AN: This was a fill from this prompt:

Robb wins the war, releases Jon from his vows (or he never said them), and rescues his whole family (except for Ned, obviously, although you can throw him in if you want to). However, the war has changed him. He still loves his family, but he's extremely protective/possessive of them, to a fault. Nothing makes this clearer to Jon than when he asks leave to return to the Wall. Not to say his vows or to stay, but to visit and help them out. Robb not only won't give him permission, but when Jon tries to go anyway, Robb puts him under house arrest.

I was asked to write angst and I did this- . Please forgive me. Its not even fully written, its just dialogue attempting to be funny.


Robb walks into his solar and sees his entire family there, direwolves included.

Robb: What is going on?

Maester Luwin: Lord Robb, we are all here because we care about you.

Robb: That's great…I care about you.

Maester Luwin: We need you to understand that we are not attacking you. This is a place of trust and openness. Lady Catelyn, why don't you start?

Cat: Robb, this past year, you have done so much. You became king, led victory for our people, destroyed the Lannisters and saved your sisters. Really, I couldn't be prouder. But lately, things have been…difficult. Maybe its because you had all this power and turmoil thrust upon you at such a young age, maybe because I'm really trying to be your mother and advisor and I sometimes get all muddled, and me and Jon are trying to get along…Though, you know he was finally gone…

Luwin: Sansa, you're next.

Sansa: Robb, I really wanted Joffery's head on a platter. And you did just that. Thanks.

Arya: That's it?! How is that helpful?

Sansa: I saw our father get beheaded and then spent a year being mentally and physically tortured. And I had to talk to Cersei Lannister. You want an example of crazy internal misogyny? Try it with a galleon of wine with a side of bitterness.

Cat: So we know what our next intervention will be about.

Arya: Cool, so we'll ignore the fact I'm child who had to trudge through danger and death that will be in my nightmares?

Cat: No, we're doing that subtly with you.

Luwin: Back to the issue on hand.

Rickon: Yeah, Robb is being a dick.

Jon, Cat and Bran and Sansa: Rickon!

Rickon: How long how have we been stuck here? Shaggy wants to hunt. (Shaggy barks in agreement)

Robb: Look, I'm trying to protect you…

Jon: You put me under house arrest. There are guards at my door.

Robb: Yeah, well you shouldn't have tried to escape.

Jon: You see, right there is why we doing this. Why would I even need to escape from my own home?

Robb: Why did you try to run away?

Jon: Because my home is now a prison.

Robb: I'm doing all this to keep you safe.

Jon: Robb, I'm man grown of the Nightwatch. Or I would be if you just release me.

Sansa: And you have been looking through our mail.

Arya: And why are you spying on me when I'm with my friends?

Robb: You mean that bunch of convicts?

Arya: Hot Pie, Lommy and Gendry aren't convicts. They barely qualify as juvies.

Cat: So in short, Robb my dear son, you have been falsely imprisoning us and the last straw was stopping Jon from leaving and trying to find his own place in the world.

Robb: Mother…

Cat: We do love you and appreciate you, you have saved this family. But we need have some freedom. Not be hostages. Especially Sansa, who has been a hostage.

Sansa: It was a lot of fun. No, it wasn't. It was worse than hell.

Cat: And Jon, who was leaving. Finally.

Jon: I'm going along with this because I really want to leave. The last letter I got from Sam was talking about some weird stuff- about ice zombies.

Sansa: Ice zombies?

Jon: Personally, I think he and the others are smoking something weird.

Cat: See, Jon's actual delinquent friends need him. And it isn't good for you either.

Robb: Well I'm sorry that want to keep you all safe. The last time Starks left, a whole bunch of bad stuff happened. One was Father's getting killed, along with lot of our staff. I found Jeyne Pool trapped in a whorehouse. So if keeping you here under lock and key will keep you alive, then I'll do it.

Jon: Robb, we're Starks. We're on a first name basis with misery and pain and our pets are direwolves. We can handle bad stuff. Even more so now.

Arya: Except for Sansa, her wolf died.

Sansa: Robb, thanks again for killing Joffery.

Rickon: And you let Bran leave.

Robb: I didn't let Bran leave. You two had to escape from a bunch of Ironborn invading Winterfell. We got you back, but we haven't seen Bran yet.

Jon: So if our home wasn't completely safe, why are you keeping us here?

Robb: You all get guards now, and I'm not leaving. So you're all safe.

Cat: Luwin, send for some refreshments. Still will take longer than planned.

Luwin: Yes, my lady.


Please let me know if this was humorous.