stopped its ponderous motion forward and tried to swat him from the air.

The creature might be much faster than a thing of that size had any right to be but it wasn't going to catch Harry Potter on a racing broom no matter how much it tried.

The eyeball was frustratingly tough but eventually it burst under his barrage and the fluid within gushed out as the beast screamed in defiance. He continued sending blasting hexes at the remains of the eyeball, now no longer having to dodge the animal's attacks. He widened it enough that he could fly in to the eye socket.

He landed in the eyeball with a damp squelch. It wasn't a large space as he'd expected but it was big enough to stand up in and that in itself was impressive. He located the ocular nerve at the back of the eye and recommenced his blasting spells, now cutting huge chunks from the unprotected flesh of the creature.

It took much less time to burrow through the ocular nerve than it did to gain entrance in the first place. Outside he could hear the arrhythmic thump thump of muggle ordinance striking the creature. In here it was actually pretty quiet, if he ignored the unpleasant noise made by each blasting spell.

By now he was covered in gore, which he belatedly realised was melting his clothes. That was impressive given that his clothes were heavily charmed for defence. He quickly vanished the horrible blue gore from his body and checked his boots.

The dragon hide boots were holding up fine, thank Merlin. He turned back to the job, it couldn't be much further to the brain.

It took a further two minutes of foul smelling excavation to finally reach his target. The texture of the flesh he was blasting changed the the movements of the creature lost their coherency and it instead started flailing madly. Harry fought to keep his feet inside the creature as it rolled about confusion as its brain was gradually blasted away.

Quite how the creature could survive this on top of everything else Harry had no idea, it took another 10 minutes of blasting inside the skull cavity for the thing to stop moving. Finally though it did and Harry heaved a sigh of relief.

He decided that this creature had given him far too many nasty surprises already and so lined up one last spell.


He turned and ran for it as the devils fire set to the task of incinerating the flesh of the creature in a roaring inferno of red and orange flames.

So great was the magical resistance of its hide that he didn't even need to extinguish the cursed flames. They burned themselves out within the corpse and left just the lightly signed bones wrapped in an almost unbreachable leather bag.

Harry sighed in annoyance as he once again cleaned off his clothes. He'd been having such a nice morning too. Before the muggles realised what had happened he spent some time cutting a square of the hide from the creature and dropped the smallest bone he could find into a pouch. They were surely going to be useful for something.

Now, if he wasn't mistaken, he had a keynote speech to give.

Hundreds of cameras from more than a hundred countries were on the scene, the footage they were capturing was beamed live into a billion houses. Everyone watched as destroyer of the first Kaiju seen on earth and the inventor of the new sport of Kaiju-Spelunking glanced at his watch and disappeared with a pop.

Muggle-Wizard relations indeed.

A/N: Nope, I still don't know why I did this. Oh well. It's a thing I suppose. Enjoy it for what it is.