So this is a cancer fic, a really sad one, that I've been working on for a while now. Please give me feedback and tell me your thoughts, they really help me. Please excuse any simple errors in my writing though. Be warned, this is not a feel good story. And also, I mean no offense to any people who have actually experienced things like this. This is all based on things I've read and heard about and put together in my head. Thanks for reading!

Levi had never been so happy. Nor had he been in a mood so jolly for such a long, sustained period of time.

He had been in Europe with Petra for months, touring and laughing and getting drunk together. Erwin had started the trip with them, but left after the first two months. So that left Levi and Petra to travel the continent together. They eventually kissed, became a couple. And he loved her. He loved her, he loved her, he loved her. He loved the way she looked up to him, how she admired him, how her body warmed his after they trekked in the snow, sightseeing.

Yet, the way he felt for her wasn't how they all felt in the books, and movies. No warmth or tingles traveled through him when they touched. He didn't feel lust for her, or find himself wishing to spend every moment with her. But he knew that he loved her, in some way.

They were back now, back to their little city in America, the place he'd always known. Where his friends had been waiting. Hanji, Erwin, Mike, Erd, Gunther, and of course, Eren. Eren, his best friend, the dork, nerd, and most faithful friend that lives and has ever lived, on the planet.

They went through a scare once, two years ago, when they were in their Junior year of high school. Eren, was diagnosed with cancer. It was curable, and in a place that wasn't immediately fatal. And Eren still lived.

But the chemo and radiation had worn him out. His athletes body turned bony and thin, his hair fell out. Where Eren had been able to run the mile in just over four and a half minutes, he couldn't even walk down the hall without needing to sit down. It took months of physical therapy to get him back on track, but he finally sped away.

He went through the remaining year of high school shattering school records in track, and got a scholarship at the local college in running. Eren had everything planned out for him, and Levi would be by his side through it all. Levi promised him that much. Because he couldn't bear losing him. But then he left, and became happy with Petra, for months. Levi was ready to see his best friend again.

It had been a week, yet Levi had still not seen or heard from Eren. He called him, multiple times, yet Eren hadn't picked up. So he took a risk, and called Mikasa.

"Hey, Mikasa, it's Levi."


"I was just wondering where Eren was. I wanted to meet up with him, have a coffee or something, and catch up."

"He's at the hospital."

Levi gripped the dining table, fingernails digging into the wood in panic.

"Wait, what? Is he okay, did he get in an accident or something? Mikasa!"

"... He didn't tell you?"

Levi tugged at his dark hair, nervous and exasperated.

"I haven't talked to him since I got back. I haven't seen him or heard from him in five months. So, no, he hasn't told me anything Mikasa."

Levi felt a deep fear and panic growing in his chest with every second the silence on the phone grew longer.

"Levi, it it, came back. But this time... Levi," she stuttered. "Eren, was diagnosed with cancer four months ago."

A dark silence filled the air. The phone slipped from his grasp, clattering to the floor, the call ended. "No," he whispered.

Eren couldn't have cancer. Not again. Not ever. He had been cured. He was supposed to live a good, long, life. He couldn't be... dying.

Levi bent down and picked up his phone, placing it on the table. And he started pacing. His feet bore holes through the floor as he walked back and forth on the same path. He pulled back a chair and sat down, running his hands through his hair. Keeping his breathing steady. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. He placed his hands around his mouth and choked back a sob.

And then he stood up. He'd go see Eren. Soon. Tomorrow, he had time. He'd do it. He'd see Eren and it would all be a joke, Eren would be fine. Yeah, okay. He'd go to Mikasa and Eren's house and he'd be healthy. No cancer, no sickness. No tragedy. Only love.

He did go, the next morning. Fulfilled his plan. He met Mikasa at the door, learned that Eren was at the park. And then he left, easy as that.

The park was a simple place. It was huge, all green grass and spring flowers. Petals from the cherry trees drifted around, twisting and turning until they gently rested on the ground. There was a little play set that had been there for years, one that Levi had played on as a kid. No kids played on it today. It was cold, early spring weather. And it was also late, the sun setting on the horizon.

Eren sat on a swing, daydreaming into the distance. He gently rocked his body back and forth pushing with his foot. He wore worn out blue jeans and an oversized green sweater that matched his eyes. He looked as if he hadn't changed at all in the past six months, from the distance.

When Levi got closer, he saw different. Eren's body was thin and wiry, his skin paler. His hair under the beany he wore was thin, losing its vibrant softness. He was so skinny, so starved. The sweater hung loosely over his bones, like it was on a clothes line and not an actual person. Levi remembered the first time Eren had cancer, how everything he ate he just threw back up. He remembered how sick Eren had really gotten, how pale and bony and dead he looked. He remembered how happy he had been when Eren finally got back into shape, finally started running and sprinting and having a healthy glow to his tan cheeks. But now he was going to look the same again- be the same again.

Eren still hadn't noticed Levi when he came and sat down on the swing next to him. Levi gently swung sideways, nudging Eren with his shoulder, gingerly, so not to break what was left of him.

"Hey brat." Eren gasped and sat up straight in shock, blinking a few times before finally speaking.

"Levi!- What are you doing here?" he stuttered out.

"Coming to see my best friend that I haven't seen in six months, that's what," Levi said gruffly.

Eren blushed, ashamed. "Sorry," he mumbled. He turned his head towards the color streaked sky. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" He asked.

And it truly was. The sun was almost gone, and the sky above them was a dark shade of blue. But the sky was filled with orange, red, pink, and purple. Golden streaks reached out, blending the colors, and the beautiful, pure light landed on Eren's face, making him glow. "It's one of my favourite things in the world," he sighed. "Seeing the sunset, from this park, from here, and watching the stars come out. They say that when you die, you'll go up in the stars, that there'll be a new star born when you die, and it will shine as brightly as you did, as you lived."

Then you will make a very bright star when you pass on, Eren.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Levi suddenly whispered, his voice broken.

Eren ducked his head, bit his lip, and stared at the ground. "I didn't want to ruin your trip. Or your happiness. Levi, you were so happy, and free! I didn't want to be a burden," he added softly. "I didn't want to be a weight dragging you back down, to this place full of memories and regrets. I never wanted you to find out the way you did."

Levi let out an irritated sigh. "A burden? You may be many things Eren Jeager, but you are not a burden. You are my best friend, my source of happiness. Eren you will never chain me down. You lift me up, as you always have and always will, no matter what. Just like I told you, I'll stay by you're side forever."

Eren smiled a pained smile. "I'm sorry," he whispered. He stood up, dusted off his jeans.

"I better get going, before Mikasa starts to worry." He bent down, and gave Levi a hug. "I'm really glad you're back."

And then he left, in the dark blue twilight of the night, leaving Levi in the dust, left to pick up the pieces, just like he always had.

Days passed, then weeks, and Levi slowly adjusted back into a normal lifestyle. He would go to school (he was taking the final classes in order to get his degree), he'd go to work, and then he'd go home, to Petra and her delicious homemade meals, her beautiful smile, her laughing eyes. Fridays he'd meet Erwin and Hanji at the local bar, where they'd drink and talk and laugh.

But one day Hanji, the laughing beast, asked him a question:

"So when are you going to ask Petra to marry you, huh Levi?"

He stiffened at the thought. "We've only been dating for a few months four-eyes."

Hanji chortled drunkenly and reached up and slapped him on the back, her glasses almost sliding off her face.

"You crack me up Levi. Do you really love her or are you just waiting for Er–" she was cut off by Erwin's hand slapping over her mouth.

"I think Hanji has had a little too much to drink, don't you?" He chuckled, eying her warily.

Levi just nodded absentmindedly. "I'd best be going," he noted, after a quick glance at his watch.

"Say hi to Eren for me Levi!" Hanji yelled after him. When he looked back, she wasn't waving crazily like he'd expected, but talking quietly to Erwin with a solemn expression on her face.

It happened at a party. It was Spring Break at the college, and everyone was coming over to Levi and Petra's spacey house to celebrate the wonderful time off. Hanji, Erwin, Jean, Marco, Connie, Sasha, Mike, and of course, Eren and Mikasa.

It was wonderful, and it was horrible. Seeing Eren coming to a party like he was healthy was fabulous and amazing and made Levi's heart leap. But then he saw Eren, skinny and pale, leaning on Mikasa to support him, and it made him feel like he broke in two.

But Petra, the beautiful girl, didn't let anything put him down. She was the perfect host, with food and drinks and games and activities for everyone to play.

She made him smile and laugh, feel joy in his soul once more. Renewed his notion, to pull what he had out of his pocket right then and present it to her, right then and there. But he was waiting for the perfect moment to give it to her. And slowly, that moment came. With every minute that passed the building joy and nervousness grew so big it almost consumed him.

They all went outside to the deck to watch the stars. And as at last all the lights were off and everyone in the neighborhood went to sleep, and every last star shown brightly in the sky, he pulled her over to him, got down on one knee, and whipped the box holding the most beautiful ring he could find in it. He proposed to her, and she said yes.

At first she was hesitant, glancing over almost guiltily at Aururo, but then she looked into his eyes and leaned down and kissed him. It was perfect and everything was right in the world, but for only a moment.

Mikasa's voice broke through the silence and warmth that everyone was feeling. "Eren, Eren what's wrong?"

Levi tore his gaze away from his fiancé and looked over to his best friend and his sister. Eren was kneeling on the ground, tugging at his hair and clutching his stomach. His breathing was frantic and rushed, as he coughed and

"Can't ... Breathe... Help..." He trailed off in a coughing fit. His breathing was wrenching, forced puffs. His lips were red, sticky, and wet. "It hurts Mikasa," he whimpered.

And then everything that had been froze sped up, went fast, faster, faster, faster. People were running, Levi and Mikasa picked Eren up and ran to the car. They were frantic and scared. Levi drove and Mikasa was trying to calm Eren down enough so he could breathe at least a little better, stop coughing, clear out his throat. When he pulled in to the emergency centre, Levi yanked the door open and carried Eren in, sprinting.

The doctors rushed to help, giving him drugs and hooking him up to machines to keep him alive and help him get air in and out, in and out of his lungs, and keep the blood down, keep him from taking the last wrenching breathes he'd ever take.

And at the end of it, as Levi sat anxious in the waiting room, one thought remained stuck in his head as everything else in his mind was catastrophic. How could a night so perfect turn so awful?

Three months. That's what the doctors told them. What lingered in their minds. Three months of life left in a boy who's body was once filled with joy, happiness, light, and youth.

Someone so young shouldn't have to face such a fate, people whispered in the hallways of the hospital. He was still so young, he'd had such a bright future. He could've had a happy life they said. Like all hope was gone. Like he was already dead. Like Eren was already gone.

It pissed Levi off, the murmurs he heard. He came home from the hospital so angry and tired, everyday. He and Petra fought constantly, then made up, then fought all over again. She was mad at him and he was mad at her. It was like a circle of hate.

"If you care so much for Eren why don't you go marry him instead, huh? But he's already gone Levi! He's just an empty shell and he's gonna leave any day now. So just say goodbye and come back to the future that can actually happen!" She immediately regretted it, but he was already out the door, walking off some steam. When he came back she was gone, didn't come back until morning, looking happy and content, making him breakfast. The same thing happened many times. She'd leave after picking a fight with him, come back in the morning, and be in a jolly good mood as if nothing had happened.

The ironic thing was that Eren himself was happy. He wasn't sad or depressed that he would be dying in a matter of months, like everyone around him. He was making the best of his remaining time in the world. Once he was home from the hospital, allowed to spend his remaining time with his family and friends, he would go to the park with Mikasa and Levi and they'd swing on the swings, just like when they were kids. Eren always made Levi smile, every time he saw him, no matter what.

But soon Eren couldn't get up and walk to the park, he could barely handle walking to the backyard without getting tired, but he still didn't falter. He remained full of happiness and joy, with a smile on his face and his green eyes shining with life.

One day Levi walked in to Eren writing. As soon as he saw Levi Eren put the pen and paper away, eyes lighting up with happiness.

"Levi! You're here!"

"Of course I'm here stupid," Levi grunted. "I promised you didn't I? That I'd be by your side through it all?"

Eren's smile became painful, forced, and sad. "You did, didn't you?" he whispered.

I'm sorry.

What is heart break supposed to feel like?

Levi walked home from work one day without having seen Eren, for his classes went late that day.

He walked in on Petra, but she wasn't alone. Aururo was next to her, touching her, kissing her. And she was kissing him.

They broke apart when Petra noticed Levi.

"Levi! I can explain... I—" she sighed.

"How long," Levi asked her.

"Since the day you proposed." She sighed. "I'm sorry, Levi. I love you, I do, just not in... That way."

He nodded. It didn't hurt though, her betrayal. Not like it should have. Not how one was supposed to feel about the person they love breaking up with them. It wasn't like there was a huge ache in his chest, like they said in books and movies.

Petra wiggled the ring off her finger and placed it in his palm, wrapping his fingers around it. And then she took Aururo by the hand and gently pulled him out the door behind her. She cast a final glance at Levi. "Goodbye, Levi," her voice was rueful.

He stood there, numb. She was with Aururo the whole time, yet he didn't notice? He didn't notice the one he loved was cheating on him while he was visiting Eren, staying by his side, never stopping. All the signs were obvious but he never really... cared. So did he ever really love her?

He got a call from Mikasa shortly after. Her voice was laced with panic. "Levi, I can't find Eren. He's not anywhere in the house, and today he... He wasn't doing well. Please, help me find him."

Levi grunted, and agreed. "I'll call you if I find something," he promised. But Levi had the feeling he knew where Eren was.

The air wasn't cold, not at sunset right before summer started. The sky was magical, with stokes of pink, red, orange, and purple reaching endlessly across the horizon. The light was golden, and delicate. Beautiful.

Levi drove to the park as fast as he could, just as the last rays of the sun fell back under the mountains. The last colors dimmed as he pulled in to the parking lot, and lunged out of his car. He was scared, so so scared. He ran around the park, searching and searching until he finally saw something. Saw Eren. He ran over, to Eren lying on the grass, staring up at the sky. His breaths were shaky, but he licked his lips, and sighed when he saw Levi.

"You came," he whispered. He smiled, adjusting his eyes back to the sky. "Finally," he gasped. "It's so beautiful." Levi looked up at the sky. The first stars had popped out of the darkness, lighting up the sky.

"Levi, I'm gonna go up there now," Eren breathed out. "So if you ever need me, just look up."

Levi whimpered, tears flooding his eyes. He knew it was time, but couldn't let go. He grabbed Eren's hand, clutching it as if holding on could keep his there with him. Eren smiled gently, one last time, taking his last breathes, his heart beating for the last few beats that would keep him alive. He closed his eyes. And all the life left him, twirling up to the sky, to the stars, where he belonged.

He was at peace, for the last time he'd ever know, and forever.

And it hurt. It felt like something inside of Levi had shattered, leaving him broken, like a toy played with one too many times. He had this feeling inside of him that he couldn't get rid of, his heart was clenching, his stomach churning. He thought he might throw up, but had nothing to throw up. It was like something inside of him was missing, some gear that couldn't be replaced. And it wouldn't go away. The pain was fresh with every knew breath he took. Like he was being stabbed every second he lived on without Eren. He was broken, oh so broken. Broken, broken, broken.

He called Mikasa, and she came too, crying silently next to him. He was gone, and they'd never laugh with him, or see his smile, or hear his voice, ever again. They'd never see the light in his ocean green eyes. But Eren Jeager would always be remembered. He would stay in their hearts forever.

There was a pen and pencil next to Eren, his hand lingering by it. On the front it said one name, Levi.


Please don't be angry with me or anyone else. If I know you like I do, you'll take this out on the drunks by the club, the druggies, the highschool bullies. And you'll make this last. You won't get over it. You will keep the pain lingering in your heart and you won't let go. But please Levi, do this one thing. For yourself, your future. For me. Move on, get a job somewhere far away, cut all ties. Just go, and be free. Live everyday in happiness, don't linger in this dark pit of a town. And I know that I'm asking a lot of you. There was so much I wanted to tell you, to show you. But there's one last thing I want to give you. A book. I wrote it, it's more like a journal, really, but it's full of everything I've ever done, everything that has ever happened to me, happy or sad. I started writing it the first time I got sick, and just couldn't stop. Use it to let go of me, to move on, please. And I know that this won't help you, or impact you like I'd wish it would, but there is one last thing that I want you to know, and please just, believe I put all my heart into it. I'm sorry but—

I love you, Levi.