3AN: This one is pure idiocy. Rereading this, I find Shikamaru to be slightly out of character (he'd never be that agreeable in real life), and Tenten would probably know better than to let Ino and Lee, of all people, try to pair her up with Neji. Come to think of it, I don't believe she'd ever tell them, either. That aside, I do hope you enjoy this- It was something I had running around in my head for quite some time now. Mainly NejiTen. ShikaIno if you squint real hard.
Disclaimer: Please, as if I'd ever come close to owning Naruto. Hahahah, heeheehee.
The Matchmakers
Written by
Shikamaru is only here because he doesn't want Tenten to get arrested, because he's the only sane man, because he has a conscience that chooses the worst of times to make itself known. It obligates him to be responsible for the other three nin currently hiding in the bushes. He stares at them from beneath the tree he's reclining against, sparing glances at his wrist watch. As a ninja, Shikamaru finds Ino rather admirable (not that he'd ever tell her). As an extremely social teenaged girl, she is anything but. Rock Lee is also tolerable, even sensible at times. Today is not one of those times. Personal opinions aside, both Lee and Ino seem to be under the impression that if the subject of one's romantic interest does not wish to innate the wooing process, it falls upon you to do so. And although Shikamaru (along with the rest of Konoha) admits both Neji and Tenten have undoubted chemistry together, he'd rather not get involved. Evidently, neither Ino nor Lee have any regard for his wishes as here they are at some ungodly hour that should have been spent sleeping, waiting for Neji at Team Gai's habitual sparring grounds. ...Which gives Shikamaru approximately ten minutes to stop the trio from doing anything stupid.
"Why did I agree to this, again?" Tenten hisses, fidgeting.
"Because," informs Ino, "it's obvious Neji likes you— he's just being a typical man about it."
"YOSH! You must make the first move. Your brilliant flames of youth will win him over!" This is from Lee, who's doing on excellent job of being stealthy by screaming his head off. Presently, he throws a fist into the air, braking through the cover of the bushes as he does so. The three of them, Tenten and Ino rather reluctantly, share a collective yell that sounds garbled and honestly terrifying. Shikamaru doesn't even want to discern the words they shout. Lee stops abruptly and pokes his ugly bowl-cut out of the foliage to grin, blindingly, at Shikamaru. Oddly enough, the disembodied head rather suits its new body.
"This isn't complete without you, you know!" He then ushers the stoic Nara over with an overly dramatic wave.
Shikamaru checks the time. Five minutes. He sighs and makes his way over to them, crouching down beside the bush. He peers inside to see Ino, Lee, and Tenten's fists melded together, knuckle to knuckle.
"…Just do it." Tenten urges, looking both exasperated and humiliated.
"And then shout with all your might!" Lee screeches.
Ino rolls her eyes, obviously in the same boat as Tenten, although she quickly becomes peeved when Shikamaru continues to grace them with his 'are-you-serious' look.
"Ah well," Lee scoffs, "you're here with us in spirit."
Shikamaru screams internally.
Then the three of them recommence their hot-blooded cries for love. The Nara heaves a long-suffering sigh; he's not about to save the three of them from their ludicrous plan. Instead, he slouches back against the tree and allows himself to indulge, if only because he's braved through enough troubles and headaches already.
Tenten is shoved out of the bushes, clutching a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates. Needles to say, Shikamaru cranes his neck and watches Neji stalk towards them, momentarily unaware of the going-ons in the neatly trimmed bushes. Tenten advances on him with Lee and Ino's whispered encouragements. Shikamaru checks his watch and times how long it will take Tenten to realize what she's getting herself into and loose it.
It takes all of five seconds. A few feet away from Neji, who's staring at her with raised brows, the weapon mistress comes to a sudden halt and scowls at the flowers and chocolates. Shikamaru almost sees the cogs in her head turn.
Her face darkens an intense red as she comes to her senses. Frozen in place, it's Neji who bridges the distance between them, expression now one of impatience. Before he can open his mouth, Tenten hurls the box of sweets at his face, flings the flowers into the air, and throws both obscenities and steel at the bushes behind her. She then dashes off in a mad escape, the falling tulips and daisies curtaining her wake. Lee and Ino come crashing out of the greenery and attempt to catch up with their humiliated companion, but are reduced to scrambling around like squirrels caught in traffic as Tenten pelts them with kunai.
"Has this resolved anything at all?" Ino questions, staring nervously at Tenten who's busy massacring Konoha's tree population. She then turns to Shikamaru looking uncertain. "Er, should we stop her?" The genius shrugs, biting into an apple with mild amusement.
"Why? So she can start on you?" he grimaces, waving the half-eaten fruit dismissively. "I'd hate to see Tenten ruin that pretty face of yours."
Ino isn't sure if she should be faltered or not.
"Don not despair!" shouts Lee, "there's always tomorrow!"
Shikamaru actually falls out of the tree he's sitting in, Ino facepalms, and an enraged weapon mistress very nearly sets fire to her spandex-clad teammate.
"Tenten, are you trying to kill me!?"