571Title: Side-step
Summary: Reborn gets too deep into a joke and now everyone thinks Fon is dead when he's actually just chilling at Reborn's apartment. In true Reborn fashion he goes the extra mile and uses one of Verde's machines to ask his future self how he solved the problem.
Background: Pre-Arcobaleno Reborn popping in to see Post-Curse Arcobaleno.
.
Reborn slips out of a vent and into the darkened lab, quickly moving to the corner where something like an iron maiden is standing. He lifts the small but powerful generator in his hand and inserts it into the side panel before stepping inside. He types out a destination on the keypad and shuts the door.
The feeling of dropping from a great height hits him and his stomach tries to dislodge and slam into his heart. He staggers a bit when he arrives and waves away the black smoke, holding his breath until it disperses properly.
He finds the other I Prescelti Sette clustered around a set of couches along with a dozen others that he doesn't care about, at least not until he spots someone perched by the window.
"Grumpy Fon?" Reborn asks.
Kyouya frowns.
"You are beautiful," Reborn whispers fiercely. "You are perfect, Grumpy Fon, and I love you."
That seems to be the cue for Viper's Mist flames to block everyone except his I Prescelti Sette from sight. Which is a bit overkill because sure, Reborn is in the future, but only by a few years (or maybe that was the decades dial, it's hard to tell) and it's not like he bothers to remember background characters anyway.
"Go," says Lal and starts ushering people out because this is probably going to be embarrassing or horrific knowing Reborn. "Everyone out. Yes, I see you there. Out."
"Call me," Reborn tells the bit of air where Grumpy Fon used to be before sitting on the arm rest beside Normal Fon.
"Please stop flirting with my relatives, it's upsetting," Fon admits after the door closes behind the group.
"I have a problem," Reborn admits frankly.
"Kill it," recommends the Reborn of this timeline.
"Well that's the problem," Reborn admits to his other self. "Do you remember when you died, Fon?"
"No?" Fon says slowly.
"Well not died," Reborn corrects. "I mean when I convinced everyone you were dead on April Fools, but I missed my chance to say it was a joke and I couldn't just go lol that corpse is someone else, stop the funeral, you really shouldn't have contacted Fon's family."
Fon stares.
"I don't think that happened here," Verde states. "You must have gone sideways instead of forward." He pushes up his glasses. "You are from the past, correct? You look -and feel- very young."
Reborn waves him off. "Doesn't matter. So I maybe created a situation where you all participated in accidentally killing and then mutilating Fon's corpse in a hilarious slapstick, Rube Goldberg Machine kind of way. Most of it wasn't even me, you idiots did worse than I ever planned - I mean I was impressed-"
"Reborn," Lal says to get him back on track.
"So you killed fake Fon and I was too busy laughing and you were all crying and I just left it, then someone called the Triads and a funeral was arranged, even though I kept saying maybe we should wait in case Fon miraculously came to life uninjured and missing a few memories, but no."
"Where was real me?" Fon asks, a bit afraid of the answer.
"I told my Fon that Leon was sick so he had to take care of him while I was out on hits and I monitored your phone calls so you couldn't contact anyone. You're a horrible roommate by the way. Your ridiculous hair clogs the shower drain and I only have one bed so you smother me at night with cuddles and maybe I want to be the big spoon for once but you're so pushy-"
"Reborn," Colonnello insists this time.
"It's a week since Fon's death and I've been trying to think of a way to make Fon come back to life and blame it on someone else but there are always plot holes and I just know someone is going to figure it out and then Luce will be upset with me."
"I'm sorry I missed this," Viper says and sounds genuinely regretful at not witnessing Fon's horrific death.
Reborn groans. "I really need help. I don't know what to do. I… I think I might be in too deep, you know? Maybe I should actually kill Fon and just be done with it."
"No!" Skull says loudly and panicked because Reborn would do it. "Killing is not always the answer."
"I beg to differ," says both Reborns.
Fon raises and eyebrow at him. "You probably can't kill me anyway."
Reborn rolls his eyes. "I have the advantage of surprise, you're in my home, you sleep like a log, you put spices in everything-"
"Now you're just listing thing you don't like," Verde points out.
"I know, I'm saying that I wouldn't feel guilty killing Fon," Reborn explains.
"No one is killing Fon," Lal announces. "Just tell alternate us what you did."
"That's such a lame idea," Reborn deadpans.
Viper hums. "It wouldn't be the worst thing you've ever done. We might not know about Fon's death but we all remember the England mission. I mean none of us here are surprised, so alternate us wouldn't be either."
Other!Reborn shakes his head. "You can't end the joke with confessing to it, that would ruin everything."
Colonnello strikes an exaggerated thinking pose. "Tell alternate us that your actual Fon is a new parallel version that you stole because you miss him, but Fon doesn't know, so no one should mention how he's been kidnapped."
Reborn groans. "That was the first thing I thought of, but you people are exactly the type to feel guilty and try to put theoretical parallel Fon back in his theoretical parallel world."
Verde sighs and stands up. "Come on, I'll go back with you and explain that I did a cloning experiment and threw the failed Fon into your world which you killed."
Reborn smiles and tries for innocent but he just slips straight back into mischievous. "This is why you're my favourite, Verde."
"Field trip!" Skull cries and bounds after Verde and Reborn.
Everyone shrugs and since they have nothing better to do for the rest of the day, they all stand and follow back to Verde's lab.
(Reborn encounters an adorable older!Shamal and nearly manages to kidnap the man back to his world before the Arcobaleno discover what he's doing.)
((To be fair, Shamal wasn't struggling very hard.))