Ian and I started sharing a room, his room, or ours. The one with the red and gray doors with the locker drawer, a lamp and his – our bed. The first couple of nights were nerve wracking. I was afraid. Not of Ian but of not being able to respond to him in this tiny barbie looking doll of a body. I love him and I want nothing more than to be with him, intimately. But this body has never done that and I know Ian doesn't really believe I am eighteen, and he's every bit as honorable as Jared.
The scraping of the red and gray doors on the cave floor broke my train of thought. Ian walked in with two plates of food. He always thought about me. I took some time to admire his beautiful features, his strong muscles, and his piercing blue eyes. And he was all mine. I realized how lucky I was.
"You must be hungry," it was more of a statement than a question.
"Yes, but this body can only eat so much," I said, staring at the over piling food on the plate.
"Wanda, I wish you'd stop referring to your body as if it were someone else's. It is your body, you're you," he said with much resolve.
"I know, it's just going to take some time to get used to it. But I promise, I will," I smiled at him.
Ian stared up at the cracks in the ceiling and we ate in total silence.
"Jeb wants us to go on another raid," he said, breaking the silence.
"Yes, I know. I overheard Doc mentioning that his medicine supply was dwindling. Did you know that Jeb wants sunny to go with us?" I asked, already knowing the answer.
"Yes, which is why I wanted to ask you not to go this time," his piercing blue eyes bore into mine. I don't know why but I had the feeling that he was worried or hiding something from me.
"Ian, I know that you want to protect me and I appreciate that, I really do. But I like being useful to the people in the caves. I feel like I don't do much as it is. I have to go, Ian. Please?"
"Wanda, you've already earned a place here in the caves. You don't need to keep going out of your way to please people," he said.
I could tell by the way he was insisting that he really didn't want me to go. But I had to. I wanted to provide for my family.
"The raid won't be for a couple more days. We'll discuss it later," I said.
He leaned over and kissed my lips passionately. We both started gasping after a couple of seconds into our heated kiss but neither of us would break it. He moved his hand to my hair and slowly pulled me away. He began trailing kisses on my neck and I started shivering because it felt so good. I'm not exactly sure what happened next because I lost control. I reached for his shirt and pulled it off him. I thought he would stop me but instead he slowly laid me on the bed and hovered over me without putting any of his weight on me. I trailed my hands on his chest and I felt him tense under my touch. He made a low growl before he began kissing me again. This time was rougher than before. He nibbled on my lower lip and I opened my mouth. His tongue dove in and started massaging mine. My whole body started getting excited and I could feel Ian's hands touch my legs and inch closer to my thighs. I felt something else on the inside of my thigh. It was hard and I was sure I knew what it was.
"Ian? Ian?" someone said at the door and I'm pretty sure it was Kyle. He always did have bad timing.
"Go away!" Ian growled back.
"Ian? We found someone. It's Ana."
As soon as Kyle mentioned this Ana person, Ian jerked up off me and ran toward the red and gray doors. He walked through them without even looking back at me. I stayed in the bed for a long time. I didn't really know what to do. After a while, I decided to look for Ian. I went to the kitchen and bumped into Melanie.
"Have you seen Ian?'' I said at the same time she asked me if I'd seen Jared.
"How is it that both our boys hide from us?" she said.
"Let's check the hospital," I answered.
"What would they be doing there?" she asked.
"I don't know, I have a feeling," I replied.
We walked as fast as we could through the tunnels that led toward the hospital. I never noticed how far it actually was from the main plaza but I guess that happens when you're in a rush to get somewhere.
As we turned the corner, I noticed a cryotank being occupied and then I saw something that made my heart crumble a bit. Ian was sitting next to a pretty brunette woman that looked about his age. He was holding her hand, staring at her face while brushing her cheek with his free hand.
"Mel, Wanda," Jared said as if announcing our arrival.
I saw Ian face us and he stared at me with his piercing blue eyes, trails of tears falling from them. I've never been good at reading faces but I swear it looked like he was looking at me with a guilt ridden face and I knew that things were going to change from here on. Nothing was ever perfect.