Chapter 1.2 – Killer Queen

They say people can adapt to any situation given time and the proper mindset. That fear, along with happiness and nationality, is naught but a state of mind. It's all a choice, yeah?

I'd like to see what they'd say when faced with a half-demon vampire bassist, in their pajamas.

-0-0-0-

Marceline Abadeer looked at me uncomprehendingly, floating in the doorway with a bag of groceries in hand. The lass was wearing a grey flannel shirt over a black tank top, a generic pair of jeans, what appeared to be Chuck Taylor's, and a cap adorned with a fire-breathing horse head. It was very Seattle of her and I swore then that no matter what, I wouldn't allow myself to be killed by anyone wearing flannel.

"Now, I know what you're thinking," I ventured slowly. "And no, I'm not actually Ricky Ricardo." I nodded and slammed the door in her face, fumbling with the lock before throwing myself against it to keep it shut. With any luck, I'd have a few seconds before she kicked it do-

I heard a door swing open on the other side of the house and mentally kicked myself since I forgot about the door in the kitchen. Taking a deep breath to steady my nerves, I made my way across the living room and stopped at the window looking into the kitchen. The shutters were drawn shut and I could hear Marceline moving around on the other side. I moved to open them and caught myself halfway there. 'And what do you plan on telling her, dude?' I asked myself. '"I'm immortal, you're a cartoon where I'm from, and I think I have superpowers"?' I snorted. 'That's a bit nuts even for this cuckoo's nest the locals call Ooo.'

The decision was taken out of my hands when the shutters suddenly snapped open of their own accord. The kitchen was black as pitch and I peered into the dark void dumbly. Naturally, that meant when Marceline burst forth from the shadows all wolfed out, I took a ballistic vampire queen to the face. Caught completely off-guard, I fell back, taking the morphed Marceline down with me. We hit the ground hard, knocking over a nearby lamp, which I co-opted and tried to break over her head.

Unfortunately, she must've known that the desk lamp was the deadliest light fixture outside of the candelabra, as she contemptuously batted it aside before I could slay her with it. She grinned at me, showing off the rows of teeth her current form possessed, before pinning my arms down with some kind of invisible pressure. 'Oh yeah, she's got telekinesis too.' I absently noted as the half-demon looked around the living room. "Erm, if it helps," I choked out. "I tried not to touch anything."

"It doesn't really," Marceline answered cooly, voice oddly warped. "But thanks anyway." She turned her attention back to me, eyes boring into me uncomfortably as she gave me a once over. "So, do you want to tell me why you're here or do I have to make you tell me?"

"I don't particularly want to," I said, meeting the lass' gaze. "But I'm really tired of violently dying every few minutes. It all started the night I got into an argument with a fake Jamaican at a Halloween party…"

I told her the rest of the story, altering it slightly to omit the "fictional" nature of the worlds I'd been visiting. She had climbed off and let me sit up against the wall at some point, sitting next to me and listening quietly. Mercifully, it was a short story, so I was done recapping within a few minutes. Didn't stop my eyes from watering or my throat from hurting though. She must've hit me harder than I thought or bought onions or something.

"That's some pretty heavy stuff…" She trailed off expectantly.

"Diego." I supplied with a sigh. "And I suppose it is, Miss." She reciprocated, telling me her name unnecessarily before we returned to the silence.

After a few moments of blissful quiet, there was a knocking at the door. For a moment, it sounded like the drum line to Space Jam. Suppressing a scowl, I pushed my melancholy to the back of my mind and fixed a smile on my face. "Seems we have company."

"Right, if you'll just wait here, I can introduce you guys." Marceline said as she picked herself up via telekinesis. Adjusting her cap, she continued, "Just don't start crying again."

"Aye ma'am, sit on the floor and refrain from eye sweating until the interrogation is done." I saluted her. 'Stupid wonky tear ducts going off for no reason.'

She rolled her eyes, but I caught a faint smile before she floated away. She answered the door, ushering in a bundle of blue and white, followed by a cacophonic crash as a drum kit dropped to the ground.

"Whoops, sorry Marceline." Simon Petrikov, the Ice King, said with a raspy laugh. "Just my butter fingers acting up again."

"It's ok, Simon." Marceline said with an audible smile. "At least we're not in a troll's den this time."

"I thought trolls only lived under bridges?" I interjected. "Never really seemed the den type to me, you know?"

"Oh believe me, most do. The ones that do have dens are the worst though. Always asking to borrow your records and hogging all the lady trolls to themselves." Simon said without missing a beat. "Why, I remember this one time I… I…" He trailed off, presumably realizing that -the call was coming from inside the house- er, that he wasn't alone with Marceline. Or the voices in his head were acting up again.

He looked at me, head quirked and eyes wide. His jaw opened slightly before abruptly closing, as if he couldn't find the words he wanted. Since I tended to have that effect on people (blame my thrice-damned roguish charm and good looks), I simply waved. In a move that caught me off-guard, he stepped around Marceline, planting himself firmly between the vampire queen and me.

"And who would you be?" He asked, an unmistakable edge to his voice. For a moment, I entertained the idea of a fantastic lie delivered via musical number (Ooo was that sort of place after all), but the whorls of blue light gathering around his hands derailed that train of thought.

"I'm uh, Diego." I slowly and deliberately got to my feet and leaned against the wall. "I mean, my name is Diego Padavona." The mad magus didn't look satisfied with that, so I continued. "Immortal vagrant, part-time pyrokinetic, and semi-regular timbalero in a moderately successful salsa band. I come in peace." It wasn't even the death I was particularly worried about, my previous "resurrections" leaving me confident I'd wake up elsewhere. It was more dreading having to figure out where and when I'd be once I did so. Random smiting aside, I hadn't exactly gotten along with the locals and it showed in my "lifespans" so to speak.

A moment passed and no one was saying anything, the Ice King's eyes boring me into like an ignorant professor while he mulled over my introduction. A quick glance at Marceline showed me she looked about as confused as I did. She mouthed an apology which I accepted with a shrug.

"What's this about, Simon?" Marceline asked after a brief eternity. "Why are-"

"You can't see it, huh?" The Ice King said almost wistfully. "Must be the wizard eyes then." He grunted and took a deep breath. "Do you know what I'm talking about, Diego?"

"I have to be honest with ya kemo, I've no idea." I admitted. "Sorry?" He didn't answer, but not wanting to take any chances, I tried to call on my power. Ideally, I could pump out enough fire to stalemate his ice magic should I fail my diplomancy roll.

I felt something respond, more of a vague feeling than anything else, and the Ice King suddenly acted. Bringing his hands together, he fired a bolt of blue lightning, the energy transmuting into a cartoonish ice sculpture mid-air. Just as before, I called on my power almost reflexively, throwing my hands up to summon a wall of flames.

Or at least, that's what I intended. Only, I didn't whip up jets of fire this time. Instead, a crude block of earth tore through the living room floor to defend me. Surprised but planning to stay alive, I pushed, my will imposing itself on the rock as it launched forward. There was a pair of shouts, from Marceline and Ice King alike, as the freshly spawned boulder flew at them. I didn't stick around to see the aftermath, electing to exit via the door in the kitchen. Knowing those two, it would take more than a ballistic rock to put them down, so at least I wouldn't have to worry about that.

I threw myself over the counter and into the kitchen, nearly braining myself as I tripped over a small table thing just beneath the window. Scrambling to my feet, I found the door to my left and after a moment of fumbling with the knob, I let myself out. I found myself on a small porch/dock and…

Cold. Mind-numbing, all-encompassing cold. I blinked, finding myself flat on my back and freezing. 'Right, house ain't that big.' I tried to sit up; only my arms gave way halfway through the action and my chest felt odd. Looking down, I saw that I had a lightning bolt-shaped chunk of ice about the length of my forearm piercing my sternum. I tried to laugh since it didn't hurt as much as I assumed it was supposed to, but it quickly degenerated into wheezing coughs. There was blood too, presumably for dramatic effect.

"Lucky shot," I mumbled as it become increasingly difficult to keep my eyes open. "Sorry for the fl…"

-0-0-0-

I woke with a gasp, savoring the sensation of not-punctured lungs. After a quick check to ensure I wasn't holy, I got up and dusted myself off. I hadn't a clue where I was, but it was hella pretty. It appeared to be a plaza of sorts, all leading up to this big church-looking building. A part of me wondered if I had come full circle and was back in Skullgirls, standing outside the cathedral I tried to burn down.

That part was swiftly ignored when I noticed a short dude in a hood fighting off winged centaurs. He looked to be doing pretty well against the half-man, half-pegasus creatures, though he seemed to be a bit too focused on dodging. I moved to help him, because why not, when an enormous shadow passed over me, attached to a goddamn dragon of all things. The inhuman roar it issued scared the crap out of me, and I nearly threw a fireball at it before coming to my senses. I mean, it was a dragon. The fuck would my flames do to it?

'Oh hey, I got fire again.' I noted as I resolved to assist the dude in the hood. 'Neat.'

A/N: Yeah, second chapter away! Points if ya figured out the mechanic to his elemental kinesis beforehand. Until next time, kiddies.