Disclaimer: I do not own Kyou Kara Maou story or characters ect...
It is set after season 3 of the anime, but not in relation to any of the manga. I never say Greta's age...because I kind of wanted her to stay a bit more of a kid in this, so please don't hate me? Just run with it;) haha
This story has adult themes, so be warned and enjoy, hopefully :)
Let me know your thoughts and review!
Not a Breath Wasted on Myself
Like a bull chasing a red flag, he knew I would come. I would always come. My devotion to him was endless. I was strong and unmoving. Never wasting a breath on myself, my life was nothing if not expendable for the cause. And the cause was my Maou. The Maou who time after time demonstrated that love and kindness was the key for a brighter, more peaceful future. Even turning someone so narrow minded like me, who acted on selfish desires in order to sacrifice anything to protect only our own people, into something more. Now, by his guidance we have come to learn that sacrifice is selfishness, it is an easy escape to what truly matters. In order to reach a peaceful existence one must first imagine then jump into the unknown. After all violence only ever equals more violence. How can something as simple as that, truly be the answer? He made it seem too simple, so easy.
Every turn we made, every decision that he comes across, he never ceases to surprise me at how far he will go to prove that-, that kindness is the answer. Now I know to trust him. I trust him even if my own gut tells me it could go horribly wrong. I would have followed him to the end of the world. The truth is I still would if he asked. He probably knows that even if it weren't expected of me to obey his words, I would do it anyway because he has a pull within him that doesn't allow you to go against his wishes. I think I hate that the most. Hated my own voice as I agreed, and followed him into our next reckless adventure.
Never would I have imagined that someone who acts so impulsively, so recklessly, would be the type to steal my heart from under me. Someone so weak, someone who constantly embarrasses himself and the kingdom by openly expressing his own weaknesses. What is wrong with me?
I hated King Saralegui so much for what he did. To realise how far he would go in order to use Yuuri like that. Then to endanger the kingdom for his own selfishness of getting revenge on his mother. But even then I kept my promise to Yuuri.
"Do you really trust Saralegui?" I asked, doubt swilling around my stomach like a persistent fly.
"Yes. Didn't I say so?" He replied with his usual ease.
"I understand. Then I'll trust you." I said; it is what I decided, so it is what I will do.
"Eh?" His eyes borrow a bit in confusion.
"No matter how many times you are betrayed, I'll protect you."
"Wolfram." He replied with his usual whiny-wimpy-voice.
"S-So you can relax, it doesn't matter if he betrays you, all right?!"
"That's not quite right…"
I trusted Saralegui once again, for Yuuri's sake, allowing him to use the Holy sword to heal Yuuri. It was the right decision. Who would have thought it? Me, trusting the King of Small Cimaron? A king to a human kingdom. Especially after the way he so openly flirted with Yuuri in front of me. Not that the wimp was smart enough to notice.
I wonder if Yuuri knows how I truly felt after all these years? I tried to explain it… I really did. Yet I watched his heart break in a different way. He couldn't understand me, my choices and why I had to distance myself. But I had to. My heart couldn't handle anymore. Couldn't take anymore rejection. I was holding onto someone who was never mine. Someone who would never be mine. So I hated my words as I promised him time after time that I was there, that I was there for him. My life was nothing more than to service him. And if I wasn't so selfish that would have been enough. But I am. And it's not enough.
After holding onto a joke of engagement for three years I finally let go. At his 18th birthday celebration I sat at a corner table, making sure to plant my smile bright for him, for our daughter and for everyone around me. But as they flittered through the ballroom happily socializing with the guests I sat watching the candles burn to mountains of hot wax. I couldn't watch anymore. I couldn't watch the way he danced with those women. Those gorgeous women with their tiny waists, soft skin and big breasts.
I was able to trick myself for a long time, hoping that if I just stayed around long enough he would see that I could give him so much more. I could understand him and we could be something special… how could I feel this way about someone when they don't even see me as a possibility?
I was the naive one, and everyone around me knew it. Yet I held on. I kept strong and pretended everything was okay. For a while there I think I truly believed it too.
That was before Sasha Yukimura, Gunter Von Christ's cousin's daughter, who had joined the castle four months before hand in order to help Lady Anissina with her work. Lady Anissina's inventions, as much they can be a hit or miss, had been getting great recognition across the country. So much so that she received plenty of interest from prospective students to become her apprentice. Sasha Yukimura won that place besides Lady Anissina. And so she moved into the castle and it wasn't long before she would be greeted by the Maou.
Sasha was born a year after myself. I had met her a few times but we had never truly had the chance to get to know one another. I wasn't too worried. I figured she would be like many of the other women who live amongst the kingdom, a pretty face, a good friend, but never being able to hold Yuuri's attention for more than a few moments. But I was wrong. Her mid-waisted blue hair had stuck out like a ruby amongst dull rocks. She is an inch or two shorter than myself, with a pretty petite body and golden eyes. But I know now that it was her shining personality that kept his attention. She is soft spoken, kind and smart. She didn't push him like I did,-; she didn't have to try like I did. She just smiled and drew him away. He never seem to mind her dragging him to one of their experiments, it actually seemed to only increase his smile. Watching it was like burning slowly in the pits of hell.
And so I decided to fade into the background. Allowed myself to slowly retreat into myself until it was considered normal of me. Expected of me to act a certain way. No longer did I allow myself to be consumed by jealousy that my outbursts would draw attention to myself or my own desires. No longer would it be considered normal to be stubborn headed, to be out spoken and nosy. I would listen and obey. I would no longer question decisions but instead hold my tongue. I was, well, still am, a perfect solider.
Long before she even showed up I had already started to do that. Without realising it, I had started to pull away from him a long time before it became clear that he was never mine. I started to opt out of meetings and adventures that involved travel over the waters, I would use the excuse that the motion sickness had finally become too much to bare, when in reality it had actually improved remarkably. I slowly took up responsibilities that drove me away from the castle, slowly shifted my duties in the castle to my elder brothers. If he went back to Earth it became a welcome relief, it meant I didn't have to wear that smile so much. But if he wanted to take company to the other world I would say that I had important duties to attend to, so I would oversee the castle while he was away. He would never push,-; he would give me enough respect not to order me to go. I guess some part of me wished that he did, for maybe that meant he cared.
I wonder if anyone noticed? Did anyone even care that it was so easy for me to slip into the creaks of their lives? To drift away from each and every one of them.
Like a bull chasing a red flag, he knew I would come. I would always come.
It hadn't been a request; it had been more like an order. He felt it did not look good that his closest confidants weren't traveling with him to Big Cimaron to discuss trade negotiations. He insisted that we all go. How could I say no? I couldn't. At least, not without good reason. Maybe if he just sent word via pigeon post then I could have found a way out of it. I could have said I was off on travel and would not be able to make it on time, but it hadn't been. He had finally caught up to me while I was at Gwendal's estate to drop off Greta, so he could take her back to the castle. Yuuri was not meant to be there, he was meant to be at Earth.
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