I wasn't sure what woke me that next morning.
It wasn't the thin light filtering through the window, nor was it a loud noise, or some other annoyance.
All I knew was I hadn't woken up cold, that it most definitely wasn't because of a morning chill.
The Moyashi was wrapped tightly in my arms sleeping softly, I could feel his comfortable warmth against my bare chest, hear his slow even breathing.
With a silent sigh I let my eyes fall open, coming face to face with the back of that worrisome head of his, the Moyashi's soft downy locks messy from the styling my pillows had done during the night.
I could tell he was still fast asleep, feeling his chest slowly rising and falling, his posture more relaxed then it ever was when he was awake in my arms.
I myself couldn't remember a time when I had felt this at peace with a morning, I usually fought them tooth and nail, willed them to stop irritating me and to take their daily insistence with them.
So this was a welcomed change, waking up with another warm body in my bed.
It was... nice.
Although, there is an issue that comes with waking up next to my Moyashi, one that was especially problematic after the way last night had went.
I had gotten rock hard thrusting up against him, from the feel of his lips, from how much I wanted him.
I almost regretted the way I had gone about things, how raw I had been, and how deliciously rough...
Almost. I almost regretted it.
It had led us up to some deep shit the Moyashi had been hiding from from me, and finding out what was really going on... I never would have dreamed it was something so...
It baffles me how easily he could hide the things that bastard did to him.
Last night, after promising me he wouldn't run out the front door like a frightened kitten that had found its escape, it had taken some time to calm him down completely. He had been heaving and sobbing so much I thought he would pass out, but instead, while lying together on the couch, he slowly released these small blurbs of information. A few were situations he'd been thrown into because of his Uncles drunkenness, and he had shared a few embarrassing memories from high school that had led him to me... One or two had even been about his parents, a topic I knew to hold back the comments on, not that I had many to make in the first place.
When he finally remembered the half chopped ingredients that had sat in the kitchen all this time, he'd jumped up with an 'oh!', and proceeded to cradle my hand like the rest of the night hadn't even happened.
He made me make the bruise cream, asking through the entire process if he could help, and then insisting on being the one to apply it. I was able to cut him a deal with a bit of coaxing, he could apply it only if he put some on the bruises that lined his own body, and once that was done he popped the movie he'd picked out into the DVD player like it was nothing.
It was half past two by the time he fell asleep, so I carried him to bed, but not before lending him one of my pairs of sweatpants.
Hoping that in the morning he wouldn't be mad at me for dressing him (I mean, he's lucky we're just shirtless...) I climbed in next to him.
He's so warm now, I don't want to get up.
I'm not tired, and it's almost ten in the morning, but his side is just too comfortable to leave.
Plus... Something else was already up and ready to play, but I don't want to deal with that right now.
I pulled him in closer to me, nuzzling deeply into his snowy hair, just letting the presence of him engulf me.
Then I might have fallen asleep again...
Kanda was lying so close to me, it was like a dream, and I shamefully indulged in every moment his warmth was pressed against my back from the second I woke up.
It was refreshing to not cry myself to sleep for once, and even better because of the man that lay protectively beside me.
Last night... Last night had been a eye opener to me, I hadn't realized Kanda could ever have feelings for me that ran this deep, so deep that the issues don't bother him like I had thought they would. For that I will be forever thankful, for his kindness, for his warmth. It was nothing I could have ever wished for.
Carefully, doing my best not to wake him with my actions, I turned around in Kanda's arms so that we lay face to face. His warm breath tickled the bridge of my nose, his expression more relaxed then I had ever seen it, his long gorgeous hair slightly messed and falling like silk around him.
How could I have found someone so beautiful to want to be in my life? Someone so possessive and loving? Of course Kanda had his... quirks, and a few kinks in his attitude, but what was that really when compared to people like Cross? Compared to a monster he was nothing less than angelic.
He was trustworthy, at a standard that was so much higher then my own because I had lied and cheated my way through many things. I lied to Cross to save myself, to Lavi so he would save me his pity, and I had even lied to Kanda... looked him in the eyes and told him that everything was fine when it clearly wasn't. I had lied after every date, lied with every quick peck I had left him before heading to my so-called home, yet he forgave it all. He forgave it all last night and whispered back that same lie to me, only he said it in a way that I could never have, spoke those words in such a way that I knew he had turned them into the truth.
He found value in me, someone worthless, someone who couldn't even find a price to put on themselves. He held me back from the doorway I never wanted to cross, kept me in place when I threatened throw out the trash that I am, he made me feel like my life had purpose passed being a punching bag.
I just hoped to have the chance to love him forever for all that.
I took in his handsome features, remembering how he had held me yesterday, how good his hands had felt. Just the memory turned me on, the taste of his lips as he had kissed me like a desperate man starved of love, how he had growled into my mouth and ran his hands over my clothes. Oh man, he had grabbed my junk, hadn't he? I was getting... aroused, just thinking back to it. I felt my blood rushing south as I remembered the feeling of his clothed member pressed against-
"You know, it's rude to stare Moyashi."
The sound of his deep voice and the movement of his lips scared me so badly I had to hold back what would have been a shamefully feminine screech of fright, my brain quickly twisting it into something useful and coherent.
"Ka-Kanda! Y-your awake!" I stuttered a little louder then I really meant, plastering a fake innocent smile on my face just in case.
One of his intense cobalt eyes fluttered open, a sneaky smug grin accompanying it. Just how long had he been awake? Had I actually woken him up with my drifting stare?
"Where you watching me sleep?"
"What? Uh, n-no! I-I, I just woke up."
"So you weren't staring at me?"
His tone was smug and taunting making him sound like he didn't believe me, so I grinned at him, snuggling against his chest innocently. "What if I was?" I challenged gently.
He took a moment before answering with his own question.
"Where you thinking dirty things about me Moyashi?"
My eyes widened as I felt the waist bands of both my pants and boxers stretch open, Kanda's sneaky hands pulling the fabric back while the man chuckled smugly with a satisfied grin, his deep blue's gazing into me to find the reaction I'd have to his sudden advance.
"What's this then?"
I was so shocked and embarrassed I couldn't move a muscle; not to protect myself, not hide my shame, the only response I could really muster up was a disgraceful head drop. I prayed that my hair covered my boiling hot face.
After a moment of silence, he spoke again.
"You are too much."
"T-to... much?" My frayed mental state worked to process what he said, but really, to expect anything intelligent at the moment was asking too much.
Kanda hummed a light affirmative hum as he shifted in the bed, the mattress springs creaking from the shift in weight. I didn't bother to look up, his hand letting my clothes go to my relief, but then I could feel his warm rough hand on my chin. He cupped it gently, shifting my gaze so that I could find and drown in his midnight ocean eye's.
"I need to sully you."
His voice came out so deep and husky, so laced with the scratchiness left from sleep, that I could feel myself pulse with anticipation. Kanda's eyes had a glimmer that I briefly remembered seeing when he had me pressed against the counter, a fire that I could almost feel, and it made me visibly shiver.
He chuckled at my reaction before pressing his lips against mine in a hurried yet gentle kiss, his hands leaving my face to snake carefully down my bare chest.
I was lost in the feeling of his lips until he pressed a little too hard against one of my larger bruises, causing me to hiss in surprise from the pain, breaking our lips apart.
"Are you alright?" He whispered, taking his large warm hands off me, and I frowned at the way it ruined the moment.
"Yeah," I mumbled, "They're just a bit sore, that's all."
With his intense ocean eyes he surveyed my damaged body, a notion that had me cringing while he wasn't looking, and I just wished that the damn things would heal already. They where just bruises, not a big deal really, but I knew if I voiced that opinion Kanda wouldn't let it sit as that. He hated that I was hurt, I could see the anger turning in his eyes, but instead of growling like I thought he would the male merely leaned into me and began a soft trail of kisses starting from the highest bruise on my chest.
"Wha-What are you doing?" I stammered in confusion, holding back a groan at the feeling of his mouth on my body, trying not to think about where he ultimately was going to end up.
"I'm kissing it better."
His reply made my breath catch in my throat, it was so thoughtfully sweet and unlike him while at the same time he said it in a way that was completely like him, like what he was doing was the most obvious thing in the world. It made my heart shake in my chest.
I had never had someone kiss my injuries better before, no one who cared enough to bother, and as his lips traveled from one spot to another I could feel my fire for him growing, the urge to just whisper 'I love you' over and over to him pulling at me like saying it would make him live longer.
Kanda was gentle with every touch, and as he moved to kiss lower on my chest his hand brushed one of my pebbled nipples, making me groan and arch at the unexpected amount of pleasure.
He chuckled at the reaction, kissing at my other sore spots but keeping his hands on my pectorals, tweaking and playing with the spots that made me whimper in pleasure.
He seemed to take forever to explore all of my chest, to make sure that he had left a healing kiss on every inch of discolored skin, making my body heat in desire for more.
"Ka-Kanda... lower, please." I groaned out pleadingly, twisting my hands in his silky hair.
He turned gazed up at me to show a hungry stare, a large shark-like smirk on his wet lips, making him look far sexier then usual. He ignored my plea to move on, instead crawling back up to my lips, pecking them lightly to feed my frustration.
When I felt his hand slip beneath the fabric of my bottoms, his large warm hand resting achingly close to my hardness, I wanted to hit him.
"What's wrong?" He whispered against my lips, kissing me again, this time with a bit more passion, "Tell me what you want Moyashi."
With a heated moan I tightened my grip in his hair, pulling his face down so that I could taste his delicious breath between my parted lips, lifting my hips slightly so that I could wrap my legs around his waist. Meeting his lustful blue orbs with my own smelted silvers I gave an almost awkward thrust against him, breathing out the words he wanted to hear before pulling our mouths into a warm clashing of needs.
"Touch me Kanda... take me."
Satisfied by my request Kanda growled into me, his hand running teasingly along the skin leading up to my member before he stroked its base carefully, earning the gasp that I fed him in return.
It was only the tips of his fingers at first, his long slim digits dancing up the side of me until he reached the weeping top, using his thumb to smear the pre-cum all his playing had caused. I shivered at the feeling, my eyes falling closed as I focused on his intensifying kisses and the sparks of pleasure he let me taste, my mind reeling at the reality of him still wanting me even after he knew about everything.
He slowly took me in his hand, slipping his tongue past my lips as he started a slow pump, claiming my mouth like it was his more than it was mine, the feeling of his strong appendage handling my arousal like nothing I had ever felt before. They where deep strokes, and as he worked towards a steady pace they coaxed choked moans from my throat, but my pants still restricted the man's movement.
With a growl Kanda finally became frustrated enough to break our hot and heavy kiss, the warmth of his hand on my junk suddenly gone so that he could use it to help yank down my bottoms, and the sudden rush of cooler air had me mewling uncomfortably.
"K-Kanda? Wha-what are you doing?" I panted, still recapturing the air he'd stolen straight from my lungs.
Ignoring me he ripped off the sweats I was wearing, leaving my boxers stretched around my thighs. I watched excitedly as my boyfriend sat back on his knees, reaching to tug away his own bottoms, my heart nearly beating a hole in my ribs as I nervously anticipated his... equipment. Face flushed from the heat of the moment, his hair a tangled mess because of my harsh grip, Kanda was the image of steamy, the definition. His chest wasn't super toned but I could see the sharp beginnings of his abs, his pecks rising and falling as he huffed for oxygen, and as he pulled off the last of his little clothes I couldn't help but notice how his hot pelvic 'V' deepened before fading off.
I barely had time to appreciate his body before his underwear and pants where fluttering to the floor somewhere on the other side of the room.
My eyes widened at the complete rawness of the man above me, he was utterly and totally naked now, and from how he was positioned his heavy erection was pointed straight at me. If I had any blood to spare at the second it went right to my cheeks, my whole body burning from what I was seeing.
Kanda's grin was impossibly wide as he leaned over me once again, his lips coming to hover over my own, our arousal's colliding with sparks of pleasure that made my heart race.
"K-Kanda...?" I groaned in confusion.
He merely kissed me in reply, allowing more of his weight to push our hips together, the male starting a slow thrusting of more skin against skin then anything else.
His large swollen member ground against me, and I would have yelped from its weight if my own arousal hadn't rubbed right back, a moan escaping me instead as my heart raced.
I was so confused as to what Kanda was trying to do, feeling the slightest bit of awkwardness between his slow friction filled thrusts, but my heart still raced in my chest at the closeness of the situation. He was all over me, just like last night, and as one of his strong hands slid across my thigh I lost my breath once again.
He took us both in hand cradling our members together as he drove his hips above mine, the friction forcing my eyes into the back of my skull, his hand and cock like liquid lava against me he was so fired up.
With a hot groan Kanda's lips fell away from mine, and he gathered up enough air to barely whisper in a tone that could have only fit the devil.
"Allen, your hand..."
Some instinct inside me understood while the rest of me was too much a mess to fathom anything, and before any filter could adhere an awkward reaction I felt myself dropping a hand from Kanda's tangled locks, gripping gently the side currently uncovered by the man's slightly larger hand.
"Yeah... yes..." He panted against my skin, teeth grit and pace growing in speed.
The number of blinding lights in my vision seemed to multiply the closer I got to screaming out his name, a heat growing in me that had never been this intense before.
Somewhere in my mind I registered that this was what it was like to be close to someone, to feel their heated skin glide passionately against my own, to be wanted...
This was the lust people felt in love.
I didn't notice that my sight blurred even further, my mind so focused on the burning touches and the friction allowed by our leaking arousal's, I never felt the wet tears rolling down my cheeks or how sweetly he kissed them from one cheek... Instead my body pressed back, my grip tightening just barely as I worked towards meeting Kanda's strong needing momentum with my own clumsy thrusts.
In that moment everything was good, perfect, was like a dream... and at the same time was ending all too quickly. It wasn't long before my arms were feeling weak, and I was suddenly standing at the edge, too far gone to do more then gasp in my surprise as I saw the end.
I barely heard Kanda's low and raspy 'I love you' as I shook, violently releasing between us with a growl of the man's name in such a fervor that the sound itself tore at my throat.
I spilled between us, it leaking out from amidst our cupped hands, enveloping us in a new warmth. Still without my bearings, before my body could relax, Kanda harshly locked me into a hazed kiss. One that fed me his growls as he gave his last few thrusts, he too falling off his edge.
Panting for breath I sunk back into the bed, my head cradled by a pillow and my body like jelly against the sheets. Kanda's form hunched when he lifted his weight off of me, but he hung over me, his head resting against my own as we fought for the air between us. How he had the strength to hold himself up, my tired mind couldn't understand.
When I realized I could still feel our fluids chilling on my hand and on my... lower areas, my cheeks heated, my mind yelling about how lewd I must look like this.
A larger part of me didn't care, or rather, was too busy reveling in the fact that Kanda had just mauled me better then in anything I had ever fantasied.
Kanda panted the word possessively, the sound of his voice pulling my attention.
"Stay here with me."
My mind slowly churned over the small request as he careful lowered himself on me again, his arms sliding around me to encase my body in his warm embrace. I could feel the man's strong chin rest on my shoulder, his long hair a mess of tangles down the expanse of his back, and his labored breathing tickled my cooling flesh.
If I could I would stay like this forever, in the aftermath of so much happiness, with a mind as blank as a white flash of light.
"I wish I could Kanda, but we'll need to eat at some point."
I was joking with my point, never thinking that maybe this moment wasn't what he meant. He gave me a tight squeeze, one that I didn't understand the motivation behind, not until he whispered to me words that were so unlike him.
"Give me your love."
My heart gave a heavy thump in my chest, and the urge to see his face overcame me. I began to struggle against him, fighting gently to sit up, only pausing when he tightened his grip stubbornly.
"Kanda, look at me." I pushed.
I was able to wiggle to victory because of his hesitant surrender, raising my hands to cradle his handsome face, make him face me like I needed.
He was blank again, his expression hiding his emotions, yet his eyes -murky with unease- gave him away... Was he worried I'd run away like I had last night? Like I could possibly do such a thing after what we just did? After the feelings he had given me last night?
"You already have it." I whispered back to him in all honesty, watching for the change in his internal turmoil, waiting for him to accept that I was serious.
It took a moment, but slowly his eyes began to clear, and a small grin stretched his lips.
Suddenly he was gone, his form had rolled off of me before I could blink, and I could feel his strong arms lifting me from the warm sheets.
"K-Kanda?!" I yelped in surprise from his quick movements, my face heating as he threw me over one strong shoulder while still being careful of my bruises, "W-what are-"
"We'll need to eat at some point, right?" He interrupted me with a satisfied tone and a cocky attitude, throwing my joke right back at me, "But not before getting us cleaned up."
He ignored my embarrassed protests the whole way to the bathroom, my escape efforts half-hearted, allowing him to remove my boxers the rest of the way and turn on the shower without much trouble. Kanda only set me down after deeming the water warm enough, putting me directly beneath the hot spray before joining me in the small space. His chest pressed against my back, causing me to tense nervously, and when I felt a soapy hand on my back I nearly rocketed out of the bath.
"Woah, take it easy, damn Moyashi."
"I-I-I can wash myself Bakanda!"
He leaned impossibly closer so that I could see his face over my right shoulder, his soap lathered hands running down my sides, making me shiver out a gasp.
"I know." Was his simple reply before he pushed his lips against mine, melting part of my resolve over what was happening, my body relaxing back against his warmth ever so slightly.
With a gentle pull he broke the kiss. "I won't do anything you don't want Moyashi... I love you... I just want to be close to you."
I knew what he told me was true, but that last part, it was so unlike him to say it out loud... I never imagined he would be the one to say something so sweet like that, so caring. Then again, he was just full of surprises, wasn't he?
Grinning carefully to match his I nodded in agreement, closing my silver eyes as a silent way of requesting that he kiss me again, covering his hands with my own.
"I love you too, Yuu."
He was quick to get the message, locking our lips together once again in a kiss that grew with passion and care but not heat, my hands guiding his over my body to wash away the proof of that morning. Eventually, once he deemed me clean enough, Kanda let me wash him in return. I enjoyed every second of our shower, running my pale hands over him sensually, getting the honor to message his lotus shampoo into his long locks. If someone had told me that one day I'd be washing Yuu Kanda after a lusty morning I would have hit them for making fun of my crush, and then probably would have creamed my pants in my sleep that night thinking about it. He was extremely beautiful after all. Something I never thought would fit a mans description until the day I met the short tempered grump... it was one of the things I had thought the day I met Kanda, and it had stuck with me all these years. His handsomeness was truly haunting.
When we had finished we ignored the arousal's standing between us, Kanda throwing me a towel before drying himself off and leaving to find me something to wear. He came back fully dressed, his wet hair hanging darkly behind him, and handed me a t-shirt one or two sizes too big with a pair of jeans he found in his closet from his high school years. With a peck on my forehead he gave me his room to change in, the space still smelling of sweat and our release to my mortification, and told me he was going to start on breakfast.
"Wha-what about the sheets?"
"I'll wash them later." He said without a care, letting the door close behind him as he headed towards his kitchen.
I shook my head, giving my hair one last quick towel dry before sliding his shirt over my head.
I frowned at his jeans. Did he expect me to go commando? Or was it too early for me to borrow a pair of boxers?
The idea of just grabbing a pair myself made be blush a little, and I wondered momentarily what Kanda's reaction to me wearing his underwear would be.
I shook the thought from my head, maybe saving it for probably another day... maybe.
I found my pants from yesterday on the floor next to the bed, my mind registering that he must have changed me while I was asleep, and I made a note to ask him about that later. Picking up the clothing it was heavier then I had first expected it to be until I remembered that I had left my phone in my pocket after texting Cross.
Frowning I powered the device back on, wondering how many angry calls and degrading texts I had missed during the night, but to my surprise I found only one singular notification about a text.
I was shocked by what he had said in reply to my message.
A simple, 'Okay,' inside a tiny green bubble lit the screen, all by itself.
Nowhere was the usual a barrage of self-esteem eating texts, and checking my voicemail I was equally as shocked to find not one drunken message, not even a solitary missed call from him.
Just an 'Okay.'
I quickly replied to a few missed texts from Lavi as I turned over what this could mean in my head. If Cross had been mad he would have had no problem chewing me out through my phone regardless if it was on or off, so why...?
Was he at a new level of rage? Was he so drunk he didn't realize that was from me? Had his drinking finally driven him completely insane?
I was suddenly very terrified of what awaited me at that shitty little apartment.
Thank god Kanda wanted me to stay, had convinced me to stay... I started shaking just imagining what waited for me in that place.
Throwing on Kanda's pants I left my phone on his bedside table, closing the door behind me like it would shut away all my fearful thoughts of my uncle.
I still had the rest of the day to enjoy with my boyfriend, it was Sunday morning.
I would worry about it tomorrow.
*Slam dunks myself into the trash* My apologizes for this update, I meant to have it come out so much sooner but I had no time until now... I really need to get on top of this shit *sigh* My love to anyone who still reads anything I post :)