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My eyes betray me as I found myself automatically glancing towards my old friend as if we were still on good speaking terms. A smile tugging at my lips which soon became awkward and sadden at the realisation of what I was doing and what I was forgetting. She had caught my glaze and her eyes betrayed the same memories as I was experiencing.
I knew her well. I knew every inch of her as if it was my own, yet just as my own body I feel I will forever be detached. My body was a vessel of movements, a vessel capable of great skill and achievement. It was a device that would allow me to interact with this world, interact with the people around me but yet, in this vessel of mine I am detached. As if I was only watching a movie my life was passing me by. As if watching a movie I would rewind memories to a time when I think I could control this vessel, a time when my hands would experience sensations of her skin. My eyes would pass over her smile and linger in her eyes. Her essence would pull me to the surface of my skin; it would awake the spirit within me and bring forth emotions indefinite of words. I would be alive, I was everything and more. It was dream that was never truly meant for me, yet something I would gladly steal back if I could. Her soft skin, harsh words, determined eyes, uncontrolled red hair were parts of a body that would forever stay isolated from my touch. Those eyes now have turned dim, they never quiet shine like they did before things got messy, before I left, before someone had broken her down and stripped her of her… stripped her of something that I can't articulate in words. Something was off about her, something was off about all of us, yet seeing it happen to her seems to break apart of me that I didn't think could break anymore.
A distant voice in the back of my mind calls out to me. It tells me to take control, to move forward and violate sacred space of hers. To pin her down so that she won't escape me anymore, to restrict her movements until all she sees is a part of me that only she could ever see. To see the real man, to not hide from me and to fix me like she always used to. Will her to change for me, to change back into a person who could intertwine herself into my skin and soul. This time I would keep her so close that perhaps she would sink right into me; perhaps she could fill this vessel with light once more.
My eyes don't look away from her even now. They no longer care that her eyes know this body well enough to gather thoughts and true intentions of my own. She could always read me like a book, and I would always try and stop her, yet today, right now I don't care. My eyes drift from her red hair to the crook of her neck. They soak in her white creamy skin remembering the warmth we once shared in a bed now filled with cold memories. They move to avoid her stare, to avoid lips that my own wish to touch, instead they move down her neck and to her chest. A place where it is inappropriate to look, but a place where I once found excitement and comfort. It is a place where I recently banned myself to indulge in; as I thought perhaps it would be easier to forget her if I didn't look at her with greedy eyes.
Continuing my eyes move past to a stomach covered with her crossed arms tightening in response to my watchful eyes. Her nails dig deeper into her elbows bring a small smile to pass through my lips; it seems her body has not forgot mine, she still reacts the way I like when I indulge in the sight of her. This vessel stirs in a way I forgot it could at the sight, it stirs in a way it probably shouldn't, as even through it wishes to violate that space, this brain knows that is probably not a good idea. My brain knows she won't like that, she would feel threaten, not respected and therefore not react in a way this vessel desires.
These eyes shamelessly continue on their journey down to the most private part of her, she crosses her legs in the chair she sits; perhaps thinking she could hide what I know is there. Memories play erotic dreams; erotic dreams that these hands still remember the tune of. Images of red, black, yellow, green, rainbow underwear sliding down long strong beautiful legs exposing shelter this vessel once enjoyed in. A rhythm these vessels once part-took in in a regular fashion. Pounding in my chest prinks my ears at the thought of her wet embrace, envy of her own hands painfully screams within me as they probably do work once allocated to my own. As these eyes continue down the long road of her jean-coved legs they remember many dresses swaying past them, many dresses exposing skin to only these eyes. They also remember the powerful kick they constantly placed upon this body; that memory not as highly valued as others. Yet if she tried to kick now I imagine taking control of this vessel to catch her leg, to pull it close and pin her against the wall. To push at clothing hiding them, to push at all walls hiding the spirit within it. The spirit once capable of controlling and freeing my own all at once.
As these eyes reach the end of this journey, stopping at the feet covered in black boots they dare not to move to a face that they avoid. These lips sting from untouched memories. They scream to be heard, to be only heard by her own. My own arms mimic hers as they cross and tighten across my chest. I lean against a wall for support as I feel without it perhaps I would give into my weak knees. I imagine these arms restraining this vessel as it wants to part-take in the warmth of the other across from me. This vessel stays still yet the pull within my soul calls out to the one hidden in the vessel across from it.
It is clear that the desire for her love has yet to leave the imprisonment of this body. It is painfully clear that this vessel and soul wants nothing but the woman sitting across from it.
"Hey Dick…?" Her voice cuts across the daydream and pulls at the conscious mind to confront and regret bluntly indulging in the sight of her so openly.
"Umm yes?" I whisper in reply, never looking away from the ground in front of her black boots.
She stands up, dropping her arms and uncrossing her legs that once hid the body these eyes shamelessly violated.
With conviction in her voice and confidence in her step she closes the gap between us until my eyes are unable to stare at the floor in front of her feet as her feet are barely a foot away from my own.
"If you want something… take it." My eyes drift from the small gap of our feet to wonder up to the lips then eyes that had spoken. The face that I had avoided bore into my own. The eyes open with honestly; spoke with sincerity, called out to the real man inside. They had not lost their touch; she still understood the person hidden beneath me and still knew how to get him out. She had the power to get what she wanted but it was clear now staring back into her that she wanted the same thing from me. She wanted me to pull her into the real world too. She wanted me to bring back the light that once shorn in her eyes, bring back the laughter of her lips, and bring back the love we once shared.
But knowing what she wants and knowing how to give it to her are two different things. The man inside wanted to give her everything, wanted to pleasure her in every way, yet he didn't know how to, he didn't know if he was enough.
"Was I wrong?" She spoke with softness. She spoke knowing what I wanted but then doubting at the lack of response she was receiving. If I was ever going to get her back this was it, this was my chance.
My grip across my chest loosen, the tension in this body dropping off in one hit. Moving my arms took everything, there was still this pull within me that was afraid to reach out, it was afraid of everything that comes with learning to love again. But the woman beneath those eyes knew how to win, she knew how to beat the man within, she knew, even if she wasn't conscious of it, that her love could make or break this man that is my own.
These fingers first brush then grip the exposed skin of her arm. She only wore a black singlet, making the pounding in my chest and bludge in my pants increase with the realisation that she probably wasn't wearing a bra. My eyes glanced down but return quickly to the blue oceans of her eyes. They plead with her to be real, they beg for her to stay.
Her own hands reach out, resting upon my chest. Like lighting all at once this vessel has become my own. With just a touch I know the man I am is being seen, with just a touch I know that these eyes only see the woman beneath her, the woman calling out my name.
These hands now move with determination and purpose. They move to grip the space where her neck and head meet; they hold her steady as these lips greedily take what is rightfully theirs.
It has been a long time, yet they move as if time means nothing. Each kiss becoming more desperate, each kiss demanding everything or nothing. It was too late to turn back now, with one look she had destroyed all defences I had. With one touch she had brought back the man chained away, and with one kiss she awoke a beast hungry for everything that was hers. We both knew as I grabbed her tightly around the waist and shoved her against the wall so that now she was pinned and I was free that there was no stopping now.
Her moans were mine alone to hear, her hunger my alone to bear. My hand reaches under the black singlet, pressing skin without hesitation until reaching my destination of her soft breast. Hearing the struggles of her breath a smile grows on my lips as the desperation in my body grips her tighter. My fingers grazing her nipple without consideration of dignity or patience. Her hands grip my arms as her body weakens, allowing only me to hold her steady.
She was a proud woman who was always known to keep everyone at a distance, so when she gives herself to me I know it isn't something to take for granted. It isn't something that comes easily for her. It isn't something she is comfortable with, it is something she is giving to show that she is willing to take a chance, she is willing to let me hold her, to let me love her but if I drop her then I am risking the essence of her. She was trusting me. And I doubt she has ever really trusted anyone else like she was willing to trust me.
It frightens one side of my brain but ignites another primal part that wants to please her, to show her that her efforts are not in vain. This time I wasn't going to drop her, I wasn't going to abandoned her so that some predator could steal a part of her that was never meant to be for anyone else but me.
My hand pulls at the button restricting access to a place where we could be united, my fingers unzip her pants and without patience I wiggle my hand down to her core. I feel her squirm and push her further into the wall in response. She calls my name in hesitation, I know that even though she wants this, that a part of her holds back, afraid that she might feel too much. She was willing to trust me, but she wasn't sure where that would lead. Would she let me love her and not just please her?
My fingers move and I can feel that she is ready for me, groaning in response I continue to use my other hand to greedily shove her singlet up so that I can see everything that is her. My free hand grips her beast, making sure to give it the attention I know she desires. My kisses leave her mouth to travel to her neck, allowing her moans free range to eco off the walls of the cave. Her moans that speak to every part of my being, awake every lost passion in my blood.
"Dick- we shouldn't do this here" her voice is strained; she grips my shirt tighter as she shoves her head in the crook of my neck.
We are down in the bat-cave meant to be waiting for analysis report from Batman and Robin currently in the UK on a susceptive threat from injustice league. Alfred was out, so I wasn't worried about any interruptions from him, no one was expected of coming back to the cave anytime soon but it wasn't like that has ever stopped us in the past. Sure, Batman would be pissed if he ever found out… but I would make sure to delete any evidence from the video feed.
"Richard…" her voice rising with each stroke of my fingers, my smile growing with each kiss and lick of her neck. She unclenches her right hand from my arm and slides it down the space between us to the top of my jeans, unclenching her breast I quickly grab her defiant hand and whisper her name, for the first time speaking since this encounter.
"Barbara- let me hear you first" I knew half of it was words, raw words spoken to stir the primal animal in her, exposing her and putting her on display for my own pleasure. My stocks become rougher, deeper, and desperate pushing her over the edge until my lips cover hers to supress her final scream of pleasure, sending her body into spasms. Her body like jelly in my arms, her breath desperately trying to regain control, my kisses slow allowing her to rest as I bury my head in her neck and her hands reach around to pull me closer. I slip my hand out and wrap my arms around her; breathing in her scent I use all self-control not to take her then and there. Instead I only allow her a minute to rest before I bend down and throw her over my shoulder.
"DICK! What are you doing?" She squeaks in amusement.
Moving towards the bat-computer I pick up our communicators and punch in a few commands into the computer so that when they send through the documents we could be notified via communicator.
"Moving locations before we get busted like we are 15 again."
"Arr good point pixie boots" she giggles, which brightens my smile; I can't remember the last time I heard true enjoyment from her. I forgot how much I needed to hear it. Forgot the magic of her smile.
I tighten my grip on her as I carry her up the stairs and to my room.
Impatiently I throw her into my domain, throw her onto a bed that hasn't seen her flesh in many years. Without tact and without caution greedy hands strip down the red-headed beauty of my dreams until all that is left for my eyes to draw in is nothing but smooth silky-white skin. My kisses hungrily absorbed her in as if she might disappear; pulling away for a moment I stand up to take in the full beauty that makes up my best friend and true love, Barbara Gordon.
Her face flashes red and she squirms with embarrassment, yet her smile has yet to leave her face. I make quick work of my own clothes, loving how her eyes look upon me knowing full well that all she sees is hers for the taking. Knowing that this body readies to take all that is hers.
It is strange to me that this thing that fills me up, something that brings me to the surface of my being and makes me want to fight harder for a brighter day is something that awakes the woman who gives it to me. Even with just a touch, with just a smile she drags me into a place where I think I can stay. A place I know I could be more than content with for the rest of my life. Unfortunately it is a place we have both been running from as once we cross into that plane we are vulnerable for the taking. We put down our walls and leave us open to be broken. Broken by the other, or broken by people willing to take advantage of our weakness.
It isn't something we worry about now, it is something we will worry about later; it is something we will never truly stop worrying about and it is something that is pointless to worry about, because even if we try, even if we lived on different worlds with no contact we cannot serve the connection that makes us vulnerable. We could never leave behind the something that lights us up and breaks us down with worry. We were connected the moment we met; connecting our bodies only serves to remind us of that.
With each thrust inside of her my body responds to hers, as hers to mine. Our rhythm once again syncing to the beats of our hearts. The heat rising to uncontrollable temperatures as our voices sign to the tune of pleasure. She gives herself over completely as I do her. Her legs tightening around my waist as each thrust deepens into her. Together we finish; the release of tension does away heavy burdens of the past, present and future. Worries and doubts wash away with the sweat dripping down from our bodies. Dropping to the side I pull her close, not caring how hot it is, how gross we both are because all I need is the promise of her existence next to me.
Silence plays happy tunes as we do nothing but lie together naked, never once letting our voices pull us back into a dark reality we left behind in the cave down under the mansion.
She sits up, reaching across she picks up a communicator and breaks the silence to read the message. My hand lingers on her back, never wanting to let go all that is her.
We have to go back to work, we have to go to the cave, to suit up and venture into the world that threatens to chase us down and bury us in torment and torture. Yet it is a life we wish to venture in, we say for the greater good, because we think that our existent in it has effect on the disease that is Gotham City, yet the truth be told it is an addiction we can't give up. It is a thrill we keep chasing, a thrill that will leave us broken and beaten. I couldn't really give you an answer for it, I couldn't give you a day that we could and would stop, because when we our bodies cannot longer work, our brains always find a way to stare darkness in the face and dare to change it from the side lines. Barbara is a perfect example of that, when her legs were taken, she found a way to be better than ever, found a way not to turn her back on the darkness that is a drug of our lives, found a way to fight back and change it from behind wires and screens.
I hate her for it. But fell further in love with her because of it. Everything that scares me about her, her choices and actions infuriates me yet intrigues me all at the same time. It is because they are every bit her, every bit of her will, passion and determination, everything that I admire and want. Everything of her I can't help but respond to, can't help but love more. I just wish it didn't have to be so deadly. Yet I know I can't talk, I'm not much different, and I know she feels the same way when she has to watch me go out into the bot-luck streets of Gotham.
She turns her head to look over her shoulder at me. Her smile appears to have had faded, her eyes watering, filled with emotions I know too well. Emotions bottled up for so long that it doesn't take much than a thought to set them off.
"Don't worry…I won't push… I won't push you until you are ready to share the burden. But will you do me a favour?"
She doesn't respond in words, only nods in confirmation, she probably doesn't want to risk hearing her voice break. She knows I don't mind, she knows that I would like her to open up to me, to allow her to share her burden that she keeps close to her chest, the one she has spent too many years from me seeing. The one she knows that would hurt me the most. She tries too hard to protect me that sometimes she forgets that it is only natural of me to want to share it and protect her too. Yet now she knows that it is too late, she only holds on because she isn't ready herself, to hear her own cries, to admit things we both already know. It is okay though, as I am patient, this time I won't push until she is ready. This time I am not going to risk it. Not going to risk her running from me again.
"After tonight, after this mission come back to my apartment."
She gives me a look, hesitant and a bit confused.
"I know… let's not make a big deal of it… let's pretend that we took more time to reconnect, to do it properly. But we both know that this between us is real and it isn't something that is going to go away no matter how long we spend apart. You don't have to move your things right away… just be there. Everything that is mine was already yours. And I can't keep pretending that I don't want you. I can't pretend you aren't everything and I can't pretend that I can survive without you. Don't say yes, don't say no, don't say anything at all just be there, and I will know that you are willing to try too. I promise this time I won't let go, I won't fail you."
She stares my way, her eyes glistering with silent tears not wanting to move. She doesn't say a word, instead she leans down to plant a soft kiss on my lips and then moulds herself besides me, with her arm across my chest as if she born to only lie between my arm and chest. We don't move for a few minutes, until the night calls our alter-egos and we have to face the world that waits outside my bedroom door.
My eyes watch as the frame that holds the woman full of burdens that would break any normal human being, is covered in a black suit and black cape, becoming a vessel for combat and justice. Her burdens never slow her down to allow me to catch up; she is always escaping my reach as if she was the wind itself.
Her eyes catch mine, her voice yet to break the silence that followed us from the room upstairs. She smiles at me, only for me. A smile that was unexpected, a smile I was unsure would be there once we returned to reality. A smile I hope to see tonight when all is over and I return to an apartment not fit for just one.
I do not wish to be detached anymore; I do not wish to go back to my chains beneath my skin that holds a man who cannot be alive without her touch, yet I already feel myself slipping. So as I watch her move to click on her belt and ready herself for the night ahead I wonder would she be willing to let me love her longer than just for tonight?
So...? Thoughts? A little dirty... I know! I honestly didn't mean it to be that way, it kind of just turned out like that, you know? I got a little carried away in this I felt, I was in a weird mood, did you like that? Or did it get a bit much? :)
If you do then please check out my other stories! "Call Me Datura" was my first one and I am almost finished part-2 of that, "Datura: Fight For Control". The writing in that rough, it is my first story ever! But bare with it as I feel my writing slowly improves...well you tell me! I just want to improve, so anything you would like to share about your experience reading whatever I have written I would love to hear it:) xxx
Also thanks to my friend "IamThordor" for reading over this! I decided to give my beta-reader "Saphire122" a break, as I just spammed her with my latest chapter for "Datura: Fight For Control". They both have some awesome work so give their stories a go if you haven't done so already please:) xxx
Thank you all for reading! :)