32. OK, I'm trying to get the other characters involved. I really enjoyed the books and the movie, so I've tried to get a balance between the two. Any suggestions or advice would be really welcomed!
We all run down the stairs and across the courtyard. I can't think straight, I just keep remembering my parents' faces. Engrossed in my worries that I've made the wrong choice, I nearly stumble down the stairs, and someone elbows me in the ribs, hard. They don't even apologize, but I suppose I'll have to get used to that. We all climb up onto a high metal platform, and I realise that my long skirt is going to be a problem. I try and roll up my skirt around my knees, and start to climb. I'm nearly at the top when I accidentally step on my hem and slip. My heart pounds, and I daren't look down.
'Here, give me your hand,' a male voice shouts from above. I grab the proffered hand, and he drags me up onto the platform frighteningly easily.
'Thanks,' I reply, squinting at him. He's tall, very tall. I barely come up to his shoulder, and he's broad too. His black and white clothing tells me he is Candor, and that immediately makes it awkward. Amity and Candor have never got on. Candor think we use deceit to keep the peace.
'I'm Al,' he blurts out.
'I'm Emily. Is that our train?' The train approaches, but doesn't seem to be slowing down.
'It's not stopping,' Al frowns.
'Look, the Dauntless born are running. I think we're going to have to jump on,' I tell him, and we both break into a run. I've torn my skirt up the side, and it means I can move my legs a little more. I feel ridiculous. Al runs alongside me, and hauls himself up first, with more strength than grace. I copy him, grabbing a rail and swinging myself into the carriage, skinning my knuckles in the process.
The Abnegation girl, Beatrice Prior, is the last to make it into the carriage and she sits, breathless, like she can't believe she's managed it. I look around the carriage to see who the transfers are. The Dauntless born group together, laughing and joking loudly. There are at least four Candor transfers apart from Al, two girls and two boys, and at least three Erudite transfers, two boys and girl. And of course, Beatrice, from Abnegation. She catches my eye and smiles shyly. 'I'm Emily,' I introduce myself. I instinctively reach over to hug her or shake her hand, before I remember that Abnegation don't like casual physical contact.
'I'm Christina,' the Candor girl sitting next to Beatrice tells me. She's tall, with thick chin-length black hair. That starts off a round of introductions. There is Will, a shaggy, blond-haired boy from Erudite, with a mischievous grin, there's Edward, a fair boy with a square, handsome face, from Erudite, and I notice he's holding hands with the mousy Erudite girl, Myra. The other three Candor transfers are Peter, Molly and Drew. They stand together and don't speak to anyone. When Beatrice speaks, they shoot poisonous looks at her. I try not to dislike them. Amity don't dislike anyone. I know I'm not supposed to be Amity anymore, but I've never wanted more to hang on to my Amity heritage.
'Get ready.' someone shouts down the carriage. She sounds bored and matter-of-fact, so it mustn't be anything exciting.
'Are they...jumping?' Beatrice asks cautiously.
'What?' Christina and I ask at the same time. My blood runs cold as I see the Dauntless born lining themselves up on the opposite wall of the carriage, then do a running jump out of the open door.
'How high up are we?' Al asks, his voice quavering. It's strange to see someone so big and strong so scared. I risk a peek out of the carriage and wish I hadn't. 'A long way. Maybe six or seven stories.' I tell him, and he blanches.
'I'm not jumping,' someone says, and I notice for the first time, standing in the corner of the train, there is another Amity transfer. I don't recognize him, and he looks like he is crying.
'We have to jump,' I insist, laying my hand on his shoulder reassuringly, 'otherwise we'll be factionless. It can't be dangerous, otherwise they wouldn't let us do it, surely,'
He just shakes his head. I want to stay and reason with him, but already there's only four of us left, and Beatrice and Christina are preparing to leap together. If I don't leave now, I won't make it.
'Please,' I beg, trying one last time. 'You can make it, I'm sure.'
He shakes his head again, pressing against the wall of the carriage. I have to go. I try not to think about it too much as I run towards the opening. For a split second I feel as if I will plummet down into the gap between the roof and the train, and then I slam into the gravel and I am safe. Sore and winded, but safe.
'You OK?' Christina asks, grinning at me. I haven't the breath to do anything except smile. We've all made it.
Almost all.
I hear a wail. A girl is leaning over the wall, screaming. Beatrice goes to see, and immediately turns back. 'Don't look,' she mumbles to us. 'Somebody fell. She's dead.'
I feel sick. Beatrice looks like she's about to vomit.
'Alright, everybody listen up!' a man shouts from the other end of the roof. I rub the gravel off my scraped knees and elbows, and limp over. There is a man standing calmly on the ledge, and there are a few adult Dauntless leaning against the wall, scowling at us. They're all pierced and tattooed, with hair dyed strange colours, or in dreadlocks. The man I would judge to be in his early twenties, and I have never seen anyone like him. Men in Amity nearly always have long hair, and they all have the same expression – relaxed, calm, happy. This man has his hair practically shaved, there are tattoos going up his neck to his jaw line and along his thick forearms, and he is pierced in several places. He looks pretty angry, and anger isn't something I'm used to dealing with.
With a shock, I realise he is telling us that to get into the Dauntless compound, we have to jump off the roof.
'Is there water at the bottom?' Will speaks up. The man – Eric – looks at him with icy blue eyes. 'I guess you'll find out.'
'I wouldn't want to jump with that little information,' Edward whispers to me with a grim smile. Nobody volunteers to go first, not even the Dauntless born. Eric crosses his muscled arms and surveys the company. 'Come on. Somebody has to go first.'
'Me.'
We all look to see who's brave enough to go first, and I'm not surprised to see that it's Beatrice. She teeters on the ledge, staring down into the black hole she has to jump into.
'Today, initiate.' Eric says coldly. So Beatrice simply steps off.
She doesn't scream, like I think I would. She just falls and disappears. I wait to see if she will shout up to say she's alright, but there's nothing. Eric waits for a minute then turns to us again. 'OK, who's next?'
If Beatrice can do it, I can do it, I tell myself. 'I'll go next.' Might as well get it over with.
Eric looks at me, and nods. I climb up on the ledge like Beatrice did, and my stomach does a flip. I must have stood there for almost a minute, but Eric doesn't hurry me like he did Beatrice. I turn around, and his eyes are fixed on me. I don't think he blinks. Will and Edward smile encouragement, Christina grins, and Al chews his thumb nervously. There is nothing else for it, so I jump. I shriek at the top of my lungs as I fall, and I hit something soft yet solid. A net. It bounces me up into the air before I finally stop. My heart is hammering, and I don't think my legs will support me. I just want to lie there for a while, but it occurs to me that someone else might jump down at any minute, so I'd better get out of the way. I crawl clumsily to the edge of the net, squinting into the darkness. Somebody grabs me around the waist and lifts me down. It is a man of about twenty, with dark eyes and closely cropped dark hair. He is handsome, and I see Beatrice standing behind him with a funny look on her face.
'Name?' he asks sharply.
'Emily Arbe.'
'Second jumper, Emily!' he shouts back into the darkness, and I hear uproarious cheering and shouting. I jump down from the platform and make my way over to Beatrice. She's the only familiar face here.
'Beatrice, you made it,' I smile at her.
'Call me Tris,' she answers with a grin.
It's funny, I thought Abnegation weren't supposed to have nicknames, but then, she's not Abnegation anymore. We're Dauntless.
#
It seems to take ages for everyone to get down from the roof. Christina comes next, and Al is one of the last to jump, and he is blanched and shaking when he climbs off the net. I feel sorry for him, but I think he might have to toughen up. So far, we've had to jump on a train, jump off a train – over a seven story drop – and jump off the side of a roof to an uncertain fate. When we're all assembled, the man that helped me off the net paces in front of us. 'My name is Four,' he announces, and out of the corner of my eye I see Beatrice's...sorry, Tris's...eyes intently following him as he paces back and forth. Between them, Eric and Four explain that we will be trained separately from the Dauntless born. We will all be ranked on our performance during training. There will be three stages of training, physical, emotional and mental, and at the end of the first and third stage the lowest ranking initiates will be cut. We will be ranked together with the Dauntless born.
There is a hiss at this news. It hasn't occurred to any of us that we might fail our initiation and become factionless.
'It isn't fair,' I whisper to Al, 'The Dauntless born have an advantage. They've probably spent their lives being trained, and they probably know what's going to happen. Are we supposed to be as good as them after just a few weeks? It's just not fair.'
Al opens his mouth to say something, then hastily steps back. I turn to see what he's looking at, and I realise that Eric is standing right in front of me, arms folded. The others have parted to let him past, and his eyes are fixed firmly on me. 'Something you'd like to share, Amity girl?' he asks, and there's a titter of laughter. I think it's from Peter.
'No,' I answer. I can feel myself going red. I have to tilt my head to look up at him, and it puts me at a disadvantage.
'Are you sure? Nothing you'd like to tell us all? Something that's not fair, perhaps?'
Rats. He heard. 'Not that I can think of.' I'm not going to look away until he looks away. He stares at me for a few very long seconds. 'Okay.' He says quietly, then turns and walks away, and continues with his lecture. I breathe out. My eyes sting from not blinking.
'Ooh, rebellious,' Christina nudges me.
Al breathes out heavily behind me. 'I thought you were in for it there,' he says.
'You and me both!' Truth be told, I thought my career in Dauntless was going to be over before it had even begun. Like the other Amity transfer. He didn't even make it off the train.
'You shouldn't have been smiling like that,' Tris says, shaking her head.
'I wasn't smiling,'
Christina laughs. 'You're Amity! You guys look like you're smiling when you're not. You're just...happy. All the time. Even when you're frowning, you look kind of happy.' she reaches out and squeezes my cheeks playfully. It still hurts, she's got a strong grip.
Four leads the way to the dormitories.
'Who sleeps here, boys or girls?' Will asks.
'Both,' Four replies shortly. There is a collective intake of breath. Tris looks horrified. It doesn't really bother me so much. My family had a large house on the edge of the wood, but it was more like a barn, really. Father and Mama had their own room, but the rest of us shared one huge room at the top of the house. There was six of us (Steven had married an Amity girl, Cora, and they had their own little ramshackle house), plus Carrie (Carrie's parents had been killed when a cart overturned about ten years ago, so she had more or less lived with us since then). Also my brothers always had at least one friend staying over. We all slept on straw mattresses and piles of blankets on the floor, so I was used to sharing a room with eight or nine people, some of them boys.
I'll bet Tris isn't used to it, though.
They've left a small pile of clothes out for us to change into. All black, of course. Tris is in the bed next to me, and Al is on the bunk above her. Both Al and Tris are trying to change without actually showing any skin, and it's kind of funny to watch. I'm not too self-conscious.
'That's nice,' Tris nods at my bracelet as I take it off. It's make of thick, coarse string, braided together in a complex pattern, with a few wooden beads. I don't like jewellery too much, but Carrie made me this.
'I guess I should get rid of it,' I say unenthusiastically, twisting the wooden beads in my fingers. Tris chews her lip. 'Well, it isn't that bright or noticeable...you could probably get away with keeping it. I won't tell.' she smiles reassuringly.
I decide to keep it.
#
I don't like how we all wear the same clothes. Black and tight. My black t-shirt, trousers and boots are identical to Tris's. That was one thing I suppose I liked about Amity; there were plenty of different shades of red and yellow, and nobody had the same outfit on any one day.
We follow each other into the cafeteria, and it's already full of people, who cheer loudly to see us. It's noisy and messy and the energy runs high in here, unlike the relaxed Amity group meals. Back home, there was a meal served for breakfast and dinner. We made our own evening meals at home.
'Shall we sit here?' Tris suggests. I see that Four is sitting on the end of that particular table. Christina catches my eye and we hide our smiles.
There's a pile of hamburgers and chicken drumsticks I can't take my eyes off.
'What's the matter, never seen a hamburger before?' Will asks Tris.
'I've seen one, I've just never had one before.' she explains, awkwardly dropping one onto her plate.
'How about you, Emily?' Al asks me curiously.
'Some Amity families do eat meat, but mine didn't,' I shrug. 'If I went to any of my friends' houses for a meal, they made sure not to serve me meat. I don't know if I want to try it or not.'
'You should try some, it's good,' Tris advises through a mouthful of hamburger.
We fall to talking about our own factions. Tris not-too-subtly tries to include Four in the conversation by asking him about his faction.
'Are you kidding me?' he asks shortly.
'….' Tris has no response.
'What makes you think you can talk to me?' He waits, and for a second I think Tris isn't going to say anything.
'It must be because you're so approachable.' she says quietly. He looks sharply at her, and she looks back at her plate with a tiny smile on her face. Christina is watching with interest, Will has sensibly buried his face in his mug, and I can't help a snort of laughter. Al pokes me and I turn it into a cough which doesn't fool anyone.
#
The first night is by far the worst. Tris doesn't even change out of her clothes, probably because Peter and Molly make catcalls and comments whenever they have a chance. They have a nickname for her, "Stiff". Peter is the worst, Molly and Drew just follow like good little doggies.
'You should tell him where he can stuff his stupid comments,' I tell her quietly.
She shakes her head. 'What good would that do? There's three of them and only one of me, Emily.'
They call her ugly, and that really annoys me, because Tris is beautiful. She has lovely blonde hair, the kind of hair I'd kill to have, and big eyes with long lashes. I remember Mama saying that if a person is kind, and gentle, with a beautiful personality, if they are strong but thoughtful, and have good thoughts, that will always shine out of their faces and make them look beautiful. Tris has that kind of quality. A lot of the Abnegation do. I wish I was like that. I have a lot of mean thoughts which I am careful to keep to myself. I don't think I'm kind or thoughtful, although I wish I was. Back home, I managed to pretend.
'Remember, we have to be at the Pit at eight,' Tris reminds me, as she climbs into bed.
'I don't know how I'll get up in time. We all got up when the sun came up back home. You can't see the sun here.' I say.
Tris says nothing. There's nothing she can say.
I just can't sleep, and I think most of us are in the same boat. At home, I was used to people snoring, muttering and snuffling in their sleep. Here, all I can hear is people twisting and turning, wriggling around trying to get comfortable, desperately trying to sleep and forget.
Then I hear someone crying. It's coming from my left. It's not Tris, so it must be Al. It sounds like he's trying to muffle his sobs in his pillow and blanket. The bunk above mine is empty. Tris tuts quietly to herself. I thought maybe Tris would try and comfort Al, but she doesn't.