44Well Duck! How long's it been guys?! Way to long! So pretty much what happened was I got writers block, then I got discouraged, then I forgot about this for about a mouth, the I had to figure how I wanted it to end, then I forgot for a bit longer, and I'm an arse, I know.
Here's a reminder!
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Robin had his 18th birthday, met slade, though he was Joseph at the time, got kidnapped by Slade, tortured, raped, returned home to the Titans, yadda, yadda, yadda. Was kidnapped again, raped and tortured to insanity, had stock homes syndrome. Once Robin was rescued we discover Slade had been split, personality wise that is. Robin returns to the tower, yadda yadda yadda, Batman got him a therapist, yadda, yadda, medicine, suicide, hospital, and we're back up to speed!
(Hope that was right, and helped so you don't have to reread the damned thing!)
ONWARD!
"For the last time, go... You have people to protect..." While his words matched his old demeanor, his tone was melancholy, monotone, though it still seemed sad in some way, making them hesitate, but one look at their leaders gaze even if for a single moment scared them off, it being far more terrifying without his mask, not one daring to refuse his request, or order more like, Slade being the exception. "I said go. I'm sure you have people to terrorize somewhere in the city." Slade shrugged.
"I think I'll stick to terrorizing you for now." He sat back in his chair, smirking back at the teen with arms crossed over his chest.
"Just my luck." Robin said, though in reality he was glad for the company, even the chuckle seeming somehow soothing. The boy settled on his side, burying his head against the soft powder blue pillow, soon sliding from consciousness.
The next day Robin woke to screaming, his screaming, breathing heavily as though he'd just ran a marathon, sweat covering his flesh as he turned to the side, hugging his pillow in a tight grip, near hyperventilating as the anxiety attack continued, Slade seeing the events, taking action.
A doctor calmly entered with Slade following, lead to the boy who didn't seem to notice them, eyes shut as he held his pillow, mumbling questionable phrases under his breath.
"Richard? Richard can you hear me?" The boy tightened his hold. "Richard I need you to relax, I'm going to give you some Cymbalta, okay?" No signs of acknowledgment were seen, Robin trying to regulate his breathing, counting in his head, screaming the numbers as his head screamed back insults.
"I - I can't move..." He said, a whimper heard alongside.
"Richard, relax, you're having an anxiety attack, I need you to take these to stop it."
"I-I'm dying..." He felt his stomach twist, a groan leaving his lips. The doctor forced his hand opened, filling it with two pills.
"You need to swallow these, Richard."
"I don't -" Words where muffled by gritted teeth.
"Richard." A shaking clenched hand slowly inched it's way towards his mouth.
"I -I..." Slade moved to help the boy unclench his hand, the doctor watching him intently.
"Can you swallow?" The man asked.
"I-I d- d- don't know..."
"I need you to try." The boy's teeth where forced apart in such a way all present knew his jaw would bruise.
"Mr. Wilson!" The doctor said, feeling he was being a bit to forceful, but thinking getting in the way was ill thought as well.
The pills where dropped past the Titans teeth, jaw released from the tight grip, teeth clamping back together painfully.
"Swallow." He encouraged, ignoring the doctor. Though the boy did swallowed he seemed to panic more as Slade spoke, bringing up the past, trying to relax, curling into a ball as his emotions attacked, burying his head in his pillow again when the room began to spin, taking a firm hold on the pillow to avoid falling off the bed, as though that would help.
"He should be fine in a few minutes when the drug takes effect." The doctor assured, noting the man's concern. "I also suggest getting any help that he had before back in place, His father said something about a therapist."
"Yes." Was all the mercenary replied, to distracted by the boy to say anymore, at least until he calmed, his rapid intake of air subsiding to a calmer speed, fingers releasing the pillow, slowly turning to where his face part-way show past the fabric of what had once hid it completely, a damp foggy blue orb staring at a far off wall.
The next few days he was distant again, though started becoming a bit better after seeing his therapist, talking things out. The things that had attacked him in his dream where the main topic, him not knowing how to interpret it. He was torn about how to treat Slade, should he fear him? If he didn't fear him, then what else is there? Could there be something more? Is that what his mind was trying to tell him? He was torn, causing him to sometimes tap in and out of reality, thinking constantly, friends, who visited everyday, noted this, worrying as friends often did, a bit relieved when Slade told them he was just thinking.
"Robin." He didn't respond, continuing his gaze towards the far off wall. "Robin." A hand waved in his vision.
"huh... Oh, yeah, Beast Boy?" The edges of the changeling's mouth sank. "What?"
"Nothing... What are you thinkin' 'bout?" He hoped to get some sort of closure, if any, knowing he wouldn't share, but hoping he would.
"I can't tell you until I know..."
"Know what?"
"The answer..."
"The answer to what?" Beast Boy was really confused, that much was clear.
"That's what I can't tell you."
"Oh... Okay..." Bea's ears neither drooped nor rose, happy he'd at least talked to him instead of waving him off, though worried for what the question could be.
Slade stayed until the boy was taken back to the tower, suddenly vanishing, leaving the Titan to think as he had the past few days, knowing his presence as no longer needed. He had the Titans to stay by his side to avoid another suicide attempt, trying to keep his mind off thinking about topics which would lead to that.
Weeks went by, the boy thinking, the man keeping his distance, his team growing more concerned. Despite his querying mind, the jet black haired form still trained, despite not going on missions, noting how little missions came in to begin with, knowing Slade had something to do with it. The calls they did get where nothing more than a bank robbery, or a disturbance, nothing the others couldn't handle. He spent most of his free time in the training room actually, honing his skills, much as he had after he'd healed fully from the first assault, his voice also being lost, unless to shout a command, much like that time, making his friends keep close eye on him.
He'd also been taken off his Cymbalta, and on cannabis, the therapist deciding that it was safest, and without side effects, so it may work best. It did in fact seem to help, the boy soon insisting on going on missions, saying he was okay to work, though his friends where skeptical at first. A few days later they where all working properly again, Robin, the missing piece of their team, giving out orders just as well as ever before, Cyborg secretly glad the job was filled by somebody other than himself.
Another week Robin was stopped on his way to his room.
"Hey man! Wanna play Life?" Bea asked one afternoon when Robin seemed especially out of it, knowing he wouldn't refuse as it was always a way to take the edge off in the tower, and with everything that happened in past months, they all needed to relax.
As thought, the bird agreed, lead into the living quarters where the game was already set up, three others sitting around the table, him and Beast Boy joining them.
They where their usual colors, Bea green, star orange, ect., all the cars set at the start, The green changeling and Cyborg already making friendly bets of who would finish first. They where off, The youngest starting as he somehow always tricked them into going in age order, in other words, he started then they just went left, the only difference being that this time they went right, Robin going second.
The game went on as usual the team poking fun each time someone messed up in their pretend life, laughing and having fun. Robin found himself at a point when he was forced to pick a wife, though he paused, attention on him as he seemed to think to himself, looking down before he finally grabbed a blue piece, setting it in the car, quiet as he looked at his lap, them all understanding. His question had been answered.
He sent an Email to the man who had caused him great pain, along with great pleasure, simply writing three words. 'I'll be there.' knowing the man would understand, setting out to the destination he'd been happiest.
He waited there for hours, and thought of leaving when a dark figure, one he presumed to be Slade, appeared, though as the figure stepped closer, that was soon disproved.
"My. My. My. If it isn't the cities golden boy. Hahahah..." Robin's muscles tensed. "Jimmy, you seen those videos? You know the ones."
"Yes, yes I did boss, jerked off to 'em quite nicely, imaginin' this pretty bird between my legs suckin' me dry..." An unseen voice replied. The titan shivered at the thought, going pale as he got in a fighting stance, gritting his teeth with a growl.
A bullet punctured his leg, sending him down with a high scream, spots of yellow and white erupting in his vision. He tried to rise again, placing all weight on his, now one, good leg when 'BOOM' another bullet shot through his skin, ripping his flesh, along with a scream from his lips.
"Now, now, slut wonder... No need to get to excited, we just wanna' play like in those videos..." The boy swallowed, looking towards the ground, a hand finding his face, grabbing his cheeks, bringing his masked eyes to look into the face of his attacker, a man with brown hair and a ruff beard, though instead of admiring, the boy spit in his face, completely appalled by his actions. A hand he knew would come found his chin, giving him an uppercut, making him spit blood, only returning the favor with a sharp one of his own, somehow managing the pain pulsating through his legs, a few teeth spit to the side.
"You little cunt!" He backed away, unable to avoid the kicks landing mercilessly at the small form, thuds sounding as they landed, echoing against the metal walls, few grunts joining as the Titan bit his lip.
The kicks stopped when the bird shook, a huff being heard above.
"I guess seein' as we clipped 'is wings, he should have no problem fuckin' him raw." Robin tried to rise to his hands and knees, only to be kicked again, this time in the stomach.
"We don't need yah' alive for this you know." The thought of having that done to his body after he died, not to mention being found sent a chill down his spine, though He still tried to army crawl away, honestly preferring death over the alternative.
A hand touched his shoulder, causing his body to jolt, kicking out on instinct, only to have a sharp pain erupt through the bullet hole in said leg, crying out.
"Don't touch me!" He managed in the sea of blinding pain.
"I'll do damn well what I please, seein' as your the reason my cousin is currently serving a life sentence behind bars!" Another kick, this time in the leg, the boy's body shaking farther, now erupting in short spasms.
"Don't touch me..." He whispered this time.
"Oh, where'd all that spirit go, bird boy?" A low, deep growl emitted from his victims throat, who looked up with broiling hatred. "Good, it wouldn't be realistic if you where submissive."
"I- I swear to god." He was met with a laugh, captors amused by his sobbing state, watching the shaking form stare towards the ground, trying to rise again.
"So those where real!" More laughter.
A hand grabbed his throat, slamming the back of his head into the pavement, causing a gagged cough to leave him. His back faced towards the other as he was rolled, bottoms pulled down to knees. He thrashed against the hold, still feeling groggy as a hand grabbed his rear, parting his cheeks, a flurry of panic meeting the victim.
The man fell, a bullet hole penetrating his temple, blood leaving his mouth, falling on the half nude teen. Another shot was heard as Jimmy followed suit, having no time to react as he was met with his own demise.
The corpse was rolled off his form, revealing a crying mess of a boy, blood spattering his face, and running along his stomach where the attacker had fallen, Slade immediate in comforting him, kneeling at his side.
"Robin, did they do anything?"
"They had seen the videos." The man's arm wrapped around his waist, helping him rise, the boy pulling up his tights with great difficulty, feeling dirty.
As the boy winced, the man quickly caught his lips, if only to heal him. "I- I waited for you." The shaking in his voice as the kiss parted, and few tears where the only sign of the oncoming sob, the Titan nearly falling again, caught, pulled into the man's arms, where he cried, gripping the man's shirt, hands wrapped around his shoulders.
"I know, I should have checked my Email sooner."
It was a good half hour before they started walking, the boy still sniffling slightly.
"So why did you email me?" The man asked, shocked he still remembered his email from his apprentice days.
"I- I think I want things to go back to how they where before..."
"Before?"
"Before I was kidnapped..." The boy blushed lightly, walking to wherever the man was leading him, using him for support.
"We can talk about it later, for now just focus on walking."
Robin found himself lead to one of the mercenaries bases, in the middle of a bedroom before he knew what was happening, tensing, the hand on his shoulder holding him firm to keep him from running.
"Relax. I thought you could use a shower." He motioned to a door which lead to a bathroom.
"Oh. Yah..." He looked towards the ground, a bit ashamed.
"It's okay, I understand." The man told. "Take your time." The boy nodded, heading towards the bathroom, the other stopping him if only to give him a clean shirt, shutting the door with a faint click
He bathed nearly as furiously as after the first assault, all the memories he'd forced himself to forget rushing forth, it not being long before his body fell to the ground with a faint splash, sinking to his knees, wrapping his arms around his waist, silently screaming through his thoughts.
He hadn't come out after an hour, worrying the man, who now knocked on the door.
"Boy? You still in there?" He wouldn't put it past him to escape somehow, not that he was being held there against his will in the first place, though.
"Robin? I'm coming in if you don't answer." He slowly pushing the thin wooden door opened, already fearing the worse, eye going slightly wider as he saw the scene, somehow overall keeping his composure despite.
The Titan sat on the floor, leaning against the sink, unmasked eyes pushed against knees, shrunk into himself, wearing the shirt Slade had given him, though of course it was way to big for him.
"Boy, you awake?" He moved to touch the form, who's head shot up to look at him, trauma clear as he sobbed. "Are you planning to just stay in here all day?" He tried to be as calm as possible despite the other's current state.
Robin only nodded.
"Oh so you don't want to leave the bathroom?" He shook no. "Why not?" After a long string of silence, which the man patiently waited through, Robin responded.
"Last time I left the bathroom at one of your bases-" He trailed off, avoiding the sentences end.
"You need to rest, you've had a long day." He offered the boy a hand. He slowly accepted, carefully raised off the ground, led to the door., swallowing as they drew near, heart quickening, gasping as he was about to pass the entry way.
"No!" He jerked away, falling back, tears replenished, even more so as his head hit the sink, hands shooting to a newly formed bump, pulling back so he could see red, that somehow seeming to snap him from his delusional state.
The wound wasn't bad at all, at least not bad now, healing in a matter of minutes due to the man's saliva. Them sitting on oppesite ends of the bed, silence enveloping the room, avoiding one another's gazes, mainly Robin, embarrassed.
"I don't think I can be Robin anymore..." He said out of the blue.
"What do you mean?"
"Not with those videos, not with everyone knowing..."
"If not Robin then who?"
"I don't know... Maybe I'll just not be a hero anymore..." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I mean... The Titans have proven they're able to protect the city without me... So there's not really any point to Robin anymore."
"Are you sure?" Only a nod. "While I don't agree, I won't stop you." The boy smiled, before frowning again. "What's wrong?"
"I-I don't think I can stay here either..." The man was far from surprised."To- to m-much-" He bit his lip to hold back the storm threatening his eyes.
"Where will you go?" He was quick to get to the point.
"Bluhaven."
"No."
"What?" Robin blinked, the response having been fast, also not having been prepared for that reaction.
"You can't go to Bluhaven."
"Why not? Why do you even care where I go?"
"Because, despite what you think, I prefer you living. Bluhaven's far to dangerous, almost as bad as Gotham, and Batman isn't in Bluhaven."
"I-I won't go to Gotham." He ran a hand through his hair, looking away from the conversation, staring at the ground. "I'll be in more danger there." His voice was soft, weak. "Plus, Bluhaven's close to Gotham." He managed a weak smile, it not being assuring.
Slade sighed, knowing the boy had made up his mind, looking into the boy's bright orbs, exchanging a moment of pure silence, the only conversation being the one between their stare, when the mercenary spoke up.
"I'm going with you."
"What?!"
"I refuse to leave you alone in that crime ridden city, it's far to dangerous, even if you decided to continue to fight it."
" Don't you have work here?" A much as Robin refuted the evidence, he feared this man to a certain extent, and always knew in the back of his mind he would always fear him.
"Nothing important." Suddenly the other seemed to close, the boy freezing with a gulp. "I only came here for you anyways." The lip to lip contact caused sparks to ignight in the youngest, loosing his words, as well as his thoughts, noting how the kiss didn't seem forced, the other quite gentle in pursuing him, trying not to scare him off, a hand placed to the small of his back, the other lying at the base of his chin.
He felt a hand slide under his top, which was the only wear he had on, making him jolt in surprise. Slade pulled back, hand moving to run through the thick of his hair, sighing. The boy scratched his arm, he hadn't meant to flinch, it was just- after all that had happened, he didn't know how to react to a gentle touch.
They avoided gaze with one another for the longest time, or at least the youngest did, until he found enough strength, advancing, for the first time, on the mercenary, catching his mouth in an unorganized kiss, glad when the other took over, leading him to his back, them kissing for an extended period, the Titan working hard to remain calm, glad Slade was being patient with him.
He, again, pushed the man on, wrapping his arms around the other, who didn't hesitate to kiss harder, hearing a moan leave the other, who's tongue played along, whining as the kiss parted, though the body breathed heavily, the blush painting his cheeks edging the man farther, lips moving to suck at the nape of his neck, a bite following.
"Mah!" He said in a short burst of surprise, it obvious he enjoyed the attention, the man staying there for a moment before focusing on his nubs, which where visibly hard through the materials pressed against his chest. The top was raised, thrown to the side, a thumb encircling his nipple, mouth soon moving to join the fun, sucking greedily, before teeth attacked, sinking just sharp enough to cause a reaction, and what a reaction it was. His skin tingled where ever the man's tongue trailed, the bite seeming to only amplify his lust driven madness, a hearty moan seeping past his lips, causing another bite, this one more acute, on his opposite nub. His back arched, thrusting against the other absent minded, a hand soon cupping his lower half, fondling the sensitive area. Another frantic moan pierced the air, thrusting farther.
It wasn't long before his knees where positioned over shoulders, a lubed finger moving to his lower half, tracing his hole, causing a shiver to run through him, tensing, the other paying no mind, seeming in pure bliss as his arms gripped the bedding around his head, cheeks flushed as he gasped. A digit was positioned at his tight entry, ready to sink deep inside the boy to prepare him.
His body erupted in a violent shake, surprised he had managed to suppress the reaction for as long as he had, the panic slamming his chest violently like the titanic.
"Boy-"
"Just go! I- I'm fine." Tears flowed along his cheeks, gritting his teeth, eyes tightly shut.
He was dropped, looking up in surprise, faced with an irritated expression from the other.
"Robin, you don't want this."
"Yes! Yes I do- I mean, I have no other choice, Slade! I can't live like this anymore...!"
"Doing something so foolish, boy, you're not ready. I'll wait." The sobs worsened, the youngest curling in fetal position, gripping his ebony locks as he shook rapidly, feeling a hand touch his shoulder, thumb comforting him in light strokes, soon feeling a blanket draped over him, providing him the comfort of at least not not being exposed as he cried to himself.
It took a while before he was able to collect himself somewhat, the stream turning to a trickle, unable to look to the man who hadn't left the room since he'd arrived.
"I'm sorry..." His fingers gripped the blanket around him.
"For what? You didn't do anything."
"For- for everything..." It sounded to the man like he was saying since the beginning, making him frown.
"Again I say, you didn't do anything."
"I- I came on to you..."
"What? I 'came on' to you, boy." He said it as though air quotes should have been included.
"It was my fault..."
"What?"
"I should have stopped you..." The man sighed, running a hand through his hair. Typical symptom of rape trauma, blaming ones self.
"Robin, look at me." He refused, burying his face into bed. "Fine, but listen. Nothing that has happened between you and I over the past few months, be it my state, has been your fault. I take full responsibility for the horrible things I have put you through, and I need you to know that."
"Yes it is!" The man grew slightly upset, grabbing the boy by the shoulder, edging him to turn, a tear streaked face with an overbearing sadness written across it looked his way, him looking back with a stern gaze.
"No it isn't."
"It's my fault! All my fault!"
"No it wasn't. It was my fault." He bit back.
"It wasn't your fault! You weren't in your right mind! I should have fought harder!"
"It wasn't your fault." He said a bit more serious, lying a hand at the side of his head, a fear ridden look appearing, before the boy began to cry fully once again, eyes narrowing as a wave of salt poured from his eyes, which soon shut tightly, his entire being shaking. It was going to happen again, there was nothing he could do to stop it, he was to weak. He thought hating himself farther, panting and gasping as hiccups racked his panicked form, making no attempt at escape, feeling the hopeless feeling he'd felt in the past seep into his very being.
"It was my fault." He stayed in that position for a moment, needing it to stick, moving after a second to allow the boy to breath, thinking the bird would pass out if he didn't calm down himself. It was so frustrating though, the way the boy seemed completely brainwashed by the idea he was responsible for the events taking place in the past.
"I- I'm leaving..." He spoke in a hushed tone some time later, asking for his clothes back, which he quickly pulled on, neither of them speaking as he left the man to his thoughts, alone to think how bad off he'd truly made the others thoughts.
He informed hie team of his departure soon after returning to the Tower, simply saying he'd left to think when they asked where he'd been, though everybody knew that was a lie, saying he couldn't stay there anymore due to the memories, Star and Bea trying to convince him to stay, already knowing in some way, it was futile.
He left a mouth later, not speaking to the man who had caused him to leave in the first place, knowing it wasn't his fault, simply leaving with his good byes to the Titans, saying he would visit soon, not planning to return for any other reason.
Okay! Done! Good ending? I know it sucked, it was between this and Robin and Slade getting together, moving to Bluhaven together, but that's quite boring.
I'm afraid to even request this, but...
~Feedback...? -.- ~