I meant to put something up on Valentins day, but the things was writing I didn't finsih in time. Sorry!
but anyway, here, I hope you enjoy this oneshot from the perspective of Roy's hat. I never write in first person, but I made an exception for the Speedy hat:)
We were always so good together. I don't know what changed.
Well, that's sort of a lie. He changed. He grew up and wanted to move on... Part of it was his Cadmus programming, but part of it wasn't. Part of it was him wanting to be his own man. And I can appreciate that.
But why did he have to throw me away?
After all these years, I thought we had a special bond. I thought we were connected. He kept me grounded. I kept him stylish. It was a great system we had going there, and it worked too, for a really long time. I know that when he was captured by CADMUS they changed him. Like, really changed him. Into a completely different person. But even then, I still thought we had a bond that couldn't be messed with. I thought we had something... Something special.
But then he just went and... and...
I can't even say it. It's too hard. Have you ever just been used and thrown away like that? It hurts. It really, really hurts. But I can't bring myself to hate him. I will always love him, just as I believe that somewhere, deep down, he will always love me. At least that's what I like to tell myself. It stops the bad thoughts sometimes, you know? That he kept me for so long, he couldn't possibly hate me as much as everyone thinks. Maybe it's just a phase... Yeah, just a phase...
Who am I kidding. This has been building for a long time. I know that it's not about me, not really. It would be selfish to make this about me. The truth is, he's been angry, very angry, for a long time, and I think it just all boiled over that day. The day of the incident.
It was supposed to be the day. I could hear him all night long, talking excitedly about it, and the next day he hit patrol so hard because he just wanted to get to the Hall of Justice. I think really that's when I noticed something was wrong. When he wore me that day I could pretty much feel it, that something was going to happen...
When they have him the 'glorified backstage tour', he wasn't happy. Not at all. Not with Ollie, not with the League, not with me. He sometimes joked that I was a ridiculous hat, but the banter was all light hearted, at least I thought it was, up until then. I thought it was all in good fun, but that day, he just seemed so mad, and he just...
He snapped. He started yelling, he got angry, and then he was about to storm out. I could feel it. I can always tell when he's about to do something incredibly stupid, it's part of the reason we were so great together. But before he stormed out, Ollie said something that made him really, really mad. Or maybe it was Aquaman, possibly even Batman himself. I forget the details. The only thing I truly remember is what happened next.
He reached up and snatched me roughly off his head. He had never handled me so harshly before, and it was such a shock that I don't think I really registered what was happening until he threw me to the ground. He ripped me off his head and them just dropped me like I was nothing, on the dirty, worn floor. I remember lying there, contemplating if what just happened really just happened the way I thought it happened, and turning the event over in my head over and over again because Roy would never do that, surely I was missing something. Perhaps a strong breeze just blew me of his head, and when he tried to catch me he accidentally batted me to the ground? Butas I laid there on the ground, watching him walk away, my heart broke at the realisation that he wasn't coming back for me. He really had abandoned me.
He didn't want me anymore.
The League members that were there got called away soon after that, so Ollie didn't pick me up like I expected him to. I thought they were my family. So I watched everyone I loved leave, and I continued to stay, to stay there on the floor and have no option but to accept the harsh reality that I was losing everything I had ever loved. It was a little overwhelming. I still had hope back then. Hope that one of them would come back for me. Not that either of them did.
Soon after the mentors left, the sidekicks got to work on a scheme of their own. I could see the bird boy, his name escapes me, working his computer magic on the huge screen while Wally and the fish boy gathered around him. After a while of that, they left too.
I really had given up all hope at that point, and resigned myself to living out my days in a landfill somewhere. Maybe one of the fans would pick me up and keep me. Maybe someone would pick me up and sell me. Maybe I would just be trashed, tossed away again like the worthless piece of garbage that I am.
Sorry, I am getting emotional. Ollie used to always say never let your emotions cloud your judgment, or steer your words. I'll get the story back on track.
So as I sat there accepting whatever terrible hand fate had dealt me, he came running in. Back then I'm not sure I knew what was going on. I just caught the flash of red hair and the yellow suit and the shout of "Guys, wait up! I need a souvenir!" before he grabbed me and started running.
At first the speed made me feel sick, but now, I kind of enjoy the thrill of high velocity. Anyway, Wally dropped me off at his house right next to his second grade science fair trophy, and then darted off once again, in a blur. It took me a while to register what had happened, but once I did, I was thoroughly whelmed. Wally had decided to keep me. He obviously didn't think I was a piece of trash, he thought I was a memory, a souvenir that deserved keeping. I'm grateful to him for that. But somehow, that still doesn't make up for the pain I felt at just being thrown away by the person I loved most. In some ways, I don't think that pain will ever go away.
I'm not sure what I hope to achieve through telling you this story. Maybe I just need someone else to understand what it was like to be tossed away like that. Maybe I just need to talk. Maybe I just needed to get this off my chest before I could fully accept it and move on. It's really hard to move on, though. I'm all cooped up in this bedroom all day, and I'm not going to lie to you, it can be hard. Wally wears me sometimes, but not like Roy did, never like Roy did. He doesn't wear me out in public, with him I don't get to experience the thrill of taking down a bad guy like I did when I was sitting atop Speedy's head.
I hear he's changed his name now too. Trying to distance himself from what he was before. Trying to distance himself from me. It stings, it really does. Every time I hear that he has changed a little more, every time he makes another move to get away from his image as Speedy, I die a little more inside. I just want it to be like old times again, before he threw me out like an old pizza box.
Okay, so I am a little bitter. Who wouldn't be? But I would give anything to be his hat again. Anything to not be forgotten, to not be diminished into merely that hat that Roy threw away that time. Wally doesn't see me that way. Wally sees me as something better, a memory of good times, and sometimes that thought lifts me out of the darkness. Sometimes that saves me.
I miss Roy. He was everything I loved, everything I knew, and even though Wally is good to me, he's not Roy. I tried to hate Roy, I really did, but I just can't bring myself to hate the man in all those happy memories.
The good times.
Before he tossed me away.
Hope you liked it!