66Summary: "She slowly waved the can between the pair, daring them to follow her, before turning on her heel and sprinting towards the port-a-potties outside." Had Rachel been the one to find Puck. AU from Special Education
Years Gone By
Puck could practically feel Rachel rolling her eyes when he scooted closer to her and spooned her from behind. He cooed her name and wrapped his large arm around her chest, pulling him to her so he could kiss the back of her neck. "No," he heard her state flatly. Exasperated, he threw himself onto his back and kicked at the covers like a child in the middle of a tantrum. It had been a month and a half since she'd even let him think about having sex with her and he was starting to get antsy.
"Why not?" he whined.
"Because my back hurts!"
Noah sat up and glared at the swollen bump on Rachel's body. "This is all the runt's fault."
Rachel reached behind her and tugged him back down to hug her again. ""Don't blame the innocent baby, Noah!"'
"Fine! This is all Klaine's fault. Convincing you to have their god damn spawn."
"You agreed to it!" she laughed. "You cried when they asked us. 'Y-you want Rachel to be your surrogate? I-I… guys that's so beautiful, I-'"
Noah glared at the back of her head. "We agreed never to mention that! And they're lucky I said yes, you know? Most guys would've told them to hit the fucking road, but no. I gave my wife's firstborn to our best friends."
"And they love you even more for it," she assured him, kissing his hand lovingly. "You know, it'll be any day now… this baby's gonna pop right out and then you and I can start working on our own family."
"Psh'yeah right. Sorry, babe, but I totally started paying attention in health class after Quinn. We're gonna have to wait another damn month before we can start getting freaky again or else your hoo-ha will never heal."
"My hoo-ha?" She snorted. "How old are you?"
He pinched her side and made her giggle. "Seriously though… I love you being super pregs. I can't wait until it's our kid in there. Like God damn, woman, your boobs are huge."
"Noah Puckerman!"
"I'm joking! I mean they are, but I'm joking!"
"Keep talking like that and I'll never let you touch me agai-"
Rachel sat up with a gasp, her hand flying to her stomach. Noah looked up at her from where he was laying. "Rach? You good?"
She took a while before answering him. "Noah."
"Yeah?"
"I uh… well, I thought they were just Braxton Hicks, but that one really hurt."
He stared at her in disbelief. "Wait have you been having contractions this entire time and just decided not to say shit?"
"You know how high my pain tolerance is!"
"How long was the last one before this?!"
"Uhm, well… near thirty seconds, maybe?"
"Jesus Christ, Rachel!" Noah shot out of the bed and began pulling pants over his boxer briefs. He ran to their dresser, hurriedly shoved a shirt over himself, and then threw clothes over his shoulder to his wife. "Put that shit on! Where the fuck is the hospital bag?! Where the fuck are my car keys?!"
"Noah, just calm down!"
"Calm down?! You're going into labor!"
"I could be wrong! This could still be false labor, I-" She winced and stared down between her legs. "Okay, not false labor. My water just broke."
"Jesus Christ!"
"Noah!" She shouted. "Is this the way you're gonna act when it's our child? Just breathe! I'm okay!"
"You have the nerve to lecture me at a time like this?!" Rachel got up from the bed, ignoring the way that Noah was running around their townhouse like it was on fire. She grabbed her cellphone off the nightstand, calmly searched through her contacts and hit the "call" button when she found Blaine's name. It rang three times before he picked up.
"Hey there, mama bear!" the boy sang through the receiver. "How's our little bun in the oven?"
"Well," she chuckled. "Fully baked and ready, I think."
Blaine choked and coughed harshly. "Are you serious? It's time?"
"It's time, Blaine. Noah's looking for his keys right now to drive us to the hospital."
"Oh my god… Oh my god! We'll meet you guys there, okay? Kurt! Kurt, the baby!"
Her phone beeped, signaling that Blaine had hung up on her. With an excited squeal, she grabbed her hospital bag from the closet and waddled towards the stairs. "Oh no you don't!" Puck, who had appeared from behind her, swept her off her feet and carried her down. "I don't want you exerting yourself. Save all the energy for the pushing because you're gonna need it." Instead of scolding him for babying her, Rachel simply swung her arms around his neck and snuggled closer, gripping him tightly when another contraction hit her. "You alright?" he asked, unbothered by the way her bag was bouncing against his the top of his back.
She nodded against him. "Pushing through, Noah."
"Damn, I hope you're this chill about it when it's our kid."
Rachel grinned. "Of course, I will be! I must look my best through every performance, Noah, even a birthing."
"Oh god," Rachel cried. "It hurts! It hurts so bad! Just- just push it back in! Push it back in!"
Noah snorted behind the hospital mask he was wearing. Because of a slight complication, Baby Klaine, as Puck insisted on calling his goddaughter, was born through C-section. The recovery pain was a bitch, but Rachel had yet to experience what birthing could really feel like. Despite her best efforts and maintaining a smile on her face, she damn near lost it at the hospital and begged for any and all drugs they could give her.
"Honey," he told her soothingly. "We're almost there, Rachel. Just a few more pushes."
She shook her head desperately. "Noah, I can't! You do it for me."
He couldn't hide the laugh that came out of him this time. "Come on, sweetie. You're Rachel Berry, star of stage and, as of next year, screen. You can do anything, including giving birth to our baby. This is fucking cake, Rachel."
She sobbed through a cough of pain. "Can't I just keep him in there for a little bit longer?"
"Alright, seriously, keep whining and I'm out of this room," he threatened.
Rachel bit her lip and nodded. "Okay. Okay…"
"Are we ready again?" the doctor asked.
"Yes," Rachel whispered.
And so she pushed, and she screamed, and she pushed again until finally the loud, piercing cry flooded the room.
"Oh my god," they both breathed simultaneously.
Puck steadied his shaking hand so he could cut the umbilical cord, though it took him a minute because he couldn't stop staring at his baby's scrunched up face. "That's my son," he whispered to the nurse, whose eyes crinkled when she smiled at him. She nodded her head in Rachel's direction, which he took as his signal to head back to his wife. "He's beautiful, Rachel," he murmured, a lone tear forcing it's way out of the corner of his eye. "Thank you… Thank you." Noah brought her hand up and nuzzled it against his cheek. When their baby was cleaned and swaddled, another nurse brought him over and passed him gently into his mother's arms.
Rachel swallowed the lump in her throat and bit her lip to keep from sobbing all over her newborn child. "Hi," she murmured to him. "I'm your mama."
She laughed quietly, her gaze flickering up to Noah who smirked at her. "You did it, little mama."
"I sure did, papa."
"We're gonna be late!"
Noah clicked his tongue irritably. "We aren't going to be late! Just finish your make up already so we can get in the car!"
"Don't you snap at me, Noah Puckerman!"
He rolled his eyes, his handsome three year old giggling at him. "Why do we stay with your mommy, huh, J-dog?"
Jonah grinned toothily. "I love mama!"
Noah nodded emphatically. "Oh yeah! That's why we stay!" He bent down in front of the boy and tugged the small jacket onto him. "Now I know you hate this monkey suit, I hate them too, babe, but you can't wiggle out of this one alright? We gotta look good for the cameras… and mama's gonna kill me if you pull your bowtie off so don't do that either."
"It's tight," the boy whined.
"Alright, alright, I'll fix it, but no touching afterwards, got it? Now, here's how tonight's gonna go. We're gonna take whatever pictures people want us to take. You're gonna sit on my lap, no squirming, like the good boy I know you are. We're going to play nice with your mama's douche ex because he's her director so we have to pretend to like him. Then, when mama wins her first Tony, you and I are gonna scream so loud-"
"Noah, you know better than to jinx me like that," Rachel huffed as she rounded the corner and patted his head lightly. Puck scowled and jumped in front of the mirror to make sure she didn't mess his hair up.
"Oh shut it, Rach, you and I both know you're gonna win that Tony. The damn vice president knows you're gonna win."
Rachel scoffed. "Sue Sylvester does not think I'm going to win."
"Then why is she sitting in Schue's apartment to watch the fucking Tony's?"
She lunged at their son and covered his ears. "Don't curse in front of the baby!" she hissed angrily. Jonah stared up at them curiously.
Noah smiled innocently, escaping from his wife's fury when he heard the doorbell go off. "Finally! I was wondering whether these assholes got the date wrong or something."
"Noah!"
He whipped the door open to find Blaine and Kurt beaming at him, little Klainette bouncing in Blaine's arms. Mercedes stood just behind them. "Where's Tartie?"
"It's Artina," Tina stated from somewhere behind them. The girl pushed her way through her friends, sighing happily when she finally caught sight of Noah. "Hey, Puck. Good seeing you again. Mind helping Blaine get Artie up the steps? Jonaah! My little Joney Bear!"
She sidestepped Puck and hurried to the tiny boy, elbowing Mercedes when the other woman followed her quickly and tried to grab Jonah first. Jake, Roderick and Kitty, who came a few minutes later, said joyful hellos to their old friends before mingling with Rachel's stylists. After making sure their friends were settled and had everything they would need, arguing with Jake that "no, you can't keep Jonah with you tonight," and passing exchanges of "break a leg" and "wish me luck," Noah was carting Rachel towards their limo, an excited Jonah clapping his hands at the sight of it. It didn't take long for them to get to Radio City and do their walk along the red carpet. Rachel, who never did enjoy having their family photos plastered on magazines, had pity on the photographers and gave them much more time than she usually would have allowed before tugging on Noah's hand and guiding them into the theater.
They sat next to Jesse St. James, who shook Puck's hand despite the glare he was being given. Rachel and Jesse shared a knowing chuckle and she rolled her eyes and apologized for her husband's behavior. Puck passed their son to her and Jonah squirmed in Rachel's lap as more and more people trickled into the theater. She tried to calm him down, her nerves already on the fritz, but soon enough the show began. Jonah settled and watched in awe as performers appeared from every direction. He clapped excitedly and giggled every now and them. Rachel, in the midst of her nervousness, gave Noah an amused smile. Number after number was performed on stage, countless commercial breaks passed, when, finally, Andrew Rannells came up to the microphone and announced the nominations for "Best Actress in a Musical."
Her breath caught in her throat when she heard her name and she felt Noah take her hand in his, squeezing it tightly.
"And the Tony goes to…"
"No matter what he says, you're the real winner, Rachel," Noah whispered into her ear.
Rachel felt her heart skip a beat and her senses dull as she turned to her husband and stroked his cheek before leaning her head down onto his shoulder. She didn't see the way his eyes lit up with glee, nor did she see Jesse jump out of his seat next to her. "Oh, Noah. I love you so much. I don't care that I lost."
"Rachel, are you deaf or dumb?!"
She reeled back and gaped at the man. "Nice! Very romantic, you unbelievable-"
"Mama, you won! You won!"
Rachel looked around, thunderstruck, and saw everyone on their feet clapping and grinning at her. "I- what?"
"Go! Go!"
She jumped to her feet, catching Jonah who lurched forward with her. She climbed over Noah and was nearly halfway down the aisle when she realized that the boy was still in her arms. Smacking her forehead, she ran back and passed him to his father, who grabbed Rachel for a kiss before pushing her back towards the stage. Most everyone was laughing at how frantic and confused she looked, and Andrew gave her a hug once she reached him.
"Me?" she asked him. His laughter fed into the microphone and he nodded.
"Yes, you!" He told her, giving her another hug then passing her the Tony.
She stared at it in disbelief and looked around her, wondering if Willow Smith was behind her, ready to shout out "sike" and grab it from her.
Finally, realizing that she wasn't being pranked, she gave the audience a huge grin as tears began pooling in her eyes. "Thank you! O-oh my god, thank you! I want to thank my amazing director, Jesse St. James and… and my two dads for all of those singing and dancing lessons. Okay, I…" She took a deep breath and began again. "I want to thank Carmen Tibideaux at NYADA for giving me a second chance at my degree and to all my friends at McKinley High," She thought of them all sitting in her living room, or wherever the rest where around the States, probably freaking out that she actually won.
Rachel saw that, although everyone was sitting again, Noah was kneeling in the aisle, holding on to a fussy Jonah who was trying to run up to his mother. "Um, but I want to dedicate this award to my husband and my son, who came here with me tonight. To Noah, who never let me give up when auditions got hard or when I started doubting myself and, and Jonah, baby, mama did it!" She waved down at them and the audience laughed when Jonah jumped up and down at the sound of his name.
"And really quickly, I know I've been up here for too long already but I also want to dedicate this award to the person who's responsible for getting me on this stage tonight, and that is Mr. Will Schuester…" And, standing in the spotlight she had dreamed of since she was just a child, Rachel let the waterworks go as she spoke to her beloved teacher over the camera.
Before she got off stage, she looked up and closed her eyes, soaking in the applause with a smile. "This was for you too, Finn," she thought to herself, then walked off with Andrew Rannells still congratulating her by her side.
"My, my, if it isn't megastar Rachel Berry. Fancy seeing you here."
Rachel threw her head back with a laugh, swiveling around on the piano bench to grin at the man standing in the choir room doorway. "David."
Karofsky smirked at her as he strode in and nudged her gently so he could sit next to her. "You know it feels like just yesterday that you ran me back into a locker and shoved a can of fucking pepper spray at me."
"You deserved it," she responded firmly, though he saw a playful glint in her eyes. "So, your one week New Directions membership gave you an invitation to our little auditorium dedication ceremony, huh?"
Dave hummed back just as teasingly. "I'd like to think everyone has also realized that I've seen the error of my ways and have changed into a better, nicer man."
"A better, nicer man who has a man of his own I believe, or has Blaine and Kurt's rumor mill failed me once more? Are you actually dating that… hoodlum?"
"Oh come on, Berry," he chuckled. "You gave me a second chance, didn't you? Give him one too. You might be pleasantly surprised. He's actually a sweetheart."
"That sweetheart temporarily blinded my best friend," Rachel scowled. "You deserve better than him."
He actually blushed. "I, well… enough about me. Where's your man?"
"Why, Karofsky? Thinking of shoving me into a porta again?" They turned to see Puck standing at the door, Jonah next to him with his arms crossed and a glare on his face. "Because I gotta warn ya, if you think Rachel went batshit for me, wait till you meet her son."
"Language!" Rachel gasped angrily, racing over and picking the boy up into her arms. Jonah's face immediately softened and he giggled when his mother kissed the smooth skin on the side of his head.
"Holy hell," David breathed. "You actually let Puck give the kid a mohawk?"
"No," she stated flatly, Puck flinching when he noticed the look he was sending her way. "I was away filming for three weeks and came home to my son's…" Jonah was staring at her with his eyes rounded and a smile stretching his lips. "… handsome new makeover," she finished, defeated. "My daddies found it charming but Mama P nearly tore Noah a new one."
"He's gotta learn the trade early, Rach, I explained that already," Puck sighed, as though tired of going over the same lecture with a misbehaving child.
"The trade?" David asked. "Of what? Being a badass?"
Noah's eyes lit up and he gestured in his former teammate's direction. "See! Karofsky gets it!" Rachel rolled her eyes, opting to stroke the strip of hair running down the middle of Jonah's head. "So, Davey, Blaine told me that you're dating that douche canoe Smythe."
"Noah, for the last time! Would you watch your language in front of our highly impressionable-"
"He starts assing around, you tell me and I'll handle it, got it?"
David's brows rose so high they nearly touched his hairline. Part of him was happy to know that his friendship with Puck was suddenly heading back on track, but another much larger part of him knew that Puck would use any reason to punch Sebastian. "Thanks, Puckerman. I'll keep that in mind, though I think you'll be waiting quite a while to pick a fight with Boo-Boo."
"With who-who?"
Dave grinned goofily. "Boo-Boo? He calls me Yogi Bear."
Puck pulled a face. "Gross."
He laughed heartily. "I'll see you guys at the auditorium, yeah?" With that, he walked out and left the family alone in the choir room.
"You know, you should be nicer to him," Rachel suggested. "After all, he is the reason we got together in high school."
Noah snorted, pulling Jonah out of her grasp and hoisting his son on his hip. "I mean if you want to see it that way, sure. He's just lucky that he isn't as big of a dick as he used to be."
"Noah Puckerman!"
"Relax, Rachel! The kid's six, I was saying these words way before I was six."
Jonah rolled his eyes, pinching his Noah's bicep. "You know better than to argue with mama, dad. Stop being a douche canoe."
Father and son guffawed loudly, their laughter echoing around the halls as they raced away from Rachel and towards the soon-to-be Finn Hudson Auditorium. "Jonah Riley Puckerman! Noah, look what you've done with our innocent child! Leather jackets, mohawks, cursing! If you two think you're going to get away with this, you have another thing-"
"Hold on tight, babe," Noah ordered the boy. "Your mom runs pretty damn fast when she's angry."
"Hurry!" he squealed back.
They caused a scene when they finally burst through the auditorium doors, the row of their family and friends staring at them in wonder as Rachel scolded and berated them the entire way up the stage steps and behind the curtain.