Eight

"Are you ready to be dazzled by my charm?"

"As ready as I'll ever be, I suppose."

When Jake had proposed that he make me dinner for our first date, I didn't think he'd set it for the next night, but here I am, preparing to push myself off the couch so I can walk down to his apartment with him. Earlier in the day I let Eric know about my plans for the evening and he nodded silently, then later announced to me that he had plans with friends and reminded me that I would need to take my medication before bed that night. He left shortly before Jake's scheduled arrival, most likely on purpose, and before leaving had stopped in front of me to give me a peck on the cheek before wishing me a good night.

It's all enough to make me want to scream with frustration and confusion. I push it from my mind now, resolving to think about it later in the privacy and solitude of my bed, so I can focus my full attention on the man standing expectantly before me. Even if this is odd, I don't want to be rude.

Jake must notice my slightly labored breathing because he steps forward and offers me his hand. When I take it he pulls me up so I'm standing, about a foot between us. He immediately drops my hand and walks to my side until we're standing next to each other facing the door, at which point he crooks his arm, offering it to me.

"This way no one has to know if you need support while you're walking but you have it if you do."

"Thank you."

I appreciate the gesture for what it is and can't help but smile as I slip my hand onto his arm. As we leave the apartment and continue down the hall to his apartment, I notice he's deliberately slowed his steps to match mine, all the while carrying on conversation with me. It strikes me that this is on purpose so he's not calling to attention the fact that we're moving at a fraction of any person's usual pace because of my ongoing recovery. I'm grateful for his thoughtfulness and wonder why so many people think so negatively of him and act as though he's insensitive.

Once we've entered his apartment he guides me to a small dining table to sit before walking into the kitchen himself. I let myself take in my surroundings. The apartment isn't unlike the one in which I am staying, in fact it appears to be almost identical in its open layout, but has a homier quality due to the personal belongings and decorations. On the far wall I notice three vibrant paintings mounted, each of different parts of the city but instead of in the actual grey scale in which they exist, a spectrum of colors explode across the canvass. They're absolutely beautiful and unlike anything I've ever seen in my life.

"How did you come by those?" I ask, pointing in their direction.

He looks up from the stove to where I am pointing and considers for a moment before directing his attention back to the task at hand.

"An artist in Amity painted them along with many other pieces that I suspect are scattered throughout homes in the city. Over time I've collected those pieces."

"They're beautiful."

"I'll tell her you think so next time I see her."

I frown at the idea, not entirely sure what his relationship to the artist is considering his reputation. Why an artist I've never met would care about my opinion is equally confusing.

"I can't imagine that my opinion would hold much weight with her. I'm a complete stranger."

He smiles, still focused on cooking. "She'd care; Alice has always been like that."

I know my brow is furrowed and I look utterly confused because that's exactly how I feel. I can't even explain why. He looks up at me just then and I think he stifles a laugh when he takes in my expression.

"Alice is my sister. She'd care what a date of mine thought of her work."

"Your sister is in Amity?" I know I'm not successfully keeping the surprise out of my voice by the way he quirks an eyebrow at me.

"Yes, she is. I take it you wouldn't expect that?"

"I just can't imagine you with a sister."

"Ah, well, for eighteen years I've had one."

"Would she think it's odd that I'm younger than her?"

"No, Alice isn't judgmental like that. She would just ask if we are happy; it's all she cares about." He begins dishing something from the skillet on to two plates. "I think she would like you, though."

He smiles at me as he crosses over to the table where I am seated.

"I tried to make something that wouldn't be too jarring for you after growing up in Abnegation. We'll see how successful I was." He sets a plate in front of me before setting his directly across the table and sitting down to face me.

"Thank you, but you didn't have to. It's pretty much, ah, ingrained in me to eat anything that someone else makes and not make them go to any additional effort for me." I look down at my plate to see what looks like chicken, though it's prepared differently than what I'm used to, and rice.

"I know. I'm an Ambassador, remember? Just because that's ingrained in you doesn't mean that I have to follow it. Besides, how would I impress you on our date if I didn't go to at least some effort?" He smiles triumphantly at me while cutting his chicken. I can only blush.

"Didn't we establish that I know nothing about dating?"

"We did, so I'm going to teach you. Tris, the first rule is that it's OK for someone to go out of their way for you just like it is OK for you to go out of your way for them." I try to interject but he waves me off. "I know you think it's selfish and sure, it is, but it's also allowing the other person to be selfless by putting you first in order to satisfy their own happiness."

I look at him skeptically for a moment. "You're very good at being creative with your interpretations of Abnegation values. What faction were you the Ambassador to before you were promoted to Head Ambassador?"

He smiles down at his plate as he continues to eat. He's silent for a while and I think of repeating my question to see if I can actually get an answer from him but he finally speaks before I can.

"I was wondering when you'd finally think to ask me that. I worked with all factions at least somewhat before I became Head Ambassador— it's part of what qualified me to take over the position— but my first assignment was Abnegation." He must notice the questioning face I'm making because he adds, "it's been four years since it was my primary assignment. Even if Andrew talked about work at home, you probably wouldn't have heard my name very recently and most of my communication would have gone through the Abnegation Ambassador to Dauntless anyway."

"But when I was a child my brother and I would go to inter-faction meetings with my mother sometimes."

"And there are a lot of people at those meetings, even more from Dauntless back then than we bring now, so I wouldn't expect you to remember me. There weren't as many blonde girls being chastised for running, though."

"Oh god, you remember me?" My jaw almost drops open, surprised and wondering what impact that has had on our interactions. "That's not why—"

His eyes widen with alarm as words begin to tumble from his mouth. "Oh no, no matter what Eric's told you about my habits with new members, I'm not a complete creep." He stares at me for a few seconds as if to ensure I understand how serious he is about that. "I have not been pining for you since you were twelve, Tris. There are lines of acceptability and I don't cross them. That's one of those lines."

"But it's OK now that I'm sixteen and you're twenty-two?"

"You're old enough to choose what faction you're going to spend the rest of your life in and what job; you're able to be considered an adult so age doesn't really matter anymore in my opinion."

"You're very surprising, you know. You're a bit confusing, too."

"Surprising I can live with but I don't really want to be confusing so why don't I clarify the confusing parts. What's confusing about me, Tris?"

"We can start with whether you were Dauntless born or an Amity transfer."

"What makes you assume either?"

"Just a guess since your sister is in Amity and you're here."

"Well, you were born in Abnegation yet you're here and your brother is in Erudite, correct?"

Well, he has a point. "True. So what was your faction of origin?"

"I'll answer any question but that one. You'll have to guess that to figure it out." I begin to open my mouth to guess one but he raises his hand to silence me. "No, don't just start guessing. You only get one chance so take your time and wait until you're sure."

My eyes narrow at him, evaluating his words.

"Is this just to get me to spend more time with you?"

"No." He chuckles softly at his plate as he continues to eat. "With our respective positions we'll spend plenty of time together regardless so no, this isn't a ploy for you to continue to date me." He looks up at me suddenly, staring into my eyes. "Really, Tris, I only want you to see me again if you want to; not because it would make you feel selfish to tell me no."

"I know." I know I'm truly being honest about that as I let the words slip from my lips at a whisper. "It's clear that you're very different from what people make you seem to be."

"Is that why I'm confusing to you?"

"Mostly, yes."

"Why else?"

I push myself back from the table slightly and consider his question carefully. I cast my eyes about the room, focusing them on anything possible while I try to formulate an answer that will make any sense to anyone other than myself.

"Because you're so focused on dating me when you barely know me. It doesn't make much sense."

His eyebrows raise at my statement, an amused smile crossing his face. Instead of answering immediately, he continues to eat. It occurs to me that this could be for the sake of suspense but part of me knows that he just doesn't know how to respond. I can't blame him.

"Well, you were pretty hard to ignore during your initiation, especially your final fear landscape. Not to mention that whole saving a faction and stopping an impending civil war— if that isn't a good way to attract admirers, I don't know what is. But without those things, what if I'm just attracted to you and want to get to know you better?"

"You barely know me," I state the obvious as I bring my glass of water to my lips.

"Hence why I've asked you on a date and not to marry me."

I nearly spit water everywhere at his words.

"What?!" His resulting laughter invites my scowl.

"Don't worry, Tris— I'm not going to propose to you suddenly. My point is that this is what people do when they're interested in someone and want to get to know them more romantically and see if they're compatible: they date. That's the point of dating. It's really not that far off from Abnegation's courtship process in that respect, though we're much more informal here."

"Oh." Heat creeps up my cheeks, undoubtedly coloring them. "I didn't really think about it."

"Look, I find you magnetic and I know I sound like a twelve-year-old boy saying this but I have a bit of a crush on you. OK, more than a bit. That's why I asked you out."

"Oh." I quickly fixate on my plate, hoping that the growing heat in my cheeks isn't too obvious to him.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I didn't think that telling you that would bother you."

"You don't need to apologize; it doesn't bother me. I guess I'm still just not used to hearing that."

"I would think that Eric would have…you know, never mind. Let's just leave it at I'm sorry." He flashes a small grin at me before looking back down at his plate. "What do you think of the leader-in-training program so far?"

"It's time-consuming. From what I understand, it's different for me than it has been for others and it will be even more different and time-consuming since the leadership pool is smaller and because of everything going on."

"I can only imagine. You really showed how good of a leader you can be at the meeting with Abnegation, though. Harrison probably is nervous you'll be vying for his position."

My brows furrow in confusion. "Why would he worry about that?"

"Harrison is new to his position and relatively untested so he's unsure of how secure he really is in it— whether people will follow and trust him both in the faction and in the city. He does know, however, that people follow you. It was undoubtedly part of why he welcomed you to the leadership group but also why he's probably wary of your success. Your attendance at the Abnegation meeting, while truly of a strategic value considering the circumstances, also was a test to see how much pull you'd have in the broader system and in his mind you've solidified that you have a lot of influence." He ends his statement by picking up his glass to take a long sip.

"Do you really think that Harrison is that paranoid and petty?"

His glass stops, mid-air, on its journey to his mouth and his gaze grows even more intense as he looks at me. "Yes. I do. I know he is." He quiets himself by bringing the glass to meet his lips.

"How…how would you know something like that?"

There's a long pause while Jake slowly sets down his glass, slowly turning it around between his fingers with his eyes glued to its motion. "Because I went through that with him."

"What?" I can't help the incredulity that's in my voice as I speak.

Jake continues to turn his glass around, seeming to be thinking while he does so. After the silence has stretched for an awkwardly long amount of time, his eyes reach mine again and he abandons his glass to instead lean back in his chair and cross his arms on his chest. A long sigh seems to deflate him before he begins.

"Harrison is a couple years older than I am but he became a leader a small amount of time before I became an Ambassador. At first he befriended me, which made me ecstatic for a lot of reasons, and we were nearly inseparable. Pretty quickly after I took over the Abnegation assignment the Head Ambassador took an interest in me and began pretty publicly grooming me to take his place. This also meant that Max took an interest in me as well, inviting me to join meetings that usually only the Head Ambassador would attend with the Head Leader. You can imagine how much that bothered the other Ambassadors and leaders, including and maybe especially Harrison

"Shortly after that, Harrison became distant— sure, we were still collegial with each other but we certainly weren't friends anymore and we haven't been since then. It got worse after you exposed the plot from Erudite because Harrison was upset that he wasn't in anyone's confidence: Max didn't tell him about his plans, Eric didn't tell him about the plot and his plan to stop it, and you and Four didn't tell him about it either. It was a pretty big blow to his ego, like the Abnegation meeting was, too."

My mind churns for a few moments as I consider this new information and ultimately can't reconcile it. "But Eric told me that Harrison wanted me to be a leader because of my involvement in stopping the attack and because he knows people follow me."

"Oh, I know he did because even if he's insecure and slightly petty, he is still a pretty savvy guy. I don't think that he'll become distant from you like he has me because you're too important to his success and survival as the Head Leader. Just…be careful with him that you're not accidentally being manipulated by him and his ambition."

Silently, I nod and wordlessly shovel another spoonful of food in my mouth. To Jake's credit, he lets the silence sit while I very obviously ponder all of this. I do, however, sense his eyes on me and I'm sure he's watching and trying to decipher my reaction. Somehow it's not unnerving like it usually would be. It feels like forever has passed before I finally make eye contact with him; when I do, I appreciate the soft and understanding look in his eye. I feel slightly odd about what I'm about to ask.

"Is that why you date new members?"

"Excuse me?" His mouth turns down at the corners as he talks, clearly confused and possibly offended by my question. "What do you mean by that?"

Suddenly I feel fidgety and can't control it. Being this forward and prying into someone's life still goes against my first instincts, especially now that he does seem at least somewhat uncomfortable with my question. But he said that dating is supposed to be so two people can get to know each other and I'm Dauntless now.

"I'm only asking if the cold shoulder by other Ambassadors and Harrison is why you date new members often. It would make sense to me: you want to find someone who hasn't already heard Harrison's negative opinion of you and you don't want to date one of your existing friends."

He smiles at me much more warmly than I could anticipate considering what I just said. "You're really sharp, you know. I'll admit that is part of it, but that doesn't mean that I don't also like them."

"So this is like all of those times?"

"No. I've never committed to only seeing one person before."

"So why is this different?"

"I told you, Tris: I'm drawn to you in a way I haven't been drawn to someone before. I wouldn't care what you asked so long as it means that you'll be with me."

I shift a bit uncomfortably. I don't want to voice it as it will make him feel guilty again and truly, there's nothing to be guilty over. Eventually I will have to become comfortable with this type of attention; I might as well start trying now.

I'm not sure if my discomfort is obvious or if the silence has just become awkward, but Jake suddenly changes the subject, at least somewhat.

"Is it awkward for me to ask what happened with Four?"

"No more than everything else is."

He huffs a laugh with a smile quickly. "That, right there, is one of the things I like most about you— that fire that never seems to fizzle." I'm not sure how to respond so I stay silent, painfully aware of the increasing heat in my cheeks. "So what happened with him?"

"He wanted someone— a version of me, I suppose— who doesn't exist. He saw me still as a reckless girl who needed his guidance. He only trusted me when I agreed with him."

I look up at Jake, finally meeting his eyes, and find him staring back with one eyebrow raised. "I know that's probably what you tell people— maybe even your friends— but that's not what happened; it's a polished synthesis. So, for a moment, just let yourself relax and say what actually happened."

"I don't know what you're talking about." I try not to let my eyes flick away from his as I say it— hoping that will be enough. It's not.

"You do. There's always something that happens to make someone change their mind like that, even if it makes them realize there are lots of little things that happened to cause it. So what is it?"

I exhale heavily, training my eyes on one of this sister's paintings." You have to promise never to repeat any of it."

The sound of an incredulous huff is the first response.

"What am I, in lower levels?" Out of the corner of my eye I see his arm reach out to pull my face back toward him. "Look at me, Tris, please." I comply. "I like you. I want to get to know you. I asked because I want to understand you and, frankly, because I don't want to repeat his mistakes if I can help it. Anything you say to me stays between us— I couldn't betray your trust."

I nod slightly before beginning. "One night, after I had realized something was happening in Dauntless that was being hidden from us and then pieced together the planned attack, Four and I took a train out by Erudite. We both had, between the two of us, pieced together enough information to know they were making a serum in mass quantities and the resulting plot to overthrow Abnegation that everyone now knows about.

"I wanted to notify Abnegation. Four was convinced we'd get caught and thus was too risky to do just to potentially save a few people; we needed to find a way to stop the attack before doing anything else. He didn't understand that I wanted to tell my parents so they could save the others, too, in case we couldn't stop it. All he could see is that we'd get caught or that Marcus would somehow betray us. We fought about it for quite a while until I decided we should stop and come to the conversation later. After we returned to Dauntless, I waited a while and then went back out to Abnegation.

"That was when I knew it would always be that way: every time we disagree he would dismiss it as me being a reckless child and that isn't what I want. We would never be happy together; not really."

The following silence falls over us and lays thickly for quite a while. At first it seems awkward but quickly there's something calm and helpful about it; a certain thoughtfulness in its erasure of sound, as if it had been planned. My eyes stay glued to Jake and I wonder to myself if he's moved at all— even to blink. The subtle rise and fall of his chest tells me he's fine so I let it be, waiting for whatever his response is when it comes.

He reanimates all at once, quite suddenly. "Wow. You have a much more discerning eye than even people my age. not many people have the judgment to know that and end the relationship. In fact, many people would think that kind of dynamic to be love."

"Love and controlling another person are two different things that I believe are mutually exclusive."

"I agree with you entirely; unfortunately, many people get confused, mistake the controlling tendencies with signs of love, and only really understand the mistake when it's too late." He frowns at his water glass as he turns it about on the table before him.

"Are you saying this from personal experience?"

"Yes." He looks up at me then, confusion painting his features until he seems to realize something. "Not my family, no. But people I've cared about— friends and such— have made the mistake of wanting to be with someone who tended toward controlling them and dismissing their views when in conflict with their own. The problem got worse and you can imagine what happened from there, I'm sure."

Yes, I can. I saw a fear landscape all about it. My mind gets lost down this path momentarily before Jake perks up again, catching my attention.

"Well, that answered a lot. So, on a different topic, what would you like to do tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow?" What in the world is he talking about?

"Yes, for our next date. Whatever you want."

"You're assuming there will be a next date."

He folds his hands under his chin, leaning his weight on his elbows that rest on top of the table. His smile is broad and almost blinding, but not in a calculating or pretend way. It's genuine and playful.

"Oh, Tris, I'm not assuming. I know there will be one."

"Based on what?"

"The fact that you're enjoying spending time with me."

He's right; I am. I just hadn't thought beyond tonight.

"Even if that's true, that doesn't mean there will be a second date."

"Is there a reason for there not to be?"

"No."

"Then tomorrow it is."

"I can't."

"Why?"

I turn more red at the question. I don't know why this embarrasses me so much; it's perfectly expected.

"I have to go to the doctor to see if I can be cleared for the meeting Eric and I have with Andrew."

The smile doesn't disappear but it changes, becomes softer in a way.

"that is important. Well, I can certainly escort you to the infirmary if you wouldn't mind my company."

For some reason I find myself accepting his offer, even though usually this idea would be far too uncomfortable for me to bear.

When he walks me back to my temporary apartment later that night, he's again careful to walk slowly and allow me my space to walk independently with him there to help if needed. Our arrival at the couch in the living room is unremarkable other than the brief moment in which he bids me good night and gently kisses my cheek before then quickly leaving.

For the next hour I sit, alternating between just sitting in silence and trying to read. Neither, however, keeps my mind from wandering back to the kiss and also my terrible confusion over Eric and his behavior. The door knob turning is what finally stirs me to rapt attention.

Eric almost looks stunned to see me on the couch, as though he can't imagine how I'd be here without him specifically placing me such. I almost laugh at this reaction but stop myself just in time. Instead I let my eyes inspect him, wondering about his own evening's activities. Unfortunately, his dress, which is quite usual, tells me nothing helpful.

"You're back," my lame words come out as a jumble on my lips.

"I just came to check on you." He glances toward the kitchen then toward the hallway that leads to the bedroom before clearing his throat. "How was your evening out?" Tentatively his eyes flick to mine from under his dark lashes. I've never seen him look unsure like this before.

"I should ask you that." He remains silent. "It was good. Fun, even. And yours?"

"The same." He nods a little too much to be anything less than painfully awkward. "Your doctor checkup is tomorrow. We should probably leave around—"

"Jake said he'd go with me, so you don't have to worry about it." Eric recoils as if I've slapped him, so I try again with a forced smile as I speak. "I know you've had to put off a lot of things to take care of me this week. I figure that this way you can use the time to catch up or relax; you don't have to spend all of your waking hours on your babysitting assignment."

I was aiming for a sense of levity but Eric's cold expression makes me feel as though I've missed the mark. Without responding he simply turns and exits, the door slamming bit louder than necessary. Long after the echoes have silenced, I still stare at the closed door wondering what in the world just transpired.

Shaking myself back into reality, I slowly rise, find my medication, and prepare for sleep.

"You can return to normal activity with supervision and assistance when necessary." The doctor doesn't look up from his clipboard as he talks, making me wonder if it's the patient instead of me.

"What does that mean?"

"Don't wander around through the compound by yourself in case you become too tired to continue; don't train without someone to monitor you and help if necessary. You're fine for doing most normal day-to-day activities but walking long distances or doing something strenuous will be taxing and you won't be as quick or strong as you are used to for at least another week."

"What about jumping on and off a train?"

"Oh yes, of course. It will be challenging for you and you shouldn't do it without someone with you or else you could seriously and irreparably hurt yourself."

It isn't a firm no but it also doesn't sound like an endorsement, either. Unfortunately, that leaves the very murky business of making that decisions to me when I was hoping the doctor would make it for me. The chances of Eric finding that sufficient for green lighting our trip to Abnegation are low.

How fortunate, then, that he isn't here.

"Thank you, is there anything else I should know?"

He glances down at his clipboard again, as though it holds the secrets to the Universe. His frown gives me momentary pause but it disappears quickly as he clears his throat.

"No, just listen to your body and don't push yourself too hard. You should come back for a check up in a week so we can ensure you've made a complete recovery." I'm glad he's looking at his clipboard so he misses my eye roll at his last instruction. As is, he almost catches it as his eyes flicker up to mine and he clears his throat again, seeming self-conscious. "Harrison has asked for an update on your condition since you're a leader-in-training. I am obligated to provide one but it's still your health so it's up to you how much detail I supply to him and the other leader."

The doctor's gaze is more intense than I remember it being a moment ago. I remember suddenly that he's the same doctor that treated me when Eric brought me to the infirmary after I collapsed. It probably didn't escape the man's attention as he stepped into the exam room that it's not Eric that is sitting patiently in the hall for the appointment. Clearly he assumes that I won't want him knowing all of the details of my condition, though the doctor most likely doesn't have a grasp on why— either way, he's giving me an out. I'll take it.

"Thank you." My eyes flit across the room, unsure what to tell him for a short while. "I suppose tell him that I can return to all leader activities but with supervision when doing things like physical training."

The truth isn't too far away but this allows me to escape from Eric's well-intended hovering. I'll have to remember for future reference that the Head Leader can request information about my health— a fact that doesn't sit very well with me.

After a few short moments of awkward silence, I slip off of the exam table and open the door to the hallway. I find Jake chatting with Janelle when I do so, both of them stopping to look at me with mirror smiles.

"Tris, it's good to see you up and walking. I was just asking Jake how you're doing." There's a quick pause before she seems to decide she should continue. "He told me I could wait a couple minutes and ask you when you were done. It looks as though you're doing fabulously— barely like you had a terrible fever a few short days ago." She motions toward me as she says so, her words kind and soft.

"Yes, thank you. I'm certain much of it can be attributed to your help."

She waves me off. "Nonsense. I'm glad to see you feeling better." She turns toward Jake then. "I shouldn't keep you two from your day. It was good catching up with you, Jake." She gives us a small wave before turning to walk away.

His gaze shifts to me, a smile coming along with his full attention.

"So how'd it go?" When I don't immediately respond, he falters and begins to speak more quickly. "You don't have to tell me anything. I was just asking out of…hoping that everything is OK."

He switches from engaged enthusiasm to obvious vulnerability so quickly that the change almost gives me whiplash. It's not the first time that I've seen him make such a change, a reminder that there is much more to this person than I currently know or understand. The realization doesn't make me feel guilty, however— just curious about what else there is that I don't know.

"It's OK. I'm doing better, he says. I am cleared to resume moving around the compound and doing my work— I just am supposed to only do physical activity, including walking around, with supervision."

A corner of this mouth quirks up at that as he moves to stand next to me and offer his arm. "That doesn't sound bad at all, then. Eric might still insist on cancelling the meeting with Andrew, though, since you still need so much supervision for any physical activity."

I sigh as we walk, keeping my gaze fixed toward the wall and away from Jake.

"Eric isn't going to know."

"How do you plan to hide that? Harrison will undoubtedly ask for a report from the infirmary about your health and he won't hide it from Eric, either."

I almost actually give myself whiplash as I turn my eyes to meet Jake's. "Wait, so you know about that?"

"Yes. Didn't you?"

"No; no one told me until the doctor just did today. Exactly how many people's information can the Head Leader get?"

"He's entitled to ask for all leaders' and ambassadors' health information. If there's a member diagnosed with a particularly contagious and dangerous condition, he's entitled for that information as well."

"That seems intrusive for a leader to have." The sinking feeling in my stomach continues to worsen as the words continue to turn over in my mind.

"Tris, these are the people who also see your fear landscape as an initiate and surveil the compound and city regularly. Intrusive is part of their job description. Are you really that surprised?"

He has a point. "I guess not."

"So how are you going to get around Eric's disapproval?"

"The doctor offered that he would tell Eric only what I wanted him to know about my health, so I'm having him tell Eric that I'm cleared for my duties but require supervision for physical training." I sneak a look at Jake again and catch his smirk.

"So he won't have a reason to hover so much or to cancel the meeting."

"Yep." We're nearing the dining hall now, making me realize how hungry I am and that Jake is undoubtedly steering us over to it for lunch. "I just have to figure out how to hide from Eric that I need someone else with me to go about my usual tasks throughout the compound. It will be pretty conspicuous if I ask him to come with me everywhere."

"Well, you spend most of your day together anyway, right?" I nod, still unsure how I navigate the time when we don't need to be together. "And luckily, you have a dashing young man attempting to court you and I'm sure that he'll show up to accompany you to lunch and anything else you want."

I catch his bright and genuine smile. He's clearly proud of himself.

"I guess that is lucky."

We reach the table I usually sit at more quickly than I expected. Jake gracefully maneuvers my chair so I can sit and not appear like I needed his help to do so. I'd voice my surprise but Christina, Zeke, Uriah, and a host of others are already seated at the table so I don't. Jake quickly takes the seat next to me that Christina is not inhabiting.

"I hope you don't mind if I join you today." Jake addresses the words to the group around us, which responds with universal nods.

"Tris, you've out. We were beginning to think that you'd been arrested instead of just sick." Of course it's Zeke's teasing words that break the awkward silence that had overtaken the group.

"No need to fear; I am still alive."

"I was beginning to think that Eric had kidnapped you." Marlene offers while dishing food on to her plate.

"Just a fever. The doctor cleared me though; I'm not contagious and I can go back to life as usual with a few minor adjustments. Nothing major." I try to offer a confident smile with that but am sure that I'm failing at least somewhat.

Christina studies me for several moments and I'm certain that she's going to contradict me but just as it seems the words and accusations are forming on her lips, she sits back in her seat and relaxes instead. Will and I share a skeptical glance and I'm certain that he somehow has guessed the lie in my words and is, like Christina, remaining silent. He may not have grown up in Candor but right now it seems like he might as well have.

"What brings you to our table, Jake?" Uriah asks, not unkindly, with a not-at-all-subtle glance at me.

"I was just accompanying Tris."

"So are you two—" Zeke starts to ask.

"Of course not." Four interrupts, much to my own irritation.

"I didn't even ask my question, Four." That makes him pause and redden at his hasty reaction. "I was just going to ask if Tris and Jake are doing anything tomorrow because I'm having a party. That's all."

Zeke flashes a mischievous smile at Jake and I, confirming what everyone already assumed about what Zeke had been planning to ask if Four had not interrupted.

"I'm just getting back to work. The leader-in-training program is demanding already; I can only imagine that with all I'll need to catch up on, it will be much worse."

"C'mon, Tris, I'm sure that Eric and Harrison can spare you from the torture for one night."

"It's a week night, though."

"Oh no! Not a week night!" Zeke's hands fly to his face in mock surprise and horror. "Whatever will we do?"

"Alright, I get the point, Zeke. I'll think about it."

He nods in response, mollified for the moment. Or so I thought.

"So you two are together now?" He blurts the words around the pasta he's shoveled into his mouth, a grin somehow also plastered on his face amongst all of it.

Jake stays completely silent next to me, thankfully.

"No, we're not." The words are more forceful than I intended and I can almost feel the wince that probably came from Jake— I can certainly see the rest of the table mirror it. Zeke begins to hold up his hands in a placating manner but I charge on, determined to fix my blunder. "I didn't mean to sound like…"

Jake leans forward in his chair next to me, stretching an arm out along the back of my chair and chuckling. "Tris is being very understanding and indulgent of me— much more than she should be, really." Now that he's captivated them, he leans back in his chair and glances at me before continuing. "I should confess that I am smitten with our new leader-in-training. She's just being kind by letting me follow her around."

"Maybe too kind." The mutter is low coming from Four. Jake and I exchange a glance at that, sharing a bit of a smirk.

Fortunately, the topic changes quickly and while Christina does continue to eye me for the rest of lunch, I escape any further public inquiries or commentary on my companion and I. Even that night at dinner Christina is suspiciously quiet. I know it can't last and it doesn't— a while after Jake drops me at my door, there's a firm knock on it. Christina walks in a moment later after I've called out that it's open.

She doesn't waste time— she is talking before she even reaches where I sit on the couch.

"So what is going on with you and that guy?"

"What guy?"

"Jake."

"Nothing."

"Tris, I have eyes; I can tell it's not nothing by the way you two were acting. You're also an absolutely terrible liar. What's going on?"

Christina's my closest friend but it still feels strange to divulge such things to her.

"He just asked me to go on a couple dates together; that's all. We're getting to know each other. There isn't more than that happening."

Christina's eyes narrow at me as she crosses her arms on her chest. "So he's seeing other people, too?"

"No, it's not like that."

"So you two are together."

"No— ugh, I don't know how to explain this. We're going on a few dates. He doesn't want me to feel like I have to limit myself but he's not seeing anyone else right now."

Christina's eyes go wide with disbelief. "There's no way he agreed to that."

"It was his idea."

She's practically slack jawed from my declaration. I don't blame her— I would be, too, if I hadn't been there when he made the suggestion. To anyone else it must sound completely impossible and truly, I still can't quite understand why he made such an offer. I'm young and rather plain while it's well known that many women in Dauntless would gladly accept the reality of his habits; he could easily find someone else.

"Hey, stop that." Christina's words snap me back into the present moment and my eyes focus back on her, one of my eyebrows raising in question. "You were getting lost in that head of yours and I know where your thinking goes— he's right when he says he's lucky you let him hang around you."

"So you don't have a problem with it?"

"Are you kidding me? He's hot and funny and he looks at you like you're the only person in the room. I say go for it." Her eyebrows waggle and she offers a wink before she suddenly heads to the door. "I'd be happier if you two were really dating but hey, this is a step in the right direction." Her hand rests on the handle of my door now and she looks at me. "I better let you get to sleep— I know you're not totally recovered yet. Do you think you'll be able to come to breakfast with us tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I should be. I have to meet Eric just after breakfast and then Harrison wants me to spend time in the Control Room, learning more about our security systems."

"OK, see you in the morning, then."

"Yeah, see you then."

She's mostly out the door when she stops and looks back at me. "I really am happy for you if this is what you want. I only want you to be happy."

"Thanks, Christina."

The next morning comes too quickly— even though I'm doing much better, the exhaustion still hangs heavy over me in the morning. It's like having a blanket of cement over me.

I'm barely ready to go when Jake knocks on the door and enters once I've called that it's open.

"You're much too trusting, Tris— you really need to start locking your door."

"I do lock it at night and when I'm not here. It's easier, though, to leave it unlocked when I know someone is coming over. That way I don't have to walk across the apartment and answer it. And you leave your door locked when you're home, I'm sure."

"Fair point." His eyes focus on me for several more seconds, a small amount of concern mixing in with his usual look of amusement. "How are you feeling?"

"Better— still tired but less so than yesterday."

He nods wordlessly and reaches over to retrieve my jacket from the hook on the wall where he had hung it the night before.

"Do you want me to walk you to the Control Room after your meeting with Eric?"

"No; Will is going to come by to walk with me. I should be there all morning until lunch."

"Then I'll come by and walk you to lunch if that's alright."

"It is."

My cheeks heat up at his soft tone. I've noticed that it seems to only be used around me— other times he's solely full of laughter and smart comments. The contrast of the two reminds me that for him this is something a bit different than anything else. I try not to allow the pangs of guilt take over as he offers his arm for our walk.

Breakfast proves less awkward than lunch the previous day as Jake makes conversation with my friends and Four simply glares across the table at him. Partway through the meal, Four rises and mumbles something about getting to work early before he leaves. Zeke gives no comments or excuses for the man he calls his best friend and instead continues to happily chatter with Jake and Uriah.

I grip Jake's arm more tightly than what is strictly necessary as he walks me to the hallway that contains my office as well as Harrison's and Eric's. Instead of immediately acknowledging this verbally, Jake pats my hand soothingly and offers a warm half-smile. When I come to a complete halt steps away from the doors, however, he moves so he's facing me, gently pulling my chin up so I'm looking at him.

"Hey, it's going to be fine. It's not like Eric will do anything to you. He'll just be awkward. Believe it or not, that's his strongest skill."

"I know, I just…" my thoughts die in my throat, unable to become a coherent string of words.

"You're hurt from what he said." He sadly smiles down at me for a moment and then leans in to kiss my forehead, his breath dancing over the skin there as he continues to talk. "You're the strongest and bravest person I can think of. You can get through this— it will be over sooner than you think and then you can spend a lot of boring time in the Control Room until I meet you for lunch." He draws back again to look at me with a happier smile this time. "OK?"

"OK."

He nods his head in the direction of the offices behind him. "Go get 'em."

Eric's office feels thick with suffocating tension as I enter, knocking on the doorframe as I do so. He looks up from behind his desk to where I'm standing just inside, staring back at him with my chin tilted up and my shoulders squared in an effort to look more confident than I feel.

He merely waves to the chair opposite his desk as he returns to what he was reading. I've been sitting in complete silence for at least a full thirty seconds before he finally closes the file and sets it aside to look at me.

"You're back." He leans back in his chair, his eyes low so they don't meet mine and his hands fiddling in his lap.

"I am."

"I was glad to hear that you're recovered enough to return to work."

"Me too. It will be nice to be useful again."

He nods once, jerkily. "Andrew knows we're still set for our meeting."

"Good. We shouldn't delay it."

"Now that you're back, I agree."

Deafening silence settles upon us once again and lingers as I desperately try to think of something to say but my mind can't decide how to proceed, exactly. Should I acknowledge what has happened between us and declare that we shouldn't let it interfere with our work? Should I tell him how upset I am with him? Do I act like it's nothing and move on? Should I take this awkwardness as an indication of our lack of compatibility on a fundamental level?

"Harrison wants me to spend the morning in the Control Room."

"Yes, he told me."

"Will is going to come take me down there."

"Right."

"Should we talk after lunch about the meeting with Andrew?"

"I have another meeting."

"OK. So should I work on other things?"

He offers only a shrug. "You can do whatever you want."

My temper begins to boil in earnest under the surface and I'm about to launch into a line of questions about his attitude when Will knocks on the doorframe.

"Thank goodness," is all I mutter under my breath as I pull myself to stand and walk out the door with my friend.

I don't say goodbye to Eric and he doesn't attempt to say goodbye to me either. I doubt he cares.

"Wow, that room was cold." I look at him confused— I hadn't noticed anything wrong with the heating. "I mean that you two were acting cold toward each other. I thought you two were close."

"You thought wrong." The words bite as I say them.

"I'm sorry." Will throws an arm around my shoulders, only flinching slightly as I do. "But Jake seems nice."

"That doesn't have anything to do with it."

"I think it has everything to do with it."

Will opens the door to the Control Room and we're met with Gus who begins an explanation of the systems and sets me to observing Zeke and another guy I don't know for a while.

Suddenly Zeke interrupts the tedious quiet.

"Tris, looks like your boyfriend is about to fight Eric."

I turn at Zeke's words from where I'm standing a few feet away, confused by his meaning.

"What?"

He simply points at his monitor, his headphones around his neck. "Your boyfriend is about to fight Eric." When he's met with silence, he rolls his eyes. "Jake."

I match his eye roll with my own. "He's not my boyfriend." Regardless, I still walk over to where he sits, the scene playing out on his monitor. Sure enough, Jake is standing in front of Eric, the two barely a breath apart, arms crossed and ready to fully face off. "Zeke, can you back this up so I can see it?" I keep my voice low, not wanting to attract any more attention.

"Sure."

He punches a few keys and suddenly the gray scale images of the two back away from each other until they're both out of the camera's frame.

Without prompting, Zeke offers me his seat and, once I'm sitting, his headphones so I can listen. He hits another key to unease the video feed.

"Jake." Eric's agitated voice calls from somewhere unseen.

"What could you possibly want with me now, Eric?" Jake sounds as exasperated as he does in any meeting Eric attends with him and really, he has the same tone whenever he talks about Eric as well.

Eric steps int the frame then, arms crossing in the way he does when he's impatient and close to snapping.

"What do you think you're doing?"

Jake walks into the camera's view then, stopping a few feet from Eric and also crossing his arms.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Tris."

"What about her?"

"What are you doing with her?"

"What? Do you want a play-by-play? I fail to see how any of this is your business."

"She's a leader-in-training and I'm her mentor. Everything is my business." Eric takes a step forward to punctuate his sentence.

"Not this, Eric." Jake, mirroring Eric, also takes a step forward.

Eric's voice drops, no less foreboding than before. "She's a good girl, Jake."

"Do you really think I don't know that?" He scoffs.

"No, I don't. She's not one of these new members who you can toy with and toss away when you're bored."

"That's rich coming from you." Jake practically laughs in Eric's face as he talks.

"I'm serious, Jake. You can't toy with her emotions—"

"—You mean like you did?"

Oh no.

Eric sputters at that. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me. You really think you can come here and lecture me like this when you're the one who practically tossed her to the curb and made her feel like an embarrassment to be hidden?"

"I never—"

"—Come on, Eric, no need to lie to me; it's just us. I know what you told her."

"She told you?"

"You were never going to be the only person she'd talk to. Especially not after that."

Eric shakes his head as if clearing something from his mind. "Regardless of that, she's not like your other pursuits; she's loyal and deserves better than that."

"I know and, believe it or not, I care about her. But she's also young and needs her space to be your and herself— she doesn't need someone monopolizing and controlling part of her time. That's why she's open and free to pursue other people while we date if she wishes." Jake smirks and leans in just a hair before continuing. "She didn't tell you that, did she? She hasn't told you anything and I bet you,in all of your Nose intelligence, never through to ask her because you're too busy thinking of how people see you as a leader. How interesting. You come here to berate me but you can't even see what is right in front of you."

Jake leans back again, givingEric some room to breathe. "Well, she can pursue whoever she wants; I have no intention of restricting her. But for my, she's it; there's no one else and she knows it."

Something about how he says it— the way he phrases it with such finality— makes it different than when he's previously said as much. Suddenly feel hypocritical about my own feelings toward him, especially the fleeting moments of jealousy aimed at other women, when he's left it open for me to do as I please. Despite my own obvious reluctance, he's always certain to remind me of his loyalty to me. It's almost worse in some ways since he even offered this whole situation to help wit the current issue between Eric and I.

"Am I really supposed to believe that you— the man who has made a distinct reputation from your habit of dating multiple new members and dropping them easily, leaving them with broken hearts— would really be willing to do something like that?"

"Yes, because maybe it should occur to you that I care about her and I want to make this work if I can." Jake tosses his head back and stares at the ceiling for a few moments before returning his gaze to Eric. "You don't know much of anything about me, Eric, other than the rubbish you've heard through faction gossip over the past two years,but I've been a member for six years and I've seen guys like you over and over again."

"What do you mean, guys like me?"

"Guys who don't have any idea how to treat a woman because you're too busy thinking your ridiculous, macho crap about the Dauntless Manifesto and circling jerking about being soldiers. So you end unmaking women feel forgotten and unimportant because what— some hormonal teenagers and adults we trust with guns think you're a leader?" Jake shakes his head, sighing with exasperation. "If there's anyone in this conversation who doesn't deserve Tris's time or affection, it's you. You're absolutely right: she is special. She's smart and incredibly witty but also thoughtful and brave and giving and compassionate. But you have a way of making even someone as brave and strong as her feel unwanted. Good job."

"And you do any better?"

"Yes, because I"m not an idiot. I know that she's worth much more than a faction and she should treated as such."

Eric and Jake just stare at each other silently: a face off without words or even movement.

Suddenly Jake takes a couple steps away from Eric. "This is pointless; I don't even know why I'm having this conversation with you in the first place." His arms drop to his sides and he shakes his head. "I need to go— I still have to stop by my apartment before I meet Tris."

He turns and swiftly exits the frame in the opposite direction where Eric still stands. Eric remains for quite a while before turning and punching a wall with a growl. Shaking out his first afterward, he stalks away.

I can only sit in stunned silence at what I just watched play out in gray scale. Never would I have ever thought something like that would happen. The idea of the two of them arguing that way— about me no less— is baffling. I wonder for a moment if I should be upset with Jake for revealing so much of what I entrusted to humbug decide that it's not something to dwell on— he made a point to Eric and in the process also reaffirmed his own loyalty and affection for me. All I can feel when I consider this is a swell of affection for him and happiness.

My mind is made up quickly. I hand the headphones back to Zeke and hurry from the control room, headed for the place I know he'll be. The elevator seems like it's purposefully going slower than usual. I swear I'm about to pry the doors open with my bare hands by the time they slowly slide open enough for me to push though and into the hall. Luckily it's not a long journey down the hall to his door. I don't bother knocking; he won't care. The sound of the door slamming carelessly behind me pulls him from deeper in his apartment— his face wearing a look of confusion at my presence.

'Tris, what are you doing here? You're not supposed to walk around—"

i cut him off, practically throwing myself into his arms.

"I was in the Control Room, Jake. I saw what happened with you and Eric."

Before he can respond, I crash my lips to his. He doesn't respond for a moment and my mind leaps to the worst possible conclusion. But then he's kissing me back and his arms wrap firmly around my waist, effectively pulling my body flush against his own. I feel his hand come up to slide along my jaw before he finders wrap around the back of my neck. It only serves to spur me on and quickly I find myself sliding my tongue along his bottom lip until he softly parts them to allow it. I let my hands slide down to his chest and can't help but notice the firmness of it beneath his thin shirt— lean and muscular and different from either Four or Eric. While both of their bodies are strong and impressive, his is different and has a toned strength and definition of someone who has maintained such for years now. I wonder, briefly, whether he has any fat on his body at all. It's doubtful.

Clearly with reluctance he breaks the kiss and pulls back just enough to look down at me and smile gently.

"I don't really understand what I did to prompt that response but I'll gladly do it again."

"Laughter bubbles up from my chest at that. "I'm sure you would." He continues to watch me in silence, which prompts me to realize he's curious for an explanation.

"What you said to him…I just…no one has ever spoken about me that way before. It made me think of how thoughtful you are about my feelings and about making sure I know you value and prioritize the time we're together. I'm not so sure I've ever returned that, though."

For a moment I thinkI see some unknown emotion flash across his eyes but it's gone so quickly that I could have imagined it. The slightly sad half smile he wears, however, is not imagined. It makes my heart sink with guilt.

"Look, Tris, I never expected you to be in the same place as I am— you don't need to feel bad. And you certainly don't owe me anything. I am older than you and I"m bound to see things from a different perspective in some ways. More than anything, I want to make sure you don't feel compelled to do anything you don't want to do or say anything you don't mean. Don't want you to feel like you have to kiss me out of some feeling of debt every time I'm a decent person."

"Thank you, Jake."

"You don't need to thank me for that, Tris, nor should you. It should be something that you expect from me and anyone else. It's just common decency." The frown he wears as he says those words strikes me more than his usual playful smirks and smiles.

"You're a good person, Jake, no matter what Eric says."

He chuckles at that, bringing his usual bright demeanor back to him. "Well, I never really cared what Eric thought about me to begin with."

"Yes you do, or else you wouldn't get so upset about it and you wouldn't have argued with him in the hall the way you did."

IF my words strike a chord with him, he doesn't show it. Instead, he continues to hold my gaze, tucking an errant strand of hair behind my ear. "I only care, really, about what you think. It bothers me what Eric says, yes, because I know other people think that, which means your friends likely do, too. I don't want you to feel like you're not able to be with them because of what they think of me."

His words are so soft that I realize I'm actually holding my breath to ensure I hear them. The admission makes my mind stop for a moment, absorbing greedily what he just confessed— how oddly Abnegation and Amity his thinking is; certainly not what I, or anyone else, would expect from a Dauntless member.

"Thank you." My tone matches the softness of his as I eke out the words.

HIs amused chuckle catches me off-guard and I narrow my eyes at the bright sparkle I see in his. "You really can't stop thanking me, can you? Stop being so endless grateful— it's not very Dauntless of you."

Lightly, I let my hand smack his chest, the impact muffled by his shirt. "Quit. How about we go to Zeke's party tonight?"

"But Miss Prior, I thought you were still to be hidden from such things, especially on a Tuesday!"

"Oh hush." I return his smile as I pull him towards the door and out to lunch.