Kitsune & Panda
I don't own Naruto at all
A/N: okay, I got this idea from reading Naruto stories where he has some sort of personality disorder. This one will be a bit heavy on humor, but with some action and adventure mixed in too. Throw all logic out the window as you read this. It has no home here really. That means no questions about this making any sense, it's not supposed to. Shut your brain off and just read and enjoy.
Tenten felt a shiver that went all the way up and then down her spine. She knew something was wrong, something was very wrong. She could just feel it. She had stopped her throwing shurikens and kunai at her two teammates.
"Tenten, is something wrong?" Guy asked.
"No, it's nothing Guy sensei" Tenten said though in the back of her mind she knew something wasn't right and that worried her greatly.
She went back to her throwing, but her mind wasn't on the task at hand.
A Few Days Later
Tenten stood by the gate awaiting for someone to return. She knew she had to be there for some reason. It came from deep in her gut telling her this. Thankfully her team had a day off so she could be here. Soon she saw a group heading towards the gates. She knew who one of them was just by their spiky yellow hair. But she could also sense there was something was amiss too.
"Oh no" she mumbled now knowing why she had to be here.
Team 7 were heading back after a what was supposed to be a simple C rank mission, but turned into something more. Missing nins and a midget tycoon ruling over a town was what they got. In the end they liberated the town and all seemed well. But that was just on the outside.
Former Anbu captain and now jounin Kakashi Hatake was worried, very worried about one of his students. After the battle on the bridge the student had been silent. This wasn't normal for the usually brash and loud blond. Something had happened, but he didn't know what and whenever he tried to talk to the blond about it he was nowhere to be found.
The blonde's two teammates noticed the change too and it made them feel quite uneasy. This wasn't normal behavior from the blond. He was so quiet. His eyes were always looking, watching observing, but not in a normal way. There was devious scary edge to it all. Like one false move and the blond might snap.
The blond in question was walking with his hands in his pockets and head down.
They got to the gates and the blond looked up. His eyes locked on Tenten.
Tenten was jolted, but knew who he was. Only one person would call her that.
"Kitsune?" she asked.
Naruto nodded happily as he embraced Tenten tightly. Tenten hugged Naruto back. This left team 7 very confused. Though Kakashi did wince hearing Naruto's odd name. Sasuke and Sakura were confused as to why this girl was calling Naruto a different name. They also wondered who this girl was and how did she know Naruto.
"I am soooo happy to see you Panda-hime. It's been soooo long" Naruto/Kitsune said in a giddy fashion.
"Yeah it has Kitsune. I am happy to see you" Tenten said smiling and she was being honest.
Naruto/Kitsune then turned to the two chunin that were the ever-present guards of the gate and grinned at them in the most scariest and devious manner.
"I'm baaaaaack" he said in a very scary manner.
"K-k-k-k-k-Kitsune, hey, welcome back" Kotetsu said nervously.
"Y-y-y-y-yeah, welcome back" Izumo said being just as nervous as his chunin partner.
Both chunin gate guards were scared out of their wits. Their minds flashed back to all the torment that Kitsune caused them. They were all too horrid to even say out loud really. But they still had nightmares of the events every now and again. Even had some scars both mentally and physically on themselves. Seeing Kitsune again brought it all to the front of their minds and they were scared witless.
Team 7 was confused why these two chunin seemed to be afraid of Naruto, and again why are they calling Naruto by another name altogether.
"So how was your mission Kitsune?" Tenten asked.
"Not very exciting, boring really" Naruto/Kitsune said in a disappointed tone.
This riled up two members of team 7.
"What's the matter loser, afraid to admit how badly you did?" Sasuke asked.
"Yeah, are you afraid to say that Sasuke was the best" Sakura screeched.
Naruto turned to the two and unleashed a force like no other. It felt like KI, but it had such weight to it that it couldn't possibly be KI. Sasuke and Sakura actually felt like they were pushed down by a massive amount of pressure. Like gravity had gotten a lot stronger right where they are standing.
They were on their hands and knees doing their best to even breath due to the immense pressure on them. Kakashi felt it too and knew this wasn't any KI he had ever felt. He faired a bit better though he had to force himself to stay upright and not get on his knees like his two students. It was very hard since the jounin never felt anything like it before. His knees were trembling trying to stay up.
"Kitsune, that's enough. You don't do that kind of thing to your team" Tenten chided.
The great weight team 7 felt was lifted and they were all able to breath again. Sasuke and Sakura got up shakily and Kakashi was exhausted from trying withstand whatever it was he was against.
"Awww, Panda-hime, you just had to ruin my fun" Naruto/Kitsune pouted.
Tenten just sighed.
Unnoticed to them was Kotetsu rushed off to alert the Hokage of what was going on. Izumo just hoped Kotetsu would get back in time before Kitsune gets bored or something.
"Ah, Kitsune, welcome back" Sandaime Hokage, Hiruzen Sarutobi, said.
"Hey old man" Naruto said not even looking at the Hiruzen as his attention was still on Tenten.
"Naruto, it's rude to ignore the Hokage" Kakashi reprimanded.
"It's alright Kakashi. I am quite used to it" Hiruzen said waving off Kakashi.
"Come on Panda-hime, I have so much I want to tell you" Naruto/Kitsune said gleefully.
"What about your team Kitsune?" Tenten asked.
"What about them?" Naruto/Kitsune asked like they didn't matter.
This again riled up two members of team 7, but before they could shout they were pinned to the ground with several shadow clones standing over them. And by pinned they were pinned to the ground by multiple kunai stuck through their clothes and into the ground. They were shocked and surprised. It all happened so fast that not even Kakashi caught what Naruto did.
"Let me up loser" Sasuke ordered.
"Yeah, you idiot let us go!" Sakura screamed.
Hiruzen sighed. He knew that he couldn't be able to stop this.
"Now, now we've got work to do" one clone said.
"Yes, an operation to perform" a second clone said.
"Procedures that are extremely delicate of nature" a third clone said.
All of the clones wore foxy grins on their faces as they looked down on Sasuke and Sakura. This made the two very uneasy.
"Wh-what kind of procedure?" Sakura asked.
"Why Operation: Howler Monkey Removal" a fourth clone said.
"And Operation: Emo Stick Removal" a fifth clone said.
Several other clones pulled out items for the operations. These items included pliers, long bladed handsaws that looked dulled, pruning shears, a couple wicked looking knives with jagged and serrated blades, a lock cutter, a toilet scrubber, a rubber ducky, a couple of ping-pongs and ping-pong paddles, etc.
A couple of other clones were doing other things. One was washing their hands in a big porcelain white basin. While other were pulling out medical equipment. They were all quite busy.
"Wh-wh-what are you going to do with those?" Sakura asked scared as she stared at all the things that have been laid out.
"We must use all methods available" the third clone said.
"And what about that one?" Sakura asked.
The clone she was talking to just had put on long green latex gloves on.
"I'm here to give you enemas" the clone said.
"Enemas, why the hell would we need those?" Sasuke asked even though he had no idea what an enema was at all. But it didn't sound good at all.
"To give you a sense of accomplishment" the clone said with a cheerful grin before slipping on a surgeon's mask.
The other clones did the same putting on their surgeons masks as they were all dressed in the same green medical scrubs along with those plastic booties on their feet.
"Kitsune, enough" Tenten said sternly.
"Awww, Panda-hime, just a little bit more. We promise we won't physically harm them in any way" the clone that was holding a pruning shears whined.
"Yeah, we're just going to mentally scar them for a couple hours. Nothing permanent" another clone said.
"At least we think it'll be nothing permanent" yet another clone said.
"No Kitsune, they're your teammates. You don't hurt your team" Tenten said sternly.
"Fine" all the clones said then disappeared along with all their operating tools.
This just left the real Kitsune standing there pouting about his fun being taken away.
Sasuke and Sakura were free from being pinned by kunai. They were shaky and freaked out. They moved as far away as possible from Naruto/Kitsune not wanting to get involved with whatever happened next.
"You never let me have any great fun Panda-hime" Naruto pouted as he folded his arms.
"Oh Kitsune, that's not true and you know it" Tenten said as he wrapped her arms around Naruto/Kitsune's neck.
"Yeah, guess you're right" Naruto/Kitsune said wrapping his arms around Tenten's waist.
"Um, Lord Hokage?" Kakashi asked.
"Hm, oh yes, I suppose you'll need an explanation to this. You and your team come in tomorrow and you'll get it" Hiruzen said like he was totally unaware at what had just transpired.
Kakashi just nodded and he dismissed his team.
"Come on Panda-hime, I haven't be around for a while. Lets have some fun" Naruto/Kitsune said with a wide grin.
Everyone in the village of Konoha felt violent shivers down their backs.
Hiruzen sighed as he sat back in his chair. Before him was a huge pile of paperwork. All of it was from the damage Naruto had caused. So far since Naruto, or should he say Kitsune, had returned the entire village has been in a constant state of fear.
Produce in the grocery stores and markets snapping and attacking patrons, random exploding tags going off sending shinobi and civilian alike dancing about in attempts to avoid the low-grade explosives, all of the Hyugas underwear was tie-dyed shocking pink that glowed so bright you could see it through their pants no matter how dark their pants were nor how many layers they wore. Not to mention that on the rear of all the Hyuga underwear in big letters it said, 'all deposits in the rear' their hair an electric yellow and spiked up like Don King's, the Inuzukas were all wearing dog collars that read, 'bend me over, I'm a doggy', and many other disturbances.
But with all of this going on the one thing on Hiruzen's mind was what had happened on that mission to change Naruto that made him shift to Kitsune.
The next day and everyone was still cleaning up after Naruto/Kitsune's initial rampage. In the Hokage's office team 7 minus Naruto was there.
"Good, you're here" Hiruzen said.
"Um, shouldn't we wait for Naruto?" Sakura asked.
"No, though this involves him, he isn't needed to explain things" Hiruzen said, "now Kakashi, tell me what happened."
So Kakashi gave his report and Hiruzen sat back. When it came to the fight on the bridge everything connected.
"So Naruto was put in a situation of extreme stress" Hiruzen said.
"Uh, yes sir. But does that have something to do with what we saw yesterday?" Kakashi asked.
"Yes, sadly it does I am afraid" Hiruzen said with a frown.
"You see, when Naruto was just a child he was caught and severely beaten by a mob. This somehow damaged his psyche so bad that his mind split into two. One side is the Naruto we all know and the other is his altered personality Kitsune. Now don't ask me why he decided to call himself that. I've tried asking and he never gives me an answer, well, an answer that makes sense. Anyway, the Yamanaka did their best to block off the Kitsune part, but when Naruto is in extremely stressful situations Kitsune can appear. Now Kitsune loves playing pranks as you've probably already heard by now. This goes with a fox's playful nature. But Kitsune can be very dangerous since he doesn't seem to have any control til he met Tenten. She's the only one who can stand and handle Kitsune really" Hiruzen said.
"Sir, why wasn't I told of this?" Kakashi asked.
"I didn't think of it at the time, besides this is a secret and not something to put in an academy student's file where anyone could read" Hiruzen said.
"So is he stuck like that?" Sakura asked.
"I don't know, I honestly don't" Hiruzen said with a heavy sigh.
"HEEEEEEY OLD MAN!"
Everyone turned to the window to see Naruto/Kitsune standing there on the windowsill. But he wasn't wearing his typical orange jumpsuit. What he was wearing was black bodysuit with blood red stripes that ran along his ribcage like tiger stripes, the bodysuit had a hood that Naruto was wearing at the moment. He was wearing fingerless gloves with metal spikes on the knuckles and black combat boots that were steel-toed. On his back was a rucksack. He was also wearing a dusty brown cloak over the bodysuit that had many pockets.
"Hello Kitsune, new look?" Hiruzen asked.
"Yeah, had to ditch whatever the hell I was wearing. It just didn't suit me" Naruto/Kitsune said then hopped inside.
"Don't think you'll get a date with me because you tried to dress cool. Sasuke is still cooler than you" Sakura said.
"Why the hell would I want to go out with such a screeching loud flat-chest pink thing like you when I have Panda-hime, my one true love?" Naruto/Kitsune asked.
Sakura shrieked as she charged in to punch Naruto. But she forgot this wasn't the same Naruto she had always dealt with. As she got close Naruto/Kitsune side stepped the wild punch and grabbed her wrist. He yanked it back sharply causing her to gasp loudly in pain, then he pinned her arm behind her back and slammed her to the ground hard. He kept her arm pinned with his knee as he pulled her head up by her hair.
This all happened in a matter of seconds that surprised Kakashi and Sasuke since they never saw Naruto move so fast ever. Hiruzen had though.
"Kitsune, release Sakura" Hiruzen said calmly.
"In a minute old man, pinkie the androgynous here needs a haircut" Kitsune said.
He then pulled out a kunai and began cut all of Sakura's hair off til it was in a messy short crop cut. Sakura cried out as she tried to get out of Naruto's pin, but since she never trained a day in her life he couldn't. When he was done there was locks of pink hair everywhere.
"There, now you look better, butch" Kitsune said.
"I'LL KILL YOU!" Sakura screamed as she pulled out a kunai.
Before Hiruzen could stop her she stabbed Kitsune, but Kitsune then turned into a big blob of blood that then turned to a big puddle on the floor. Sakura gasped and jumped back from the now pool of blood on the floor. She just stared at it with shock and horror. She had also dropped the kunai too.
"What was that?" Kakashi asked surprised.
"A blood clone" Hiruzen said.
"Blood clone, what's a blood clone?" Sasuke asked.
"It's a clone that is made up of the user's own blood" Tenten said.
This had everyone turn to Tenten. She had entered the office without being noticed.
"Sorry for interrupting, but I knew Kitsune would be here and came to keep an eye on him" Tenten said.
"A wise move, I should've thought of it" Hiruzen said.
"Why do like to spoil my fun Panda-hime" Kitsune said as he popped up from behind the couch.
"Someone has to Kitsune, what, you don't like spending time with me?" Tenten asked as she protruded her bottom lip and let it quiver a bit.
"No, I love spending time with you my Panda-hime" Naruto said as he rushed into a tight embrace with Tenten. Tenten smiled as she hugged Kitsune back.
Again this was so weird for team 7.
"As of right now I am putting your team on hold Kakashi. There's no telling how long Kitsune will be around and I can't risk the village from any more harm than what Kitsune can do" Hiruzen said.
"ALRIGHT, VACATION!" Kitsune shouted.
"Tenten, you'll have to be with Kitsune to keep him under control. So you're relieved of your duties on team 9. I'll let your sensei know" Hiruzen said.
Tenten nodded. She knew this was more important than her team. She knew without her presence Kitsune could get out of control. She had a bit of a calming affect on Kitsune and was the only one that could make him behave, somewhat. She sometimes gets tugged into whatever mayhem Kitsune was into. What she couldn't help it, he just knew how to pluck at her heartstrings.
"Good, you're all dismissed" Hiruzen said.
"Come on Panda-hime, let's go" Kitsune said as he wrapped an arm around Tenten's waist and they went out the window.
The next few days Tenten spent with Kitsune. It was a lot of fun since she hadn't been with Kitsune for a while. At the moment Kitsune and Tenten were eating at Ichiraku. It was the only place that wasn't phased by the appearance of Kitsune. Ayame and Teuchi just greeted Kitsune like a customer returning.
"My ramen princess I've returned" Kitsune greeted in a charming debonair way as he kissed Ayame's hand.
"Always the charmer, huh Kitsune" she said with a smile and a nice pink hue on her cheeks.
"But of course, but I always keep my true attentions to my Panda-hime" Kitsune said.
Tenten smiled and ordered her ramen and Kitsune did the same.
"Tenten, what brought Kitsune back?" Ayame asked.
"It happened on Naruto's last mission. It was supposed to be a usual C rank, escort a bridge builder home, but it turned into an A rank really. I don't know a lot of the details since Kitsune doesn't feel like sharing them. But whatever happened Naruto isn't here any more and I don't know if it's permanent" Tenten said.
"I see" Ayame said with a slight frown.
Even though she really liked Kitsune she always missed when Naruto was gone since she enjoyed the sunny blond a lot.
Tenten and Kitsune ate their ramen and then paid for it. They left only for Tenten to run into her team.
"Yosh! Tenten my most youthful student. I've heard some most alarming news" Guy said.
"Hi Guy sensei" Tenten greeted with a sigh.
Naruto wasn't paying much attention as he stared Tenten's two teammates. He looked the two up and down like he was analyzing them in some way.
"Panda-hime, who's the Emo princess?" Kitsune asked.
"Kitsune, that's Neji Hyuga. He's a guy" Tenten said.
"What the, that can't be a guy. It's got long hair. Do looks like a woman" Kitsune said pointing at the Hyuga.
Neji Hyuga glared at Kitsune.
"Hey, I know" Kitsune said with a grin.
He then began to perform hand signs.
"Entrance Music Jutsu!" He called.
"What was that supposed to be?" Neji asked.
"Oh, it's a jutsu I made. You see, whenever you enter anywhere music will play" Kitsune said.
There was confusion in this.
"Observe" Kitsune said.
He dropped his rucksack that he always carried around and then opened it up and began to rummage through it.
"Ah!" He then pulled out a doorframe. He set it up.
"Go on, walk on through" he said.
Neji looked dubious about this and wasn't going to when he was shoved through the doorframe by a clone Kitsune had made without hand seals.
Soon music began to play.
(Dude Looks Like a Lady by Aerosmith)
"What in the world?" Guy asked.
"See, awesome isn't" Kitsune said extremely proud of himself.
Neji just glared at Kitsune.
"Guy sensei, is this youthful or not?" a boy, who looked disturbing similar to Guy, asked.
"I'm not sure Lee" Guy said with a frown.
"Panda-hime, what are they talking about?" Kitsune asked confused.
"You don't want to know Kitsune" Tenten said.
"Huh, why?" Kitsune asked squinty eyed.
"Trust me, you don't want to know" Tenten said.
Kitsune just shrugged then his eye caught something else and grinned. Tenten saw this and sighed as she knew this could be more trouble, but followed since she also felt the fun thrill of what was possibly to come.
End of Chapter
A/N: okay, so this the first chap of this story. This is probably going to be one of the oddest story I'll ever write since it won't have a lot of rhyme or reason. Thanks for reading and please review.