Disclaimer: Supernatural belongs to Eric Kripke. I only own my character Mary-Elisabeth "Emmy" Winchester.
1995 – Manhattan, Kansas.
John could practically feel her staring at him even when his eyes were closed. Call it his daddy senses or whatever, but whenever she woke up, he instantly felt it. There were of course obvious signs indicating her being up; her breathing pattern changed, the constant cooing and squealing, that annoying melody of that stupid chatter telephone – John didn't care what anybody else said, he was sure that she knew exactly which buttons to press to produce that god-awful melody – and lastly, there was the incessant poking in his eyes that alerted him his daughter was up.
"Ouch," John hissed when her little finger poked too hard. "Baby girl, that hurt." He cracked one eye open to see the most adorable and chubbiest 10-month-old. Once she noticed her father finally being up, her lips broke into a cute grin, showing of her dimples. "Good morning, Emmy." John reached out a hand to wipe of some drool from her chin, he kept his hand there, briefly tickling her neck. He chuckled when she started giggling, scrunching up her little button nose. "Oh, you like that, don't you. Yes, you do." He continued tickling her, loving the sound of her laughing her beautiful head off.
Lately, it's been the only thing keeping him alive. Knowing that he still got her and his sons to take care of, it was the fuel that kept him going. It's been almost six months, half a year, since he lost the love of his life, the mother ofnhis three kids and it still didn't get better. The pain was still there, the memories were still too fresh and he still missed her every second of the day.
He looked back at his daughter who was currently using his fingers to chew on. She already started teething a couple of months ago, which resulted in two small teeth on the bottom. He wished his wife was there to see their baby girl grow up. John was sure that Mary would've celebrated the milestone by taking pictures and noting the date in her baby book. The thought made him smile a little.
Emmy's attention suddenly fell on her daddy's watch on his wrist. The shiny, metal exterior looked like every little baby's most wanted prize. She started poking her little chubby fingers on it, trying to find out if the thing was supposed to make any sounds. She then proceeded to pull at it but the watch didn't budge causing her to make frustrated noises. She looked up at her daddy with those big blue eyes that instantly made his heart go soft.
"Can you give daddy a kiss first?" John asked as he puckered his lips. Emmy crawled closer to him and gave him a slobbery smooch. John chuckled and handed her his watch. Her eyes instantly lit up as she let out a high pitched noise of excitement. Of course the first thing she did was put the watch in her mouth.
John stroked the soft skin of her little feet, letting his thumb rub her tiny toes. She looked so much like his beloved wife, sometimes it hurt to even look at her. His daughter would remind him of the woman he couldn't save, the woman he had let down, the woman he had to live without. Everything about Emmy just screamed Mary. Those long eye lashes, the silky blonde hair, the strawberry smell, the soft skin, the way her eyes twinkled every time she laughed, those pouty lips that got him under her spell, those big blue eyes – those eyes. John fell in love with Mary's eyes, he swore he'd never seen such beautiful eyes like hers before, and he was sure that no one on earth shared these gorgeous eyes with her … that's until their daughter was born and John had fallen in love all over again.
John suddenly noticed how quiet the apartment was. Sam and Dean were probably still asleep. It was only six in the morning and it was Sunday, so John didn't bother to wake them up. He was also still trying to give them some space after their mother passed away. He knew it was hard to talk about their mother, especially since he wasn't used to have heart-to-hearts with his sons, that was Mary's department. But still, he tried even if it didn't work as well as he hoped it would.
But talking about her death wasn't what made everything hard, it was the reason why she died. He and his wife had sworn never to tell their kids about the supernatural. It was a promise they were both hell bent on keeping. But what do you tell your sons who saw their own mother pinned to the ceiling, engulfed in fire. It quickly became clear that they didn't buy his 'electric short in the walls and ceiling' – explanation. They weren't little kids anymore and they demanded the truth. John had no other choice, no matter how hard he wished he could keep them in the dark. Telling his sons about the yellow eyed demon was the hardest thing he had done in his entire life.
What surprised him the most was their reactions. After the initial shock, Sam and Dean both wanted to know more about the monsters lurking in the dark. At first, John was hesitant and unsure. He didn't know what the outcome would be if he shared the information with his sons. But in the end, he thought it was better to be safe than sorry. If they knew about the supernatural, they might as well now about the dangers and how they could protect themselves and others. That's where the difference lay between Sam and Dean. The oldest was adamant on learning the ropes and skills to hunt those evil creatures. While Sam was content just reading about it without really practicing it.
John didn't push his youngest son, but he did want him to know the basics. He wanted Sam to know how to defend himself, how to protect the ones he loves, how to kill a monster whenever his or anyone else's life was in danger. And the only way to teach him that is if he took him out to the field, the supernatural world. John knew his youngest son was defying him when it came to hunting, and again, he didn't push. He was only thirteen after all. But it pained him as a father that he felt obligated to teach him one day, whether he wanted or not.
Dean was another story though. John could practically see himself in his oldest son. They both didn't like sharing their feelings, let alone express them. But the anger, the need to avenge Mary's death, it was a mutual feeling. John discovered that killing every evil son of a bitch walking on earth helped easing the pain, the frustration. He never knew how much he and his son were alike until he saw Dean's face when he killed his first monster. The expression of pure alleviation and ecstasy. John knew that it probably wasn't healthy but if it made his son feel better and if it made him sleep at night, then he wasn't about to get picky.
He'd like to think it was a therapeutic way of dealing with Mary's death. Sam didn't talk for weeks when his mother died. Not only did he loose his mother but he also had to live with the discovery that monsters under his bed might exist. Dean was the opposite, he wasn't quiet or reserved, he just chose to completely avoid the subject. Where Sam dealt with the loss by indulging himself in books and schoolwork, Dean chose to vent his anger on killing monsters.
John sighed as he ran a hand down his face, scratching at his scruffy beard. He looked down at his daughter as she started nibbling on her toes, making cute gurgling noises. She was so innocent, so oblivious of what was happening around her. Sometimes he'd look at her and feel jealous of how carefree and happy she was. He would kill to feel like her, to not have to deal with the constant heartache and reminder of what he had lost. At least his daughter didn't have to live with the pain or the daily struggle. She didn't realize it yet, but she was the one keeping them together now. She was their hope, the one that made him wake up every day. He would be lost without his baby girl, she was the little reminder of the person they missed every day. But she was also the little reminder of the hope and courage they needed to get through every day.
Whatever happened, couldn't be turned back. John had to live with the thought that his sons knew about the supernatural and that he got them both involved. He felt guilty for dragging his own children into it but he vowed that once he got the yellow eyed demon, he'd put a stop to the hunting. He remembered clearly how Mary told him she hated hunting and she would die before letting her kids be raised into it like she was. If only she knew how her words were only just a prediction of her family's future. John wouldn't realize that dedicating his life to killing monsters, particularly Azazel, would sent his entire family into a downward spiral until it was already too late.
If he had known then what he knows now …
A/N: HI GUYS! Welcome to my new story, Reminiscence, it will mostly contain one-shots about Emmy and her brothers. I won't be following a particular order, I'll probably just jump from one year to another, depends on the stories and ideas I have. I can't tell you when I'll update this story, like I said it depends from the inspiration and time I have. Be(lie)ve still comes first so don't expect me to post regularly for this story. I'm open for ideas and suggestions, so please review :) I know that the first chapter was kind of narrative and didn't contain lots of action, but I thought I'd start from the beginning, which is explain John's motives. I'd like to remind you guys that my story is NOT like the show and that some things might seem different (like John's personality).
I also would love to thank VeroGigg for being the one who came up with the idea to write some anecdotes and old memories of our favorite Winchesters :) So thank her!
As always, lots of kisses and hugs. Please don't forget to review/follow/favorite, it would mean the world to me :) !