8Disclaimer: None of this is mine. All rights belong to the great J.R.R. Tolkien and Peter Jackson.
The following reports are extracted from the TA 2941 files.
Mr. Saruman,
I had hoped this Thranduil might be amenable to reasonable talk, but after his earlier display I think not! Instead I find myself skulking about as though I were some sort of... of burglar! It is very unpleasant.
I was able to find the kitchens, though! I nipped in for a bite or two, and am feeling much better. A hungry Hobbit is a sad thing. And I did not just eat my fill (for once!) The kitchens were rather busy, and while I was dodging around, I overheard that there is to be some sort of party tonight! Even Elves are sure to become distracted by a good party! I am sure that I will be able to sneak the Dwarves out... as soon as I find a way out in the first place.
The great main door that we originally came in through is still guarded, and much too obvious. But even a grand Elven palace must have a back entrance or two! Never you fear, I shall discover a way!
Sincerely,
B. Baggins
[Oct. 17th, 2941] I.S.T.A.R.I. analysis on report received from Baggins (Gandalf): With any luck, he will be captured as well.
Mr. Saruman,
Goodness! I was almost captured! I was simply walking quietly and then I found myself in a room with that Thranduil fellow! And he turned and looked right at me!
"I know you're there. Why do you linger in the shadows?"
I don't mind telling you, I almost dropped dead out of shock then and there! But then the guard captain spoke up behind me- he had been addressing her! I am not made for such stress! I spent the rest of their conversation trying to get my heart to go back to a normal rate, and what with all the pounding in my head I couldn't hear much, anyway. But I did gather that the king and the guard captain are quite different sorts of Elves. Thranduil looks down on Tauriel's sort, rather. Perhaps he doesn't like red hair? The Dwarves are quite fond of that color, as Bombur and Gloin are both deemed very attractive by Dwarvish standards.
Sincerely,
B. Baggins
[Oct. 17th, 2941] I.S.T.A.R.I. analysis on report received from Baggins (Gandalf): Will he never stop talking.
Mr. Saruman,
I followed after the guard captain (Tauriel) to the Dwarves' cells. These Elves have excellent hearing, so this time I stayed well out of earshot. She spent some time interviewing Kili, and I was worried that the poor boy (though I understand he is many decades older than myself) might have had a difficult time. But he seemed calm enough when she left. She wrote up this report, after, which I took the liberty of removing from her desk as I did the last one. I haven't time to read it, though, as I believe I saw the Elf with the cell keys walking down some step! I must follow him!
Prisoner Interrogation Entry: October 17 TA 2941 (Feast of Starlight)
I have interrogated the prisoner with potential medical problems. As he seemed more eager than the others to talk, I hoped he might be willing to discuss their purpose or goals. He did, indeed, talk a great deal.
Further interrogation required for the good of the kingdom. Will continue the interrogations myself. No need to bother the others.
One (1) personal effect still on person after incarceration. At first I thought it fell Dwarf magic, but only a stone from Kili's mother. I do not believe it poses a danger, and so returned it to him.
He is very odd. Perhaps not for a Dwarf, as I have never met a Dwarf before. He did not speak of gold, but of his mother and a red moon. Are these usual Dwarf topics?
-Capt. Tauriel
Do you happen to know where Gandalf is? He could be a great help in this escape plan. He is very good at those.
Sincerely,
B. Baggins
[Oct. 17th, 2941] I.S.T.A.R.I. analysis on report received from Baggins (Gandalf): Is everyone so oblivious.
Mr. Saruman,
I have followed the Elf with the keys. We are in a cellar! This is no good at all.
Whoever would need so much wine? There are so many empty barrels! If a Hobbit party went through the home-brew this quickly, there would be a terrible number of aching heads in the morning! I suppose Elves do not get hangovers, though. It is certainly difficult to imagine.
Oh! He has put the keys on a hook! I could take them so very easily! But I still do not know where to take the Dwarves once I unlock their cells...
Oh.
Please do excuse me, I must hurry.
Sincerely,
B. Baggins
[Oct. 17th, 2941] I.S.T.A.R.I. analysis on report received from Baggins (Gandalf): Couldn't they stay locked up for an entire day. Is that too much to ask for.
Mr. Saruman,
You should have seen the excitement when I appeared holding the keys! Everyone was terribly pleased to see me! And it did my heart good to usher them all out of those little cells. Dwarves do not belong in cages. They are such a proud people.
Proud enough to argue with the very person who let them out! Well, I should not be surprised. Still, the way they stomped after me was quite loud enough! They didn't need to bicker on top of it! I thought the entire palace was bound to hear. It would serve them right to be tossed back in. No, no, I do not truly mean that. I just said it is sad to see them imprisoned. It is only that it wouldn't hurt to be a little more grateful, would it?
And now we our in the cellars! Almost out! The Elves I saw earlier are still here, but they are fast asleep. We might actually get away!
"I don't believe it, we're in the cellars!" That was Kili.
Oh, now he's set them all off.
I am trying to shush them, but of course that isn't working, so I've finally just ordered everyone to climb into the empty barrels.
They don't want to do that, either.
Thorin, bless his heart, does trust me. "Do as he says!" Thank you, Thorin! For that, I'm making sure he gets the most comfortable barrel.
Bofur wants to know what they are supposed to do now, but we really haven't time for long explanations. So I've simply told them to hold their breath and pulled the lever. And they're out!
Wait. What about me?
Sincerely,
B. Baggins
[Oct. 17th, 2941] I.S.T.A.R.I. analysis on report received from Baggins (Gandalf): Gandalf would have done it with more fire.
Everyone knows the firstborn get terrible hangovers. They just pretend they don't.