4. Hellooo there. Hope the story is going well. As you can probably tell, I'd really like some reviews, so I was hoping for a least a couple before I update again. :)

Al is in a bad way. He can't stop shaking after his ordeal with Eric. By the time we leave the Wall and head back the compound, it's dark. We're standing by the train tracks, hoping we can summon up the energy to heave ourselves up, when I hear my name called. I turn and strain my eyes in the gloom at the dim figure waving at me. He runs up to me and flings his arms around me.

'Emily, I can't believe it's you!' he gasps. Roger. He lets go and steps back, still gripping my upper arms. I wince as he squeezes the sore patch on my right arm, where my tattoo is.

'It's good to see you, Roger,' I smile. I don't have to fake it, at this point I'm so desperate to see someone from home that even Roger is welcome. 'Is...anyone else here? Carrie, or Hamish? Is Mama here?'

'Yes, they're loading the corn into the trucks. Why don't you come and see them?' he asks hopefully. I look around and see Eric standing a few paces off, arms folded. He does not look happy. I open my mouth to ask, but Roger interrupts. 'You won't mind if she comes to see her parents, will you? She won't be long, I promise.'

My heart sinks. Roger is much too bright and cheerful. Eric's eyes narrow with dislike. He'll never let me go. I feel like I'm about to cry. I know it's a terrible idea to see my friends and family again, but I have to see them. I grit my teeth. I will not cry, not in front of Eric and everyone. I couldn't stand Eric's contempt or my friends' awkward sympathy. I look up to see Eric looking impassively at me. He sighs deeply then stares off into the distance. 'You got ten minutes.' he says, sounding bored. 'In ten minutes the train gets here. If you're not here by then, we leave without you.'

I don't wait to say thank you. I grab Roger's arm. He takes the hint and we run across the dark, empty field like the hounds of hell are chasing us.

'There,' he wheezes, pointing at a group of five trucks surrounded by people.

I barrel straight into Hamish, and he drops a basket of apples, most of which roll under the trucks.

'Emily?' he asks, eyes wide with surprise. I fling my arms around him, and in a second I'm surrounded with my old friends and bombarded by questions.

'You're back!'

'I can't believe it.'

'What is it like?'

'Are they all nice to you?'

'Is the food good?'

'Your face looks different...'

'Are your ears pierced?'

'They don't eat meat, do they? Do they?'

'Are you back for good?'

'Have you made many friends?'

Carrie elbows her way through the crowd, talking non-stop, followed by Mama. Mama says nothing, just smiles and cups her hands around my face. 'You've lost weight,' she says eventually. She frowns just slightly as she spots the piercings in my ears. I'm glad the long sleeves of my jacket hide my tattoo.

'...I'm just glad you haven't cut your hair. Do they have flowers in Dauntless? You...' Carrie has to stop for breath.

'Er, no,' I laugh. I've missed her. No one measures up in Dauntless. 'Flowers are...kind of frowned upon.'

'Have these.' Carrie thrusts a handful of wild flowers at me. 'We've missed you.' she smiles, the kind of wide, sincere, loving smile I haven't seen in Dauntless.

'Are you coming to see your father?' Mama asks quietly. 'He's in the other field with your brothers. They will be delighted to see you.'

I blink. 'You mean...you're not angry that I left?' I ask hesitantly. I didn't mean to ask that question. I might not like the answer.

Mama smiles sadly. 'I will not lie to you, Emily. We were hurt. Just as badly as we were hurt when David and the twins left. But this was your decision and yours alone. You seem happy, and you look well, if a little pale.'

Before I can say anything, I hear the clack-clack of train wheels in the distance. The train must be close now, I should have been paying attention.

'The train...I have to go,' I gasp, and wrench myself away from my mother and sprint across the fields. I hear the dull thumping of dozens of footsteps, and I don't have to look behind me to know that my friends and family are running behind me to say goodbye.

I saw this done once when I was a child, over ten years ago, when an Amity boy defected to Dauntless. He came back once, a few weeks after (he must have been at this stage of the training) and when he left on the train, everyone came out and ran alongside the train, waving and shouting. Mama explained to me that this was our way of saying goodbye, because we may never see him again. Sure enough, no one heard from him again. And now it's my turn.

Even though I only had a tiny head start, I outstrip everyone else. Looks like all that training has paid off. I can see the train making its brisk way across the bottom of the field, and I can make out people running alongside and jumping in. I run faster. If I miss the train, I will be factionless.

The people on the train have spotted me now; Will and Christina wave madly, Edward and Al and Tris all yell encouragement. I race after the train, blood pounding in my ears. Al reaches out a hand to help me up, but I want to do this on my own. I grab the rail and drag myself up and into the safety of the carriage. As soon as I'm safe, I look back at the crowd. They have reached the train by now, but only a small group can keep up. Carrie and Hamish are at the front, and I guess my brothers have heard the news, because they are running as hard as they can to catch up. Everyone runs by the train for as long as they can, waving and yelling, smiling broadly at me. I hang out of the train, waving, until the last person has disappeared back into the dark, and all I can hear is distant laughing and talking. I have never felt so alone.

#

The others wisely leave me alone. I plan to just sit quietly and compose myself on the journey back, but someone elbows Al aside and stands in front of me, arms folded, furious.

'Where did you go?' Four demands. I get to my feet. He sounds angrier than I've ever heard before.

'I went to see my family.' I say. I am bone tired.

'Oh? Really?' Four gives a hard, mirthless laugh. 'You just ran off to see mummy and daddy, did you? What on earth makes you think you have the right to go see your family? You just disappear, without explanation or permission...'

This is not fair. 'I did have permission!' I interrupt. Tris is shaking her head at me, as if to say, shut up before he pushes you out of the train but I ignore her.

'Oh, you did?' Four raises an eyebrow. 'I suppose you're going to say you gave yourself permission?'

'No, Eric said I could go.'

There is a silence. Four snorts. 'You expect me to believe that Eric said...'

'I did.' Eric appears at Four's shoulder.

'You said she could leave, right before the train arrived, to talk to her old faction?' Four asks disbelievingly. If I didn't know better, I might say Eric looked almost embarrassed.

'Yeah. She asked for permission ten minutes before the train was due. I didn't see anything wrong with it, so long as she got back in time. And she did.'

'Oh.' Four looks deflated. He glances at me. 'I guess I owe you an apology.'

'I shouldn't have gone.' I mutter under my breath, but I know Four heard. Eric turns and walks away, and Four gives him a strange, calculating look.

#

I've managed to claw my way up to fourth place in the rankings. The final scores are tomorrow, when we'll find out who gets cut. Tris has done well, she's ranked just below Molly, who is not happy. Al and Myra are in the last two spots. Unless the Dauntless born are all ranked exceptionally badly – which I doubt – they are going to get cut. I don't care about Myra, she's made it clear she doesn't like me, but I am frantic with worry about Al.

'Al needs to win another fight,' I announce one evening. It's only Will, Christina and I alone in the dorms. Christina snorts. 'I've already beaten him,' she grins. It's true, Al hates hurting people. He's taken to deliberately forfeiting his fights – either letting them knock him out or just refusing to put up a fight.

'This is serious. I'm worried that he's going to get cut.'

'Oh, you're worried about him, are you?' Christina teases. 'I thought you liked Edward.'

My face burns. 'Shut up, Christina!'

She's right, but it's pointless. Edward's nice to me, but anyone with eyes can see how much he likes Myra. Everyone except Myra, it seems, because she's exceptionally possessive of Edward whenever I'm around.

'There's a good chance he'll be up against you tomorrow,' Will says seriously. 'Be careful. If he wins, he might go up a place in the rankings. But you might go down. You've got more of a chance of making it in Dauntless than Al. You don't want to get cut.'

Being factionless is a nightmare. From what I've seen, they don't get enough food or clothing, their shelter is ramshackle at best, and the only work they can do is the most menial manual labour jobs. For which they get paid in food; but they never get enough. That's why Abnegation help them so much. I do not want to be factionless. But Al's in such a state, I'm afraid we're going to wake one morning and find his body in the bottom of the chasm.

'OK, Al and Emily, in the ring.' Eric shouts out. I jump into the ring, and Al makes his slow, reluctant way across the floor. His head down, he looks thoroughly beaten already.

'Stand up straight,' I snap.

Surprised, he complies. 'Why?'

'You look like a kicked puppy, Al. You're the strongest person here, you shouldn't wander around like you're scared of your own shadow.'

He frowns. 'Let's just get this over with. Go easy on me, eh?'

'Al. You need to win this one. It might help your ranking.'

'I'm not going to hurt you, Emily. I don't like hurting people.'

'Me neither. But I don't like losing either.'

Wow. That's possibly the most un-amity-like sentence I've ever uttered. Losing does not matter to the Amity. We are not competitive.

'Stop flirting, just get on with it.' Eric growls.

Al lifts his arms and half-heartedly clenches his fists. He's over a foot taller than me. This is ridiculous.

'You won't make it through initiation if you go on like this,' I whisper through gritted teeth. He says nothing, but I know he can hear me. I aim a punch at his side. Certainly not enough to do damage, but enough to hurt. Enough to make him angry.

'You really are a coward, Al,' I sigh, and hit again in the same spot, where it's probably already bruised and sore. I try a third time but this time he blocks me, and my whole arm jars from the impact.

'You're a crybaby too,' I add, and aim at punch at his upper arm. I can't physically reach any further.

'You keep everyone awake at night. Tris was complaining.' I aim a punch at his other arm, and I know from experience it will be painfully numb.

He's still not fighting back. I saw him take down Will with one blow, I'm sure if I provoke him enough he'll fight back. I desperately want Al to win this one. I don't want to lose my friend.

'No wonder your parents are so embarrassed by you,' I try, and I hear him growl under his breath, and I hit him the side again, and he yelps quietly. I feel terrible.

'You idiot.' I mutter, lowering my defence a little. Just enough. I aim for his side again, and suddenly Al lashes out and hits me around the side of the head and everything goes black.

#

'I guess Al won that one.' I can hear a faint voice announcing. I think it's Eric's voice. There's an awful ringing in my head and half my face feels numb.

'Is she OK? Is she? This is all my fault...' I hear Al's voice echoing way above me. I tentatively open my eyes. At least they're not swollen shut. It takes a few seconds to get used to the blinding light, and I realise that I'm lying on my back in the middle of the ring. Al is supporting my head, and it sounds like he's crying.

'That looks painful,' Edward winces, leaning over me.

'Really?' I gingerly prod my face. Beside a painful lump on the back of my head, presumably where I hit the floor, my left cheek and lip is horribly swollen, and I think my nose is bleeding.

'Oh well,' I try and sound cheerful. 'It feels like I've got all my teeth.'

Edward laughs awkwardly, and Christina cackles. 'It feels like it, does it?' she giggles. 'It doesn't sound like it. "Ik feelsh loi ah've go' or meh teef"' she imitates me, then falls about laughing.

'Hilarious.' I don't smile. I think smiling would be a painful experience right now.

'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry...' Al babbles.

'Take her to the infirmary,' Eric says, 'Could have been worse, amity girl,' he addresses me with a slight smile. 'Good of you to let him win like that.'

If my face wasn't so swollen, I'd argue that there was no way I let Al win. But as it was, all I could really do was mumble something incoherent as Al picked me up and carried me toward the infirmary.

I wasn't in long. The swelling went down and all I was left with was a split lip and a headache. Everyone else was still training, so I decided to go back to the dorms and try and sleep off the headache. I was still making my wobbly way down the hall when Al interrupted me.

'Emily? Are you OK?'

'Um, yeah,' I try to smile, but it probably looks more like a grimace. 'Worst headache ever.'

He doesn't smile. He twists his hands together. 'I just wanted to say that I'm sorry I hit you like you. I didn't mean...I just wanted you to stop.'

'Shut up, you mean? Al, I didn't mean any of those things I said. You're not a coward, or an idiot. Your parents would never be embarrassed by you. I just said all that because I wanted you to hit out.

I thought that if you won that fight, your ranking might improve. So you needed to beat me.'

'Oh.' Al says in a small voice. I feel like a monster.

'Thank you,' he ventures after a long silence. 'But you were right. I won't make it through initiation.'

Candor believe that the Amity lie to keep the peace. They're right. We are prepared to lie if it will keep the peace, if it will make someone happy, and do some good. I am prepared to do that.

'You will make it, Al. I promise.' I tell him.